Help me keep my house clean and my DH happy!

[Ohhbaby]

I could really do with some advice. I feel like I have to do a big reset/clean every 2 to 3 days. Am I the only one? What can I do differently? Except obviously get a cleaner.

I just feel like the house gets messy so soon after a clean even with me trying to keep it clean. I do try to let the kids clean up after themselves, but sometimes they're tired or have built a fort and would like to keep it up for the next morning.
And then before I blink there is dishes in the sink and a fort in the living room and yesterday's clothes on their bedroom floor.

It is affecting our relationship a bit, because my husbands comes home from work and asks why is this on the floor, why is this not put away etc.

I understand his point, it must be horrible to have worked hard for a day and come home to a messy house, but I find it hard to keep it in perfect order the whole time. After the kids are in bed I clean the kitchen etc, but then it is like the house is only clean once per day.

And then some things sort of stay over till the next day.

Just to give examples. I change the baby's nappy during the night and just place the nappies and wipes next to my bed. Normally when I wake up I take the nappies to the bin and put the wipes away. But some mornings my I wake up because of my toddler and then go to her bed to soothe her and then obviously don't take the nappies with and then something happens and then the next thing and then the baby is awake and I feed her and then in the chaos forget to go back for the nappies. Or I'm busy sweeping the floor but then the baby cries and I leave the rest for a bit later and then this happens and then the next then I only get to it two hours later. Or I get my oldest to put on a clean shirt because we have to go to the shops and then his dirty one is on the bedroom floor - ( it often gets picked up and put in the washing but he sometimes forgets) And then by the time dinner we are back its time for dinner and bath and baby and then I only get to their room when they are getting ready for bed. ( By that time my husband is home and asks why is this on the floor for example)

So essentially in my mind there is always a reason for something not getting done, but am I just making excuses? Or is this life with toddlers? Because I feel like I'm letting my husband down, because like he says other people where able to do it, so why is our house clean once every two days. Please give me your best tips!

For context, I am a SAHM with a 4 year old, 2 year old and a 3 month old. I don't work, but have a small business where I arrange events for continues education which is only once every 3 months or so.

If you put things in the right place the 1st time then its not an issue. Dirty nappies go in the dirty nappy bin. Dirty shirts go in the laundry basket. Toys need a rest so your toddler can help put them to bed. Dirty dishes go into the dishwasher.

If you don't let the mess start then doesn't accumulate.

You do much much more than I did while at home with a baby and 2 older kids. Dh pitched in when he got home, and that’s the only way things got done. I do get others manage better, but I am also 1000% sure others have easier kids and a baby that sleeps better so I don’t give a flying fuck what works for others. And my mum ran a tidy house with 6 kids and would never ever ever say that to me, she only ever helped, so im sorry your mum isn’t more like mine. If you like, take 3 windows during the day and see what you can get done in 10 minutes, then give up.
i really think you should leave them all with your dh for a couple of hours on the weekend, remind him he tells you there’s always an excuse not to tidy and go relax. He gets coffee breaks, a solo commute, and doesn’t feed a baby during the night. I know which was easier, maternity leave or being back at work when my husband took parental leave even though I did a lot more around the house while he was on parental leave than he ever did while I was even though I was the one with tiny babies up all night. Was still sooooo much easier.

No, she's not and I don't want to put her in if I can help it

Are you at home to raise your kids and save nursery fees or are you a cleaner/cook?
surely when your husband is working your are caring for you children and when he's at home you can both share all children and house tasks?

I know! This is why I think it is a me problem. Because I allow the mess to happen. and then have to do a big clean! I need to pick things up as they fall!

You both work. And he can go out for a break but you can't.
Tell him a cleaner would be great idea. And also tell him to wise up - a bit if Jess isn't going to kill anyone and what furs he want, well cared for kids if a showroom? And I hope when he gets home he pitches in and gets the kids to bed or starts cooking dinner! He can clock off from work at 5 (6, whatever), but parenting never ends.

That's fair enough. Mine is in for two half days a week and it really, really helps. But if it's not something you want to do that's perfectly fine.
Have you tried writing a list of things to tick off during the day ? I always find having chores written down really helps me focus. Also, have the kids play in their bedroom and baby in a sling if they're being particularly fussy, half hour before your husband comes home and whip around the house getting what you can done.
I would mimic what the others are saying about how your husband needs to get off your back but that's not what you're here for. You're asking for advice to keep your house clean and tidy.

This x

Does he work Monday to Friday ? How are the weekend me set ?
what does he do when he gets on from “work”
is your job lot work all day and through the night ?

In dont like the sound of your husband
he couldn’t bring up three kids without you but thinks because you “don’t work “ that he is the boss

unreal

Yes he probably would struggle without me, but so would I without him!
And he doesn't think he is the boss, he just wants a tidy home!

I look after my DD's boys all day every day and my house is chaos . They're 15, 6, 2 and 6 months
I would take a nappy bag to bed and put the changed nappy in that to take down. And get a basket on the landing for all those who can to put their clothes in.
But your husband is being very unreasonable and a bit of a fucking nob. You're breastfeeding as well.
I feel like I am running a cafe somewhere says and the dishwasher can be on 3 times. It will get easier as the baby settles for longer naps but I hope you aren't feeling bad.
He needs to help or see to the kids while you clean up. 💐

@Ohhbaby

maybe go back to work as soon as you can OP and then you can get a cleaner (to be paid for out of both your salaries though, not just yours!)

True they will be looking at you as how a wife should be....a domestic slave whilst husband plays and relaxes what they should be seeing is a team that shares things so they can both relax and enjoy playtime.

I get up early, any time baby is napping I'm doing things, clean most things daily so it's easy to stay on top of. Clean the shower when I'm in it. High chair in the kitchen or Moses basket when really small, bouncy chair in front of the washing machine and go go go. I also stay up an hour after everyone has gone to bed have a reset and sit with a cup of tea in the calm. Write a list tick it off through the day it's like my challenge lol pretty sad really. Clean, play, feed is all i do at the moment.

He is making you feel rubbish about yourself OP
Can't he come in and see you have done your best.
Jeeze three small humans to keep alive!

I think you should turn this around on him and say he needs to help as where is your down time also.

You sound just like me. Also your name had me rolling 😂

Did you see the bit where one is in school and one in nursery and she understands it's too much for some with young children but she's a clean freak? How is working yourself silly admirable?

Has he ever had all three of them on his own for any length of time @Ohhbaby? If he hasn't then I'd be making sure he does! He might then realise just what an amazing job you're doing!

Jesus is your name Cinderella? Get up earlier stay up later no rest when a naps happening where is the joy?

You should both have equal downtime. It will be very little downtime but I imagine he gets more than you already. He will get a cup of tea or coffee a couple of times a day at work & maybe a nice lunch. And probably have a peaceful journey to & from work. Maybe people are even grateful to him at his work. I know this is how it was for my dh when I was stuck at home doing parent & house stuff & didn't feel like there was any gratitude coming my way even though I was busy 24/7

As you say, he has no idea of the work it takes to run a house & look after 3 little ones. Your mum sounds mental too. Great if she wants to help clean but maybe shove her judgement up her arse. It's really unhelpful of her to criticise you

If my dh had ever dared to comment on the state of our house when our kids were small he have been wearing the dirty nappy, with the banana from said skin shoved somewhere painful.
OP, you need to find your voice here and assert yourself. You are caring for three young children 24/7. I don't know what job your husband does but I'd bet my house he gets down-time during the day. When's yours?

Dear OP, my husband was like this. After many years I realised he was an unreasonable and selfish excuse of a husband.

You have 3 kids under 5, how on earth can he say all that!

Take it from me, keep trying your best and of course try to improve but you are not at fault here ok!! We all can do better but the way he's pointing fingers at you is just wrong!!

Sorry not many tips from me right now in cleaning.

When is your downtime? When do you get to rest a bit?

You've got three kids under 5 including a newborn? How do you ever sleep nevermind do any housework?

@Ohhbaby

exactly this op. Where is your downtime? It’s something both of you deserve.