The mind numbing boredom of infertility II

[PotatoesPastaAndBread]

This is a thread for peole who really want to get pregnant but can't, who have tried pretty much everything, and are really fucked off about it.

Have you ever nearly punched someone for advising you to "relax", "go on holiday" or "just get drunk - that's what we did"? Well then this is the thread for you.

You won't find much sentimentality here and there's no baby dust, but there is empathy, a lot of swearing and a surpirsing amount of glittery dog shit.

Link to the original thread
original thread

Pebbles thank you - the tww really is as fun not in any way as people say it is!

Don't apologise victoria! It's fine.

vixx please tell me you punched that person in the face? I'm sorry to say this about your close friend, but they are being a twat. My own best friend once told me to "enjoy my freedom whilst I can" she also implied that I should be grateful ivf is an option...I don't know if that was intentional though. People can be wankers.

I think that was what the nurse tried to say Harold but I could tell she's not expecting a positive result tomorrow either.

Vic & Vixx - I empathise re the comfort eating. I should be being healthy in the two week window, but since we had the transfer last week and the prognosis looked so poor, I've been comfort eating - non stop

Tbh I was so shocked that she said that. She has also said I should start looking at adoption. (This was before I had even started any medication ).

I made a thread (which was ignored ) about fertility massage where they give you counselling as well. Has anyone done that?

Hey Meh - been thinking of you today. You've been through so much shit. Really hope Mr Meh is looking after you, and I'll be wishing you the absolute best for testing tomorrow.

Had my egg collection today. Before I went into the procedure I had this intensely creepy, jolly-hockey-sticks anaesthetist putting my cannula in and chattering to me about how she liked her 'little ladies' to be 'all woozy boozy'. Like she was some sort of rohypnol date rapist. Freaked me the fuck out.

Anyway, that aside, they got 11 eggs - more than we'd hoped, but they wouldn't comment on how many were mature. We'll find out tomorrow whether they've fertilised. Not feeling too bad physically, but 9 hours on I am still very 'woozy boozy'. And dribbling horrible melted painkiller suppository from my arse. What is it with all the melty things in orifices. Ugh.

Laura sounds like you're on short protocol to me. Not long now...! Have you got any sightseeing booked for Czech?

Fractious don't worry about the clinic hating you. They have thick skin. Plus if your clinic is anything like my clinic you'd have to try very hard indeed to be their most hysterical patient. Might even be fun to have a go. Really hope you get your follow up appointment soon.

New peeps, welcome. Victoria I always thought I'd do anything to have a baby but have just realised I would actually draw the line at moving to Milton Keynes. Also misread your post as saying the Miracle Couple took up water-boarding - though wouldn't be at all surprised if my local complimentary health clinic offered that to desperate barrens for £90 a go.

X post - Vixx unless the issues to do with your family involve them ripping out your uterus or slipping you birth control pills it's hugely unlikely your relationship with them have any bearing on your fertility. Your colleague is a twat.

I think fertility massage, unfortunately, is more snake oil - but that may just be the bitterness of a thoroughly ripped-off desperate barren-who's-tried-everything speaking. Therapy can really help, but find a properly qualified and accredited therapist (UKCP and BACP are the regulating bodies) rather than a woo-merchant who will try to upsell you to other spurious treatments.

*has not have

Big fingers crossed for some good news for you tomorrow!

Did you have a fertility massage?

Hey Bip well done on the 11 eggs! I have my fingers firmly crossed for you. I remember the woozy boozy feeling! Oh and the leakage from orifices...still have that! I have resorted to wearing panty liners every day. Don't do anything tomorrow either :)

Mr Meh has been great, calm to my melt downs. I am not looking forward to tomorrow or Friday, I am seeing all of my family, no one knows about this so I can't breakdown. Only my sister and cousin know. Neither of them know what to do...and my sister is the least empathetic person I know.

The funeral is on friday and I probably can't go...didn't think it would be because of this reason.

Ugh, I am comfort eating too. Go on holiday in 10 days (on my birthday - miserable fucking birthday) at least I can get hammered then.

Fuck

To be fair I've never had fertility massage. I have had thousands of pounds' worth of acupuncture, reflexology, etc over the years. I think they're helpful as ways of feeling like you're doing something, but there's not much evidence (apart from a little bit about acupuncture) that they get people pregnant. I've also worked in a complimentary health clinic and know how remorselessly they will try to upsell you, so watch out .

But I know what it's like. I couldn't have not tried those various therapies. As I say, this is me speaking after 4 years ttc, a stillbirth & 3 miscarriages & many £k spent on all sorts of non-medical treatments that promised a lot and did nothing for me. So I'm not really in the hope camp anymore.

Hey Meh is your birthday March 12 then? We're Pisces buddies. Sounds like an awful few days you've got ahead. I think you're entitled to comfort eat for Britain at this stage.

Big I understand that feeling. I feel like why do we have to not drink/smoke/have fun/ have time intercourse/ acupuncture/ reflexology etc etc etc when people get pregnant by accident, when using contraception / drugs etc. From what I can see its easy to get pregnant. One of the easiest things in the world. I am bitter after years of trying.

vixx I am raging reading that? Can you please tell you close friend to fucking read up on infertility. How insensitive/ignorant/stupid/naive. Hope it hasn't upset you xx

I am a bit upset but it adds to the list of comments I'm sure we have all heard such crap.

Fractions yeah Mr Bip's working at home tomorrow so will be here for the phone call - and we wouldn't have thought of it had you not suggested it, so thanks very much. An awful benefit of there being so many of us in this situation is we can warn each other about the shit parts we haven't even thought of yet. Good idea to get your DH hassling the clinic & hope you hear soon.

Vixx- I'm so sorry you've had to sit and listen to that old bunch of balderdash. It's really shit when you've shared your truth with someone and they've just seen it as an opportunity to be a mega dick.
Time to tell that person the topic is now off-limits to them. 'I don't feel like talking about it' can work wonders. Or a punch in the tits. Either way. Thinking of you.

Meh- all the best for tomorrow. Been thinking about you since we met earlier! Keep us posted so we can be supportive.

Bip- thanks for the warning about checking for accreditation and not trusting a 'woo-merchant'. That made me laugh so thank you! I'll definitely double check before I have a session with anyone.

Just dropping by the new thread to say hi to you marvelous lot. Haven't been on much, but I'm reading and lurking and flinging glittery shit at appropriate moments.

So sorry that you're going through this shit meh. Have been thinking of you. I really felt like I was losing it at the end of the 2ww post ivf. It's so fucking hard. Good luck for testing tomorrow.

bip great news on the 11 eggs. At my new clinic I get to insert my own painkiller suppository. Great. At the last one they just casually told me they would be shoving one up there, just before I went in. Final shred of dignity gone.

Vixx what the fuck?! How hurtful and what complete nonsense. Second the punch in the ovaries.

Hope everyone else is doing ok. Never ceases to amaze me that so many people are going through the hideousness of infertility, especially when every fucker in real life is pregnant without even having to really try!!

I'm 8 days into stimming, ivf cycle #2. Can't bring myself to feel anything about it, except the ocassional moment of fear when I think about going through it all again, with nothing to show for it at the end. Reading the thread to keep me sane.

Urgh I posted last night but it's not here so muct have fucked that up.
bip good luck for this morning's call.
meh thinking of you this week, your emotions must be all over the place.
tigerdog nice to see you, best of luck with the stims.
lauara ai alos also have minimum knoweldge about my treatment - don't know the name of drugs, don't know alternatives to what I'm doing. i just do what I'm told. I found it quite a relief to have the responsibility and control taken away and just do what they said!
vixx I have a friend who thinks I'll get pregnant when ai'm mentally ready and not being "in the right place" is what's stopping me. She's not someone I ever see any more unless in a group / someone else invited her.

So many people now! Sorry to anyone I've missed.

Meh - thinking of you this morning

Bip - 11 eggs! Well done Wonder Woman! I'm properly cringing at that woman though.. Hope you're feeling less woozy boozy

Hi tigerdog good luck with the stims!

Vixx and potatoes - congratulations.. Your friends win twat top trumps. People make me so mad! A colleague who has gone through a decade of infertility told me that anything less than IVF doesn't count as fertility treatment and is just pill popping.. As if there's a league chart of misery..So unfortunately it's not just the instadiffs that come out with all this shit. Although she is a right cunt in all aspects of life so I might be wrong and it is just her.. I requested a change of department after that and everyone wonders why. Dickface.

Biscuits I can't believe someone who has suffered this pain could say something like that! Surely she must remember how she felt at the beginning???

My work are holding s competition only for working mums to enter with a £30 prize. I pointed out that it was a little unfair and the response I got from a colleague was 'well you go through the pain of childbirth and maybe you'll deserve it'. I was this close to replying with 'well I've gone through the the pain of injections, ohss, blood tests, dildocams, medication with still no baby so I think I've suffered enough'
I didn't though, just smiled and got on with my work. Xx

Sammy, she's a self centred expert in all things, just glad I don't have to work with her anymore!

I can't believe your work! I'm so sorry for their insensitivity! I hope the prize is super shit.

I think I'm getting more militant in the run up to Mother's Day. My patience and tolerance is at an all time low, I really should have booked annual leave!

meh your in my thoughts today. Lots of love xx
Will catch up later xx

I took the test this morning and it was negative...can't really say I was surprised. Sigh.

Thank you all for your kind words...It means a lot. I just wish I could hide from everyone :(

Will call the clinic in a bit and find out what happens next.

bip when is your birthday? Good luck for your call this morning!

tiger I am that your old clinic actually put a suppository up your bum for you! Did they do this while you were awake? Oh my God. Somehow, despite everything, that is the most harrowing fertility clinic story I've heard so far. Best of luck for this cycle. Blankness punctuated by fear sounds like an appropriate emotional state for stims.

Sammylou well done for not putting drawing pins on your colleague's chair. And Biscuits your colleague sounds like a dreary competitive martyr. Is there no sisterhood even in barrendom?

Meh all my thoughts are with you today.