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Should we cancel our Spain holiday because MIL is end of life?

205 replies

Woodylol · 17/05/2026 08:07

We have a holiday in Spain booked next week. Mother in Law who has had complex medical needs for years is now on end of life care. It’s very likely she’ll die before we fly and if not will be when we are there. We are divided as to whether we should go (DP’s father will need alot of support). We have annual travel insurance that covers death of close relative. I’m not sure how it works if they haven’t died but it’s imminent. DP says we should go, theres nothing we can do. I feel like we will go and then regret it. Just wondered if anyone has been in a similar situation? If we don’t go, is it likely that the insurance will cover if MIL has died or on end of life care for an illness that existed prior to the booking/travel insurance (although it is something people live for years from). Feel guilty asking about the money side, but it is a significant amount for us to lose. The holiday is also for our DS who will be devasted about MIL and is also old enough to understand why we’d need to cancel. Then when I think cancelling would be the best option I wonder if going is the break we need before coming back to making arrangements.

OP posts:
DisforDarkChocolate · 17/05/2026 08:09

I'd stay. I'll always be sad I never got to see either of my parents when they died, I'm also aware of just how devastating the loss of a long term spouse will be for your FIL.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 17/05/2026 08:10

Its long term terminal illness... so if it's a week I'd go.

4 weeks in asia... maybe not but a week in spain... yes.

Visit before you leave and do the i love you.

Funerals and what not are very slow in the uk 3 -5 days wont make a difference.
If fil needs support your dh could fly back early and then you join them both.

BabyCat2020z · 17/05/2026 08:11

Doesn't sound like the holiday would be enjoyable in this circumstance. How about calling the insurance company and seeing what they say. Sorry you're in this situation and wishing you all the best.

Contrarymary30 · 17/05/2026 08:12

I'd stay . I'm surprised that your DP wants to go , it's a bit heartless tbh.

GoodVibesHere · 17/05/2026 08:12

Gosh I'd stay. You won't be able to relax on holiday. But then I'm guessing your DP isn't close to his parents.

NoelEdmondsHairGel · 17/05/2026 08:12

Of course you should cancel. It would be an awful for her to think that you didn’t care enough to be by her side. Some things are just way more important.

peepsypops · 17/05/2026 08:13

Sorry to hear this. I just wanted to say that in the case of a very close relative who died when we were abroad, my travel insurer made it very difficult for us to claim as she was deemed terminal before we left. I can’t say for sure as I stopped the claim halfway through as they wanted me to get the deceased’s GP to fill in a lot of forms and I didn’t want to upset anyone further by asking for those details. According to the paperwork given to me to have completed, it was all about dates of diagnosis and end of life care etc so I didn’t think I would stand a chance to claim. I left it because it was approx £1000 for a mini break (mostly the flights to get us home earlier when she died) but if it was for a larger amount I’m not sure what I would do.
Hopefully someone will be along to advise you better x

triopack · 17/05/2026 08:13

My mum was away when my grandad passed. He had been unwell but not EOL. She raced home when she heard and had all the stress and expense of that. She never forgave herself and it caused untold family resentment

Betano · 17/05/2026 08:13

I wouldn’t be going if it was my mother or my MIl. I’m surprised your DP has suggested going when his DF will need support.

CuntOfTheLitter · 17/05/2026 08:13

Well if your husband died would you want your kids to be away on holiday?

Besidemyselfwithworry · 17/05/2026 08:13

It’s a really hard one as all family dynamics are different.
I’d postpone it myself as FIL may need your support.
With EOL it’s hard as it can be a varying amount of time, some people it’s a couple of days and the for some people it can be afew weeks even a couple of months. The team who are caring for her may have an idea of timeframes but even then they can’t be 100% sure.
im sorry you’re in this situation before your holiday.

ParmaVioletTea · 17/05/2026 08:14

No way would I go on holiday if my mother were dying and likely to die while I was away. No way.

I was living in another country when my mother died quite suddenly. I couldn’t have seen her before she died and that is still painful several years on.

Iamblossom · 17/05/2026 08:14

If it were us, all we would think about and talk about whilst away is mil dying so no we wouldn't go

peepsypops · 17/05/2026 08:15

Just to add, this was an aunt (normally covered by our policy) and we didn’t expect her to die as quick as she did. If it were a parent and we knew what you know, I’m sorry, I wouldn’t go.

NoelEdmondsHairGel · 17/05/2026 08:15

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 17/05/2026 08:10

Its long term terminal illness... so if it's a week I'd go.

4 weeks in asia... maybe not but a week in spain... yes.

Visit before you leave and do the i love you.

Funerals and what not are very slow in the uk 3 -5 days wont make a difference.
If fil needs support your dh could fly back early and then you join them both.

Edited

It’s not really about being there for the funeral though. It’s presumably also about being by MIL’s side and giving her the comfort that she is loved while she approaches death.

Surely it is about her, not about travel arrangements at this point. Very callous to prioritise a week’s holiday.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 17/05/2026 08:15

It is not heartless to go.

I don't know if the insurance will pay out if she doesn't die, or what the terms are. Unfortunately I've found they will not give you a definitive answer until you send the claim.

Ultimately I think it is your DH decision as it is his mother. I am sorry you are in this situation.

Namechangeforthisdilemma1 · 17/05/2026 08:15

Lots of posters and you are saying what they’d do if it was their parent. I’d also stay.

But this isn’t your parent. It’s your DP’s. His choice - you can advise but ultimately it’s his decision. Don't just override him because of what you think, listen to his reasons.

DuckCootLoon · 17/05/2026 08:15

If money is an issue, you need to contact your travel insurers now. You might well be covered for cancelling now while she is on end of life care. You might not be covered for coming home early if she does pass while you're away, since you know it's highly likely before going.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 17/05/2026 08:17

Also, even if you are home you might not be there when she passes.

I'm old, life is for the living.

HoldingTheDoor · 17/05/2026 08:19

This reply has been deleted

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countrygirl99 · 17/05/2026 08:21

You may find it's not covered by the insurance as it's a pre-existing condition. Check before you make any decision on that basis.

Peony1985 · 17/05/2026 08:22

I would get it in writing that you are covered for cancelling or for coming home.
That might help with the decision.
I agree that you need to follow your DH on this. Is he hoping to avoid the difficulty of the last goodbye?
I would rebook for later after and take FIL away on the holiday.

Woodylol · 17/05/2026 08:28

Thank you for all your comments. I appreciate your views and they reinforce what I was feeling re cancelling.

OP posts:
Futurascope · 17/05/2026 08:29

When I have been in a similar situation, I found it helpful to think of losing a holiday rather than losing the money. The money was already spent and gone. And you will save money by not going and having those expenses while away.

Goinggonegone · 17/05/2026 08:29

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 17/05/2026 08:17

Also, even if you are home you might not be there when she passes.

I'm old, life is for the living.

The MIL is still living until she is dead.
Personally, I believe supporting someone while they die is one of the most caring and compassionate acts one human can do for another.

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