I was examined by a male dr and now I feel violated and traumatised

[Shoot4theMoon]

I was sent to a women’s breast clinic by my gp after having an issue with one breast, my gp examined me and referred me urgently, my gp was female. I assumed since I was headed to a women’s breast clinic it would be all female drs but I was very wrong and it was only male drs and female nurses, the male dr wanted to examine me, I was scared but I’d been waiting 2 weeks and this was a cancer risk so I agreed, he didn’t wear gloves he was sneezing my breasts and nipples both of them even when I just have a problem in the left, I left feeling extremely violated and went straight to town on the drink I felt traumatised. Iv told a few of my close friends and they said they would feel the same. Am I being stupid? I had a ver traumatic experience 5 months ago which I’m on medication for when I needed emergency surgery and almost died and ended up in ICU so I don’t know if this is why this has really got to me. I’m young he was probs mid 40s it was awful I didn’t sleep last night I sat crying but the amount of vodka I tipped down my neck hadn’t helped but I didn’t feel like this at all after my female gp examined me I just went about my day. But this time I feel violated that a big man in his mid 40s was groping my breasts and nipples, yes it’s his job I get that but it’s really disturbed me. Is it normal to feel this way?

I would give yourself a bit of time to recover, and then go and see your GP and have a conversation about it. You don't have to be accusing the doctor of misconduct to share that you felt traumatised and that you need some help processing

Most sensible reply. @Shoot4theMoon, it sounds like you were surprised by the strength of your own reaction - this is an excellent prompt to discuss it with a professional, so you get a better idea of how you'll approach such events in future. Would it have helped to have a friend or a female nurse with you, for example? Or maybe this was a one-off and what you really needed was to process the earlier trauma.

Your breast exam sounds par for the course - assuming you mean 'squeezing' not sneezing!

Completely okay to feel uncomfortable about it. However it sounds like the dr was just doing his job.

You are U to have expected an all female staff.

What's the reference to you being young and him being older? You say you feel violated by 'a big man in his 40s' almost as though if it were a young man in his 20s it wouldn't be so bad? You can't help the way you felt, but I agree with others, getting wasted was a bizarre overreaction. I've had many intimate exams by male doctors over the years, embarrassing? Yes. But at the end of the day they're just doing their job.

I understand the people saying "your reaction is your reaction and you can't help how you feel about it".

But most people wouldn't react to that way when being examined by a male medical professional, who was doing his job. There is clearly something else going on here, the idea that a standard inspection was groping with the inference that the doc was getting off on it. Certainly not trauma to the extent of going out and drinking yourself into oblivion.

There is nothing wrong with insisting on a female medic, but that comes with implications too, that it might take longer to be seen. And acknowledging your issues and dealing with them.

Get a grip. He did his job.

It sounds like a normal breast exam.

It obviously triggered something for you so it might be worth thinking about what that is. In future you can request a female doctor- it’s not always possible and it may mean a delay but you don’t have to consent to examination by a man. That is your choice. However, given that choosing not to consent could delay things, it would be better to address why you’re upset so you can move on. As you say, it may be connected to your earlier trauma.

I have had breast examinations. My consultant was male. He didn't wear gloves. Gave both breasts a very thorough exam, including my nipples. I think there was a nurse on the other side of the curtain and for one examination my DC were there too! It did feel awkward. But I didn't feel anything inappropriate happened.

You feel how you feel and you can't help that.

But the appointment was perfectly normal - been through that several times.

I’ve been to the breast clinic twice. The last time very recently. I was seen both times by male drs. I was very grateful that they were thorough. The second time I went the dr found a lump in the breast I hadn’t even been referred for and I hadn’t even noticed despite being vigilant in examining myself regularly. It was nothing thankfully. Your dr was literally doing his job. I can see how you might feel like this though. I had a boob job years ago and I remember feeling very uncomfortable the first time I was examined in the consultation.

Sorry @Shoot4theMoon but what you have described is literally him doing his job. I've had 2 urgent referrals for breast lumps, always male consultant. You should have been offered one of the nurses as a chaperone.

They absolutely have to check both breasts. Can you imagine the lawsuit if you went for an issue on the left, he gave you a clean bill of health on the left but several months later found you'd had a lump in your right they could have done something about?

They have to press rather hard and 'squeeze', they can't feel through potentially an inch or two of tissue to the back with a light pat. They have to be thorough as some lumps are less than a centimetre. Also the hardness of the lump and whether it moves when you roll it is also indicative of what it is and how serious its likely to be. One of mine was a breast mouse which moved around easy, other was just a lumpy duct. He probably does many of these exams each day.

He could have worn gloves, I've had some just sanitise their hands because, again, gloves take away some of the feeling so it can make smaller lumps harder to detect or means they need to press harder.

I'm sorry you feel the way you do, but I also can't really see where he went wrong as long as he behaved in a professional manner.

There must be something behind your feelings of violation which you perhaps need help with. I don't think your reaction was standard. Doctors have to do a proper examination whether they are male or female.

No, it's not normal to feel this way. Your reaction was completely OTT. He's a professional, it's his job - and yes, I have had my breasts examined by my male GP, I couldn't have cared less.

The Dr was doing his job ! My husband had a female urologist examine his penis and it was not an issue.

He could have worn gloves,

Gloves make it harder to feel though. Especially when you are trying to detect really small changes. Completely different - but in my field which involves handling old, delicate documents in archives we do not use gloves as it increases the risk of careless handling, ripping and tearing.

It’s not standard practice to wear gloves, as it reduces sensation. I can see both sides of the argument, but it’s not a red flag that he wasn’t wearing them. Obviously hands should be sanitised before and after, and the doctor should be bare below the elbows etc. They do need to feel relatively deeply, as breast tissue is dense, and they do need to feel the nipples, armpits, and both breasts.

There may not be a female surgeon employed in the department - most breast units only have 3-6 consultants, it isn’t a massive field. If it’s something that is really important to you (for any reason, previous trauma, religious sensibilities etc), you need to let your GP know at the time of the referral so they can specify that in the referral - for example in my unit if you wanted to see a female doctor you would need to go to one specific clinic, if you didn’t mind you’d have a choice of 3. So it is much easier to accommodate if we know upfront.

Was the nurse male or female and also in the room?

they have to check both breasts thoroughly, standard procedure.

you could have declined if you didn’t want a male.

from what you’ve described the Dr has done nothing but his job.

I had a breast examination a few months ago, by a male doctor, a female nurse was present, he was extremely thorough, reassuring and discussed what he was going to do, what he was doing during and then what happens next.

so based on what you’ve said, you’re reaction is not normal and can be very damaging to his career, proceed carefully and truly ask yourself if he did anything wrong.

Gloves are not appropriate for breast exams and I've never known them to be used. Clean hands are obviously a requirement though.

You are being completely ridiculous. Your breasts were given a clinical examination by a qualified medical professional. The doctor’s gender is irrelevant. He needed to examine both breasts in order to compare them, looking for any differences between them and to establish what is ‘normal for you’.

I do understand. I had a male doctor at a leading London hospital doing a breast exam and it really creeped me out. I later spoke to my friend who is also herself a senior nurse and she had seen him to and said he creeped her out also. Neither of us complained but there was something very unsettling about his manner.

When I was referred under the 2 week wait I was just so grateful to be seen and checked, I didn't care who it was that done it.

You are simply one of many thousands he will have seen. He won't even remember you. He probably didn't even register your face.
Why are you feeling violated? What did you think would happen?

Did you have a chaperone with you OP?
You can't help your reaction.
You can ask for a female doctor at any time. There might have to reschedule your appointment or if you ring in advance they may be able to arrange it.

I wouldn't expect a female doctor for breast examinations, I've had a few gynae problems and infertility and all doctors have been male.
I'm a nurse have sometimes have to hold penis' while I place a catheter. It's not something I enjoy or anything it is just part of my job role to help people.

The doctor is examining your breast, they have to examine both to assess and compare.
Have you had any previous experience with men touching you inappropriately? Or previous bad experiences with healthcare professionals?

sounds like a normal breast exam.

I've recently had lots of gynea issues and have had lots of drs both male and female examining me in the most intimate of places.

BUT they were doing their job (and saving my life)

I did sign written persmission for male medical students to feel around inside my vagina while I was under general aneasthetic so that they could learn from me, and know what to feel for on someone else next time.

I couldnt care less that they were male... they were medical proffessionals doing / learning their job.

And would expect a breast exam to involve squeezing both breasts

I remember when I was 21 I needed a cystoscopy and while lying in the bed feeling very scared and vulnerable already there were 2 Male doctors with very brusque bedside manner roughly poking at my vagina and having a conversation with their faces next to it. I am 36 now and I still feel uncomfortable about it and always ask for a female doctor for intimate exams now. I dont think they did anything wrong but they could have handled it more sensitively and maybe it's the same for you?

I've had breast examinations, smear tests and gynecology tests done by males. All fine by me, nothing to be concerned about.

I suggest you get some help for your anxiety though, and don't use drink as a crutch, it really won't solve anything.