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Holidays

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Should we cancel our Spain holiday because MIL is end of life?

205 replies

Woodylol · 17/05/2026 08:07

We have a holiday in Spain booked next week. Mother in Law who has had complex medical needs for years is now on end of life care. It’s very likely she’ll die before we fly and if not will be when we are there. We are divided as to whether we should go (DP’s father will need alot of support). We have annual travel insurance that covers death of close relative. I’m not sure how it works if they haven’t died but it’s imminent. DP says we should go, theres nothing we can do. I feel like we will go and then regret it. Just wondered if anyone has been in a similar situation? If we don’t go, is it likely that the insurance will cover if MIL has died or on end of life care for an illness that existed prior to the booking/travel insurance (although it is something people live for years from). Feel guilty asking about the money side, but it is a significant amount for us to lose. The holiday is also for our DS who will be devasted about MIL and is also old enough to understand why we’d need to cancel. Then when I think cancelling would be the best option I wonder if going is the break we need before coming back to making arrangements.

OP posts:
Namechangeforthisdilemma1 · 17/05/2026 08:31

Woodylol · 17/05/2026 08:28

Thank you for all your comments. I appreciate your views and they reinforce what I was feeling re cancelling.

But do you appreciate it’s not your parent? Where is your DP in the decision?

Purpleturtle45 · 17/05/2026 08:32

100% would stay home and be with MIL.

IloveJonBonJovi · 17/05/2026 08:34

My DF was ill for a long time. We went away in 2022 for 3 weeks and I was quite nervous a lot how I’d get home as it was long haul. We went again in 2023 and 2024 as he seemed pretty stable. In April 25 DH and I stopped going very far. We celebrated our anniversary 30 minutes away so I could get back if DM needed me. I stopped going out and didn’t have a drink for months as I was on call in my head. I didn’t sleep waiting for a call. I cancelled so many things but I was at his side when he died in August so wouldn’t have changed anything. I’d cancel it would be too stressful if your away and he’d to get back.

doitwithlove · 17/05/2026 08:36

i guess it depends at what stage of EOL - MIL is at, is she eating and drinking? If so, you may be ok to go away. Asking the care team who are looking after mum as they could have an idea of when MIL may pass.

Stoicandhappy · 17/05/2026 08:36

I would go

GreenWheat · 17/05/2026 08:38

It would be much less stressful all round if this holiday prospect didn't exist. Best case, you're on holiday with MIL on the verge of death so unable to relax. Otherwise she might die either immediately before you go, or while you're there. Just cancel it, get back what money you can, and move on.

EmailsaysOOO · 17/05/2026 08:38

Surely you're going to be on the phone back to England the whole time. I can't see the point in going

TokyoSushi · 17/05/2026 08:40

I’d stay. You have in theory already ‘lost’ the money, as the holiday is paid for, it’s just you might not get what you’d hoped for that money.

EnglishRain · 17/05/2026 08:41

I would stay home. The main reason would be for the example this sets to your son if nothing else.

Clefable · 17/05/2026 08:41

I couldn’t imagine going on holiday while my mum was dying, but that’s me. Your DP obviously has a different kind of relationship with his mum.

Earwigoagain · 17/05/2026 08:41

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 17/05/2026 08:10

Its long term terminal illness... so if it's a week I'd go.

4 weeks in asia... maybe not but a week in spain... yes.

Visit before you leave and do the i love you.

Funerals and what not are very slow in the uk 3 -5 days wont make a difference.
If fil needs support your dh could fly back early and then you join them both.

Edited

I'd be inclined to do this. But speak to your insurers now to see if you'd be covered in either case.

Is your MIL conscious and aware? What do you think she'd want you to do? What does your FIL want?

Don't cancel the holiday if it's not what your DP wants just because you think it's considered the "right thing to do" - it's a very personal thing.

BridgetJonesV2 · 17/05/2026 08:42

Dh needs to be here to support his father, there is a lot of admin to deal with in the first few days after death let alone grief. My Dad died after a month in a hospice and I was running on fumes by the time he died - but the week after his death was the hardest part for me.

Meridas · 17/05/2026 08:43

No I wouldn't go. We didn't go anywhere, or plan to, when FIL was EOL.

LMichelleFxx · 17/05/2026 08:44

If you have no luck with insurance why don’t you try seeing if your provider can change the date? It may be be possible this close to departure but it’s worth asking.

Whilst to a point I understand your partner’s position, he won’t want to upset your kids, I would be cancelling more so to support FIL than anything.

FoundAUserNameDownTheSofa · 17/05/2026 08:45

So it’s DP who wants to go? I’d talk to him about why. Eg

  • maybe he doesn’t want to let you all down about the holiday
  • maybe he’s scared of the end
  • maybe he doesn’t understand that his dad will need him, and is just thinking of practicalities like funeral
  • maybe he’s in denial, particularly if she’s been ill a long long time
  • maybe he’s not close to his parents
  • maybe he just really really wants a holiday
LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 17/05/2026 08:46

It might be that your husband knows that a tough time is coming and wants the holiday first to help him to go into it on a good mindspace.

Given that its your husbands mum I would take his lead here. Although I do think it would be nice to be around to support fil and do the holiday in a couple of months instead.

OttersOnAPlane · 17/05/2026 08:48

It's your partner's mother so it's your partner's decision.

Poppy61 · 17/05/2026 08:48

I couldn't go. I don't think the holiday would be enjoyable as I'd be fretting. Sometimes when you ask the question, I think you already know the answer

Mabiscuit · 17/05/2026 08:50

Could DH stay at home while you and DS go?

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 17/05/2026 08:51

Does your DP have other siblings who can support if needed?
it feels like you were only getting one point of view from other posters.
to balance we were away with my in laws when my DH's grandmother died. She had been ill for a long time, then end of life for a long time, there had been several 'false alarms'. We all went to see her before we left. MIL and FIL (and grandmother herself) were determined to still go ahead with the holiday.
when the news came, we were in a beautiful place and able to be close with MIL and FIL to directly support them.
other family members back home held the fort until we returned and were able to visit and say our final goodbyes (after death but peacefully laid out in a chapel), plus take back on all the necessary admin and planning.
Different families and individuals will make different decisions in these circumstances and that is ok.
i strongly feel you should be led by your DH and FIL here.

Purplecatshopaholic · 17/05/2026 08:51

This is your partners mother not yours. If he wants to go, then you go imo. He feels you can’t do anything, and maybe taking his mind off things will help him. So if he defo wants to go, I’d go. She could go tomorrow, or hang on and on.

Ryanstartedthefire2 · 17/05/2026 08:52

Stay. DH should insist on it. Unless he hates his parents!

rookiemere · 17/05/2026 08:52

I am going to sound so heartless compared to everyone else, I would probably go. I know quite a few people with relatives on EOL who are still alive months later. Plus the insurance only pays out if MIL dies. It’s Spain you can get back in a day if needed. DH has presumably already sspent many many hours supporting and caring and will have many more with FIL, so it’s his call.

Namechangefordaughterevasion · 17/05/2026 08:53

I think your DP is right. I had a similar situation a few years ago. I had a long haul flight booked for a family reunion and knew my mum could die while I was away. I agonised over the decision. She could have died that day or the following week or hung on for another couple of months. No one knew.

I was NOK and put arrangements to in place so that if she died while I was away the care home and the funeral directors could communicate with each other and do what was necessary.

Mum died the day after I flew. It was as good as it could have been. She passed peacefully in her sleep and was finally free from pain and unhappiness. I was able to mourn her surrounded by family members whilst simultaneously enjoying a new location. I returned refreshed to embark on the long and onerous journey of funeral arrangements and settling her estate.

spekky · 17/05/2026 08:53

Of course you cancel! Your husband will want to be there for his parents!