Should we cancel a family holiday after a row over a terrible argument?

[SillyPig]

There is a rather large argument between my daughter and my husband, and it is proving to be a persistent issue. We are going on holiday in a week's time, and my husband and my child are refusing to cooperate. My child refuses to be around her father because she believes he is anti-LGBT, and her coming out did not go down well with him. He believes they are talking stupidly.

Now, next week, we have a 17-hour flight to Australia, where the two of them will be forced to sit next to one another unless someone gives up their seat, which I think is unlikely. I fear the best option might be to cancel/not go on the holiday, but if I do that, I won't be able to get my deposit back. I don't know whether the holiday should be cancelled or whether we should just try to power through this rough patch in our family relationship.

I was thinking that since the holiday is booked through Tui, we could do some group or team-building activities together, like going to a museum or the zoo. But if I cancel the holiday, the tension in the house will continue, though I feel it could be resolved more quickly.

Do TUI fly to Australia? I thought they stopped that a few years ago.

It might have helped if you had put the information about your DD from your other thread here, 🙄 as people are assuming she's gay and your DH is homophobic 🙄

A previous poster checked this out, and apparently Tui do not go to Oz. Also, the OP worries about losing her deposit, but if she’s due to go imminently, she will have paid in full some weeks ago. All very odd.

Righto. Interesting you didn't put was actually happening in the OP, OP

😂😂😂

I'm struggling to understand how a family who are so incredibly privileged as to be healthy and wealthy enough to have a holiday to AUSTRALIA have got themselves in such a tiz over nothing to the point they are considering cancelling.
It's a funny old world.

Husband doesn't need to pander to her. He needs to not comment unkindly - presumably the child is very young and no -one is pestering her about getting a boy/girlfriend? In which case its pretty much a non-issue and dad should treat it as such. "Sure - I d say you're still young, but that's absolutely fine anyway." Or something meaningless and non-combative like that.

If dd is expecting more "support" I would meet it with questions "what problems are you having? Are your friends pressuring you to have sexual relationships? Has anyone teased or bullied you? What do you think the benefits of telling people might be?" etc.

If she is expecting specific attention or celebration, gently tell her that you don't really think it's your business, any more than if she was gay etc. That as good parents you feel your role is to enable her to find her own way and not make a hoo-ha about her sexuality.

You haven't told us why/how your dh and dd have had a "terrible argument " and what was said on each side, we have no idea what you're dealing with, so noone can really give you specific advice (other than cancelling a holiday sounds like an insane overreaction that you have given us no grounds tonthink makes any kind of sense.)

And surely it’s pretty much the opposite of LGB etc? I mean, you’re not expressing attraction to any subset of human beings. You’re saying ‘nope’ to the whole shebang.

Hard agree , and depending on the age of the child, completely normal. Agree with poster who suggested a " that's nice dear ' rather than the reaction I'd suggest she is enjoying.

How old is your daughter and is your husband a homophobe?

Apparently that’s basically what he did, and the dd is devastated

RTFT

Can’t you sit in between them?

I would definitely still go.
Sounds like it could be the best thing for them.

I'd go with your DD and leave your DH at home. What is his problem. He should just want what we all aspire for our children that they grow up happy and healthy. Who gives a F about what letter of the alphabet they are, they are entitled to determine that for themselves.

Well I agree with this poster.
There's little point in starting threads and then not engaging with them.

Exactly. I think she's playing it safe without being accused of being 'frigid' which used to happen when I was a teenager. She has a label so she won't be pressured. Fair play to her.

my DC17 has said they're AroAce. I didn't feel the need to dismiss that sentiment with the phrase "You just haven't met the right person yet" because that shows a dismissive, disrespectful attitude towards something they've told me about themselves.

Maybe they might change their minds if they meet someone, perhaps they're actually demisexual and really haven't found the right person.. or maybe they are actually AroAce and you need to respect they're unlikely to ever bring home a partner or have children.

Our job as parents is to be supportive, to provide space for them to feel safe to talk about this stuff with us openly and for us as parents to be open to discussion about emotions and feelings. We should be there to help them understand that feelings might change in the future and to keep an open mind to that as we grow and mature, but they have every right to have their current standing/feelings on it respected.

I do think your DD has also over-reacted, but the way your H responded was a bit shitty as it was obviously important to DD to have her feelings heard and respected.

Yes.

@SillyPig how old is your dc?

Tui doesn't have holidays to Australia, if it’s next week you’d have paid in full, if there’s 3 of you going you can swap seats to sit between the pair of them. Who’s ‘they’?

I'd put your daughter first and go without him. Tell him he's uninvited (If he's homophonic toward her and unsupportive). Your daughter will always respect you for loving and respecting her so strongly. That's what us parents should make paramount...our children's needs.

Read the full thread. He isn’t homophobic.

You mean leave the husband at home? She said she believes he is anti-LGBT, and her coming out did not go down well with him.