Multiple failures, a place to chat

[Zippybear]

Anyone else out there with multiple failures wondering what to do next? We've just had our fourth embryo transfer fail. Issues on both sides. In the last year I've had two surgeries, dh has had one and we are still no further forward. We haven't had a holiday that wasn't time off for ivf since 2015. We feel battered and bruised and stuck on a hellish infertility rollercoaster that we can't get off unless we want to accept childlessness we have another nhs cycle but I'm not sure I can cope with it (or if there is any point). I don't know whether to give up, think of donor, adoption or just accept our lot. Anyone else wondering the same?

Hello, i have been keeping up with this thread but not yet posted and i recognised your name Fourpaws from a previous thread.

I just want to say how sorry i am to read your news it really is just so unfair.
You need to do what you feel is right for you and if that is changing your mind thats fine, if not thats fine too, it is whatever you want, google is probably just confusing you!

I had a medical management procedure under a local anaesthetic for my miscarriage last Tuesday.
I was given the option of tablets inserted vaginally, a local anaesthetic procedure or general anaesthetic procedure and from chatting with the nurse and reading the leaflets i was given i felt i knew straight away that i wanted the local anaesthetic procedure, once i got home i doubted myself but i stuck with my choice and went back in the next day to have it done and was glad i did, i think it was the right choice for me.
It is a really shit situation and not one anyone wants to be in, you just have to go with whatever you feel most comfortable with i think. Look after yourselves, sending you big hugs xxx

Also very sorry to hear your news four. It's so utterly devastating. I had surgical management for both my recent mmcs, I couldn't face a more drawn out option. Hope you're ok. Remember you didn't 'do' this, so please just be kind to yourself.

I don't normally post on this thread but I just want to send Four a massive hug. I am so so sorry it has turned out like this. Tiger is right, you didn't 'do' this, look after yourself lovely and do whatever feels right for you. Will be thinking of you

So so sorry to hear this fourpaws Sending massive hugs to you and your dh, what an incredibly awful unfair thing to happen

I don't normally post on this thread but I've just spotted your sad news, Fourpaws. I really hoped that this time it was going to work for you. I was so sad to read your news and I'm so very sorry. Thinking of you and sending hugs. Why is life so bloody unfair?

Hope you're doing ok four.

Has anyone here been diagnosed with immune or clotting issues? Bigger, I'm thinking you might have been recently? I had my level one and two tests back and quite a few things came back - raised anticardiolipin antibodies (so an acquired blood issue) as well as genetic ones - I'm homozygous for both pai-1 mutation and mthfr. In addition, my cytokine ratio is massively above the normal range (44.3 when the upper limit is 30). So I will need steroids, blood thinners, aspirin, intralipids and possibly IVIG too if my immune levels stay high.

So I definitely have some answers but it's a fairly daunting set of issues. £££££ for treatment and no guarantees.

Also some disagreement in the tiger house about when to start. I wanted to kick off in my July cycle, but DH wants to enjoy August (we have lots of plans - a wedding, stag/hen parties, festival and friends over from another country). I can do this sober and around appointments but he is not keen.

I'm also in West Mids bigger! I had intralipids for both of my last pregnancies - I bet we go to the same place. It's cheaper and they are very sweet. Sounds very similar to my results indeed and they also said the same to me about starting only when my cytokines are low enough. So I'll probably get cracking with intralipids asap, following the same protocol as you. I have another friend who had been given Humira to bring hers down but Care don't seem to offer that. Really useful to know the timetable for the intralipids and testing so
I can think about the dates. I should be getting a call tomorrow with my protocol once they've reviewed my results at their team meeting, so I will know more about when it all starts.

The hardest thing about getting my results back is hindsight. For my first pregnancy, I just self-referred for intralipids. It haunts me that perhaps I should have continued them beyond 7 weeks. I was also told to stop clexane after a bleed and now I know I have blood issues, I know that was the wrong thing to do. It's pointless thinking about what-ifs but it is hard. Also, if I'd managed to get some tests in between pregnancies, I could have potentially saved the last one too. Now I'm facing ££££££ and also the mental strain of more treatment. I am glad to have answers though, and a plan.

Hello, just reading back and wanted to thank you all for your kind words and advice.

I started bleeding Saturday afternoon but no pain, so possibly that was the hematoma going. Woke up about one on Monday morning and was up the rest of the night miscarrying. I don't need to tell you all how horrendous that was. I can't really explain why, other than a burning desire to punish myself, but I refused to take any pain relief and just locked myself in the bathroom. When I got to hospital on Monday the nurse scanned me and confirmed I could go home as I was over the worst. At that stage, more through grief I took the painkillers, but it was way to late.

I then continued on my path of self destruction and went home, got changed and went to work. That stupidity was kept up until about lunchtime today, when I thought you are a fucking idiot. I then got in the car, came home and went to bed. I am now sat sobbing and considering hitting the gin.

I am writing this here so you can all shout at me, because someone needs to. I was stupidly tired today, don't think I have even eaten for days. I need to get a grip.

I wonder if I could be in delayed shock or something because it honestly was like a crashing moment today, like wtf am I doing. Do you think it would be reasonable to phone in sick now? Should I not have done that like on Monday? What is wrong with me. How on earth did I think going to work was a sensible idea. (No harm has been caused to anyone as far as I am aware).

I'm totally rambling but can anyone relate in anyway?

What do I do now.

Hi fourpaws
Really sorry to hear this. I echo others, it's really unfair.

It does sound like you're going through delayed shock. Sometimes keeping going seems like the best and easiest thing to do in order to try and ignore horrible emotions. I can relate to the idea of keeping going when I really shouldn't have. I had a call from the clinic with really bad news (while in my car), I drove home where I was heading for lunch anyway, had a good cry for half an hour instead of the lunch and then went back to work to do an afternoon clinic. Why are ever thought this was a good idea, I don't know.

I think you should call in sick-in fact, I think it would be unreasonable for you to NOT call in sick.

Be kind to yourself and if you do hit the gin, don't hit it too hard.

Hello fellow infertilelites!
I've just back read a couple of pages and want to send a massive hug to Fourpaws, that is such a heartbreaking thing for you and your DH. I know there are no words but this is a good place to get it off your chest xxx

I'm here at the suggestion of EarlGrey (thanks Earl!) after I had a little rant on a different thread. I used to come on mumsnet a couple of years ago and I'm sad to think I recognise some of you from then, bananafish and tigerdog? Sad because we're all still in the same boat. I had to step away from mumsnet as I got addicted to getting angry at people in AIBU!!!
So hi guys. My history in a nutshell. TTC for almost 7 yrs ( will be 7 yrs August) 6 MC including a ruptured ectopic where I lost a Fallopian tube. I have endometriosis and my husband is the carrier of a chromosome translocation.
I have a very dry cynical dark sense of humour so feel free to tell me to shut up if I over step a line!! My husband's nickname for me is Bev - after the nurse who murdered children!! We find it funny but a lot would find that awful, I think sod them we'll deal with this shit situation in whatever way helps us!
So, hello! I'll pull up a chair here

@fourpawswhite, delurking to send you a massive hug and all of the support you might need. It does sound like you are feeling immensely sad and I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Have you got someone around you who you can lean on? I would absolutely take some time off from work...you must eat and allow yourself time to grieve.

It's gone very quiet in here. How is everyone?

Four I hope you're doing ok.

Oooblimey hello! After seven years ttc I think you've earned the right to deal with it however you want! I have been on these boards for 3.5 years, ttc for 4.5 so kicking around for a while.

Bigger where are you up to now? I'm still waiting for my treatment plan but they've told me that they won't bother re-testing my immunes now and will just pre-treat and then start my cycle. I have to do long protocol to avoid the chance of having one dominant side, due to my kidney being in my pelvis and obstructing my right ovary.

We're off on holiday on Sunday and I'm looking forward to switching off for a week. It'll also be our first due date whilst we're there, so hoping we can do something nice to mark it.

I was thinking the same Tigerdog, hope you have a fabulous holiday- going anywhere glam? Hope you really enjoy it wherever it is.

Four paws- still thinking of you xx

Banana- miss your wit and really hope you are OK

Think of everyone on here a lot actually, makes me feel a little less isolated. We're now on the DE route which will happen over the summer. Still don't believe I will actually fall pregnant but it's our last chance so may as well.....urgh.

Hoping everyone is good and thanks for all the recent updates xxx

Oh Bigger! 3 months bloody hell, as if doing long protocol and intralipids wasn't bad enough. It's so much sodding time. Sorry to hear that.

We are going abroad for treatment, i'll be having the intralipids & steroids for immunes too. It's bloody shit isn't it!! Xx

Oh that sounds so frustrating bigger. I'm sorry. It's such a long drawn out process anyway and then when things don't pan out as expected it is infuriating. The same clinic have decided to do away with pre-treatment for me, and I'm really nervous I'll be doing a cycle in vain. Hope that things sort themselves out so you can get cracking.

I also struggle to believe in it all working out Mrsfw. I used to think - if I could just get pregnant. After three miscarriages, I know that it's going to be a lot harder than that. Hope all goes well with your cycle. DE success rates sound really promising.

How's everyone doing? Been even quieter in here than ever. We've been on holiday - a nice break but a bit tough at times until we got past the due date.

I've just been added to a WhatsApp group which a friend has created to share pictures of her newborn, born on what would have been my due date. How the fuck do I extricate myself from it without coming across as a disinterested friend?!

Ps have name changed although might change back again as it feels weird!

Hello troops
Thought I might resuscitate this thread for some respite for those of us who've been on the "how do you cope with being childless" thread on AIBU.

For those of you who haven't seen it, don't look-it's infuriating! It's mainly not about what the thread title suggests it should be about and is largely full of posts from people who've never suffered with infertility explaining what they'd have done had they been infertile or people who've either overcome their fertility problems or with secondary infertility who apparently totally get what it's like to be childless even though they're not childless.

I'm thinking about starting a new thread of infertility bingo-insensitive cliched comments that people make. I reckon that thread would have the full house.

Hey earlgray all I can say is argghhhh!!! I didn't realise it was so easy to solve all our infertility problems, what a mopey pair of self indulgent losers myself and dh have been! I see now that everyone else would have just got on with it.