Should we cancel a family holiday after a row over a terrible argument?

[SillyPig]

There is a rather large argument between my daughter and my husband, and it is proving to be a persistent issue. We are going on holiday in a week's time, and my husband and my child are refusing to cooperate. My child refuses to be around her father because she believes he is anti-LGBT, and her coming out did not go down well with him. He believes they are talking stupidly.

Now, next week, we have a 17-hour flight to Australia, where the two of them will be forced to sit next to one another unless someone gives up their seat, which I think is unlikely. I fear the best option might be to cancel/not go on the holiday, but if I do that, I won't be able to get my deposit back. I don't know whether the holiday should be cancelled or whether we should just try to power through this rough patch in our family relationship.

I was thinking that since the holiday is booked through Tui, we could do some group or team-building activities together, like going to a museum or the zoo. But if I cancel the holiday, the tension in the house will continue, though I feel it could be resolved more quickly.

Tui don’t Australia!!!

No, I don't think they do. Perhaps a codeshare type thing?

Surely you've already paid the full balance if you're due to go next week? I'm also not aware of TUI offering holidays to Australia. You would lose an enormous amount of money to cancel this short notice, it makes no sense at all.

I think we all know why it makes no sense!

If my child came out, and their father was unsupportive, it wouldn't just be his place on a holiday I'd be cancelling. Go, OP, take your daughter, and leave him to reconsider his priorities

Literally none of them.

So I have questions...how old is your DD? What was said by your DH (her Dad? ) when she bravely came out to you? Why is the 'argument ' persisting? Too much unanswered. To jump straight to 'cancelling a really expensive holiday ' is probably not the real issue.

So is OP one of these ones that posts the bare minimum of details and never comes back?!

In all honestly your daughter has picked up on something massive, her father's love and respect comes at a cost. That cost is her sexuality, his reaction to it tells her everything, you wonder why she's so upset, the the man she looked up to and believed in has rejected her for nothing more than being herself and figuring things out. He never needed to understand it, he just needed to be curious to it.

Her future hasn't changed, she can still get married, have children if she wishes to with the partner she chooses. It just doesn't fit the narrative your husband envisioned which from what you've stated is the hetero norm.

I'd suggest watching Tiptoe on All4 with your husband. There are scenes that will be a hard watch and it is harrowing and becoming all the more prevalent. I hear the right wing mantra daily as part of my job and it's filtering down into the kids from what they see at home, on social media and TV. The hatred is building and your daughter now sees your husband as part of that hatred.

This is now about her being completely unsupported, rejected and the safe space she thought she had is no longer safe because of the way he reacted, and she will remember that reaction.

This.

He never needed to understand it, he just needed to be curious to it.

How creepy would it be as a teenager to have your father being curious about your lack of interest in sex. Asking interested questions maybe? Suggesting a few things that might interest her? Seriously this is nuts.

This isn’t the Aro/Ace child is it?

This thread is hilarious.
It’ll turn out that this child is eleven.
There’s a reason op is being vague about the detail.

11!

I’m not buying this as being real.

TUI can sell Australia, they’ll call a 3rd party big name to do it for them. But why on earth you would book that with TUI I have no idea.

But the way this is written? It can’t be real.

I chose not to share many details as I didn't feel comfortable disclosing so much personal information; however, looking back on it. It seems like I should have provided some more information.

I have been with my husband for the past 20 years. We have lived a comfortable life. While I wouldn't call our household traditional, we promote values of respect and tolerance above all else. However, my husband is a Christian, but he respects me and my decision to raise our child as a Christian.

Regarding my child, who is a biological girl; however, they are non-binary, so to respect their decision, I chose to call them my child within the post. My child is 16 years old and has been nonbinary for the past 4 years. They are a single child.

I have heard that some people believe that if I sat between them, it would solve the problem; however, even during car rides when my husband is in the front, and my child is in the back, they still find a way to argue with one another.

I have decided to go on holiday. You guys helped me realise I was overreacting and just really scared. I just wanted everything to be perfect, but I realise that in any world that is possible. We'll just have to get through this together. Like any family

So have you only paid the deposit?
did you book with Tui?

and While I wouldn't call our household traditional,. How so?!

Nobody needs to “come out” as aro/ace. It’s not a thing, i.e. it’s not something anyone needs support with or understanding or whatever, it’s just a state of mind.

The only people who need to know are the people you have no inclination to shag.

It’s not like being gay or bi or trans where you’re bringing potential partners home, etc. Aro/ace just is, and beyond “ok” it doesn’t need entertaining.

That doesn’t make someone a bigot, arsehole, homophobe or whatever.

If you’re going on the same flight just sit in between them……..sorted!

Am I the only who thinks it’s laughable op and other posters think they can tell the dh he can’t go on holiday?
so she’s been “nb” and special pandered too for years? Let me guess it’s you and poor her against mean daddy at home?

This sounds exhausting. The holiday to Australia is the tip of the iceberg.

Are you saying that you can’t even have a car trip without the two of them arguing? And have they been at each other’s throats for about 4 years? In which case what an earth possessed you to book flights to Australia?

When you say Christian, what do you mean? Happy church type Christian or extremely strict and evangelical who won’t let the kids do sex education at school or go on a RE to a mosque types?

Surely this is making everyone miserable? If your DD and your DH can’t accommodate each other after 4 years, wouldn’t you be better off splitting the household until your DD has moved out? Not going to Australia.

Remember… she was going to book a trip to the zoo instead!!

And if my child had been going on about this at the age of 16, when some kids have got no idea, I agree with the “lovely dear” type approach. I know it’s seen as normal for kids to age more quickly but some haven’t even finished puberty. Let alone developed any emotional maturity. Just smile, nod and get on with your day. What exactly are they arguing about anyway?

The people you have no inclination to shag!!!

hahahha

And is she right? If he’s been homophobic toward his own daughter I would be taking her on holiday and leaving the bastard altogether. Have either of you supported her? Have you stood by her? Stood up for her to him?

This doesn’t seem to be an “argument” as you describe, this is homophobia, toward his own flesh and blood no less. What’s she done wrong in this?