Multiple failures, a place to chat

[Zippybear]

Anyone else out there with multiple failures wondering what to do next? We've just had our fourth embryo transfer fail. Issues on both sides. In the last year I've had two surgeries, dh has had one and we are still no further forward. We haven't had a holiday that wasn't time off for ivf since 2015. We feel battered and bruised and stuck on a hellish infertility rollercoaster that we can't get off unless we want to accept childlessness we have another nhs cycle but I'm not sure I can cope with it (or if there is any point). I don't know whether to give up, think of donor, adoption or just accept our lot. Anyone else wondering the same?

I like the use of a phone file bigger. I have a depressing embryo photo area in a cupboard. It just feels wrong to chuck them but seems stupid to keep them

Idea of a phone file not use!

I too have a phone file of those pics. And the pregnancy stuff is filed away. We can all be weird together.

zippy Oh it's not for contraception - I mean, I'm infertile FFS. And quite frankly I've pretty much regrown my virginity in any case. I vaguely remember what sex used to be like, I think. It's because I can't menstruate without the copper coil, and the black periods are too distressing. Although ironically even if we did get the unicorn miracle surprise BFP it would actually be dangerous, because I can't have an unplanned pregnancy due to all the medication I'm on, that increases the risk of birth defects.

It's really just to try and help me have menstrual bleeds though.

Yes I realise that in your case banana, that was me just trying to sex things up again for dh - see everyone's infertile on contraception!! Except I guess they're not are they

Have you all heard of gateway women? You can sign up for a free trial, it's a bit of a long process to do so but I think it's worth it.

Cool fitting sounds horrendous banana I hope your poor cervix has recovered now and won't need wrenching open again for sometime to come.

for all going through such a shit time at the minute. I can barely speak to DH due to feeling so abjectly miserable. We've not dtd for over a week now as I just feel there's no fucking point due to being on day 53 now of anovulatory cycle. From all the forum reading I've done I'm apparently the only woman on earth who had a Hysteroscopy and didn't see an improvement in her periods

Also being eating like shite last few days, so there's some extra guilt. Because as Zita West and fucking Marilyn Glennville will tell you there's only your excess sugar consumption and lack of acupuncture sessions between you and conception!

It's quite definitely for people at all stages bigger and I found it quite an eye opener. Hanging around mumsnet certainly doesn't help wth feeling like a complete barren. Comparison is the thief of joy and all that.
There are lots of women at all stages in gateway. It made me realise I'm actually one of the luckier ones, appreciate what you do have and all that. Stories that stood out were an adopted lady discovering she would never have her own genetic children either. And all the people who haven't had the chance to try for kids as they haven't met Mr Right and are now in their 40s and realising it's too late. Makes me want to hug dh as we met later on and for a long time I didn't think I would get to have a husband either. There are meet ups and stuff as well so you could potential meet some childless friends although none near me (out in the sticks) and I wasn't quite ready for that!

isthismummy hysteroscopy didn't change my cycles either (although I was glad to rule out any problems in the womb). Do you work or can you take flexible time off? Just thinking of the logistics of natural cycle abroad. And eat what you like I no longer believe it matters one bit!

I never thought I would get married either zippybear It finallly happened two months ago at the grand old age of 38. I'd have loved dc earlier, but neither of my ex long term partners would even consider it. Something I'm hideously bitter about these days.

DH is over a decade younger than me though and I feel so worried he'll leave me eventually if we can't have dc. I blame myself entirely despite him having low motility!

I don't know where my sodding period is. They did remove a ton of dead scar tissue during Hysteroscopy and I had mc only three weeks before, so maybe my body is just totally fucked I do work flexibly, but still have no idea how natural cycle would work when I barely have a cycle. I'd do ivf tomorrow if I could. I feel like I'm just wasting time and getting more ancient

God that was a rant. I think I'll go have some chocolate. Like you say it makes no fucking difference anyway.

Go for it mummy! The chocolate will increase your happy brain chemicals, bound to be good for fertility in some way

Mrsfw. The maternity care argument is a great argument re funding ivf. I bet your family were stunned at that argument and couldn't see the irony in saying maternity care should be funded as it's a right and people should be able to have children, but yet argue that ivf shouldn't be funded (as for some reason they don't consider infertile people to have the same rights).

bananafish, the universe does have a sick sense of humour. I hope you've recovered from the coil fitting-it sounds grim. And bloody hell re the baby photo book. I'm glad your boss was understanding and swapped with you. I'd also have been tempted to do the grim reality of the infertile woman's baby book, but totally agree that it's not something I'd want to share with work colleagues.

My DH brought a heavenly salted chocolate caramel cake I'm from Waitrose zippybear I must be super fertile now😉

That sounds amazing mummy (as does your dh!) enjoy every bite

Oh it's not for contraception - I mean, I'm infertile FFS
When we were at the stage of giving up vs donor eggs, had we gone with the giving up option, I was planning to have either a mirena coil or the implant fitted.

I decided that if we were going to give up, I was going to use contraception as the head fuck of secretly hoping to be one of the unicorn miracles who gave up on fertility treatment after 300 cycles of IVF and then "just" got pregnant naturally (ok, I exaggerate slightly) was too much to deal with every month. I couldn't cope with the rollercoaster of hope and disappointment each month if we'd decided it was over and ending the rollercoaster along with the beyond minuscule chance of a natural conception was far preferable than the alternative.

I decided on the mirena or implant in the hope it would also stop my periods which I consider to be a horrible reminder each month of the fact that my reproductive system isn't doing what it is meant to do and so I may as well just not bother with them. I told a friend this plan at the time and she suggested I was removing all hope if I did this (and that was a bad thing). But that's exactly the point, removing hope if we really meant giving up was a good thing as by removing hope we were also removing the crushing disappointment which went with it.

mummy and zippy, I also agree that what you eat makes bugger all difference. Hope you enjoyed the salted caramel cake.

I like the idea of stopping periods completely if giving up earlgrey. I read something recently where someone was saying they liked having their period as it showed them their body was working as it should. I can vaguely remember feeling like this before. For a long term barren it really is the most horrendously stark reminder of just how badly your body works isn't it

Hi all

I've been keeping an eye on your posts and just wanted to add to the chorus of idgaf in this thread. I've gotten a tonne of baby bombs recently and just look at those bright and happy expectant mums and feel so hollow. No matter what happens for me, I'll never be able to scrub my infertility experience of the past few years.

Add to that I feel like an outcast as a childless woman in her late thirties. Often at work I will meet someone new and they will ask "oh do you have kids" during chit chat. They literally don't know what to make of me and there is always an embarassed pause.

Ugh pass me the salted caramel chocolate cake quick!

I guess it falls into the same category as the "pics on the iPhone" but here's one that makes me a proper nutter...do any of you have a stash of baby stuff?! I say stash, I counted it all up yesterday and I must have about £1,500 worth of stuff (mainly clothes) all shoved at the back of my wardrobe. DH knows about it (I kept it a secret until he stumbled on it but was very 'meh' about it, just said it was perhaps a bit unhealthy. Imagine if a 'normal' bloke were to discover that!) funny thing is, is that my habit is such that I see something (always on baby sites, even after all this time) l buy it and stash it, I don't ever get the stuff out and look at it. It never upsets me either. It's the weirdest thing but I can't break the habit. I buy girl and boy stuff. I did a sort out the other day and couldn't believe how much I'd amassed over the 4-5 years we've been TTC.

Amara- I hear you. Same here. Bomb after bomb, like the bloody Blitz!!! A close friend is 6 months pregnant and looks utterly stunning in pics, as do a couple of others. Sometimes I begrudgingly comment with something nice (only to get it out of the way really) and then never comment again! Horrible isn't it. I should also add that I haven't seen these friends since they announced their pregnancies and don't contact them and so in turn I can only assume they feel awkward and hence don't contact me either. And to think people don't know the fucking half of what we go through.

Also had a lot of baby bombs recently amara and the thing I find hardest is when they tell you how happy they are about. Yes I'm sure you are, I can imagine that only too well
tips I do not have a stash of baby clothes but is it wrong that I think that is a brilliant idea! At least you'd get to have some of the joy of it all..