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Problem/Dependent Drinkers and Alcoholics (recovering or active) Support V

690 replies

kokeshi · 22/05/2008 00:12

Welcome to the thread, the purpose of this is to give anyone who is having any trouble with their drinking, a safe place to come and post about it honestly and without judgement.

There are many of us that use the thread for support and encouragement: some in recovery, others just needing a place to share about their worries. It's been going on in one form of another for a while now and has helped many people.

Thank you to all of those who have kept it going thus far, and welcome to anyone who has decided the time has come to ask for help.

Everybody's welcome, no matter what stage your drinking is at.

Jump right in, the water's fine

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tengreenbottles · 12/06/2008 09:15

You could always say your on really strong antibiotics so you cant have any alcohol ,that way they will offer you soft drinks ,mind you you will have to think up some sort of infection that no-one can see ! Or you could pretend your de-toxing ( in the new age purging my body is a temple sense) which would work as long as you dont smoke ! Or you could just say you watched a documentary about alcohol and realised you were drinking over the reccommneded units and have decided to have a small liver reviving break from alcohol ,ahich is closer to the truth but without saying 'i have a problem with alcohol'.

teasle · 12/06/2008 09:43

HI 2sugars.
Could you say you were driving? Thats something I often do.

Also, re the horrible bloke in AA- I would NEVER trust some bloke I'd just met in the first place. I was always told to stick with the women, but its common sense really.

hi to everyone, hope you are all doing ok.

funkydory · 12/06/2008 09:49

Could you drive to the bbq so that you have a clear reason not to be drinking? Definitely have your reasons not to have a drink planned in advance so that you're ready to turn down any offers of alcohol. It's terrible that NOT drinking can be so difficult in social situations nowadays...it's one thing sticking to our own resolve not to drink but quite another to have the added pressure of other people encouraging the opposite!

Well done on your one week

funkydory · 12/06/2008 09:49

Xpost teasle, hi!

kokeshi · 12/06/2008 10:03

Morning.

Welcome to the thread dragonesque, you will find lots of fantastic support here, and many of us are in recovery. Sorry you were put off from posting, but please don't let that hold you back. I don't post either when there's a drunken chat going on because it's really pointless to try to talk to someone under the influence.

However, I do check the thread regularly, like many others regular (sober) posters on here so if you ever need any support there will be one of about, and ready to respond to you.

Funkydory - congratulations on your day 3! When was the last time you had 3 sober days in a row? You must feel really proud and rightly so.

2sugars, well done for going back to AA, you will find that dodgy folk are in the minority but they still exist, like every other strata of society. If you try to see people like this as just really, really sick then it makes it easier to be tolerant of them. I've met one or too in my time and it's best just to give them a body swerve. They do tell you in AA right from the word go that if you are a woman, always stick to other women and likewise for men. That protects everyone.

WRT your birthday, you're really going to have to plan in advance, it's to dangerous to leave it to chance or whether your resolve will hold up. Your not long away from drink and IME it's too dangerous. I would talk to your pals that know of your issues and tell ask them to look after you. Do this soon because you might already be starting to talk yourself into a drink (it's my birthday, I deserve it, there will be lots of drink, people don't know etc etc). Relapses begin in our minds way before we ever pick up that drink again so you need to ask yourself honestly are you beginning to give yourself permission to drink?

There are so many sobriety threatening situations we can be put in and we need a cast iron plan of action every time. It took me a long time to get comfortable with telling people I don't drink, you'd be surprised at how many people just accept that statement for what it is. The only people who ever interrogate me about it or try to cajole me into drinking are most likely people with drink problems themselves.

You can do this by the way. It's one of the first things they explain in alcohol rehab/therapy - that planning is paramount. I've been 'caught out' far too many time in the past by doing exactly the same thing.

tengreenbottles has some fantastic suggestions for 'reasons' why you can't drink.

Oh, and have a great birthday by they way - it will be way better if you are sober

Hi to Daisy, PO, and teasle for yesterday and all the other lurkers. Jump in and post!

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kokeshi · 12/06/2008 10:04

x-posted with teasle and funkydory! See, the possibilities are endless!

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gerbra · 12/06/2008 10:59

Good morning all - hi to everyone, new posters and old!

Lots of you sound like you're having a really positive time, well done .

For those still trying, like me at the moment, keep trying...

I hate confrontation more than anything, but I have to mention that the comments about people posting on here drunk made me sad. Dragonesque I totally understand why you didn't want to post at that point, (whatever point is was), please don't think I'm having a go. But, on an 'recovering and active drinkers' thread, there is surely going to be people posting drunk from time to time. And yes, I am a culprit and I always read back on my drunken posts and cringe.

To know that some will stay away when people seem drunk as there's no point in talking to them, seems sad to know on this thread.

I hate being drunk, I hate posting drunk, but if I do it's usually because I'm looking for a supportive word or a and I imagined that this thread would be an obvious port of call. And yes I've done silly things...I'm the first to admit it.

Just want to say really good on everyone for what they've achieved / trying to achieve, it's brilliant

Had a sober night last night too!!

Gerbra x

lackaDAISYcal · 12/06/2008 11:45

morning.

gerbra, please don't be upset by the comments about not wanting to post when there is a drunken conversation going on. Yes, there will be people posting when drunk, but I think there is a world of difference between someone posting for support as they are upset about their drinking and are here looking for advice on reducing/stopping which will garner lots of support and encouragement and a chatty dialogue which should probably be taken to a chat thread (and no-one likes to intrude on what appears to be a conversation between two or three people). IMVVHO the drunken chatting kind of defeats the spirit of the thread, which is supporting people who want to give up or reduce their intake.

I'm not trying to upset anyone by that paragraph and I hope no-one takes it personally, just trying to state my position and how the chattiness sometimes affects me. Basically if I'm trying to steer clear of alcohol I wouldn't go to the pub, so I equally wouldn't get involved in drunken chat online.

kokeshi · 12/06/2008 12:46

Gerbra, well done on your sober night!

So, listen, you are a valued poster on this thread but I think the problem arises because all of us on here are affected by drinking - it's a life and death situation for many of us.

Although we can offer support and encouragement for people who are looking for a solution, none of us can help anyone else ultimately. The decision to make changes and the action put in by the problem drinker is what makes all the difference. We are powerless to help anyone who isn't ready to help themselves.

It is a difficult place to be, and we have all been there, but nothing will change until we actually confront the extent of our problems and do something.

You say you hate being drunk and posting, do you feel that perhaps you need to look at other sources of help? Perhaps the GP, a treatment centre or AA? If you really feel you have no choice or can't help it, then I'd urge you to seek some help. None of us can do this alone and it ends up we just become pissed off at ourselves for not having the 'willpower'. As soon as I admitted and accepted that my drinking was out of control and I couldn't do it alone, things started to change.

PLease don't feel bad, and I'm not getting at you or anyone else. I think all of us have to be honest with ourselves and make a decision if we either want or need to change.

Take care of yourself.

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kokeshi · 12/06/2008 12:54

I meant to add that as part of our recovery strategies most of us havde to avoid trigger situations like pubs, clubs, and keep sober company. There are so many tempations for teh recovering drinker and it's nice to have a place of safety for people to come to when they're feeling low. Sobriety is a challenging place and it helps if we're all on the same level.

None of us are professional alcohol counsellors, we are all problem drinkers who are trying to find a solution together. It's fair to say we have to consider each other and be sensitive to the needs of those of us who are in a difficult place.

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gerbra · 12/06/2008 13:08

Hi Kokeshi and Daisy,
I think my post was a reflex action this morning. I do feel really rubbish at the moment (sorry for the negative language!) and feel particularly sensitive and raw.

I think it was the sentiment that there's no point in talking to someone when they're drunk that hit a nerve...for some reason...

I totally understand where you're coming from though. I actually feel the same which is why I've been posting less over the last week or so. I do hate posting drunk, but when your're feeling drunk (and most likely miserable) it's sometimes nice to make contact with someone else (drunk or sober). I do see where you're coming from about Chat Daisy, but here people know your situation, whereas in Chat, you're just a name.

I am sorry if I've put anyone off posting though...

Well, my plans - and I've made some plans: this weekend I'm with my friend on a girls weekend. She, like me, drinks a fair bit so I'm not going to attempt anything drastic before the weekend.

After the weekend. I've done Mondays to Thursdays sober over the last few weeks. My goal is to stay sober for a month until DP's birthday. I have to see GP towards the end of next week for another reason, and if I'm not managing next week, I've promised myself I will talk to her then. She's lovely and I don't know why I find it hard to get my head round talking to her.

Oh yes, and am planning to be sober tonight too.

PurpleOne, good luck with the meeting today if you go...your resolve in wanting to sort this, despite the setbacks, is truly fantastic!

Have a good day everyone and a very big well done, so many seem to be really making strides in cutting down / stopping, it's very inspiring!
Gerbra x

gerbra · 12/06/2008 13:12

But kokeshi, should this not be a thread for recovered drinkers only then?

teasle · 12/06/2008 13:13

HI everyone, lots of posts which is nice to see.

glad people are posting again. x

teasle · 12/06/2008 13:15

Hi Gerbra, I think its good how Daisy put her view across- so don't be paranoid eh? x

kokeshi · 12/06/2008 13:29

gerbra, it's for anyone with a drinking problem looking for support in finding a solution. We all started somewhere so of course it's not just for 'recovered' drinkers...is there such a thing?

However, we're all in the same boat with the difficulties with drink and all of us only have this 24 hours in hand. I believe that as an alcoholic, I was always be recovering on a daily basis. None of us are cured which is why we all have to be sensitive to each other's needs.

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gerbra · 12/06/2008 13:37

I mean't to say 'recovering' not 'recovered' Kokeshi!

Amazingly, I'm not being paranoid Teasle (for once!) and I'm definitely not being deliberately obtuse here, I'm just trying to work out where I can be on this thread at benefit to myself and not at detriment to others

Gerbra x

kokeshi · 12/06/2008 13:47

gerbra, don't feel you can't post, we're all here for each other. I don't think anything has changed really, perhaps we just need to be aware of who is reading and how they may be affected is all.

If I recall, it was only really one or two occasions and I don't think it's you that causes the issues anyway. Please don't take it the wrong way. Like I said, you are a valuable member of the thread and please keep posting.

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MONKEYMONKEY · 12/06/2008 13:54

Hi I have a DP who drinks 8 cans + a night every night! and I hate this. Not only is it upsetting for me but also for my DS.
Last night I think he drank nearly 2 crates with a family friend. I cry almost every night wishing either.
1] he'd stop
OR
2] I wish I never laid eyes on him.
I don't even drink anymore cuz he has taken all the fun out of it for me IYKWIM

MONKEYMONKEY · 12/06/2008 13:55

Oh P.S when he does have too much I can get up in the morning and find a WET settee!!!
(catch my drift)

kokeshi · 12/06/2008 14:07

Hi monkeymonkey, sorry you've been affected by someone's drinking. Has he ever sought help for it? Unfortunately I don't think anyone can do anything for him until he is ready to help himself.

Have you heard of AlAnon? It's a support fellowship for loved ones of problem drinkers and I know they help many people.

AlAnon website

There's also a support thread for partners of addicts and alcoholics here

I was married to an alcoholic who subsequently took his own life. This is a horribly destructive addiction for everyone involved,thet's why they all it 'the family illness'.

I wish you well.

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FioFio · 12/06/2008 14:11

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MONKEYMONKEY · 12/06/2008 14:12

He don't seem to think he has a problem, and I get support from my family but his family think it's funny cuz it upsets me! They are a very cruel vicious (sp?) family!

FioFio · 12/06/2008 14:13

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tengreenbottles · 12/06/2008 14:59

Fio sorry to hear your not feeling well . I think your right what you say about families and drinking ,it sounds as though drinking large amounts is almost expected in monkeys DHs family .They probably think shes a big girls blouse fro not joining in !
Has he always drunk alot monkey or is the something new ?

tengreenbottles · 12/06/2008 15:04

Im also going to add that i have never wet myself while under the influence ,do i get a badge

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