Help me keep my house clean and my DH happy!

[Ohhbaby]

I could really do with some advice. I feel like I have to do a big reset/clean every 2 to 3 days. Am I the only one? What can I do differently? Except obviously get a cleaner.

I just feel like the house gets messy so soon after a clean even with me trying to keep it clean. I do try to let the kids clean up after themselves, but sometimes they're tired or have built a fort and would like to keep it up for the next morning.
And then before I blink there is dishes in the sink and a fort in the living room and yesterday's clothes on their bedroom floor.

It is affecting our relationship a bit, because my husbands comes home from work and asks why is this on the floor, why is this not put away etc.

I understand his point, it must be horrible to have worked hard for a day and come home to a messy house, but I find it hard to keep it in perfect order the whole time. After the kids are in bed I clean the kitchen etc, but then it is like the house is only clean once per day.

And then some things sort of stay over till the next day.

Just to give examples. I change the baby's nappy during the night and just place the nappies and wipes next to my bed. Normally when I wake up I take the nappies to the bin and put the wipes away. But some mornings my I wake up because of my toddler and then go to her bed to soothe her and then obviously don't take the nappies with and then something happens and then the next thing and then the baby is awake and I feed her and then in the chaos forget to go back for the nappies. Or I'm busy sweeping the floor but then the baby cries and I leave the rest for a bit later and then this happens and then the next then I only get to it two hours later. Or I get my oldest to put on a clean shirt because we have to go to the shops and then his dirty one is on the bedroom floor - ( it often gets picked up and put in the washing but he sometimes forgets) And then by the time dinner we are back its time for dinner and bath and baby and then I only get to their room when they are getting ready for bed. ( By that time my husband is home and asks why is this on the floor for example)

So essentially in my mind there is always a reason for something not getting done, but am I just making excuses? Or is this life with toddlers? Because I feel like I'm letting my husband down, because like he says other people where able to do it, so why is our house clean once every two days. Please give me your best tips!

For context, I am a SAHM with a 4 year old, 2 year old and a 3 month old. I don't work, but have a small business where I arrange events for continues education which is only once every 3 months or so.

What does your husband do for a living?

I used to say this. I thought it is more normal since it is hard to always find the time, but I never go to someone else's house and find it dirty.
And I think what sparked a bit of introspection was my mom came to help me do a bit of a spring clean and afterwards sat me and DH down and basically said what DH has been saying.
She said that she gets that its hard with all the kids, but there was a piece of duplo under every couch and she found crumbs in the sitting room and that the fridge should have been clean. And again in my mind I think, "oh but I did the fridge 2 weeks ago and it was on my list for next week. and so forth. But now since it is the second person to say that I realise it might all just have been excuses. So I'd really like to keep on top of things more.

So for example I try to be really strict on where the children eat to minimise mess in the whole house. So only in the kitchen or outside. But it still happens that my 2 year old was eating a banana outside and then I hear the baby wake up and I change the nappy etc and 3 minutes later the toddler with her dirty hands are in our room! How do you stop that??

Evening, OP. We've moved this thread over to Housekeeping for you now.

He’s not your manager and things like the banana peel should make him realise it’s been a hard day rather than come in like an Ofsted inspector. Why not let him try it. Just for half a day. Don’t do any handover, just see how he copes.

"but there was a piece of duplo under every couch and she found crumbs in the sitting room and that the fridge should have been clean."

I found a literal shitty nappy under our sofa the other day. It was in a bag, tied up so it didn't smell or anything but seriously, if you are worried about a few pieces of stray duplo you are doing great. 😂

There's a difference between clean tidy. Tidy just isn't always possible with young kids, like you say they're still playing with things etc. if dh is so bothered he can help!

Ok so what is the household like when your Husband is home from work? Evenings? Weekends? Does he take over with the children? Do any housework, cooking etc? Because maybe thats where the issue lies.

If you are doing all the parenting then of course you have no time to spring clean. However if you are splitting the load at the weekend maybe you can do it between you.

Would be interesting to know if he has ever been solely in charge of even the older 2 for a day. Im guessing he hasnt.

And the hell with your mum, too. Does she want you to chain them up in the back yard so you can clean the fridge?

Ohh he definitely helps. He often helps with bathtime for the older 2. And normally I would use that time to clean, but now with the new baby I'm usually feeding and changing her (hence why he took over bathtime with the older 2 if the baby is awake) so I lost that time.
And we're both tired at night and then I only do the necessities, say kitchen and floors and not the routine weekly toilet clean for example.

None of this is the end of the world.

My OH is currently a SAHP. He is very capable and 'on the case' when it comes to jobs around the house. He is also looking after a baby full time and he is not superhuman (and doesn't want to leave the baby to cry while he is cleaning all day). So he does what he can around looking after the baby, naps etc but the rest of it happens when I am not working and we can share childcare and housework.

You do 2 jobs - childcare and managing house. He does one.
Your DM should be supporting you in a positive fashion.

Could you take the baby into the bathroom with the other two while he cleans? If you want the house cleaned in the evening, one of you needs to have all three kids while the other cleans.

You're just living life and doing your best with a baby and toddler, your job is harder than his I can guarantee, I just came out of maternity leave and it was harder than work.

These early years are when you try not to stress about a bit of mess because keeping on top of it isn't the end of the world, and tour husband could do some cleaning to help tbf. My husband works full time and cleans loads, I wake up in the morning and the kitchen is always spotless, he does all the laundry. He does alot of little bits and bobs as do I do between us we muddle together a clean and tidy ish house, but with two kids and an unhelpful husband you stand no chance :( I'm stay at home atm with our son and my husband and knows how hard it is and knows that chores are 50/50.

I would just like to have some inspo for more routine tasks.
You can laugh at me but I would really love it for dh to walk into a clean, peaceful home, because I know he has a lower chaos tolerance than me. I can look at all the toys and the laundry and go " jeez this is terrible, tomorrow morning will be a cleaning morning!" but it doesn't affect my mood. Whereas DH has less tolerance for it. It affects him more. I can see how frustrating it is for him to climb over the toys or move the dining chairs into order or see spilt milk on the kitchen floor. I just want to change that!

1. Tell your husband to stop being an unsupportive arse. 2. Read/listen to 28 Days to Hope for Your Home.

If a bit of untidiness affects his mood, he's the one who should sort it. Spilt milk on the floor might be a hazard and is better dealt with as quickly as seen, but there's no reason he can't move the dining chairs! Why do you see yourself as a helper who should be running around removing any slight inconvenience from his path 24/7?

This could work and if I bath the baby I have all three, but then he has no downtime, because it means he has to come from work and clean rather than rest a bit. He does the garden on weekends so he helps with the house.
But keeping the house clean is my job. Ideally I would like for this to be done before he gets home.

Your mum is being as unreasonable and unkind as your husband is, and I wonder if she has always been critical? It would explain why you are doubting whether this is your fault. You have three kids under 5! Your job during the day is basically childcare - I doubt there's time for much else! I only have one child but I completely understand things not getting done because of you getting distracted.

Your post actually made me really sad and want to give you a big hug. How dare he make you feel like this rather than helping out?

Because I'm at home, he brings in 100% of the income and doesn't ask for help from me so it is not entirely fair that I ask him to do the housework.

Why doesn't your DH get into the habit of doing a 10-minute whizz round the house when he gets home? He can deal with the stuff that bothers him and then it's all done.

Is there no other way for me to do this other than asking DH to take over certain tasks?
I genuinely think I might have to high a tolerance for a mess.

You have three children under 5, including a small baby. You are finding it hard because it is hard. If your husband has time and energy to complain, then he obviously has more time and energy than you and so can pull his weight.

Just got the book!