Help me keep my house clean and my DH happy!

[Ohhbaby]

I could really do with some advice. I feel like I have to do a big reset/clean every 2 to 3 days. Am I the only one? What can I do differently? Except obviously get a cleaner.

I just feel like the house gets messy so soon after a clean even with me trying to keep it clean. I do try to let the kids clean up after themselves, but sometimes they're tired or have built a fort and would like to keep it up for the next morning.
And then before I blink there is dishes in the sink and a fort in the living room and yesterday's clothes on their bedroom floor.

It is affecting our relationship a bit, because my husbands comes home from work and asks why is this on the floor, why is this not put away etc.

I understand his point, it must be horrible to have worked hard for a day and come home to a messy house, but I find it hard to keep it in perfect order the whole time. After the kids are in bed I clean the kitchen etc, but then it is like the house is only clean once per day.

And then some things sort of stay over till the next day.

Just to give examples. I change the baby's nappy during the night and just place the nappies and wipes next to my bed. Normally when I wake up I take the nappies to the bin and put the wipes away. But some mornings my I wake up because of my toddler and then go to her bed to soothe her and then obviously don't take the nappies with and then something happens and then the next thing and then the baby is awake and I feed her and then in the chaos forget to go back for the nappies. Or I'm busy sweeping the floor but then the baby cries and I leave the rest for a bit later and then this happens and then the next then I only get to it two hours later. Or I get my oldest to put on a clean shirt because we have to go to the shops and then his dirty one is on the bedroom floor - ( it often gets picked up and put in the washing but he sometimes forgets) And then by the time dinner we are back its time for dinner and bath and baby and then I only get to their room when they are getting ready for bed. ( By that time my husband is home and asks why is this on the floor for example)

So essentially in my mind there is always a reason for something not getting done, but am I just making excuses? Or is this life with toddlers? Because I feel like I'm letting my husband down, because like he says other people where able to do it, so why is our house clean once every two days. Please give me your best tips!

For context, I am a SAHM with a 4 year old, 2 year old and a 3 month old. I don't work, but have a small business where I arrange events for continues education which is only once every 3 months or so.

Tell your husband to help you and stop being a critical arse would be a positive move.

3 kids under 5, no wonder you don’t have a minute to sort stuff out.

What @Mum2jenny said...

A few things you could do to help though is get a nappy bin in the room you change your baby in at night and a washing basket in your son's room.

Let yourself off the hook here op

Three young kids,one a baby is hectic and chaotic.

Let me guess dh has never had a whole week at home doing the usual that you have to do to see how hard it actually is?

Tell him he helped create three kids and the lifestyle that comes with and you don't live in the 60s anymore when women did everything at home while the men worked

Give him a list of things he's responsible for when he walks in the door or in the morning before he leaves and that takes pressure off of you.

Remind him there's two of you in charge of it all not just one.

I would also tell him he may resent you for it not being immaculate but you resent him for being a rude asshole and not pulling his finger out

Why is this in Human Rights?
It's perfectly normal for your house to be untidy with small children.
Your husband is entirely unreasonable and you do not exist to keep him happy.
If he doesn't like it he can tidy up.

With things that I know are issues I have to have a place that I can put the thing straight away or it can go wrong. So having a lidded bin for nappies next to the bed - if you're having a functional morning you take it down and empty it. If you aren't, the nappies are in a lidded bin rather than the place smelling.

Same for clothes - laundry basket in every room if necessary.

Washing up - understand it may not be possible for budget/space reasons but I would seriously consider whether or not you can get a dishwasher? It's basically just a legitimate cupboard to shove dirty dishes into instead of the sink!

You're never going to have a perfect house with 3 under 5 and your husband shouldn't expect that. But for your sake, as well as his, it might be worth thinking about what options you can use to make everything frictionless.

I'd be tempted to spend a week where you write down the things you've forgotten whenever they are, then decide if they're reasonable things (people are allowed blanket forts and maybe they want to play in it for two days!) or if they're just because there's not a frictionless enough option (like the nappies or the dishes). Then you can fix them or tell your husband to suck it up, both being legitimate options.

If he's so upset, tell him to roll up his sleeves and help you. You cannot do it all yourself.

But that is the thing, I do sometimes think if he were at home he would understand a bit more, but it is also true that other people seem to be able to do it? And I see the problems it is just that I only get to them a night after the kids are asleep. But then DH says, do you mean to say you did not have 5 seconds to pick up the banana peel? Which is true, there should have been 15 seconds! And I always say 'ohh i remember what happened, I was breastfeeding the baby and then I asked 4 year old to pick it up but he clearly didn't, the the doorbell rang and I clean forgot when I came back! And the DH says, there is always an excuse. Which is true, it feels like I always have a reason why it didn't happen. Which I use to feel is legitimate, but now think that I surely I would have 5 seconds for a banana peel??? Like I'm a grown woman!

If that's his attitude then I would tell him he's in charge of all 3 kids after work so you can tidy/clean the house

By accident. I meant to put it in housekeeping, but after I posted I saw I had put it in Human Rights and don't know how to change it.🙈

Good advice!b We have recently gotten a dishwasher and I do have to say it has been a game changer! Because it can go straight in! But there are still some things that can't! A laundry bin in every room sounds good!

Well, maybe it's appropriate. You have human rights too. You are a person doing an incredibly hard job. Caring for your children is a full time job and tidying and cleaning on top of that is sometimes out of reach. My house was a tip when my DD was a baby and my DS was a toddler. Stop beating yourself up. Your DH really does sound unreasonable.

But he works so I do get that the house is my domain! It's just that there the cycle goes: clean - slightly messy - more messy, really messy - BIG clean from me and then cycle again. I'd like to change it to clean, a bit messy, clean, a bit messy clean if that makes sense

If my dh saw a banana peel lying around he would put it in the bin himself and not grill me about it.

Stuff that can't would definitely be in my "tough luck yes it will still be there when you get home" bucket given you have 3 under 5. I've gradually swapped my stuff now so the only things I have that can't be dishwashed are some crystal wine glasses and a random handmade wooden spoon which has been a massive improvement.

This is exactly our house but with two people working FT and one toddler. I basically gave up and made peace with the fact that our house will be tidy (ish) only once per day. Maybe when our DS is older it will be different but I guess that's toddler life for you. So what you're describing is completely normal so the problem is your DH here...

This is a joke thread, right?

So his time off is between when he arrives home from work to when he goes to bed. When is your time off, if your 'job' is childcare and housework?

He's being a dick. Leave him with the 3 kids for a week and he might get it then. The constant, constant interruptions with young children and a baby is so hard.
Let him keep one place in the house tidy for him, and then he can roll up his sleeves and help tidy up after his kids. But let them build their forts etc. You are doing great.

You're letting him down? If he's so convinced it's easy to look after three DC under five all day and night while maintaining an immaculate home with no support then I'd suggest he pack a suitcase and go and find someone who can and wish him luck as he leaves.

3 kids under 5 it must be hard for you, don't stress too much with the housework, give your precious time to your kids as they grow so quickly... cleaning can wait...your husband shouldn't criticise you as being a SAHM is tiring and a full time job. Clean what you can but don't expect it to be perfect.

I struggle with this too - the never ending mess.

I saw a quote which I try to keep in mind when things are chaotic. “Now is not the time to have a tidy home; it’s a time for making memories”

Don’t be so hard on yourself. ♥️

If your house is clean and not a shit tip, life is too short to keep it immaculate the whole time with small children. I mean, you could and some people might manage it, but you're probably not a natural at it (and I'm not criticising, I'm not either). You have a limited amount of physical and mental energy, and the amount of energy you would have to expend to make sure HIs Lordship doesn't have any grounds for criticism is not worthwhile. There are better uses for it like spending time with your children or recharging your batteries.

Tell your husband that you're trying your best and reackon you'll manage a perfect house in around 18 years time when you kick the baby out. But in the meantime he's welcome to chip in and add his small mite to the general endeavour.

Surely for the hours he works, your 'job' is the house and children and as you have found out, its not all possible during those hours. During the evening its a shared load. Otherwise his job is say 40 hours and yours is 24/7, how is that fair?

I do think more should be with you as SAHP, but you have 3 small children and you arent managing it. You are supposed to be partners, surely there is some give and take? Surely he does some parenting evenings and weekends? Maybe you could catch up a little then (although you need downtime too).

I hate this idea that a SAHP parent automatically does all parenting and housework and the working parent does their hours then puts their feet up and criticises.

If not is it worth looking at going back to work? Then sharing the load when it comes to parenting and housework? Because that would be the reality if you both worked

He has a job.
You have a job (a 24/7 job).
You either need a third person to do the job of cleaning or share it.