Should we cancel our Spain holiday because MIL is end of life?

[Woodylol]

We have a holiday in Spain booked next week. Mother in Law who has had complex medical needs for years is now on end of life care. It’s very likely she’ll die before we fly and if not will be when we are there. We are divided as to whether we should go (DP’s father will need alot of support). We have annual travel insurance that covers death of close relative. I’m not sure how it works if they haven’t died but it’s imminent. DP says we should go, theres nothing we can do. I feel like we will go and then regret it. Just wondered if anyone has been in a similar situation? If we don’t go, is it likely that the insurance will cover if MIL has died or on end of life care for an illness that existed prior to the booking/travel insurance (although it is something people live for years from). Feel guilty asking about the money side, but it is a significant amount for us to lose. The holiday is also for our DS who will be devasted about MIL and is also old enough to understand why we’d need to cancel. Then when I think cancelling would be the best option I wonder if going is the break we need before coming back to making arrangements.

Of course.

Which is why I said it wasn't true for everyone.

I'd absolute cancel and stay to support your FIL as he goes through losing his wife (and spend the last few days with your MIL).

You won't regret doing this in the years to come. And you likely won't be able to relax on holiday anyway.

Contrarymary30
I'd stay . I'm surprised that your DP wants to go , it's a bit heartless tbh.

He’s been dealing with this long term, he’s possibly exhausted and not thinking straight or might not believe this is the end. When my dad was dying some of the family who had been rocks started distancing themselves from it all towards the end, it all takes its toll and your body and mind start trying to protect themselves from the finality of death (so our hospice nurse told us)

You can’t do anything without the death certificate, which can take several days to be ready. After DH died we waited 10 days for the death certificate. Only then can you start informing the necessary organisations.

We used the Tell Us Once service, which is really useful.

Yes you should cancel, it’s a no-brainer decision

My friend's dad died just before her holiday and she got a full refund after providing proof of death.

I could never enjoy a holiday given those circumstances.

I think this is one for your DP to decide.

Surely it would be simplest to phone the insurance company to ask? Make sure you write down what they say and confirm it in writing to them.

You say 2-3 weeks in most areas but we don't know whether this applies where OP lives. When my DH died, he had a full church service, cremation and wake, six days later.

Why not ring the insurers up and see what they say about whether or not you're covered? I think you'll find you probably are.

I'd tell DH he needs to stay with his parents and take DS on holiday. I can't see you getting any money off the insurance for 'likely to die soon'

Jesus Christ. Unless there's some huge background you're not sharing, it would be pretty awful to go.

How cheap does your husband find human life? You only get one mum and she only dies once FFS.

It’s a shutdown response when your mind has been dealing with constant stress for too long. I know this because I am going through it myself.

It's your DPs mother so if he wants to go, I'd stick with that. As long as it's clear to him that you and DS would understand if it was cancelled, then he should be the decision maker in this. Not everyone wants to be around or put everything on hold when someone is at end of life, it can be too painful for some.

Can you not speak to the travel company about moving the dates if you don’t want to cancel/don’t think you’d get the money back through insurance? I don’t think I could live with myself if I knowingly went on holiday knowing she would die whilst away.

But that's not the case here is it. They are here. They usually support them by the sounds of it. They are choosing to go on a holiday when they know end of life is likely ro be imminent. Yes that's bizarre. IMO if you must.

From insurance perspective- my dad died whilst we were away and insurance wouldn’t cover despite us having a long term policy etc. They slid their way out under clause of his cause of death being a medical diagnosis first made 10 years earlier and therefore pre existing. It was a stretch tbh and was unexpected/sudden, so I would be prepared for them not to cover you if you think she may die when you’re away. I probably wouldn’t phone them to ask first as they will almost definitely not cover you if you’re warning them you might need to claim before setting off.

My parent died two days before we were due to go on holiday. We didn’t go and had already decided we wouldn’t be going before they died. I can’t imagine not being around to support the other parent to be honest.

I would go. If need be, the OP’s DP can fly back earlier to be with his DF if he’s struggling.

My DF has been teetering on the edge of life and death for a few years now. He was on end of life care 18 months ago and could go at any time. I still go away and am on holiday right now. My DF is constantly on my mind but I can’t put my own life on pause while I wait for his to end.

Spain isn’t far away - it wouldn’t take much time or even much money for an earlier return.

We would definitely cancel, it wouldn’t even require a discussion. But I guess all families are different & I understand how disappointing it would be especially for DC.

Move the holiday dates to summer and pay the difference

That should allow some weeks for death funeral etc to take place.

My brother went on holiday. I think he was just wanting to avoid the process really.

I think this is your husband's choice to decide on what he would like to do. In the meantime contact your insurance company to see where you stand if you were to cancel. Unfortunately, I think it will all depend on when your MIL went on end-of-life care. If this was before you booked your holiday, then the likelihood is, the insurance company won't pay out. You then need to decide if you can afford to lose the money, if you cancel. Your husband needs to talk to his Dad too, because there may need to be another relative willing to step in, to support your FIL if the worst happened whilst you were away.

We had the same situation with my MIL, but we were going further and for longer. We were going to cancel but she was not happy with that at all and refused to allow us to. She said she’d rather die thinking of us in the sunshine. FIL agreed. As it happens, she died before we went but she 100% wanted us to go. What would your MIL want op?