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Original poster

I was examined by a male dr and now I feel violated and traumatised

206 replies

Shoot4theMoon · 08/03/2023 18:02

I was sent to a women’s breast clinic by my gp after having an issue with one breast, my gp examined me and referred me urgently, my gp was female. I assumed since I was headed to a women’s breast clinic it would be all female drs but I was very wrong and it was only male drs and female nurses, the male dr wanted to examine me, I was scared but I’d been waiting 2 weeks and this was a cancer risk so I agreed, he didn’t wear gloves he was sneezing my breasts and nipples both of them even when I just have a problem in the left, I left feeling extremely violated and went straight to town on the drink I felt traumatised. Iv told a few of my close friends and they said they would feel the same. Am I being stupid? I had a ver traumatic experience 5 months ago which I’m on medication for when I needed emergency surgery and almost died and ended up in ICU so I don’t know if this is why this has really got to me. I’m young he was probs mid 40s it was awful I didn’t sleep last night I sat crying but the amount of vodka I tipped down my neck hadn’t helped but I didn’t feel like this at all after my female gp examined me I just went about my day. But this time I feel violated that a big man in his mid 40s was groping my breasts and nipples, yes it’s his job I get that but it’s really disturbed me. Is it normal to feel this way?

OP posts:
fortheloveofflowers · 08/03/2023 18:04

You do realise they have to assess both breasts right? Unless your breasts were dirty then I can see no reason for him to wear gloves either.

Middletoleft · 08/03/2023 18:06

I'd be more worried about him sneezing all over me and a general lack of professionalism.

maeveiscurious · 08/03/2023 18:06

I saw a male doctor on a breast exam, it was painful as he needed to check if I had cancer. I had a mammogram with a female and finally an ultrasound with a mixed sex team.

Did I feel comfortable -no!

Was the male doctor doing his job - yes

No one can tell you about his you felt in that moment. I understand you are upset.

The doctor you saw was doing his job, I am sure there was no other intent

crackofdoom · 08/03/2023 18:07

Not usually, no. Male doctors are professionals too! That said, if you were that triggered by the thought of a male doctor, I'm sure you could have requested a woman. But perhaps you didn't realise how much it would affect you in advance?

Feeling so traumatised that you have to go out and get drunk strikes me as a very extreme reaction.

RedHelenB · 08/03/2023 18:07

Was there a chaperone? What was the outcome?

Itdjgsurchg · 08/03/2023 18:07

Was there not a chaperone? A nurse or somebody in the room? I haven’t had a breast exam before so am not sure what is normal but have worked at a doctors and the doctor would normally call a nurse in to chaperone on these types of exams.

BIWI · 08/03/2023 18:07

Were you not offered a chaperone?

... and how do you expect him to diagnose anything without touching you? He would have had to touch both breasts for a comparison.

I'm sorry about your previous experience, but you need to stand back from this a bit and calm down.

TheFormidableMrsC · 08/03/2023 18:07

Ok, I think you're being very unreasonable. He's not groping you and squeezing your nipples, he's giving you a thorough examination. I presume you had a nurse present as that is a requirement. I have had breast cancer, my surgeon was male and my oncologist was male, both examined me repeatedly and thoroughly as they are supposed to. My biopsies a were also taken by a male radiographer and that was pretty brutal although he was lovely.

It's clear that you have some trauma attached to this and I absolutely don't minimise that. I'd go back to your GP to discuss this. However, breast examinations are intrusive at times. I hope you're clear and OK.

tunamayo81 · 08/03/2023 18:09

Shoot4theMoon · 08/03/2023 18:02

I was sent to a women’s breast clinic by my gp after having an issue with one breast, my gp examined me and referred me urgently, my gp was female. I assumed since I was headed to a women’s breast clinic it would be all female drs but I was very wrong and it was only male drs and female nurses, the male dr wanted to examine me, I was scared but I’d been waiting 2 weeks and this was a cancer risk so I agreed, he didn’t wear gloves he was sneezing my breasts and nipples both of them even when I just have a problem in the left, I left feeling extremely violated and went straight to town on the drink I felt traumatised. Iv told a few of my close friends and they said they would feel the same. Am I being stupid? I had a ver traumatic experience 5 months ago which I’m on medication for when I needed emergency surgery and almost died and ended up in ICU so I don’t know if this is why this has really got to me. I’m young he was probs mid 40s it was awful I didn’t sleep last night I sat crying but the amount of vodka I tipped down my neck hadn’t helped but I didn’t feel like this at all after my female gp examined me I just went about my day. But this time I feel violated that a big man in his mid 40s was groping my breasts and nipples, yes it’s his job I get that but it’s really disturbed me. Is it normal to feel this way?

It’s not a normal response. It’s understandable to feel a bit awkward but not to the extent you have to turn to the drink! Do you have a trauma history?

Theredjellybean · 08/03/2023 18:10

I'm sorry you feel this way but it does seem a rather over reaction.
You cannot guarantee the sex of the doctor..do you really think only female doctors to "female" specialities...and there is no such thing as a woman's breast clinic...you do know men get breast cancer too don't you?
Both breasts have to be examined and yes it can feel like squeezing.
It is so demoralizing to doctors to read this stuff...doing our job and patients and their mates jumping on "I've been violated" narrative when what you had was a normal breast examination by a Doctor...

Moonicorn · 08/03/2023 18:10

I had a breast ultrasound by a male doctor. Didn’t think anything of it 🤷🏼‍♀️

TheFormidableMrsC · 08/03/2023 18:10

Can I just add that wearing gloves is not a thing with breast exams. My surgeon actually used to turn his back to me while he did the exams because it was his fingers and hands that told him what the tissue felt like. You can't do that with gloves! I also think your drinking reaction was extreme.

notthisagainforest · 08/03/2023 18:11

I'm sure there would have been a female nurse present. You are massively over reacting here. They have to feel both Breast's that's normal proceedure.

Xrays · 08/03/2023 18:12

I’m sorry you feel this way. In the future you can just say no. Don’t ever feel you have to go along with anything - however as you quite rightly say it would have been a longer wait to find out what’s wrong if you specified you only wanted a female doctor.

It’s very normal for them to examine both breasts - they have to feel what’s normal for you and feeling the normal breast is a good way of doing this.

Boringcookingquestion · 08/03/2023 18:12

You feel however you feel, that’s not wrong. Your exam sounds normal though. I’ve been examined by both male and female drs and checking both breasts is normal.

maddy68 · 08/03/2023 18:13

They assess both breasts ti see what's normal for you ? Why would you think that you would get a female doctor? I dint think I have ever seen a female doctor tbh

MarieRoseMarie · 08/03/2023 18:13

I’ve had multiple breast exams given by men. They were fine. Also “squeezing and groping” is ridiculous. They examine the breast.

EmilyGilmoresSass · 08/03/2023 18:13

I had a male midwife break my waters, a male consultant deliver my daughter and a year later I had a male insert my coil. I didn't think twice of any of it, I actually applaud males who are comfortable to go into such professions when there still seems to be so much stigma around it. I wouldn't have thought twice if it was something that involving my health. But if you were uncomfortable you could have said?

Greensleeves · 08/03/2023 18:14

I don't understand why people are saying YABU - you are talking about how you feel about what happened. You feel violated, traumatised and distressed; that's not wrong or unreasonable, it's your reaction and I'm uncomfortable with people telling you it's wrong.

That said, objectively the examination doesn't sound untypical for a thorough breast exam (though I would have expected gloves as well). You say you've had some previous trauma (which sounds awful) which may mean you're suffering from PTSD; this would make an event like this extremely difficult to cope with. PTSD is treatable; I would give yourself a bit of time to recover, and then go and see your GP and have a conversation about it. You don't have to be accusing the doctor of misconduct to share that you felt traumatised and that you need some help processing how you reacted to it. And you know drinking won't help, so try not to go there when you feel overwhelmed...it will make things worse in the long run.

Harryisabollock · 08/03/2023 18:14

Think you are overreacting somewhat - and doesn't excuse tipping vodka down your neck if you have a serious health concern....I'd be more worried about your drinking...

Moonicorn · 08/03/2023 18:16

@Greensleeves because feelings aren’t always warranted or valid. And affirming over the top reactions isn’t in the best interests of the person experiencing them. You can’t go through life like that.

nicknamehelp · 08/03/2023 18:16

Did you really think firstly it would be a female Dr 🤔 2ndly that said Dr would not need to actually touch your breast and the other one for comparison? They can't tell often with breasts without feeling them very firmly what is happening.
Think your reaction of going out and getting drunk is extreme. No one likes this sort of examination but sometimes you just have to suck it up to get to the bottom of the problem.

GlassBunion · 08/03/2023 18:16

I'm wondering whether you suddenly realised that a man was examining you and you you've suddenly thought 'man! He's squeezing my breasts! '

I think you you need to accept that there are male doctors who specialise in women's health issues.

They have to squeeze hard . Women have squeezed hard on my breasts.

I think you're overreacting.

Nimbostratus100 · 08/03/2023 18:19

It sounds like a completely normal, thorough, breast exam

Redglitter · 08/03/2023 18:22

But this time I feel violated that a big man in his mid 40s was groping my breasts and nipples, yes it’s his job I get that but it’s really disturbed me. Is it normal to feel this way

Honestly, no.its not. He wasn't a big man in his 40s groping your breasts. He was a highly trained professional doing a medical examination on you. He had to examine both breasts.

i can understand feeling awkward at the time but crying, not sleeping & drinking heavily is not a normal reaction to this.