I was examined by a male dr and now I feel violated and traumatised

[Shoot4theMoon]

I was sent to a women’s breast clinic by my gp after having an issue with one breast, my gp examined me and referred me urgently, my gp was female. I assumed since I was headed to a women’s breast clinic it would be all female drs but I was very wrong and it was only male drs and female nurses, the male dr wanted to examine me, I was scared but I’d been waiting 2 weeks and this was a cancer risk so I agreed, he didn’t wear gloves he was sneezing my breasts and nipples both of them even when I just have a problem in the left, I left feeling extremely violated and went straight to town on the drink I felt traumatised. Iv told a few of my close friends and they said they would feel the same. Am I being stupid? I had a ver traumatic experience 5 months ago which I’m on medication for when I needed emergency surgery and almost died and ended up in ICU so I don’t know if this is why this has really got to me. I’m young he was probs mid 40s it was awful I didn’t sleep last night I sat crying but the amount of vodka I tipped down my neck hadn’t helped but I didn’t feel like this at all after my female gp examined me I just went about my day. But this time I feel violated that a big man in his mid 40s was groping my breasts and nipples, yes it’s his job I get that but it’s really disturbed me. Is it normal to feel this way?

I am sorry but I also don't think a Dr would explain what he needs to do, you're there for a breast exam I don't know what exactly he would say to be honest. I think this has unpacked some heavy past trauma for you rather than him crossing a line.

Sorry you are feeling so violated. Was there no nurse present during the examination?

THIS!

My brother is a GP. He uses a chaperone to protect himself and the patient. He’s aware as a medical professional that the onus is on him to make the patient as comfortable as possible and to not feel violated, so will explain exactly what and why is happening.

There are some bad apples in healthcare. Just because they’re a health professional does not exempt them from abusing their power and violating a patient. It does happen sadly. Hence why we should not minimise anybody’s feelings if they do step forward and say “something wasn’t quite right”.

I remember being 16, getting a pill prescription (to regulate hormones and stop bad acne). Each prior appointment consisted of just a blood pressure check and a quick few questions. At one appointment, it was with a new doctor. Young and handsome. He told me he needed to check my breasts and cervix. I didn’t let him, I said no. He wrote his personal phone number on a piece of paper for me “if I change my mind”.

(I was an immature 16 year old so friends and I used to prank call his number, it was his house phone and he lived with his parents).

There are unfortunately instances where male doctors have abused their position and assaulted females, so for other women to shoot down other females because “I had a male doctor and was okay, so you should be too” is so toxic. I’m not saying that’s what’s happened here, but having a mindset like that is how these people get to keep going on and abusing others.

Feelings aren't always valid ? Wtf

I’m so sorry that you have been left feeling this way OP.

Situations like that can leave us feeling extremely vulnerable, especially if we have past trauma (not to make any assumptions about your own experiences). And, especially, if you were not expecting to see a male doctor. Anyone saying that a male doctor
performing an intimate examination ‘isn’t a big deal’ and women should just ‘suck it up’ don’t understand that for some women it IS a big deal, and for good reason. I firmly believe in the right to request a clinician of the same sex, although unfortunately it does sometimes mean waiting longer.

You should have been offered a chaperone and he should have talked you through what he was going to do beforehand so that you were prepared and so he gained your informed consent and he should have explained what he was doing as he went along. He should also have made it clear you could ask for him to stop at any time. I can’t comment on whether anything untoward happened as I was not there, but it seems at least that he is not aware of the impact that a man conducting these types of examinations on a woman can have. If a man chooses to go into a specialist area where he will be performing intimate procedures on women, he needs to have a lot of awareness of and empathy for these issues. I’m sorry you were not treated with the sensitivity you deserved.

In the future, you absolutely can express a preference for a female clinician, don’t have to do anything you don’t want to in an appointment, can discuss possibilities to
move forward in a way that is more tolerable and can ask to stop/take a pause at any point. I wonder whether it would be helpful to talk this all through with your GP so she can help you seek treatment in a way you feel comfortable with. Especially if you continue to feel this way, as she could point you in the direction of some support from a counsellor to talk through this experience supportively and without any judgement.

Go gently and take care.

I’m so sorry OP. This sounds like a very upsetting experience. Sending hugs.

What you’re feeling is valid. If the examination had been handled appropriately with due dignity you wouldn’t have left feeling this way. Trust yourself that if you leave feeling this way it’s because something wasn’t right about how you were treated.

Perhaps reach out to a charity like rape crisis for some support processing your feelings - this is something they can definitely help with.

Then depending on how you feel, you might want to make a complaint. Rape crisis can help point you in the direction of organisations that help patients make complaints. But you don’t have to do this.

The main thing for you to do is to take good care of yourself.

Cook yourself a nutritious meal, get your comfies on and listen to some gentle music or watch a good film. Maybe go for a walk in the park tomorrow.

Do whatever it is that makes you feel comforted in a good way because you are most definitely worth taking care of.

Sending love xx

No he did not explain to me when he was doing

But it was at a breast clinic so you must have known your breasts would be checked?

I understand feeling shocked and a bit odd because a stranger is touching your breasts but you were aware this was going to happen.

Maybe they should have explained more before the appointment or given you a leaflet to tell you exactly what would happen.

I’ve never had a breast examination before for cancer and I only know what happens from on here, so someone who has no idea what would happen would probably be taken back a bit.
But at the end of the day it was still a breast clinic which would involve touching your breasts.

”he didn’t leave the curtain area he stood there watched me put my clothes back on.”

Any posters who think this is normal, it isn’t!

I lost my DF to breast cancer. His consultant and the team were female. Males were not an option.

I'm truly sorry you felt violated. Spare a thought for men with breast cancer, they feel isolated.

Op, nobody can tell you not to feel traumatised but I think you're massively overreacting.. Why would you not expect him to examine both breasts, the NHS regularly encourage women to check both their breasts.

I think you would benefit from some therapy.

@Greensleeves I totally get what you’re saying about OP’s feelings but it’s extremely dangerous when a feeling becomes an accusation. How we feel is valid but at the same time it doesn’t necessarily make it an accurate portrayal of the truth. Roxanne Pallet on Big Brother felt like she had been assaulted, if there hadn’t been cameras that man’s career would have been over and he would have been labelled for life.

Nobody here knows that he wasnt groping you. Did he use the flat of his hand and press all over - did he squeeze or pinch? They need to be able to visually see and compare each breast, look for dimpling, redness etc. They need to examine by touch each breast to make sure they feel the same to compare lumpiness/firmness.

I had male doctors examine me lots of times and it was clear that they were examining me and not fondling me.

I've also had a female chaperone stand talking / looking at me whilst I got dressed and I felt really uncomfortable. I'm absolutely convinced she was absent mindedly just chatting but it was horrible - and I have no history of sexual trauma.

In your shoes I would write to the dept. Get a friend to help you write that you've experienced trauma, that you feel in general doctors should explain what they're doing and why it's necessary. And patients should be left alone to get redressed to maintain dignity. There's no need to raise a formal complaint - unless you are clear you were groped.

To all the people saying fucking stupid dismissive things like get a grip, I really would think a bit harder before being so dismissive. if this was a post from someone who had said that prior to this, they had any discomfort or negative feelings from other male HCPs, would people automatically dismiss her concerns? People saying get a grip etc, would you say that if your DD had approached you with these concerns? I sure as fuck wouldn't. Would it still be OK if a physio or massage therapist had caused this much discomfort? Being a professional seems to have given this man some sort of fucking halo.

Surely these days women are aware that many many police officers have been charged and convicted of sexual abuse and rape. There have been so many scandals about sexually abusive priests and teachers. These men are NOT "professionals just doing their job". They are abusive predatory males.

I've seen so many posts on here from women whose DHs/DPs have been abusive despite being a HCP. Men in professional jobs are not saints, some are abusive cunts whatever uniform they're wearing or whatever their occupation is.

There have been lots of posts from MNers expressing their concern and discomfort in intimate medical situations, We need to stop dismissing women raising their concerns with "they are just a professional doing their job". We need to start fucking LISTENING.

It doesn't sound very professional op. If there wasn't a chaperone there then there should have been. I would consider making a complaint if you feel up to it.

No it absolutely isn't normal.

If you feel able you might have a look on youtube at a breast examination for comparison?

If you like I could find a video for you and link it here that was similar to my experiences.

That doesn't sound professional at all. I think you have every right to feel violated. A professional would make you feel at ease and inform you of what is about to happen. People are forgetting medical professionals do abuse their power. I was once assaulted by a GP, it happens!

Yanbu.

I think we should be told the (actual sex) of a Dr before an a medical procedure.

I was referred to a consultant after a smear, it was a woman she was ace, I had to go back for a biopsy and assumed I would have the same doctor, I walked in and it was a man. I hated it, he wasn’t pleasant and it triggered some anxieties I thought I had dealt with.

I am survivor of serious sexual assault and I still have flash backs to that appointment, ten years on.

Intimate procedures should be defaulted to a same sex doctor and if there isn’t one available it should be pointed out in your appointment letter imo so you can be informed and make a personal choice.

I dont think male doctors in women healthcare are there for the wrong reasons it’s just not pleasant when you expect a female and that isn’t the case

@WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles You are being absolutely ridiculous, so ridiculous I cannot even bring myself to counter such nonsense.

Was there anyone else in the room?

Maybe you assumed you were going to see a female doctor (not sure why you'd think only female doctors work at a breast clinic?!) and freaked out when it turned out to be a male? It doesn't sound like this doctor did anything wrong, he examined you on both sides to compare what's normal for you.

If you have to go back it might be an idea to ask for a female doctor.

I had my breasts examined by a middle aged male consultant when I was in my 20s, and I must admit that it made me feel quite uncomfortable.

I forgot about it straight after though. You're reaction seems a bit extreme. Just ask for a female next time.

You’re having an intimate examination performed by a man you’ve never met before. It isn’t going to be ‘comfortable’. It is however necessary 🤷🏼‍♀️

Well I cross posted with OP's second post which is telling.

Not sure what is ridiculous about my post? Pointing out there have been many similar scenarios where many professionals including doctors have been jailed for abuse? Or where I suggest listening to women and not automatically dismissing their concerns (especially not having heard all the facts, as demonstrated with the cross post).

@Blistory has done very good posts which are more articulate than mine, if you're struggling to understand btw.