Should we cancel our Spain holiday because MIL is end of life?

[Woodylol]

We have a holiday in Spain booked next week. Mother in Law who has had complex medical needs for years is now on end of life care. It’s very likely she’ll die before we fly and if not will be when we are there. We are divided as to whether we should go (DP’s father will need alot of support). We have annual travel insurance that covers death of close relative. I’m not sure how it works if they haven’t died but it’s imminent. DP says we should go, theres nothing we can do. I feel like we will go and then regret it. Just wondered if anyone has been in a similar situation? If we don’t go, is it likely that the insurance will cover if MIL has died or on end of life care for an illness that existed prior to the booking/travel insurance (although it is something people live for years from). Feel guilty asking about the money side, but it is a significant amount for us to lose. The holiday is also for our DS who will be devasted about MIL and is also old enough to understand why we’d need to cancel. Then when I think cancelling would be the best option I wonder if going is the break we need before coming back to making arrangements.

Its an intensely personal thing.

There was a thread on here the other day where multiple people were posting about being called repeatedly at short notice to "say goodbye" by the 10th / 12th or so time you are told "rhis is it" your nerves are just frayed and your head is wrecked. The person you loved is a shell of themselves.

Her husband might be in this camp. Death and grief are hard.

We went to see my FIL who was going to die imminently. Except... He lived another month or so... it was incredibly hard for my husband. We had 2 days worth of clothes and were the other side of the country.trying to work FT remotely. My dh did some honestly quite weird stuff during that time which I didnt judge because he was grieving.

Her dh may "need" this holiday.

We are currently on holiday. My beloved Mother is 94 and suffering heart failure. She has told my sisters, that, if, she passes while we are away, they are forbidden to tell me, till we get home. Mum, has said all of her goodbyes and is at peace with everyone. My sisters know, that I wish to be told asap, so I can deal with my grief in private.

If my siblings didn't tell me my dm had died while i was on my hols I'd never speak to them again regardless if it was dm's idea.

My FIL was end of life, for a while, as it can often go. His son decided that they'd still go on holiday. They had two good days and then FIL died and they came home. They got two thirds refunded, they'd have got nothing back if they'd have cancelled completely. He didn't want to be with his Father when he went. His Father was out of it for the last two days. Wanting or not wanting to be with them when the die, doesn't signify how much you love your parent.

He may need the holiday but that doesn't make it right or mean OP does not have a say or view about it. Insisting that she must go on vacation when she is a state where she is starting to mourn and deal with the imminent loss of her MIL is wrong and having the perspective that only DH's view matters because she is his mother is absolutely wrong and not how families make decisions.

And a decision like this can easily cause family strife which means OP will also be caught up in simply because she has to do what DH says. This is where as a spouse you talk to your husband or wife and let them know where you stand and why you disagree and the potential issues not just pack your bag and do what DH says.

Then what? Go around Spain moping around constantly, anxiouts checking phones to see if she has passed away or not? What type of vacation is that?

Yes she may survive the vacation, but guess what she may die before they get back and once she's gone she's gone, there's no do-over and that will most likely haunt OP if not DH for a long time to come. I'm very sure that if she dies while they are away he is not going to be consoled by "at least we had a lovely holiday"

If he insists on going he can go on his own. He does not get to force everyone to go on a holiday where they will all be miserable while waiting for confirmation of wether she has passed away or not. Not to talk of the optics and how I appropriate it is.