The mind numbing boredom of infertility II

[PotatoesPastaAndBread]

This is a thread for peole who really want to get pregnant but can't, who have tried pretty much everything, and are really fucked off about it.

Have you ever nearly punched someone for advising you to "relax", "go on holiday" or "just get drunk - that's what we did"? Well then this is the thread for you.

You won't find much sentimentality here and there's no baby dust, but there is empathy, a lot of swearing and a surpirsing amount of glittery dog shit.

Link to the original thread
original thread

Oh Meh, I'm so sorry.

So sorry to hear your news, Meh. It's stupid and unfair and please take care of yourself and do whatever you want to do to make yourself feel better.

Good luck today Bip.

Only 2 eggs fertilised & they look sufficiently ropey that we've been advise to do a 2-day transfer of both tomorrow. If they make it until then. This is more or less what I expected. DH heartbroken though. Ugh.

Meh and Bip. So sorry to hear your respective news.

Meh - look after yourself, I tried to be brave and it seriously backfired when I burst in to tears at work.

Bip - your poor du. It is so easy to blame yourself in this sorry situation, I'm totally guilty of reacting like him. But you have 2, you have a chance. But if not at least you have more information now if you decide to give it another go. Xx

I'm sorry Bip I hope they're ok for you. Mr Meh doesn't know what to do with himself now

Thanks all...I've been crying all morning and am dreading seeing my mum. My work colleagues know and now I need to tell them this. Thankfully I'm working from home this morning, off this afternoon and tomorrow for the funeral.

I am glad we're coming back tomorrow though...not sure I could stay without falling apart. We have a meeting with the consultant next week.

They didn't say anything about grades or number of cells but were fairly insistent that they were better off inside me than in a petri dish.

I don't know how I feel about it. If an embryo is doomed I'd rather have it peter out in the lab at day 5 than get my hopes up & end in yet another miscarriage. But the trouble is there's no way of telling if they're doomed without doing the genetic tests, which it's too risky to do. Ugh. Mr Bip and I are giving up on work for the day. Off now to have a walk in the sunshine and get a pizza.

Oh, Bip. So sorry. Fingers crossed for you. X

I'm so sorry meh. Hide all you like - don't feel like you have to be brave. Thinking of you.

Ah bip I'm so sorry your numbers weren't as you'd hoped. Every step is just so hard. Am also rooting for you and those embryos.

I must have missed that you had a positive test after your cycle fractious. Sorry you had to go through that. I had a chemical after mine and it was just gutting. I'm on a different protocol - still long but with northisterone, much less Burserelin and a heavy dose of merional - 450. The protocol has 'sub optimal' in the title which I have assumed refers to my crappy fertility levels.

meh I am so sorry for your news. It's such a shitty thing to have to deal with, especially with everything else your dealing with. I'll also have you in my thoughts tomorrow. I hope it goes as well as it can do. I bet you and Mr Meh can not wait for your holiday now. Glad you have that to at least look forward to.
Bip how was the walk in the sunshine? Hope it helped Mr Bip. I understand what you mean about you rather not going through the transfer. Is there some optimism in the clinic advising that you should still go ahead with transfer?
If your going ahead with it, I hope it all goes well.
Hope you don't have to see that creepy anaesthetist again!!
Hi to everyone else! Such a busy thread!
Only news from me is that AF arrived today, without warning! It's bang on time for a 28 day cycle but wasn't expecting it after my op. Feel a little pleased that some part of me actually functions right.

Hi all, I'm back. I save up the posts for really really shitty if days so i can get a good lungful of everyone feeling like me! No news here - had a Day 21 test today (pointless, I don't ov...) just to prove to the gynae what I already know. Spent the weekend with all female friends on a weekend away with friend's new instadiff baby in tow - we all goo-ed and gaaa-ed as we all should. She proceeded to tell me how miraculous it was being a mother and "it will happen for you, just be patient". yeah, I feel 2.5 years is pretty patient now, considering she had to wait all of 13 days after coming off the pill.
bitter? me? naaaah...
at least she looked knackered and exhausted

Hi all

meh I'm sorry to hear your news. Thinking of you.

bip best of luck tomorrow. Pizza fixes a lot of ills I find. We went for pizza after my scan confirming the miscarriage. I was ravenous, and also sniveling into my plate.

Sorry to be a bit flaky. I think I have an infection following my ERPC. After ten days it's getting more painful not less, and I'm getting clots, cramps and pain where before it was just light bleeding. So going to doc tomorrow, and I guess we're not going on holiday next week. I'll be hanging around the EPU waiting for a scan to see if I have "retained products".

Sucks. This all sucks.

Oh Potatoes, no! No holiday? Had you booked yet? I'm so sorry. That is bad luck of Biblical proportions. I hope it goes OK at the doc tomorrow & that you're not feeling too shite about it all.

InThis welcome back. Fucking hell that sounds like an awful weekend. I know what you mean about constantly having to prove what you already know to doctors. A part of me is perversely vindicated by our shockingly poor fertilisation rate, because it will force all the many docs who claimed we didn't have a 'fertility problem' to eat their words & take us seriously. A Pyrrhic victory for sure but I'll take what I can get.

Pebbles odd to be celebrating a period in our circumstances, but it's such a lovely surprise when you're 'textbook'. Let's hope that's how it continues.

Meh thinking of you & Mr Meh & your family tomorrow. And my birthday is March 12th - is that yours too?

Meh I am so so sorry. I really hope you're doing okay and looking after yourself. It is so shit. No other words for it. Not much consolidation here, but and for you.

Bip - I really empathise. We were in a similar boat, except only one fertilised, had loads of things wrong with it (just from observation, not genetic testing) and we were also asked - would we be more disappointed by waiting till Day 5 only to see it unlikely to survive, or wait for two weeks and likely not get a good result?

Like you, we opted to transfer. But it's been very hard to feel any kind of hope after that assessment from the embryologist. I have so little hope, I've sometimes even forgotten I'm on the two week wait, cos I'm practically not 'waiting' for anything anymore.

Sammy I would've been very tempted to send that email. What a horribly insensitive competition to hold in a workplace with lots of women of childbearing age in it, and what a horribly insensitive colleague.

2 grade b embryos on board. Awful day all in all - Mr Bip is not good with hospitals; he's really traumatised after our daughter's stillbirth (I laboured for 20 hrs after we discovered she was dead & then the anaesthetic failed during my c section & he had to sit by helpless while I screamed the place down as they cut me open & tried to hand him our dead baby & I nearly bled to death... Plus a whole host of other hospital fuck ups afterwards). So, unsurprisingly, he gets extremely panicky in medical settings where all the feelings of fear & helplessness & grief & horror come back. So today I came round from sedation after the transfer to find him mid-meltdown, crying & angry, saying he didn't want to do this, it was awful, he couldn't cope, it was all going to fuck up again, etc. I wasn't in much of a position to look after him, semi-conscious & hooked up to a drip, and eventually got a bit impatient & suggested he take a walk - and then couldn't reach him on the phone when it was time to leave, etc. finally found him. Both totally emotionally worn out now. I do feel for him, but I went through it all too. I need looking after too. I'm the one whose body this is all happening to & I don't have the option of falling apart. Ugh. I think sometimes that women have to be constitutionally much tougher to deal with what we deal with. Anyway.

Meh really hope you're all right today, and potatoes I hope you've managed to see a doc and that you're feeling better. So many of us weathering such relentless bad luck at the moment.

Also interested to hear that a low fertilisation rate really isn't as uncommon as they'd have you believe, seeing as it's happened to so many of us here.

// as appropriate to us all. Jesus Christ this process is brutal.

Bip I am so sorry you had to go through all that

I think men sometimes do forget that yes, you're both going through it, but at the end of the day as the woman, you're going through a heck of a lot more.

I hope things get better and he's able to start looking after you.

bip been thinking of you even though I haven't been posting much.
I'm glad you managed to got your 2 embies on board but sorry to hear mr bip had a melt down. Probably at the most inconvenient moment but perhaps he's got it out of his system now so he can get back to supporting you?

Hello to all the newbies!

icy if your still lurking, hope you had a great time in the Maldives..

No news from me, AF arrived yesterday obviously!! No hair loss yet from the suppliaments, got our initial IVF appointment on Tuesday so can't quite believe D day is finally here, it is going to feel so surial actually hearing someone confirm what they think is wrong as oppose to me just overthinking it all. I wear myself out. Sometimes I realise that I haven't spoken to my OH for hours because I'm just lost in my own thoughts, googling or reading or messaging you guys!.. Yes it's all your fault OH is being neglected 😁

Well done bip sounds like a horrid day. Sometimes even pizza isn't enough. Hang on in there. Sorry to read about your birth experience too, how awful. So many ways that that experience is going to affect how you feel about ivf, conception, pregnancy and birth. Best of luck for this step first of all.

Bip I'm so sorry for your stressful day, hope you and dh are feeling a bit better now? You have two embies on board though, and that gives you a chance. Keeping my fingers crossed that they're survivors.

I had my lining scan today and embryo transfer is booked for Thursday! My lining is 7mm, which is pretty good for me!! I wanted thicker but only have today and tomorrow for it to grow before I start the progesterone (yuck). Xx

Hurrah! Lovely to hear good news and to know you're excited. Fingers crossed. I never thought I'd use my good wishes to hope for "a thick uterine lining" but it's funny what the infertility journey does to your sense of perspective