Multiple failures, a place to chat

[Zippybear]

Anyone else out there with multiple failures wondering what to do next? We've just had our fourth embryo transfer fail. Issues on both sides. In the last year I've had two surgeries, dh has had one and we are still no further forward. We haven't had a holiday that wasn't time off for ivf since 2015. We feel battered and bruised and stuck on a hellish infertility rollercoaster that we can't get off unless we want to accept childlessness we have another nhs cycle but I'm not sure I can cope with it (or if there is any point). I don't know whether to give up, think of donor, adoption or just accept our lot. Anyone else wondering the same?

again there are no words. Huge hugs.

banana so many hugs to you both xx

Bloody hell again I am so so sorry to read that. There are no words just

Fuck it all again, it's just so unfair and heartbreaking. I'm so sorry, my heart goes out to you. I wish there was something more I could say or do but words just seem trite.

I'm sorry too banana. It's no consolation but you have tried everything and put your all into this, at least you can say that. Thinking of you. Being medically boring used to give me hope - sooner or later I will get lucky! Now I just feel like no one will help me, because there's nothing to fix.

Just love to Above and Banana. This whole "journey" is so tough I really hope you are both getting the help you need. I go to a counsellor who specialises in infertility and she keeps what is left of my sanity together. It's so nice to get support from someone who is removed from the situation and whom I don't have to teach about IVF.

Have pm ed you Biggerboat.

Hi All, I'm so sorry to read about everyones awful times - Banana I'm so sorry, it's so crap that we make all of these difficult decisions and put ourselves through so much to do the right things and it just continues to all go to shit. Be kind to yourself and give yourself permission to grieve and be angry and sad. I hope you can find a way forward when you're ready.

Again - sorry to hear about your relationship breakdown please look after yourself. Infertility just seems to ruin lives, no silver lining just years of pain then you wake up old, crap job, broke, ruined relationships, have other physical problems due to ivf, depressed and not part of society (ok well that applies to me anyway). I just hope for all of us there is hope of some kind of nice life beyond all of this.

Tiger - glad you had a good holiday and hope you're feeling ok. No hound for us yet - we're going to wait until we've had our holiday in May then get sorted (we had to cancel the home visit as the lady was sick). Keep seeing lots of greys about though so looking forward to finding ours!

Hope everyone else is battling on xx

I am so sorry Banana and Again that you are going through tough times.
I am amazed that there are other people going through this shit because in RL it seems that everyone else gets preg at the drop of a hat, especially in the building I work in. A constant round of babies and pregnancy announcements, if I didn't have the internet I'd think I was the only infertile person in the world...

Again & Bananafish am so so sorry to read your updates. You are both having a tremendously shit time and all I can send you is hugs and love. I am so sorry to read this news and truly hope you are both as ok as you can be in the circumstances. Big love xxx

Also where is everyone getting this Botox done??? Genuinely interested, sounds like a bloody marvellous idea, my face has aged drastically in the past 4 years which I blame entirely on IVF stress & medication. Recs please!

I agree Mrsfw - my face has aged massively too. Loads of my friends get botox but I think it alters the shape of your eyebrows in the middle so I would approach with caution - only go to someone who knows what they are doing!

I have a question for the multiple IVFers here. Has anyone had luveris added to their cycle? Unusually am on the Long protocol with gonal f (225 or 300), but they are adding luveris too this time.
I didn't really get an answer from the clinic when I asked why. Possibly as I am getting ancient and they need to turbo boost the duff eggs from my ovaries. Excellent.

Any thoughts or experience would be warmly welcomed.
Sorry for the thoroughly selfish post, I have genuinely been thinking of you all over easter. Hope we collectively ate a lot of chocolate xxx

again I'm so very, very sorry. Words seem so very very hollow. We're all thinking of you - and I'm shaking my fist at the universe for being such an absolute cunting fuck

Sanfran if you're on long protocol then you don't produce any natural LH so you need to add a little bit in as a small amount is needed for egg quality. Gonal-F is an FSH only stim - Luveris is LH only so it's a good way to manage the exact doses of each. Menopur is 50:50 FSH:LH so that contains LH, but it's much harder to vary the dose with the powders. Also Menopur is urinary derived whereas Gonal-F (and I think Luveris) is recombinant (ie lab made) and some Drs feel the doses are more consistent with the synthetic stims than the urinary derived stims. Pop fact - Menopur was originally made from Italian nuns piss - because they needed a good supply of menopausal women's piss (Menopur = purified menopausal urine, hence the name), and a nunnery was an excellent source!

to everyone else

Thank you all for lovely words. Just trying to adjust from being a professional infertile to....not being one. Unsubbing from most IVF forums (will stick around on this thread to follow you guys through - would miss you all if I bailed out!), trying to fight my instincts to jump into the surro forums with the same vigour, as trying to have the mental break I know I need (albeit don't want)

Botox wise, not sure if they'll recommend botox or filler (or tell me neither, although judging by the crows feet I think that's unlikely!), but will report back if they're any good!!

I can also very strongly advocate for counselling. I started seeing someone for bereavement counselling after I lost my mum, and found it surprisingly helpful - have felt it even more so throughout the rollercoaster of the last year (which is most definitely bereavement)

Hope everyone has consumed diabetes-inducing quantities of chocolate this weekend...

Well I'm officially out now too. Went in for final embryo transfer this afternoon. Obviously it didn't survive the defrost. Heartbroken. After going through 3 sodding egg collections and PGS for this one attempt.

DE last and next step for me .

Oh Mrs. The cycle of anticipation and devastation is soul destroying. I am so so sorry. Be as kind as you can be to your self, let yourself drown in sorrow and tears and hugs and wine. We are all here for you to rant at whenever needed. Xxx

Hi all

Well I've had another failed cycle. The big question in my head is how many cycles we can actually do, mentally and physically? Or what even makes sense to do medically?

Did I read somewhere that there is a limit to the number of fresh cycles in a 12 month period?

I'm also starting to lose my faith in IVF. It feels like when I go on this board that there are the people who it seems to work for quite quickly and those who it doesn't. I'm starting to wonder if the clinic doctors are thinking "oh god, it should have worked by now, it'll probably not work for her".

A

banana you are so knowledgeable and well-read, and supportive - don't leave us! But I understand that if you are moving on you will need do so on here eventually too. Good luck with your next steps.

Mrsfw what emotional agony. I am so sorry to hear that. It must have been so hard to hear that news.

Amara that is a tough question. I have read about people who have had IVF 11 times. I am sure people have done more. I can't afford to try that many times, especially now I am trying DE. IVF does work, but there are plenty of people who never experience that success. But we don't hear about the people who go through IVF but end up without a baby, no newspaper wants to publish their stories and they move on from IVF forums. But in my experience clinics will only do IVF if they think there is a chance of success - if they start to think it won't work, they will recommend something else.

Further to my post above about my fertile office - 2 more preg annoucements today. There are only about 40 people in our building but for the last 2 years it has been a constant round of multiple pregs. I struggle to cope with this as it is such a huge topic in the office. I have to smile and then go off and cry when alone.

Thanks so much girls- your words do really mean a lot. What a shit time we are all having on this thread. I will def be back for a proper rant when I've stopped crying.
Amara am so sorry to hear you've had another fail too, it's just awful.

so sorry mrs, this process is too cruel. No words to help, just be kind to yourselves and come and rant when you can
amara I don't know what the limit is but I have definitely lost faith in ivf. it seems totally ridiculous that it actually works for anyone. I do think we get a warped idea of how successful it is as people who succeed must be more vocal than those who don't. And I resent being told you just have to keep trying. For any normal person the cost of repeated failures is just too high.
There is a thread in chat where a woman in her mid thirties is asking about different types of contraception as she just can't find one that suits. Can you imagine having to worry about that?! The only solitary plus side to infertility I guess..
elibob sorry about the baby bombs that sounds horrendous
I agree bigger we are long overdue a break here.
banana I'm very glad you'll be hanging about. Thinking of you and Mr Banana.

Zippy I know what you mean about other threads, they drive me nuts, there was one the other day saying, 'don't know whether to have a 4th kid, I feel too old at 38.' I mean, just fuck off!

Hi everyone

Thanks for all of your kind words (esp Mrsfw- you are having a tough time lady!). 11 times is not an option, we'd be living on bread and water! It's nuts isn't it but who knows how far you'd go.

Zippy I agree the cost can be too high. There is only so much you can put your body and heart through.

I am going to try some woo stuff next, even though I am totally rational scientific person. But f*ck it, Ill try something new while thinking about the next fresh cycle.

I really hate this whole situation, it is officially pants!

Finally finding the time to post on a long train journey.

Mrsfw I'm so sorry that you didn't get to transfer. It is so unfair and so gutting. I think there's a special kind of heartbreak in not even getting the chance to hope. Thinking of you.

Amara I'm sorry that your cycle failed. Look after yourself. I have also lost my faith in IVF, all the time I spent trying to get pregnant, thinking it would solve everything and instead I find myself having wasted two years and awaiting an appointment at the recurrent miscarriage clinic. What woo stuff are you thinking? I have acupuncture, and take a few pointless supplements, but am considering a fertility detox retreat! Not instead of science, but just because I feel so grotty and wonder if it might help.

Zippy I think you're right about getting a warped view of success rates because those who succeed are more vocal. Can think of a few posters who plastered every corner of MN with their success story, when there must be others who have quietly stopped trying and are just getting on with their lives.

I have been thinking about when to give up. Maybe one more cycle and any frosties. DH wants to keep trying naturally after the miracle conception but I don't want to until we've had more tests. I'm not sure he understands how much I now dread being pregnant again (and there's no guarantees of course as it took 4 years!) and how hard it is fearing the worst. Having massive hemorrhages whilst at work and in public is not something I want to repeat.

Urgh, more delays are a bastard eh bigger. It's really hard to be psyched up to get going and then suffer a setback. We do need a break on this thread.

Banana you really are doing amazingly in such difficult circumstances, I wish I was half as strong as you are. I hope you manage to enjoy a bit of a break and a bit of normality, even if it is only temporary.

Pregnancy announcements are hard el. I seem to massively overcompensate by getting all enthusiastic and interested, even though I want to cry. Hope you're doing ok.

How's the stabbing going sanfran?

Not much to report here - been hectically busy with work and have a huge and scary presentation next week that is taking up all my time. I feel a bit more myself though, despite a shitty cold. Only a couple more weeks until my recurrent miscarriage appointment and then it'll be back on the bandwagon.

Hello all. May I join please?

I was on the infertility boards circa 2014. I remember Bip, Icy, Potatoes and Banana.

My username was different or a variant back then, I often change it.

I am fed up, tearful, not in a great place. It's a relief to find this thread this morning.

Yesterday I made the rookie mistake of going on FB last night. After seeing all my peers with their 3-4 children on holiday in sunny climes, I think it's fair to say, I went to a very dark place.

I am on annual leave today so slept in until 11am and finally managed to get out of bed. I try not to be envious...but it really hurts. Why them? Why not us? What did we do wrong? How do we fill this gaping hole? The usual questions.

I am 39 (40 in a few weeks). Male factor for us but clearly my age ain't helping anymore. Failed ICSI, embryos not great. Couldn't cope so took a year off as had bad side effects. At the last minute, we're trying to squeeze one last cycle in before 40, hence me reemerging on the board.

and vodka to all (and a blindfold for me....so I don't bloody look at FB again. Wish I was in that zen place where it doesn't upset me. But it really does.)