The mind numbing boredom of infertility IV

[PotatoesPastaAndBread]

Yes it's the return of the thread where we're so fucking bored of being infertile and talking about infertility and thinking about infertility and worrying and infertility and learning about infertility treatment and explaining infertility to other people and making up lies to cover up for going for infertility tests and treatment that we can't even be bothered to think of a better name for the thread.

Join us if you are barren, bored and bitter, or any combination of the above. We'll listen to your tails of woe when everyone you've ever met upduffs in an instant, accompany you through the trials of tests and treatment and commiserate the inevitable setbacks and disappointments.

Welcome to the ghetto.

When I can work out links, I'll post linnks to threads 1, 2 and 3

Can I rejoin please? I've posted before, but it was a while ago.

for PeoOp It's just so, so shit. Extra flowers for the baby bombed.

Woke up crying today at 5am. My sleep has gone to shit in the past six months. I'm sure everyone here can relate to that horrendous feeling of opening your eyes on the morning and your first thought being "I can't have a baby" Just utterly bloody sick of it all

Is it I - just wanted to say sorry you're feeling so low. Are you getting any support with the weight loss? How old are you if you don't mind me asking? Regarding ivf, don't be afraid; I had 2 cycles in july and october and found it fine in fact was glad to finally be making progress. Sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed so rant away on here as lots of knowledgeable ladies and kind support that helped me a lot. It sounds like you have everything going for you so try to stay positive. Do you have a time plan to start the ivf? You can do this, hang on in there.

HI IsThis, sorry to hear about your wobble. This whole infertility lark is really shit and I woudln't wish it on anyone.

Thanks for being so lovely 💐

I'm 32 so I know I have time, it's just frustrating. No timeline for IVF. We've been signed out of the fertility dr we were seeing as Clomid was as far as she could take us (NHS) before referring us to an IVF clinic but they won't take me because of my weight.
I didn't realise my weight would have such an impact 😞 I'm very very overweight. Have lost 3 stone but still count as obese (size 18) so have a long way to go.
I stopped the Clomid with 3 months worth left because it felt like I was wasting them when my weight made it less likely to work.
Since then it's been focusing on diet and then we can start again but my weight loss has stopped. I do it on my own (using slimming world but not going to group). I need to try something else though.

Isthismummy how awful that you woke up crying. I hope you're feeling better today 💐💐

Hello, has everybody gone somewhere else? Quiet here, miss you all, old and new.

Caught up with an old friend today, I am ashamed to tell you I am God mum to one of her four beautiful daughters. She is six. She calls me her fairy godmother because I leave presents for her and she wouldn't know me if she fell over me. She was born about the time we started trying, then life got in the way. Reflecting tonight at the squeals and giggles and thinking how my heart soared. I have avoided them because it hurt so much but actually, I feel good for having had them here. Their mum and I had a good greet and she had been kind enough to forgive me for my absence.

It did make me think maybe I could be a mum somehow. Maybe adoption or something. I'm just so sad, why me. Why you. Hand hold anyone? X

Delurking to hand hold for you FourPaws. No one deserves all this crap that infertility throws at us.

Adoption may be a good option to explore. I went to a talk and the speaker eventually said to herself after several failed DE IVF cycles "do I want to carry a child or become a parent?" So she adopted and that way of looking at it really stuck with me. It's a very personal decision and won't be right for everyone but if it's crossed your mind already, why not look into it.

(Sorry it's so quiet here but some seem to have migrated to Multiple Failures)

Also here to hold your hand, fourpaws. Glad that your friend has been so understanding, it's nice to know that some people can be. I also think it's important to have a plan for beyond treatment, in case that never works out. You need something else to look forward to or plan for, I think, and if that's adoption then that's great.

AFM, we are just waiting for the phone call saying that DH's nephew had been born. We had already been trying 2.5 years and had a miscarriage before his brother and wife had even met each other so I'm really in a FML situation at the moment. I guess that should FOL (Fuck our lives). Hate this unfair world. Also staring down the barrel of turning 42 so really feel like it's game over (once we have tried and failed again with our frosties)

I agree fourpaws, It has been quite quiet here. I'm available too for a bit of hand holding as well. At the end of the day, we're all here because we want to be a mum and if you feel that adoption might be the right route for you, then look into it. I have a consultation at the end of the month and will then decide which clinic we'll more than likely go with - Serum have been very helpful but our other option is Gennet in Prague. Like you, Tammy, I'm also 42 this year so I've decided it's the donor route for me. I think my own eggs have zimmer frames so it seems my best option.

I agree fourpaws, It has been quite quiet here. I'm available too for a bit of hand holding as well. At the end of the day, we're all here because we want to be a mum and if you feel that adoption might be the right route for you, then look into it. I have a consultation at the end of the month and will then decide which clinic we'll more than likely go with - Serum have been very helpful but our other option is Gennet in Prague. Like you, Tammy, I'm also 42 this year so I've decided it's the donor route for me. I think my own eggs have zimmer frames so it seems my best option.

It took ages for a message appear and like buses two appeared at once. Sorry about double dose of my message. Just to add on I also feel that life is so bloody unfair. A bit like you Tammy, I remember telling my best friend Rob that we were trying to conceive and he replied that he was as well. Since then his wife became pregnant and gave birth last month whilst I haven't had a glimmer of a pregnancy. I try to be happy for them but all I keep thinking is, why you and not me.

Also still here but with no news so wasn't sharing. Thinking of you all xx

Yes I'm still here too. Last month tried first month of fertility treatment - ovulation induction (which I think is a bit like clomid but a different drug), didn't work, was really disappointed. But trying again this month, drugs are giving me awful headaches

Think I'm going to try acupuncture or something this month so I don't feel I'm pointlessly doing something again which didn't work last time.

Wishing everyone luck x

Awwww, thank you all so so much for being there. It means so much to me.

We are IVF again may, but I know it won't work. Backstory being we didn't make egg collection last time. I now have copper poisoning and am on anti depressants. Nhs won't postpone it and the bitter part of me feels I need to try it again. Dh doesn't want to and wants to sort copper out and then try private. Bit of a sore point at moment. Going to see gp next week and see if he can help.

I couldn't look at adoption or fostering for six months due to medication. But gp did say he would happily support me then. Dh more interested in fostering and we have the right home setup for that.

Blue, that's a fantastic quote, how are things with you?

Tammy, I think it was DH niece being born in January that tipped my mental health downwards. Incredibly painful to deal with. I completely understand.

Joey my clinic have been pushing egg donation for me since the start. For no real reason. It's something we may consider later. Again, dh less keen for no explainable reason and I have been trying to learn to take his views into account.

Bean how are things with you? Any plans this weekend?

Clueless, that sounds like me. You name it, I will try it, just so I feel I am doing something. How are you feeling today?

Thank you all, xx

Hi all

Been lurking as sadly we have reached the end of the road with our infertility journey

We've spent the best part of a year trying to get my uterus to cooperate, but sadly my body didn't get the message. We've been trying for the last 6 months to try and prep for one final FET, but my endometrium refuses to play ball, so there's no way we can proceed to a transfer cycle.

So unfortunately as my uterus is clearly not up to the job, the only way we're going to be able to have a baby will be to transfer one of our frosties into someone else's.

We need to take some time to grieve and come to terms with saying out loud 'we can't have children', and try to recharge our emotional reserves before we embark on another very long and very difficult journey, exploring surrogacy

Wishing you all the very best of luck with your respective journeys - I'm hoping so hard that you get your happy endings x

Banana, my heart goes out to you and you are in my heart and thoughts. You have been such a huge support to me and if there is anything at all I can do, please let me know.

I for one am proud to have been able to share my thoughts and deepest fears with someone like you. You have so much love and knowledge to give and I truly hope you find peace and resolve.

Warmest hugs, xx

Fourpaws that sounds like such a frustrating situation. But I guess if the NHS is free you might as well give it a go and then save your pennies for a private round? I don't know anything about copper poisoning so I don't know how that affects things.

How do I feel today, pretty rubbish, had headaches for the past 4 days. Was at a wedding yesterday and wasn't drinking coz of my head so had the usual wink wink nudge nudge she's pregnant really comments, which just makes me die inside.

Yes I've been reading 'it starts with an egg' so there's a list as long as my arm for supplements, but I do wonder whether all of them at once would do more harm than good.

bananafish I'm really sorry to hear that. Closing the door on one set of options must be very difficult to accept but you're right to give yourselves time to process it. If you do choose to go down the surrogacy route then I wish you the very best of luck. X

Hello all, I Hope you don't mind me jumping in to say Bananafish my heart goes out to you too. You were one of the first people to respond to me on MN when we got our MFI diagnosis and the time and thought you put in to help me really touched me. Someone as thoughtful and compassionate as this would make a lovely parent - and I sincerely hope you will get there. Please take care of yourselves 🌸🌼🌺

(De lurking on to say) I'm so sorry to hear this Banana. You are an incredible woman.

I wish you all the very best and will continue to lurk in the hope of seeing your happy ending, however that may come.

At my first visit fourpaws, my clinic said down to my age and low amh my best route was with donor eggs. However I had my first cycle with my own eggs and although they admitted my response was better than they thought, they again put it's failure down to my age and my amh. The main reason why I've decided to leave that clinic was the fact it was so obvious that they hadn't even bothered to look further into why it might have failed - it was literally 41 years old + low amh = failure. Serum in Greece want to try with my eggs but have only given me a success rate of 20% which is why I'm starting to think that the donor route is probably the best way for me but just not with the clinic I started with.
Banana I'm so sorry. You responded to me when I joined about my low amh result and was so helpful. I really do hope you get your happy ending.

Another delurking after a horrible week got baby bombs (four has to be a record, one is twins) and I'd managed to convince myself I might actually be pregnant, despite knowing it wasn't really possible and my period's arrived today. My Facebook is full of hidden scan photos which keep appearing again when other friends comment on them. I got my hair cut and the stupid hairdresser wouldn't take the hint and stop asking me why I didn't have children, and I couldn't even walk out because my head was covered in dye. She didn't even do a good job with the haircut.

I'm just so sick of this. I'm wondering if this will ever get better.

banana so sorry that you're in this position and sending good thoughts. I hope things work out for you in whatever way they can to bring you happiness.

Hi everyone! Ttc for nearly 2 years, ivf this July/Aug. From Northern Ireland so only 1 chance on the NHS #bullshit
Have told very few ppl and really struggle accepting everyone else's easy time getting pregnant. Recently engaged then came the 'shotgun wedding' comments which riled me.. I see someone mention how they found ivf fine because it felt like your were doing some.. I struggle with life being on hold.

Also struggling with a new bachelor neighbour who likes to have loud sex and parties. Like my stress levels weren't high enough.

Anyone here from Dundee?!

Hello Ladies, I just wanted to delurk to let bannana know how sorry I am to read your news. I cannot imagine how you and DH must be feeling right now. We have been on MN for a few years now and from what I know of you, I know when the time is right you will be a mum Bannana, no matter which way you get there. You will be amazing. I hope you and DH can get some closure from all you have been through and take time for each other. I am at a loss for words for you and can only offer my very best wishes for the future.
Waves to everyone else too, despite being extremely lucky to have got this far in my pregnancy from our 2nd IVF I often think about you ladies. The pain never goes away and being able to fully enjoy this time is hard at times as it seems to good to be true. I will never take for granted how extremely lucky we have been.
I wish you all the luck and strength there is to get through the dark days and IVF cycles.

I hope my post hasn't offended anyone X

banana xxx

So sorry to hear your news banana. Hope you are doing OK