I was examined by a male dr and now I feel violated and traumatised

[Shoot4theMoon]

I was sent to a women’s breast clinic by my gp after having an issue with one breast, my gp examined me and referred me urgently, my gp was female. I assumed since I was headed to a women’s breast clinic it would be all female drs but I was very wrong and it was only male drs and female nurses, the male dr wanted to examine me, I was scared but I’d been waiting 2 weeks and this was a cancer risk so I agreed, he didn’t wear gloves he was sneezing my breasts and nipples both of them even when I just have a problem in the left, I left feeling extremely violated and went straight to town on the drink I felt traumatised. Iv told a few of my close friends and they said they would feel the same. Am I being stupid? I had a ver traumatic experience 5 months ago which I’m on medication for when I needed emergency surgery and almost died and ended up in ICU so I don’t know if this is why this has really got to me. I’m young he was probs mid 40s it was awful I didn’t sleep last night I sat crying but the amount of vodka I tipped down my neck hadn’t helped but I didn’t feel like this at all after my female gp examined me I just went about my day. But this time I feel violated that a big man in his mid 40s was groping my breasts and nipples, yes it’s his job I get that but it’s really disturbed me. Is it normal to feel this way?

For a start OP, well done for getting the lump checked out and I'm glad for you that it turned out not to be cancer. 🤗

Too often people put these checks off until it is too late because they are shy. That's tragic.

It is uncomfortable, embarrassing and stressful to have an examination of your breasts, but it sounds like the doctor carried out the standard procedure. He should have been a bit more thoughtful about letting you get set up and get dressed afterwards, but it probably wasn't intentionally voyeuristic. Maybe a bit more privacy would have helped.

As a younger woman, I twice had concerns about inappropriate male medical staff. The first was when I had an ultrasound on a heart valve and a creepy student kept telling me I had a very nice left ventricle. I was only 13. The second time was when I went to my GP with hayfever and ended up getting a vaginal examination 😳. These were decades ago and I presume (hope) there is more awareness and safeguarding in place nowadays.

I think your breast exam was carried out properly from what you say, but it seems to have triggered some distress for you that is very real and painful.

Do you have access to a counsellor to help with these feelings? Your mates are going to agree with you out of solidarity and loyalty, but it's not going to help you manage your concerns in a healthy way.

The drinking is a big issue, OP. Get on that one straight away. Alcohol steals away lives without people even realising. Get support to change it before it's too late.

All the very best x

I had an internal examination when I was a teenager, and the male consultant asked if I was enjoying it. The female chaperone raised an eyebrow but didn't do or say anything. I didn't know what to do or say. I was too young. So I didn't do anything. And he probably continued to do it again to other young women. Not all men in these professions are good people.

God there's some nasty internalised misogyny on here.

🥱

Or maybe women just disagree with you, no ‘internalised misogyny’ involved? Or is that unthinkable?

The amount of gas lighting on this thread is unreal.

I'm sorry you had this experience OP. He didn't sound professional at all and your instinct that something was off should be listened to and not dismissed. I think you should go back to your female GP to discuss it and also put a complaint in the PALS. He might have a whole string of complaints and be doing even worse things. They won't know until brave women share their experiences.

Yup 🤢

Odfod

Why on Earth is OP being gaslighted? This is getting beyond silly now, and does women no favours whatsoever.

No, it is not normal to feel that way afterwards, but it was also not normal to feel like that before the examination even took place. Did you express any of your anxieties to anyone at the time? Were you left alone with him while he did the examination, or was there a female nurse observing?

I would not have been happy with the doctor not alerting me before he came came in after he had told me that he would do that, and would not have been happy with him staring at me when I put my top back on. Whether it was in reality a benign situation or a malign one, though, is impossible to tell from a couple of anonymous posts.

I'm not sure I've posted anything that can be disagreed with tbh.

i've posted my own experiences.

And offered support to the op.

Unless posters were in the room with the op they have no idea what happened.

But to dismiss her and tell a traumatised woman to lay of the alcohol, whilst totally ignoring her distress is a dick move.

But you do you.

Trust your instincts OP

And certainly trust them more than a bunch of strangers on the internet. Who might be women or might be men, who knows.

I was not ready i climbed on the bed he stood watching me climb around topless I tried to cover myself with the pillow case he removed it completely so I was sat only wearing my jeans when he finished he didn’t leave the curtain area he stood there watched me put my clothes back on.

This sounds very inappropriate.

Who would be a male doctor, when they are at such risk of having unfounded & malicious allegations made against them for doing their jobs by conducting perfectly normal examinations on their patients?

YANBU if you didn't have a chaperone. Every time I've been to a breast clinic (several over the past few years) I've had a female chaperone or been offered one, regardless of whether it was a male or female examining me.

Did you have or get offered a chaperone?

This is an online forum. We’re not clairvoyants, if something sinister happened either OP should or would have said. Nothing suggests the doctor was inappropriate in any way.

Your bizarre remarks about rapist policeman was frankly beyond hysteria. What on Earth has that got to do with this?

And I never said to lay off the alcohol - it doesn’t surprise me you’ve confused me for another poster, your attention to detail before just lashing out isn’t strong is it?

Well they need to make sure their behaviour is entirely appropriate then. So there's no room for doubt.

There will be doubt regardless, look at this thread 🤷🏼‍♀️

*"Your bizarre remarks about rapist policeman was frankly beyond hysteria. What on Earth has that got to do with this?

And I never said to lay off the alcohol - it doesn’t surprise me you’ve confused me for another poster, your attention to detail before just lashing out isn’t strong is it?"*

@Moonicorn somewhat embarrassingly for you, I was the one, not Wilson, who pointed out that recent events show that all professionals including police officers could be potentially abusive, women are right to raise concerns without being dismissed.

Look at your own attention to detail?

A rapist policeman? I haven't spoken about a rapist policeman. Wtf? I spoke about an inappropriate consultant.

I posted under someone else's comment who ignored the ops distress and told her to lay off the alcohol.

You chose to respond to me on the back of that. So presumably you think that persons response to the op is ok. Otherwise why bother to respond to me?

Although on the alcohol topic, if anyone needs to lay off the alcohol maybe it's you. Because what you're reading ain't on the page.

But what is the concern here? Can you even say?

There has to be a concern, it can’t just be ‘a man was involved and therefore I’m a victim’.

At 35 weeks pregnant I haven’t touched alcohol for the best part of 9 months

🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️😂

Everything In the nhs is rushed now their just really busy so don't always have time to explain things properly. If I'm having something medical done I'm unsure about I tend to watch a YouTube video or Google it just so that I know what to expect so I can be prepared beforehand. If you went in unsure of what a breast examination is and didn't realise the dr would actually have to touch you the yes I would imagine it was quite shocking

Yes the rapist policeman equivalency was frankly mental 🤷🏼‍♀️ ‘This unrelated man in an unrelated profession was a rapist therefore OP is right to be concerned about an unrelated man in an unrelated profession who has done nothing wrong’ I mean, is this where we are now? Just bonkers, words fail me, they really do.