Multiple failures, a place to chat

[Zippybear]

Anyone else out there with multiple failures wondering what to do next? We've just had our fourth embryo transfer fail. Issues on both sides. In the last year I've had two surgeries, dh has had one and we are still no further forward. We haven't had a holiday that wasn't time off for ivf since 2015. We feel battered and bruised and stuck on a hellish infertility rollercoaster that we can't get off unless we want to accept childlessness we have another nhs cycle but I'm not sure I can cope with it (or if there is any point). I don't know whether to give up, think of donor, adoption or just accept our lot. Anyone else wondering the same?

I really can't face another cycle yet so will probably reconvene at the beginning of next year. Would be very interested to hear your experiences with whichever clinic you choose so please let us know, if you feel able x

Trolls are out again. On another thread in infertility where the "infertile" OP has been trying for 5 months. If she thinks that constitutes infertility she's in for a shock.

I've just sent said Ukraine clinic an email telling them to fuck off.

I don't understand why it continues. Are they getting business out of it?!?! It gives me rage.

Ps Earlgrey there are very few things on these boards that make me laugh but your post yesterday calling out that spammer 😂🙌🏻LOVED IT

I don't understand why it continues. Are they getting business out of it?!?! It gives me rage.

Me neither. Surely they're just pissing off their potential clients and ensuring none of us would ever consider using them. It's bizarre.

Thank you Mrsfw. But my god was I annoyed with the spammer when I posted that.

I don't understand why it continues and I can't believe that the posts are still there.

There are completely bonkers, it's like they have outsourced their advertising to their teenage son. The only thing I have learnt from their presence here is that I too would never ever go there! Advertising fail guys, you can fuck off now.

In an attempt to lighten the mood around here after all these spammy intrusions.... what's your most embarrassing infertile moment? We've had a few but I think the winner is .... we once high fived during an infertility appointment on hearing that dhs sperm results had improved following some treatment. Ah we were so young and foolish back then, we didn't realise it had only gone from really shit to just shit. I still cringe when I think about it!

Not really embarrassing (or maybe it would be to normal people!), but during ICSI cycles, I was quite happy to just walk into the scan room and start taking my clothes off with barely a word to the sonographer. This seemed entirely normal and to me the conventional way of arriving at these appointments.

Oh for me it's got to be the failed HSG. Passed out whilst lying down, woke up in a and e. Left phone in car. Couldn't remember anyone's numbers. Threw up everywhere. Cried hysterically until they let me go to the toilet. Had chronic stomach pains. Collapsed again. Had to stay there for three hours till I persuaded them I could drive......got parking ticket for overstaying the two hours slot.

Oh god four paws that sounds horrific. I thought my HSG was bad (it was painful) but it was nothing like that. When I had the HSG and it was bloody painful, I remember thinking I must stop being pathetic as it must be nothing compared to child birth. How naive I was to think that there was any chance that one cycle of IVF= pregnancy= baby.

Also just wanted to add, but this is to lighten the mood rather embarrassing. At my last appointment with my consultant when 5 cycles down and before moving onto other more advanced options, she gave me a big hug and that's when I realised she thought we were really fucked!

DH wanted to show solidarity with everything that I was going through and wanted to be doing his bit

He bought a microscope to see whether his boys were mutants or swimming like the Andrex puppy chasing their tails (he actually has Olympic swimmers, but that's by the by)

Anyway, he was busy playing 'Weird science' and then in an appointment with our consultant, proudly gets out a video on his camera to show him his swimmers. While I am quietly dying with embarrassment.

Bless him though, he said 'but you were going through all these tests and investigations and I wanted to at least show you and him that I was doing my bit, in support of you'

Embarrassing as hell, but can't fault the guy for effort!!

Earl I can honestly say I am fairly tough and I have never known pain like it. The staff had never seen anything like it. A doctor came along and said she had seen it happen once. There is a nerve that if touched can cause that reaction. They touched it. There was also a possibility I was allergic to the dye. Never again. They decided not to bother after that. It still hurts now if I think about it.

And yes absolutely re IVF. I'm embarrassed to say failure wasn't even really entering my mind. Not reaching egg collection was like a nightmare. Completely and utterly blindsided me. So so naive. That's me.....

I also have a slightly funny yet embarrassing one about dh. He is proper country farmer type. Totally and utterly out of his comfort zone. Never really even been to gp. Sprays wounds with vet spray and keeps going sort. On the morning we went to give his sample he was unusually quiet. We parked and he said he couldn't do it. He had been given all the info to read and whilst I didn't want to suggest he hadn't read it, I was gently trying to understand. It will be like cheating on you he said. with some further questioning it emerged that yes, he thought someone "helped" him. Jesus I didn't know whether to laugh cry or shake him. Wrong on so so so many levels. He managed fine once that had been cleared up..

Oh another one (in a litany of them)

I always got tangled up and panicky when unfolding the sheet left for me to cover myself when going in to get ready for dildocam (posh Harley St clinic didn't have paper sheet, no it was a whole frigging cotton bedsheet)

Anyway I just gave up trying and started just plonking it over myself unfolded, in a vague nod to modesty

Except that when it came to doing an intrauterine wash (which needed a fair amount of precision), he was there in between my legs with an anglepoise lamp shone up my vag, and HE unfolded the sheet and draped it over me, presumably so HE could get a little privacy & work in peace, without my grinning mug staring back at him!!

BananaI think my DH might like yours. Mine also spent a huge amount of time telling me about his knowledge of AI in cattle. So he understands exactly what I'm going to be doing......well I suppose maybe yes.

@fourpawswhite sounds like a vasovagal reaction. They are truly horrible from what I'm told. You poor thing x

Oh and another one (I'm here all week...)

Thing is this SHOULD have been embarrassing, but I don't even consider it a low point

Explaining to my consultant that I'd dabbled in a spot of self medication, because a lot of medical papers had recommended viagra to help womb lining. I knew we couldn't get the vaginal formula in the UK (until I tracked down the one pharmacy in Wales who said they would compound it specially!!) but I knew some clinics used oral viagra, so I thought I'd give it a try

Explaining to him that I'd pretended to be a man with erectile dysfunction on the Internet (to get a prescription for viagra from the superdrug online Dr service) was an interesting one

The guy was both shocked and impressed at my ingenuity - although FWIW it made fuck all difference as the scan showed my lining was as shit as ever!

I really remember those days of going through the cycle of hope then despair. I went through only one cycle of IVF, as there was only one available on the NHS, but we'd previously had 2 goes at IUI, which were both unsuccessful.

After the IVF, we didn't go through it again as I produced just one immature egg and I was told afterwards that I had only a 5% chance of producing a healthy baby through IVF.

We didn't want to use a de, but my DSis did make an offer to donate one of her eggs. This was of course tempting but I didn't want to put her through a cycle of IVF when she herself didn't have children. (She has had 2 birth children now so it might have been different if she'd already been a mum then, who knows.)

We then moved on to consider adoption, but we were advised to wait about 1 year to give us time to recover from the trauma. During this time I was diagnosed with depression, and I took longer to recover than I expected but I knew I was ready when I heard that my DSis was pregnant and just felt happy for her, with no twinge of jealousy. (My BIL's wife had gone through 3 pregnancies since my DH and I got married, and now had 5 children, and it used to really upset me.)

We then went through the arduous adoption process leading to us now having 2 lovely DDs, who are birth siblings. We applied to adopt DD2 because we really wanted them to be together.

I will say that it's a privilege to adopt but it is tough and you have to truly come to terms with being infertile first. And those stories people tell about women who become pregnant after adopting are totally unhelpful imho, because it's actually very rare and it doesn't help anyone to move past the pain of disappointment.

My infertility embarrassments, well...The worst one was post egg collection under GA. They must have inserted a diclofenac pessary rectally with some force. I got up to go to the loo and did the world's loudest involuntary fart. I then proceeded to fart with every step I took towards the toilet. I tried to take really small, clenched butt steps, but the farts wouldn't stop! I had no control! Oh the shame!! my DH was killing himself laughing!

I fainted in my first acupuncture session due to needle shock. It had never happened to my acupuncturist, in 20 years of practice. A misplaced needle or injection can spark it off for me, so it's always a worry. I always get really worried I'll faint and wet myself or throw up on myself, but thankfully it hasn't happened, yet.

Omg fourpaws a 'helpful' nurse that's hilarious! and bigger I'm always very worried about what sort of nonsense I might come out with post egg collection, highly stressed and full of hormones, it could lead to anything!! TBH I think obsessing over mints is pretty small scale in that situation.
banana your sheet story had me making a bigger deal of unfolding mine in my last cycle. Although to be honest I was never that happy about having to show my foof to half the world

I also had a scan done by a friend of a friend who I didn't initially recognise (until she reminded me who she was). Mortifying!