I was examined by a male dr and now I feel violated and traumatised

[Shoot4theMoon]

I was sent to a women’s breast clinic by my gp after having an issue with one breast, my gp examined me and referred me urgently, my gp was female. I assumed since I was headed to a women’s breast clinic it would be all female drs but I was very wrong and it was only male drs and female nurses, the male dr wanted to examine me, I was scared but I’d been waiting 2 weeks and this was a cancer risk so I agreed, he didn’t wear gloves he was sneezing my breasts and nipples both of them even when I just have a problem in the left, I left feeling extremely violated and went straight to town on the drink I felt traumatised. Iv told a few of my close friends and they said they would feel the same. Am I being stupid? I had a ver traumatic experience 5 months ago which I’m on medication for when I needed emergency surgery and almost died and ended up in ICU so I don’t know if this is why this has really got to me. I’m young he was probs mid 40s it was awful I didn’t sleep last night I sat crying but the amount of vodka I tipped down my neck hadn’t helped but I didn’t feel like this at all after my female gp examined me I just went about my day. But this time I feel violated that a big man in his mid 40s was groping my breasts and nipples, yes it’s his job I get that but it’s really disturbed me. Is it normal to feel this way?

I would ignore the people dismissing your reaction - they weren't there and don't know what his manner or behaviour was like.

It is certainly the case that sometimes medical professionals can use their role as a cover for unnecessary violating examinations, and if you feel this was one of those occasions, then I would in the first place talk it over with a counsellor and give some thought to whether you want to make a complaint.

Look after yourself.

It's impossible to do a proper examination with gloves on (try it yourself - gloves impact on feeling). And he's a professional doing his job, which is to possibly save you from serious ill health.

I'd be more worried that your reaction was to go off and drink far too much alcohol. I'm seriously suggesting that you speak to your GP about your mental health and alcohol intake.

It doesn't sound like the dr has done anything wrong. I had males do mine and a male gp to begin with for that matter they do check both breasts and they don't wear gloves this is completely normal, your reaction however is not. You clearly need therapy which is fine but it's your issue not the drs

I think it may be your past trauma influencing your reaction here, OP You can ask for a chaperone during an examination, so I would do that in future. It does sound like a normal breast examination - they have to palpate the breasts to check the texture, and they will check both as they wouldn't want to miss something. Sneezing would be off-putting - you could take some early-defence cold meds if you are worried.

I had a male GP for a breast exam. He asked if I was OK with it, I agreed. There was a female chaperone present, he explained every step and examined both breasts even though only one was a problem.

I think you are overreacting as it doesn't sound as if the doctor acted in appropriately in any way at all

It's perfectly ok to be uncomfortable having an intimate exam by a male doctor, particularly when you have no frame of reference for what would be involved.

I assume you were offered a chaperone but if not, you are able to ask for one and shouldn't feel awkward when doing so. I do think that male doctors should be more sensitive to the fact that many women are uncomfortable, for whatever reason, being examined and should offer a chaperone, explain what they are going to do and explicitly ask for consent.

Let's not pretend that there isn't a history of male doctors who have acted inappropriately with female patients.

It's entirely possible that the OP was just uncomfortable but it's also equally possible that her instincts were right and there was something untowards about the examination. I've advocated for women who felt uncomfortable with a particular male doctor but felt unable to say anything and when they've shared the experience with other patients, had their concerns dismissed only to have to give evidence years later as it turns out that far from being a medical exam, it was sexual assault.

There's a difference between discomfort and awkwardness and a sense of violation. The older I get, the less inclined I am to dismiss a woman who feels that an examination was somehow wrong and is distressed by it because history shows us time and time again that abusive men deliberately put themselves in positions where they have authority over and access to women.

oh come on people. Why on Earth do you feel the need to make the OP even more crap by telling her she is over the top???

@Shoot4theMoon it sounds spike his bed side manners were crap to say the least, which explains why you felt violated.
He should have explained each step to you and check regularly for consent. A quick ‘are You OK to be examined?’ to someone who is anxious and frightened is nit enough.

Was he out of line with his examination? Maybe not.
Was he out if line with the WAY he examined you? I suspect so.

My (wonderful) breast cancer specialist and surgeon was a man. A famous Professor in his field. He examined both my breasts and both my nipples and both my armpits, so that he could compare the one with lumps to the other one. The unaffected side showed what my breasts are normally like. Post surgery and recovery, he needed to feel if there were any new lumps, thickenings, enlarged milk and lymph glands.

Breast exams are never done in gloves because the DR needs to feel any differences in the skin texture and temperature.

You received absolutely normal standard treatment.

I’d say the biggest difference between you and the Op is that your doctor EXPLAINED EACH STEP TO YOU

Im pretty sure you would t have felt as comfortable if he hadn’t and had just proceeded to examine both breasts, do a painful examination, checked your nipples Wo a word or what and why.

He wasn’t groping you, he was examining you and just doing his job. Only regimes like the Taliban ban male doctors from treating women.

You can request to be seen by a female doctor if it really upsets you, but this can’t always be accommodated, and may well delay your treatment.

Hope you never need a stretch and sweep by a male obstetrician 😳. I had a male midwife too. He was lovely and very good at his job

You are being ridiculous. They examine you to ascertain the risk of breast cancer. My husband was waiting behind the curtain when the male dr examined me and my husband said after that that sounded horrendous. It was fine and what was needed to determine whether I had cancer or not. I did not feel violated. He was a professional doctor examining me.

I think you need to talk through your issues with someone op.
The doctor was doing his job.

I’ve seen several male gynaecologists in my time. I wouldn’t like the sneezing but the suggestion a male shouldn’t do the job is absurd.

I appreciate that you're not in a good place mentally, however from your description you had a normal breast screen.
When I went, I was offered the opportunity to have a female present, and the man who completed my breast check did explain to me that he wanted to check both of my breasts so he knew what was normal for me, and what mightve been connected to my breast lump.

Please do speak with your gp though. They'll be able to provide support with your anxiety.

I think the op meant squeezing not sneezing …and yes, not wearing gloves and thoroughly examining both breasts including nipples and armpits is a NORMAL breast exam. What none of us can determine is whether or not this was done in a manner that “didn’t feel right”…..but I would say OP ,if you have a history of other trauma then often your brain can interpret “normal” situations as being unsafe. As you expected there would only be female staff there then it suggests you may have a particular trigger of being intimately examined by a male health professional….but personally I would flag your experience up with your female gp if you feel able to discuss it as sounds as if you are in need of support.

Huge overreaction.

Will you feel the same if you need a gynaecology appointment with a male? I had a male midwife. I was just glad someone was helping me.

Agree with PP you possibly need some kind of therapy so this doesn’t upset you next time something similar happens.

But this time I feel violated that a big man in his mid 40s was groping my breasts and nipples, yes it’s his job I get that but it’s really disturbed me. Is it normal to feel this way?

No. He was doing his job. You either want someone to check you out and make sure all is okay, or you don't. He was doing a thorough examination of both breasts, as he should have done.

You received absolutely normal standard treatment.

The OP is stating that she was distressed and felt violated so how can you be so confident in this statement ?

Abusive male doctors don't tend to act outrageously, they skirt around normal boundaries, push things just a little, ignore body language and gaslight their victims. And for every person that then tells that patient - oh, that's just what doctors do - makes them complicit in a woman keeping silent.

The starting point should be to believe her when she shares her experience and to explore it with her, not to rush to defend a doctor no one knows and a process no one else witnessed. What happened to 'I believe her' ?

My advice would be that now you know your reaction (and it's exactly that, it's YOUR reaction) you need to research any procedures beforehand to minimise anxiety as you'll know what to expect. As others have said you are within your rights to request a female practitioner or a chaperone but this may delay care if unavailable.

It sounds like the doctor did nothing wrong but that doesn't minimise your feelings. That being said " throwing vodka" down your neck isn't a good way of coping with such events.

Because if people don't tell her she's being over the top and act like her friends did and make out something was going on when it wasn't, She may then choose to put a complaint in against the dr who will get investigated for being a pervert when he's clearly done nothing wrong and it was a normal breast exam

I can’t believe people saying “I had a male midwife, I was fine” or “he’s just doing his job get over it”.
How helpful of them.

The fact is, you’re not fine for some reason. Their experience doesn’t make your feelings unwarranted.

We don’t know what his bedside manner was like, we weren’t there. Was he thoroughly explaining everything to you as he examined you? Was there a chaperone present?

Some women don’t understand that some females prefer intimate examinations don’t by other females. That’s a choice which should be respected. Just because some women are okay with a male performing intimate care, does not mean all women should be okay with it. For some women, having a male doctor can be traumatic. Rape victims and abuse survivors especially, as well as women who’ve previously been assaulted by a male health professional. Just because you are okay with it doesn’t mean every women should be. Please have some compassion.

No it’s not normal. You had a female chaperone. They need to feel both breasts to compare them. They’re looking at them as doctors, not as sexual men.

I’m really sorry you felt traumatised but this sounds like a normal breast clinic appointment. Having anyone feel your breasts like that feels invasive, because they’re extremely thorough.

What happened to 'I believe her' ?

It's apparently been changed to "shut people down and tell them what their experiences really are". 🙄Happy Women's Day.

To the people saying a chaperone is a requirement - I think you have to be offered one.

Years ago I had a breast exam with my male GP. He asked me if I wanted a chaperone so I said yes and he called in a receptionist. Afterwards he said I was only the second person to ever say yes! I was really surprised and said that apart from anything else it's protection for the GP as well that nothing untoward went on.

You can't help your reaction OP and I'd have expected a female doctor in a specialist clinic as well. But I am sure he wasn't doing anything wrong. However, the suggestion upthread to talk about the way you felt with your GP or another health professional is a good one.

I remember feeling quite violated after my first smear test so it's not weird.

to answer your question, no your reaction is not normal.
I‘ve not had this type of examination, but I have had a male Dr examine my cervix. I didn’t feel the need for a drink afterwards.