TAMOXIFEN ****20****

[KurriKurri]

Hello ladies, - just taking the plastic wrapper off a brand new thread

Looks very similar, Lime. Biscuits with nuts in are healthy surely?

I am a bit terrified about the rib pain thing, but then this is the third time I've been terrified and as two previous scans have shown nothing so I suspect canceritis. To be honest I'm so sore today i think I probably just over did it at swimming yesterday.

MAS, I ordered those Mindful Meditation CD's you recommended to Gigonda. It's astounding how useless I am at them. I can't breathe at all - everything in my diaphragm feels stuck. I am going to persist though as I'm sure it will help.

Thanks but, no, Ned - still sugar.

Buffs sound nice, in the circumstances, and will pay for themselves with the haircuts you won't need for a little while. That's how I looked at it, anyway.

Good luck with the rib pain thing, smee. I have it too, and find it comes and goes. Is fine today, for example, but was pants at the weekend, so much so that I took my bra off and hung loose. Strangely being hot seems to make it worse, and as the heating is still buggered I suppose I should be home free for a bit. over exertion at swimming sounds entirely plausible to me. Bloody canceritis.

x posted with Ned. Buffs sound fab. I loved mine and they're a good fit, so you feel less worried of them coming off somehow. Glad you had a lovely time with your Mum.

Sometimes, I think I'm just very wound up. Not sure why it's hitting me atm, but I am incredibly paranoid, which is not like me at all. I'm going to my rather wondrous Acupuncturist tomorrow for the first time in over a year. Being proactive definitely helps. Though having said that if BCN gets back to me and suggests a scan I'll be a gibbering wreck..

Hits us all like that sometimes, I think. If your BCN suggest a scan I'll be a gibbering wreck too, because I am just the same, only with my head in the sand....

I've been head in the sand for quite a while, but the paranoia's really kicked in over the last week or so and it's taking over, so needs to be firmly stamped on.

[hovers foot]

Kick viciously - you'd be doing me a favour.

Buffs sound very chic Ned, - I think shaving off the stragglers one it starts to go is a good plan, - makes you feel like you are in control of the whole thing.

Almond biscuits LJ - but someone will have to have one for me, I am not at home Mr FBS atm welcome tot he house of dull food

Sometimes - sweet little DD, bet she is excited about her 'surprise', what a lovely treat to arrange for you

Smee - sorry you are having an attack of the paranoias I know how you feel about wanting checks for reassurance, and on the other hand not wanting to have them at all. Hope your acupuncturist can calm you down, - you've had a lot of work on recently haven't you, - so you must be feeling a bit stressed out generally?

Just phoned my mum, - she was chuffed to know I met this woman last night

But also had to tell me she'd had a fall - cut her head open and needed stitches, and has fractured a bone in her right hand - Hopefully it will mean the people at the falls clinic (who were supposed to be getting her some sessions there but have been faffing about) will get off their bums and help her out.

Also two people in the village where mum lives died over the weekend. Both very elderly and one had been ill for a long time. One is the father of a girl who was my best friend in primary school, - we lost touch when she moved abroad as an adult, - but have recently bumped into each other a few times as she has moved back to Dorset. So I'll write to her and her family

Kurri about your mum and about the other people dying in her village. This time of year's a sod for that. Maybe Spring will help her to find new things and enjoy life a bit more again. Must be very tough for her.

Sometimes your dd is so sweet. Are you a big fan then?

Am wibbling mightily here, as my lovely BCN has just sent an e-mail saying my Surgeon likes a routine bone scan at 2 years anyway, so I'm to have that and a mammogram. Heck..!

Smee- sorry you are wobbly but it may well be nothing . I do see how you feel as I don't like to think about my chest scan. I just wish that could forget about all ths but you never can I suppose. But does wine help purely in five a day sense?

Kurri that is such a nice story re your dad and I love sparkles way of looking at it (that view of coincidental events certainly saved my sanity when lost my baby son and I still think of him being with me when cuddling dd as i do think he is here with me in some way).

Right having brought tone right down -
Good to hear about the buffs Ned . We are Planning a beach holiday in June post rads so maybe need to think more than usual o. Arse/scar covering . Fortunately this is not a new battle.

Choc chip cakes and jam doughnuts for the non Choc people here.

Oh and topsy think bribes for kids may be required. What age do they have them? I think you get them as babies here depending on area you live in (dds just out of area) but I still have mark from having it a 13 (was a badge of honour when I was 13 to compare with my mates),

Eeek re all the scans and tests and etc etc. Got mine in a couple of weeks. Already eek about it, so can understand it.

Wrestled with insurers today for holiday. Taken hours to find someone who is interested. InsurePink wouldn't pick up the phone, others were promising to cover cancer...but then said at the end that they would only cover me for things I don't have (gee whizz then why be a specialist insurer on the Macmillan list for cancer!). Got there in the end via insurepink website but what a palaver.

Yes please to the choc chip and doughnuts and tea and wine and gin

Amber hadn't thought about that. Do let us know how you get on. I had a specialist insurance when pregnant so could go back to them. Being naive here as knew life insurance , medical insurance causes issues but hadnt thought of travel.

(grabs doughnut) Poor smee - am sorry you are feeling like this - I do hope the mindfulness cds help - the very act of making time for yourself to meditate is a good thing and all part of it. Hope having the bone scan will reassure.
kk your poor mum - falling and having people dying is pretty grim for her- will be thinking of her and hoping she heals up quickly.
sometimes - lovely dd I used to practically tell my mum what present we'd got her (she stil has the thing that I told her was blue and made of glass !)
Ds home and ok -think the real drama thing is next week- had to unjam the toaster because the teacake got stuck- now the kitchen is full of old crumbs where I upended it.
The buffs sound very nice ned - nice to have a selection !

amber sorry to hear about insurance kerfuffles - grrr.

Mas big vote for mindfulness- I used app earlier (have cd too) and it did enable me to calm down and have a map (was stressing re my chest) . So another fan here.

Mas did you say ds used it on blood test? As may try that too

yes he did - I tried it too before doing my reading at funeral
May I just say bugger- I have a feeling that the bump removed by GP is either still there,or it's another one - can feel a v small lump which is a bit sore -gah !

You may indeed MAS, very polite of you to ask our permission! Not sore scar tissue? Assume you would have noticed it by now if it was? Bugger indeed x

Oh Smee - it's so hard . On the one hand we are told to be vigilant, on the other we are told to try not to be paranoid. On the one hand we would like to be scanned every week, on the other we dread having scans. My various sore/tender/twingey bits seem to take it in turns to be prominent. When the Doc told me they'd see me again in three months, half of me thought "Oh that's good, not long to wait" while the other half thought "Isn't it usually six months? There must be something wrong she isn't telling me about so they want to see me again sooner" Aaaargh!

Kurri - so sorry about your poor mum, What a rotten time she is having at the moment. Hope spring hurries along to cheer her and that the falls clinic is able to help her, and quick.

Amber - we have family annual travel insurance, and when we went to Rhodes mid-chemo last year I rang them, expecting to have to pay an extra premium. They just put an exclusion on the policy - not covered for anything breast cancer related - which I realised was OK as very unlikely to have anything happen that was bc related in the course of a normal holiday. If I had not notified them, whole policy would prob have been invalidated I assume? Grrr to having to think of things like this though.

Ah Amber have just seen on fb someone said almost the same as me, and that your situation is more complicated. Ignore!

Hello I'm back. Was nearly late as there were loads of roadworks on the way there. Service was lovely. Little hillside chapel by the side of the road was packed out and the burial at home turned out to be in the corner of a field just oposite the chapel. As it was previously unconsecrated ground, we all said a dedication together for the ground to become a sacred place. Even H's collie came down from the house for the burial. Good to see family even though such a sad occasion. Tired and emo now, the drive home took me past a lot of places I knew from my childhood that I don't often see.

Sorry to hear about your Mum kk, hope she can get referred to the falls clinic soon.

Lime, that's such a good summary! I am horrified by the idea of a scan, but then in every way it's probably better to know if something is lurking. If it makes you feel any better, I get seen every 3 months and have been since treatment stopped, which is well over a year ago now.

Amber, I have travel insurance with my bank - First Direct. They wouldn't let us have a Family Policy due to Breast Cancer, so I have to take out a Single Trip Insurance. It's more expensive than we used to pay, but not much. They told me way back that when I reached two years post diagnosis they'd let me back on the Family Policy.

DH just back from being away, so had better go and eat with him. Veggie chilli. mmm..

Smee gentle hugs to you . Is that bitch Paranoia back again ? I have had her visiting this week too . LJ says it very well in my humble opinion .

Sparkle your DS deserves special hugs for all he puts up with . It's no wonder he had a mini meltdown .
And tell DH that if he is in Belfast again to get in contact !

I am having a very wobbly week . Last weeks scan news of new (all be it small) growth in the lung nodules has really hit me quite badly .
I am back to the funeral planning stage . And I can't seem to get my mind back into the right frame that it needs to be in to get on with the business of getting past this .
Don't want to say "fight this" , because it really pisses me off when I hear people saying about someone "loseing their brave fight" . Cos if what just down to fighting it , we would all be cured !
I think I might need to phone Macmillan and sort out some counselling .

Doesn't help when DH has a cold and is acting like he needs to take delivery of an iron lung ...

Sorry for being a depressing old bag this evening .
It's also making me (the depression side of it I think) want to sleep all the time . I actually fell asleep in the bath this morning , and that really scared me !

Anyhow , off I pop and organise DDs costume for book day tomorrow . Purple fairy she is going as !

Hugs to all of you x

X-posted jane , glad it went well . Sounds like a beautiful place .

Paranoia seems busy this week . Topsy I really would sort out counselling as i know I am new to this but can only talk of advantage of how it helped me with pregnancy loss. Just having an outlet that isn't family or friends (and therefore is not always so easy to burden them) and also someone to guide you on how to handle this (I expect a counsellor can do this). It wont stop the fear or paranoia (I "see" funeral car outside) but it does help ,at least for me, find a way to manage it.

Lots of empathy for all those who have the "fear" at the minute. I know I do and my Scan two months off.