Should we cancel a family holiday after a row over a terrible argument?

[SillyPig]

There is a rather large argument between my daughter and my husband, and it is proving to be a persistent issue. We are going on holiday in a week's time, and my husband and my child are refusing to cooperate. My child refuses to be around her father because she believes he is anti-LGBT, and her coming out did not go down well with him. He believes they are talking stupidly.

Now, next week, we have a 17-hour flight to Australia, where the two of them will be forced to sit next to one another unless someone gives up their seat, which I think is unlikely. I fear the best option might be to cancel/not go on the holiday, but if I do that, I won't be able to get my deposit back. I don't know whether the holiday should be cancelled or whether we should just try to power through this rough patch in our family relationship.

I was thinking that since the holiday is booked through Tui, we could do some group or team-building activities together, like going to a museum or the zoo. But if I cancel the holiday, the tension in the house will continue, though I feel it could be resolved more quickly.

Hmmm so he’s not homophobic as such? He doesn’t understand what non-binary means? I would also struggle with it as I simply don’t understand why you need to create another label to challenge gender stereotypes.

It's your only child. A 16 year old.

Why is your DH - presumably the adult - constantly arguing with them.

Do you both realise that this younger is potentially only two years from leaving school/leaving home?

How is constant arguing with a "committed Christian" going to help this youngster through tough times ahead. Life is hard enough as it is, but harder still if a child knows or feels different, and that their parent is more worried about whether they conform to a religion or not ( and I say this as a parent who sent DC to a religious school)

Where is the understanding and the support towards this youngster from their Christian father. Yes they may be a difficult teen. No one is perfect... but bear in mind that these are really the last years of their childhood and their time with their parents. How do you want your DC to look back on this time.

They had a saying at our school. "If you can't say anything nice, say nothing at all." Instead of wasting his time arguing continuously maybe your DH needs to think a bit more deeply about how to handle the situation. I feel very sorry for your DC.

Send your DH to parenting classes ASAP.

No it's not though

She’s not gay.
She has no romantic feelings towards anybody and has declared this at some point.
Mum is supportive, dad is not.

Imagine being on the imaginary TUI aeroplane to Australia sat next to this trio!!

Why does the daughter have a horrible attitude?
Parents are there to support children regardless of what sex they are attracted too. I bet the daughter is feeling hurt, disappointed that her own father can act that way?
Leave the husband at home.

Tui doesn't fly to Australia. Where are you flying from to make it a 17 hour flight? If its next week then why haven't you paid for the trip by now, not just the deposit?

I have no advice for you but I really want to know this!

Your dh has fallen for the bait, hasn't he? I used to provoke my parents all the time. Mum used to diffuse with 'that's nice dear' dad used to go up like a rocket.

I suspect he's eye rolled and told her there's no such thing as n/b- unless you adhere to sexist stereotypes in the first place- and she's decided he's homophobic. I would have probably classed myself as nb back in the day... until i realised that I fancied scruffy men with long hair and wanted very much to be seen as female.

Well… some have “fallen for the bait” !

All this has blown up but she "came out" 4 years ago as Nb?
or has she recently added the aroace part?
I notice the OP doesn't address the imaginary parts related to the Australia holiday!

Expecting your parents to not be homophobic is a basic expectation

She's one of the 'not male or female' people, not gay, apparently.

I'm intrigued by a TUI holiday to Australia, which TUI don't actually do, according to AI search.

The teenager is not attracted to anyone, so I'm not sure how her dad can be homophobic

I had to Google what AroAce means, and it's left me shaking my head.

Why is there a need to announce these things to the world?
I'm not currently seeking any romantic partners but I don't feel any need to label myself as such.

But then I'm a Boomer, so what the hell do I know.

No, she is not "gay". The OP has stated that her daughter is "non binary" and so she doesn't like to call her, her "daughter".

You really were making an awful lot of assumptions here.

The daughter is saying that she is not a girl.

I don't think that the OP has expressed exactly what the father said, but, unless it was totally unreasonable, then it is fair enough for a parent to tell his daughter that she is a girl.

The OP has not said that she is gay, the OP has said that she is "non binary".

Do you understand the difference between these things?

He's not homophobic, the OP hasn't said that her daughter is a lesbian. In fact, on a previous post, she stated that her daughter has no interest in other people and on this thread has stated that she is non-binary.

She has on her other thread the dh had the audacity to say “you never know, you might meet someone” and not validate the very special enbee ness

Hi OP, just wanted to send you a handhold .

You will get a much better response if you start your own thread.

I've never started one myself, but I think it's fairly straightforward.

Good luck with that, and with coping with missing your children, it's really hard.

💐

How old is she?

Theres no way I’d cancel the holiday that would be a massive overreaction.

A couple of minor things that are niggling ...

-Firstly, OP says that they are going to Australia with the holiday company TUI. I don't think Tui do Australian trips?
-It's apparently a 17 hr journey, so would this be from ME?
-OP is concerned at losing deposit but then mentions that the trip is next week. So OP has only paid the deposit and not the entire amount so far? This seems unlikely.

Just wondering if some of the above could be explained.

This is madness. You’d be wasting a trip to Australia over absolutely nothing.