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I was examined by a male dr and now I feel violated and traumatised

206 replies

Shoot4theMoon · 08/03/2023 18:02

I was sent to a women’s breast clinic by my gp after having an issue with one breast, my gp examined me and referred me urgently, my gp was female. I assumed since I was headed to a women’s breast clinic it would be all female drs but I was very wrong and it was only male drs and female nurses, the male dr wanted to examine me, I was scared but I’d been waiting 2 weeks and this was a cancer risk so I agreed, he didn’t wear gloves he was sneezing my breasts and nipples both of them even when I just have a problem in the left, I left feeling extremely violated and went straight to town on the drink I felt traumatised. Iv told a few of my close friends and they said they would feel the same. Am I being stupid? I had a ver traumatic experience 5 months ago which I’m on medication for when I needed emergency surgery and almost died and ended up in ICU so I don’t know if this is why this has really got to me. I’m young he was probs mid 40s it was awful I didn’t sleep last night I sat crying but the amount of vodka I tipped down my neck hadn’t helped but I didn’t feel like this at all after my female gp examined me I just went about my day. But this time I feel violated that a big man in his mid 40s was groping my breasts and nipples, yes it’s his job I get that but it’s really disturbed me. Is it normal to feel this way?

OP posts:
WiIson · 08/03/2023 20:16

Do you want a spade to go with that moonicon?

Aussiegirl123456 · 08/03/2023 20:17

Moonicorn · 08/03/2023 20:15

Yes the rapist policeman equivalency was frankly mental 🤷🏼‍♀️ ‘This unrelated man in an unrelated profession was a rapist therefore OP is right to be concerned about an unrelated man in an unrelated profession who has done nothing wrong’ I mean, is this where we are now? Just bonkers, words fail me, they really do.

They were using that as an example and didn’t mean what you’re trying to imply they meant.
That poster said that despite a uniform, anyone can be abusive. But you already knew what they meant.

Moonicorn · 08/03/2023 20:18

Aussiegirl123456 · 08/03/2023 20:17

They were using that as an example and didn’t mean what you’re trying to imply they meant.
That poster said that despite a uniform, anyone can be abusive. But you already knew what they meant.

An example of what? What abuse has happened here? Can anyone actually say?

WiIson · 08/03/2023 20:19

Try reading the ops posts.

More carefully this time.

The answer you seek will be there.

Moonicorn · 08/03/2023 20:20

Anyway OP hasn’t returned so maybe we are getting wound up over nothing…

WiIson · 08/03/2023 20:21

Or maybe you frightened her away.

Moonicorn · 08/03/2023 20:21

WiIson · 08/03/2023 20:19

Try reading the ops posts.

More carefully this time.

The answer you seek will be there.

I have; they’re not. So please do enlighten me?

Eatentoomanyroses · 08/03/2023 20:22

Shoot4theMoon · 08/03/2023 19:21

No he did not explain to me when he was doing he told me go behind the curtain remove my top half and cover myself with a pillow case and give him a shout when ready he came in when I hadn’t said a word I was not ready i climbed on the bed he stood watching me climb around topless I tried to cover myself with the pillow case he removed it completely so I was sat only wearing my jeans when he finished he didn’t leave the curtain area he stood there watched me put my clothes back on. Yes I get he’s doing his job but I feel so violated yes I have past trauma which I take medication for

That’s a very different kettle of fish then. He should have gone straight out and let you sort yourself out. I’ve had numerous exams not just breast and they always go out and pull the curtain over you so you can dress in private.

WiIson · 08/03/2023 20:26

Moonicorn · 08/03/2023 20:21

I have; they’re not. So please do enlighten me?

Right above you, Eatentoomanyroses has provided the reason why.

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 08/03/2023 20:30

Based on your update, OP, I have changed my mind - something does sound wrong about what happened after the examination was complete.

Aussiegirl123456 · 08/03/2023 20:32

You can’t see what he did wrong @Moonicorn ?

He loitered inside the curtain watching her get dressed.

He came into the curtain unannounced, saw OP wasn’t ready but stood and watched her climb onto the bed.

No chaperone was offered.

He removed the pillowcase OP was to use as a dignity cover. That should have been kept in OP’s possession at all times.

He didn't explain the process of what he was doing and why he was doing it.

OP feels the examination was “off”. It may have been authentic, it may not have.

There have been instances in the past of male medical examiners checking a cervix but unnecessarily stimulating the clitoris. If you had zero idea of what the medical examination entailed, you wouldn’t know if that was standard practice or not.

I don’t work in the medical profession. My father was and brother is a GP, so maybe I’m more aware of what good practice entails. What this doctor did from OP’s explanation is not good practice. The doctor would have been aware of this.

I forget the name of the experiment where someone in high vis was making people do questionable things, yet nobody questioned it because the authority came from someone wearing high vis. It was shown how the majority of the population just naturally trust anyone in a position of power or wearing a uniform. That’s why it’s difficult to speak out against authority figures because the mass population will find the situation unbelievable. This thread, especially the earlier pages truly reflects that.

SO many male heath professionals lose their licence each year due to malpractice, some imprisoned because they’ve conducted the most disgusting sexual assault on vulnerable patients. Yet we still hear “he’s just a doctor doing his job, don’t make a fuss, shhh woman”.

Moonicorn · 08/03/2023 21:11

Sorry I still don’t see it 🤷🏼‍♀️ why wouldn’t he remove the cover? He was examining her breasts, you can’t do that through a pillowcase. At my examination I just put my bra and top back on straight away as the doctor fiddled about with the computer he was using for the imaging. I don’t see any ‘violations’.

WiIson · 08/03/2023 22:09

He stood there watching her dress. It's not appropriate. Normally they do 'fiddle around' with the computer, or write notes. Looking the other way. Like yours did. Not watch the patient dress herself. If that's not obvious to you then you're never going to get how innapropriate it is, are you. 🤷‍♀️

user1257539345 · 08/03/2023 22:36

Moonicorn · 08/03/2023 19:16

Who wouldn’t expect an examination to involve physical touching? Confused

Google Breast screening and click on images - nearly all are of a female healthcare worker with a female patient and not of breasts actually being touched. So someone who's not used to medical examinations and lacks awareness of what is involved might find touch by a male doctor to be unexpected and upsetting, especially if they're already emotionally vulnerable because they are worried about cancer or if they have previous experience of being touched inappropriately.

Some people with more experience of medical care may find this hard to understand but a bit of empathy wouldn't go amiss.

maeveiscurious · 08/03/2023 22:42

Shoot4theMoon · 08/03/2023 19:21

No he did not explain to me when he was doing he told me go behind the curtain remove my top half and cover myself with a pillow case and give him a shout when ready he came in when I hadn’t said a word I was not ready i climbed on the bed he stood watching me climb around topless I tried to cover myself with the pillow case he removed it completely so I was sat only wearing my jeans when he finished he didn’t leave the curtain area he stood there watched me put my clothes back on. Yes I get he’s doing his job but I feel so violated yes I have past trauma which I take medication for

I'm so sorry you feel like this, I have been in hospital a few times in the last few years. Sincerely Drs I felt that doctors don't see the human body in the same way we do

Friarclose · 08/03/2023 22:43

Massive overreaction. It was a Dr, doing his job. Why would you attach a serial connotation to it just because he was male? I had DS delivered by a male and not once did I feel like this. I think you need to get some therapy

WiIson · 08/03/2023 22:50

Friarclose · 08/03/2023 22:43

Massive overreaction. It was a Dr, doing his job. Why would you attach a serial connotation to it just because he was male? I had DS delivered by a male and not once did I feel like this. I think you need to get some therapy

You completely miss the point. And your advice is nasty.

Aussiegirl123456 · 08/03/2023 23:35

Friarclose · 08/03/2023 22:43

Massive overreaction. It was a Dr, doing his job. Why would you attach a serial connotation to it just because he was male? I had DS delivered by a male and not once did I feel like this. I think you need to get some therapy

Oh wow, erm, congratulations.

Maybe you can tell all those women who’ve been sexually abused by male doctors in the past that they are just over reacting all because you didn’t feel uncomfortable when a male doctor delivered your baby. Oooof.

Naunet · 09/03/2023 08:07

Moonicorn · 08/03/2023 20:15

Yes the rapist policeman equivalency was frankly mental 🤷🏼‍♀️ ‘This unrelated man in an unrelated profession was a rapist therefore OP is right to be concerned about an unrelated man in an unrelated profession who has done nothing wrong’ I mean, is this where we are now? Just bonkers, words fail me, they really do.

If you don’t understand what trauma is, I suggest you shut up.

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles · 09/03/2023 08:29

Moonicorn · 08/03/2023 21:11

Sorry I still don’t see it 🤷🏼‍♀️ why wouldn’t he remove the cover? He was examining her breasts, you can’t do that through a pillowcase. At my examination I just put my bra and top back on straight away as the doctor fiddled about with the computer he was using for the imaging. I don’t see any ‘violations’.

Fucking hell, if you still don't see it after all the posts explaining it to you, there's not much hope.

But it looks you and the others being scornful, spiteful and dismissive have probably put OP off coming back for advice. And probably deterred lots of other women reading this who have also had any interactions with HCPs (or any other male workers in the course of their jobs) that made them uncomfortable. This thread is an example why women don't feel comfortable speaking up. How many times (and so many high profile ones recently) have we seen multiple victims of abusive men who were dismissed, or feared they'd be dismissed.

At the very least, this doctor hasn't followed best practice and left a woman upset, but people haven't even had the basic information about it before dismissing, and even ridiculing a woman in distress. But hey, as long as you and these other womens' interactions with different doctors were fine, that's good Hmm

Personally I will be (and have) always encouraged my DDs and any other women to always always raise any concerns, or listen seriously to other women to raising concerns or expressing discomfort, or asking for advice.

@Shoot4theMoon I hope you're OK.

Moonicorn · 09/03/2023 09:57

Aussiegirl123456 · 08/03/2023 23:35

Oh wow, erm, congratulations.

Maybe you can tell all those women who’ve been sexually abused by male doctors in the past that they are just over reacting all because you didn’t feel uncomfortable when a male doctor delivered your baby. Oooof.

That isn’t what has happened here.

WiIson · 09/03/2023 09:59

Moonicorn · 09/03/2023 09:57

That isn’t what has happened here.

What did happen here then? In your opinion.

Aussiegirl123456 · 09/03/2023 11:01

WiIson · 09/03/2023 09:59

What did happen here then? In your opinion.

Moonicorn simply thinks OP is overreacting and should just be a good little lady and shut up because the doctor was jusssssst doing his job and saving the day examining OP. Completely normal to watch your patient undress with complete disregard for their modesty, nothing to see here.

God, it’s just embarrassing. I don’t have the patience to communicate with stupidity.

Moonicorn · 09/03/2023 11:27

Aussiegirl123456 · 09/03/2023 11:01

Moonicorn simply thinks OP is overreacting and should just be a good little lady and shut up because the doctor was jusssssst doing his job and saving the day examining OP. Completely normal to watch your patient undress with complete disregard for their modesty, nothing to see here.

God, it’s just embarrassing. I don’t have the patience to communicate with stupidity.

No, you’re embarrassing. Just because a female ‘feels’ something doesn’t mean it’s either proportionate or that, for her sake, it should be affirmed and encouraged. Especially when the implication is that an innocent person is a disgusting pervert. It’s silly hysteria like this that damages women, making them see malign intent and danger on every corner. Do you want women to attend breast examinations? Or skip them because every doctor has been painted as a lech that just want to have a feel?

Aussiegirl123456 · 09/03/2023 11:29

Moonicorn · 09/03/2023 11:27

No, you’re embarrassing. Just because a female ‘feels’ something doesn’t mean it’s either proportionate or that, for her sake, it should be affirmed and encouraged. Especially when the implication is that an innocent person is a disgusting pervert. It’s silly hysteria like this that damages women, making them see malign intent and danger on every corner. Do you want women to attend breast examinations? Or skip them because every doctor has been painted as a lech that just want to have a feel?

He…..stood…..there….watching….her….get….dressed.

Not normal.

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