Multiple failures, a place to chat

[Zippybear]

Anyone else out there with multiple failures wondering what to do next? We've just had our fourth embryo transfer fail. Issues on both sides. In the last year I've had two surgeries, dh has had one and we are still no further forward. We haven't had a holiday that wasn't time off for ivf since 2015. We feel battered and bruised and stuck on a hellish infertility rollercoaster that we can't get off unless we want to accept childlessness we have another nhs cycle but I'm not sure I can cope with it (or if there is any point). I don't know whether to give up, think of donor, adoption or just accept our lot. Anyone else wondering the same?

Hi meadow I just want to echo everything banana said, and add please please don't feel responsible for where that thread ended up! You weren't to know..

Love the classification and have had to ban myself from commenting on the waiting room thread

I'm really glad you eventually did crack and commented!

Professor Know-it-all Barren.

Also alternative therapist Professor Know-it-all Barren as per professor, but re alternative therapies can be professing both with conventional medicine and about alternative only e.g. "Natural progesterone cream to regulate ovulation" and "I fell pregnant after acupuncture so the acupuncture must be what caused me to be pregnant" (rather than the fuck load of IVF drugs.)

I have not been back to the waiting room thread because god knows the last thing I need to read on Mothers' Day is more posts from mothers telling people who can't have children how they can't possibly understand or judge them because they are not mothers (and on a fricking INFERTILTY board as well) so I don't know how bad it's getting but meadowlark you can ask Mumsnet to pull the thread if it's bad. Like others have said it's not your fault at all, you weren't to know but frankly if it's of no use to anyone and only making people upset then it may be best to do so considering it's in the Infertility forum and not AIBU where it will disappear into oblivion quickly. You can report the thread yourself (not done it myself but I think you have to report your first post or something - anyway needs to be done by the thread starter).

Loving the classifications ladies, that gave me a lot of pleasure to read. Sorry that everyone is having such a shit time at the moment. I feel like my tolerance level is just getting smaller and smaller, even to people trying to be nice. I cannot cope with 'I just know your time will come' type comments anymore. I'm annoyed that I have to walk away from this bc I want to scream and tell them every detail of why it probably won't come but then it will fall on deaf ears won't it bc they can't understand this horror that we are faced with. And I shouldn't have to tell them anyway should I. Urghhhh
I'm in for my hysteroscopy tomorrow. Hoping everyone is ok. Xxx

What ho, fellow barrens!

Hope everyone got through yesterday ok - I avoided FB like the plague and also hid the waiting room thread as it was too upsetting (some breath-taking displays of ignorance and heartlessness there).

Sorry for everyone else having a shit time at the mo - big gin-filled hugs to banana, Again, Bigger and SanFran and zippy. Welcome to all the newcomers too, sorry you find yourselves here.

We're in a weird place right now. After getting over the initial shock of having no useable embryos, we're almost finding it rather...freeing. Like it's given us permission to stop trying for now and start drinking, eating junk and doing all the things we've avoided for the 4+ years we've been TTC. Like the universe is going "seriously guys, it's not worth the effort. You can't even make quality ingredients to make an embryo, let alone get knocked up and carry a baby. Just give it up already. It's getting embarrassing".

There's also relief that we won't have done 3 hideous failed transfers/miscarriages from using dud embryos - if we'd gone ahead without PGS I would likely be having a failed cycle a couple of weeks before my sisters due date.

We've spent 4.5 years of our 6-year marriage on this (have been together for 14). Endless tests, painful procedures, disappointments, tears, grief. I'm only 32, DH is 35. We've decided to bow out of TTC for a while and enjoy life for a bit - or try to, anyway .

We will likely do more treatment at some point, but probably not this year (watch me come crawling back to this thread in 6 months time when we've saved up some more money 😂).

Love and wine to all xxxxxx

I totally get it Angelica. After our failed cycle in July we both just knew that we needed some time out. Only now getting going again and dreading the next round - not the physical side (except the scratch - yuk) but the emotional ups and downs.

On another note, I think my sister is pregnant and whilst I only want happiness for her, I am devastated. Not really sure how I will fake excitement. We are very close but the give away has been that she has not texted or phoned me nearly as much recently. She also always has wine when we are eating out but suspiciously not been.
If I have fabricated this out of my paranoia about all things pregnancy, I will let you all know!

Hi everyone, we survived the weekend yay! Does anyone else feel their faith in humankind has been somewhat eroded by the waiting rooms thread? I posted on it thinking that maybe some of the ladies on there didn't realise the positions people could be in sitting there but hey turns out they just don't give a shit (though to the people that did show empathy if you are reading this, I certainly appreciate it). Thoroughly depressing thread. Anyways I am another fan of the barrens classification system, gave me a bit of a giggle on a rubbish weekend.

Tigerdog and Again - dog update we are getting closer to getting a greyhound, home assessment booked! I may well pm you Tigerdog thank you, I have never had any pet before so a whole new world for me. Might also look at counselling, glad it helped you. I feel like I can't bounce back anymore, probably not a good thing.

Two fingers to all the shittiness everyone here is going through and to unempathetic people!

Hi all, so sorry for the persistent degradation of the waiting room thread. I am really quite shocked and disappointed, as I assumed that it would be mostly other infertile people reading it and genuinely wanted to know others' thoughts. Never dreamed it would turn so ugly.

I would like to query whether any members here would like me to request to have it removed? It is in some way a good reminder that people can unfortunately be nasty...but maybe we see enough of that elsewhere and it's better removed from this otherwise safe and supportive space for we barrens.

God the thread is still bloody going. Might you consider pulling it? Not least because it is attracting traffic from the main site. Even though I know this area is open to the whole site it is mostly frequented by those of us with infertility and it's not setting the greatest tone. Now that could also be my hormones talking but worth thinking about?
Also big love to Bip and Banana who've tried some reason over there...

Only an interloper here (in full solidarity with the BA) but I also wouldn't be upset if it went. Tried hard to explain that secondary isn't the same (have been on both sides) and felt so flamed that I have now hidden away. It's got very nasty and I'm no longer sure it's helpful to anyone.

(De lurking to say) I wonder if it should go, some people on there just won't let it go and it could rumble on endlessly. It's not my call though, i just feel protective towards you all

Fuck me. Just reading up on the waiting room thread. Why hasn't this been pulled yet? Reminds me of a few weeks ago when I got upset about the dickhead saying they were disgusted that people were putting photos up of their stillborn babies on Facebook - I mean, how dare grieving parents interrupt my newsfeed full of cat memes and hot photos of my ex boyfriend. Amiright?!

Thankfully that thread was deleted.

The world is full of so many arseholes. Seriously.

Doubly upsetting as I poas this morning and it couldn't have been more clearly a failure. Blood test to confirm tomorrow but it almost mocked me with the whiteness of the area next to the control stripe. I have to go back and start again which means more waiting room 'joy'.

PeaOp 😞😞😞 Nothing I can say to make this awful situation any better. It's always so hard not to get our hopes up but we allow ourselves to think "maybe this one just might be it" and then it doesn't work and it's crushing. So so crushing. I think I remember reading you had 2 frosties, were both put back?

Do something you can't do while pregnant. I'm getting Botox this morning... Might as well start shovelling my face with artificial drugs to give my ovaries a rest.

So sorry, PeaOp, it's shit and unfair and be kind to yourself in whatever way you see fit.

meadowlark - maybe it's time to nuke that thread if it's just people shitting on those less fortunate than they are?

Thanks again, we had two but only put one back.

biggerboat Our last go on NHS. We now have to decide whether to go for FET with last frosty or have a fresh cycle to see if we can get more. It will be a few weeks until we get our wtf meeting so we can chat about it a little.

Out at a lecture tonight and husband out tomorrow so Friday night for the bloody rare steaks, pate and wine it is....

Hi blackcherries, I kindly suggest posting this on another board. Perhaps start your own thread in Chat or Infertility.

OK, thanks I'll delete. As my family member has suffered multiple failures I thought this thread might be able to shed light but completely understand if it's inappropriate - apologies.

PeaOp are you at the Fertility add-ons lecture tonight? I was on the list but have just sent them a ranty email saying I'm not going if the only newspaper covering it is the dailyfail. I'm so narked at the latest article but mainly as I'm such a strong believer in PGS in my own case.

Quick chip in - Mrs, you might find this article by Adam Balen (chief of the British Fertility Society) a more balanced and insightful POV www.adambalen.com/ivf-practices-challenged-2/