I was examined by a male dr and now I feel violated and traumatised

[Shoot4theMoon]

I was sent to a women’s breast clinic by my gp after having an issue with one breast, my gp examined me and referred me urgently, my gp was female. I assumed since I was headed to a women’s breast clinic it would be all female drs but I was very wrong and it was only male drs and female nurses, the male dr wanted to examine me, I was scared but I’d been waiting 2 weeks and this was a cancer risk so I agreed, he didn’t wear gloves he was sneezing my breasts and nipples both of them even when I just have a problem in the left, I left feeling extremely violated and went straight to town on the drink I felt traumatised. Iv told a few of my close friends and they said they would feel the same. Am I being stupid? I had a ver traumatic experience 5 months ago which I’m on medication for when I needed emergency surgery and almost died and ended up in ICU so I don’t know if this is why this has really got to me. I’m young he was probs mid 40s it was awful I didn’t sleep last night I sat crying but the amount of vodka I tipped down my neck hadn’t helped but I didn’t feel like this at all after my female gp examined me I just went about my day. But this time I feel violated that a big man in his mid 40s was groping my breasts and nipples, yes it’s his job I get that but it’s really disturbed me. Is it normal to feel this way?

YABU

I'm sorry you felt traumatised. You should know it's totally normal to examine both breasts even if only one has the problem. They are looking for differences and trying get an idea of what is normal for you. I do think some doctors don't realise how humiliating these exams can be for women. I've had many intimate exams by both male and females doctors, and there are definitely doctors who are better at it than others. Once I had a female GP do a cervical exame due to an issue (was not a routing one) and she literally left the room for like 15 minutes with the speculum up me. I was furious. Some of them are just so oblivious to patient's feelings.

Of course you don't need to be offered one you can ask

OP you are being ridiculous. This was a professional man doing his job to HELP you . Your reaction to neck alcohol is totally OTT and people like you are more of a danger to him with your wild accusations and total lack of awareness than anything he can do to you . No wonder chaperones are needed , to protect professionals from people like you .

I don't think the OP said she had a female chaperone present.

I kind of see where you are coming from, and would of refused and asked for a female Dr/ consultant....like what I normally do.

Just to add that doctors and nurses can be male/female but you always have a chaperone. Everyone abreast feel different and they have to examine the “normal” one to know what your breasts feel like so they can find the lump. Part of this is squeezing the nipple to see if there’s any discharge.
also wearing gloves means slightly less sensation and some people are allergic and some people would be horrified and would think the doctor thought they were dirty, it makes it more weird. It sounds like a normal examination and the only problem is that it was a male? If there is a problem next time any clinic is booked asked if there is a possibility of seeing a woman, but there won’t always be a choice of this.

He's not groping you op, it's a breast exam. No it's not a normal reaction to drink yourself into oblivion after, but normal isn't really relevant here as it's a personal experience. Is there past trauma linked to this reaction? I think you could benefit from speaking with someone as you're clearly very upset x

Of course you don't need to be offered one you can ask

Yes what I meant was I thought it was a requirement to offer one to everyone but they are not there as a matter of course. And the OP could have asked right away when she felt nervous.

This ☝️

Was there a female chaperone op?

This. It’s getting silly now. I’ll say it again, this is where ‘all feelings are valid’ leads you - it won’t be so great and empathetic when it’s your husband/son being talked about like a pervert for simply doing his job.

My breast clinic nurse was male, did I feel a bit uncomfortable - yeah I did he’s the first male to see my boobs in 20 years apart from my DH.

He did a through breast exam without gloves, which was his job at the end of the day…

I think your reaction is highly disproportionate to someone doing their job! Sounds like he did a breast exam

My gynaecologist was a man 🤷‍♀️ he was undoubtedly a million times better than the woman one I saw.

Tbh, if you’ve had breast cancer (or at risk), you are grateful for any Dr to check you.

I felt more violated by the cancer than i ever did by my two male surgeons, male anaesthetist and also, one of my radiography team was male, as well as all the other males involved in my care.
If you do have cancer, will you refuse to be operated on by a male surgeon?

I once made a GP appointment as my post partum vaginal stitches were painful. Got a male locum who refused to do anything as he’d need to look and he wouldn’t look without a chaperone and one wasn’t available. “But you’re a doctor” wouldn’t cut it. He wouldn’t do it for his own safety. At the time, I thought it ridiculous. Reading this, I have a lot of sympathy for him….. Hopefully there’s never a gynaecological emergency which goes horribly wrong in similar circumstances.

As both a nurse and a breast patient myself it’s absolutely normal to be seen by either a male or female doctor, both,I’m sure would be entirely professional. Doctors examine both breasts for comparisons.
At our local centre of excellence they have signs up asking if anyone needs a chaperone etc, was this not available ?
I presume you mean he squeezed both breasts -entirely normal I’d say. Nipple discharge,changes or inverted nipples and skin puckering-all have to be checked and a history taken.
Honestly 99%of health care professional simply want to help reassure you and help you get better they DO NOT sexualise patients.
Im a female nurse do you think I lust over every male patient - I honestly don’t.
Please ask for either a senior female nurse or a female Doctor on any future examinations,the hospital won’t mind.

I felt really humiliated in a breast exam performed by a male - I am not prudish,
I'm confident in my own body, not an anxious or highly-strung person.

Your feelings about someone else touching your body in a way that you didn't expect are valid.

They have to check both breasts because every woman's breasts are different and it's to check any abnormalities between breasts. None of what you have explained sounds concerning. I'm sorry to hear about your traumatic experience though and hope you are able to get some help for what happened to you.

I assume there was a nurse present?

I've recently been seen in the breast clinic. What you described seems completely normal. They have to assess both breasts. The reason for squeezing your nipples is that pus or other fluid coming from then (with the exception of breast milk if you are breastfeeding) can be a sign of an infection or cancer. So that was a required physical assessment he needed to do. You should however had had a chaperone in the room with you, or if one wasn't available you should have been asked if you wanted one.

It doesn't apply to all men but abusive men are known to apply for roles that given them access and authority over women. Why is this so hard to understand ?

They don't get a pass just because they're a doctor or a policeman or a judge or a social worker or whatever.

And because of those shit men who seek out those positions, women need to be alert to all men in those positions so the onus is on all men in those positions to go out of their way to ensure that women are safe and feel safe with them. That's not the fault of any woman, but of the shit men. Good men, in order to be good men, need to step up and stop expecting women to simply suck it up, otherwise they're part of the problem.

Who wouldn’t expect an examination to involve physical touching?

I also wondered if there was a chaperone.

There is usually one in these circumstances fr the protection of both doctor and patient.

The responses here are extremely un empathic!

OP was surprised to see a male dr. My mammogram clinic only has female staff, it's not unreasonable to expect that.
It's not abnormal to freeze instead of responding assertively.
It's not abnormal to react to trauma by drinking.

I don't think the dr did anything wrong, but he and the nurses should have checked you were ok, and discussed your options. They could then have helped you calm yourself during and after the examination so you left in a better state.

I'm really sorry, and hope you feel better soon.

I'm sorry youre feeling like this. Some women are fine with male Drs, others aren't. Neither is wrong. Can you try to pinpoint exactly what about him and his behaviour was unsettling? Did he tell you what he was going to do before he did it?