I was examined by a male dr and now I feel violated and traumatised

[Shoot4theMoon]

I was sent to a women’s breast clinic by my gp after having an issue with one breast, my gp examined me and referred me urgently, my gp was female. I assumed since I was headed to a women’s breast clinic it would be all female drs but I was very wrong and it was only male drs and female nurses, the male dr wanted to examine me, I was scared but I’d been waiting 2 weeks and this was a cancer risk so I agreed, he didn’t wear gloves he was sneezing my breasts and nipples both of them even when I just have a problem in the left, I left feeling extremely violated and went straight to town on the drink I felt traumatised. Iv told a few of my close friends and they said they would feel the same. Am I being stupid? I had a ver traumatic experience 5 months ago which I’m on medication for when I needed emergency surgery and almost died and ended up in ICU so I don’t know if this is why this has really got to me. I’m young he was probs mid 40s it was awful I didn’t sleep last night I sat crying but the amount of vodka I tipped down my neck hadn’t helped but I didn’t feel like this at all after my female gp examined me I just went about my day. But this time I feel violated that a big man in his mid 40s was groping my breasts and nipples, yes it’s his job I get that but it’s really disturbed me. Is it normal to feel this way?

Your reaction is completely OTT. I think you need to work on your resilience.

Op YANBU for feeling the way you do, clearly this was traumatic for you, I imagine as a response to your previous trauma. You are however BU for thinking he did anything other than his job. Breast lumps are incredibly difficult to feel, a thorough exam like the one you had is necessary to be as sure as possible that things are ok. Gloves reduce sensation, so are not used for this sort of thing. He asked you if it was ok to examine you, you consented. That was your opportunity to decline or fully explain your worries.

I think it’s really important to speak to your gp about your reaction to this event, as it’s quite an extreme, emotional response to this situation, and perhaps some talking therapy might help you work this, and the past trauma through and help you.

A total overreaction, you should be lucky you were referred swiftly to a medical profession who could have potentially saved your life, you need to grow up !

Both breasts have to be examined and nipples checked for discharge 💁🏻‍♀️

I’m sorry you feel like that.

I do think you should have been pre-warned that it would have possibly been a male doctor.
If you thought that it was all female doctors then I can see why it was a shock.

However, he had to touch your breasts and examine them as he was trying to see if you had cancer to save your life.

How would you feel if you needed CPR and the only person available was male?

JFC the responses here!

You know you can respond to the op's concerns without belittling her and making her feel stupid.

Some of you really need to reconsider the way you speak to people, only a couple of posters have actually replied with any decency, it's fucking shameful.

Sorry op for the heinous responses, obviously many people aren't capable of respectful communication.
It does sound perfectly normal, but it's also triggered a response in you that you weren't expecting, without knowing your background, it's worth looking into understanding where those feelings have come from, hopefully hearing from others that it sounds normal will help to reassure you that he was just doing his job, and you can find a way to move on from this.

Yikes, how old are you? Wait until you get a pap smear..... It sounds like you are being overly sensitive about it all. The Dr was doing his job. If you felt uncomfortable, you could have spoken up. Male drs might have to examine your privates or help you deliver a baby....just like some might give a breast examination.

I can't tell if this is a joke or not? 🤣

Can people please stop telling her she overreacted? It's a really not helpful. She felt how she felt.

Suggestions for how to recover and build her confidence would be better than a string of 'what a ridiculous overreaction!'.

I had this and didn’t think anything of it. Also had many male gynaecologists too. Always been a chaperone present though

Unfortunately surgery is a male dominated specialty so the chances are you will see a male surgeon in breast clinic.

To not examine both breasts would be considered negligent.

A thorough breast examination will feel uncomfortable and does involve checking for abnormal discharge from both nipples.

No he did not explain to me when he was doing he told me go behind the curtain remove my top half and cover myself with a pillow case and give him a shout when ready he came in when I hadn’t said a word I was not ready i climbed on the bed he stood watching me climb around topless I tried to cover myself with the pillow case he removed it completely so I was sat only wearing my jeans when he finished he didn’t leave the curtain area he stood there watched me put my clothes back on. Yes I get he’s doing his job but I feel so violated yes I have past trauma which I take medication for

I'm not sure how you expected him to treat you without examining you. And that involves touch.

Other way around for me today. My work medical. Female Dr did testicular exam plus manual prostate check. Very professional (was offered chaperone) and not upsetting for me

Well firstly only you were there, presumably the posters on here were not with you. 🤔

Only you know how you felt, it’s not a comfortable or pleasant exam. 💐 If you were stressed and drank to block it out I would say that's extreme, but it’s done now. You can request a female Dr next time if needed. Try to put it to the back of your mind and take care of yourself.

. “I didn’t feel the need for a drink afterwards.” Well good for you 🙄ffs we all deal with things differently. Presumably most posters are over 40/55- OP is young. Have some fucking empathy fgs.

Sorry, I meant the way you feel isn’t normal. The treatment you received absolutely was.

Well that's a totally different scene your painting to your OP...

It doesn't apply to all men but abusive men are known to apply for roles that given them access and authority over women. Why is this so hard to understand ?

I agree but it doesn’t sound like this man did anything wrong.

OP went for a breast examination and that is exactly what he did.

The breast examinations involve touching them all over and squeezing them etc so the Dr didn’t do anything out of the ordinary which could be deemed as inappropriate behaviour.

I think your ICU stay may have affected your feeling and reaction. You went through a traumatic experience with that, and possibly your feelings are now coming out as a reaction to the breast clinic experience.
Not quite the same, but I had a caesarean under general anaesthetic 4 years ago after having to have my heart shocked into a normal rhythm with diffibrilators. I then had lots of complications after, it was all quite traumatic. It then made me terrified of any sort of pain or medical things. Having to give myself clexane injections left me in tears whereas before I'd been fine. I was even terrified to go to the dentist when I'd never been scared before.
Time was a healer and I'm fine with jabs, blood tests etc now.
You're not unreasonable to feel how you feel. I think ptsd is common in people who've been in icu. Maybe speak to your gp about getting some mental health support. The doctor was doing his job, but you can't help feeling how you feel.

Gah, didn't finish typing.

This is a totally different scene that you've painted here. It doesn't sound great, I must admit. Was there a possibility that he said he would come back in after a couple of minutes, and not wait for you to call him in? Was the curtain closed when he'd finished and was 'watching' you?

Op it sounds like you are feeling awful but I'm afraid it just sounds like he was doing his job. Dr's often don't have a good bedside manner and just get on with the job with no l chatter or nurturing. I hope you got the results you wanted from your referral 🩷.

Was the nurse any nicer ?

Hmm, I can see why you felt uncomfortable. Best case scenario this is poor care. A male Doctor should certainly offer a chaperone for an intimate examination and certainly shouldn't come in before you are ready/covered. Should also leave you along to get dressed again. That is just basic privacy/dignity! I would certainly raise this with the service qnd I'm sorry you experienced that. Not nice at all.

I’m not being funny but when I had my kids I had to have stitches it was a male doctor who done them 🤦🏼‍♀️ I don’t think with the state of the nhs u can be fussy. If you have a past trauma then that should have been specified but I don’t think the doctor has done anything wrong

YABVVVVVVVVVU ffs.

OP, please don’t listen to the insensitive idiots minimising how you felt.

I too have some pretty bad trauma, it took me two years of therapy before I could even go and get a gynaecology issue looked at. I specified I needed a female doctor in advance, my GP was amazing, she referred me to the hospital for a further examination, where again, the two nurses I saw were aware of my trauma and treated me absolutely amazingly, I couldn’t fault them, they were perfect. Yet even though they were so wonderful and I was so grateful to them, I still felt traumatised for a good week or two afterwards, I played all it all back in my mind over and over, I couldn’t sleep, I felt sick. Is that an over the top reaction? No, I was sexually abused from the age of 3 by someone in a position of trust and authority, so it was a perfectly reasonable reaction for someone with PTSD.

I’d kindly suggest that in future you always ask for a female doctor/nurse in advance, explain you have trauma, you don’t have to go into details. X