the 16th ***TAMOXIFEN***thread

[MaryAnnSingleton]

...here we go again

1in8 & Summatontoast- Just to say that I will be thinking of you both and looking out for you. It's all so hideous for you at the moment, with all the waiting, but as I was told by someone here, once treatment starts you will begin to feel a bit more in control. Be very gentle with yoursleves and please know that your feelings are entirely normal, do share them.

Hello ladies.

I had my mastectomy on Monday. It went as well as such an operation can do. I have no pain, excellent range of motion and the most wonderful supportive DH ever put on this earth.

I should know what further treatment will be necessary in just over a week.

At the moment I'm on a bit of a high because the surgery went so smoothly and I am doing so well post-op. I know that sometime next week I will start to fall apart again as the follow-up appointment draws closer. I'm a realist and I know that things may get very much worse before they start to get better. But for today and tomorrow (and as long as possible) I want to enjoy feeling good.

Many of my friends and extended family are being great. They're still treating me as me. That's what I want. That's what I need. However there are a few who seem to be looking to me to support them in their distress at what is happening to me. How do I deal with that?

Hello righttit and welcome .

I had my mastectomy on the 2nd of June , followed by chemo . Am now waiting for my rads to start . So anything you want to ask about treatment , feel free .

About peoples reactions . I am the same as you , as I prefer the people who treat me the same as they ever did . But I can't abide the ones who treat me like "The Poor Cancer Ridden Woman"

Blinking freezing here today too , although no hailstones .
DH and the boy topsy have gone out to buy supplies for his boy flu ! He has a cold , he isn't dying !

Ooh forgot to tell you , I have 2 boxes of wine winging their way to me . Thanks to tesco double up vouchers .
My fave wine was 1/2 price and free delivery . So I used my vouchers and doubled them up and got my wine for free .
Shall be pished party at topsys on Monday

hello rightTit (great name !) other people's distress is always a bugger to deal with -I think that's why so many of us don't tell all,or gloss over what's happening to spare others- and other people's sympathy is hard to cope with sometimes. I'd try and let it flow over you- don't engage with it as you need to look after yourself.
Anyway, stick with us

Thanks for the welcome, topsy and MaryAnn.

I'm not a total stranger to this. I had DCIS in the other breast 19 years ago which was treated with an excision, radiotherapy and tamoxifen. So I have at least some idea of what to expect from everything except the chemo route should that prove necessary. For the moment I'm going to do my best Scarlett O'Hara impression and say that I'll think about that tomorrow.

There are three main people whose reactions I'm having trouble with.

My godson. He's lovely. He's also OTT and very, very needy even though he's nearly 50 years old!

My mother-in-law. Although DH and I have only been together for just under 4 years and married for just over 2 (we were both widowed in our 50s) she absolutely adores me and I adore her. She also thinks I should be wrapped in cotton wool and feels that she needs to ring me to keep me company as I have insisted that DH goes to work. I'm not an invalid. Well, not yet, anyway. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself for 9 hours a day. We spoke with her when I got home on Wednesday and we both thought she understood that I was fine and that we'd speak to her at the weekend. However, she rang yesterday to make sure I had managed to eat, drink and carry out normal bodily functions unaided. Today I just unplugged the phone. DH is going to speak with her again over the weekend to try and pre-empt similar calls next week.

One of my step-daughters. She is telling her sister that she must prepare herself for my dying. She has decided that Christmas is cancelled this year as I obviously won't be up to hosting it. Well, I may not be up to doing all the catering for 5 days all by myself but I'll be damned if I'm giving up, putting my shroud on and lying down waiting for the angels to arrive. She is doing all this without actually speaking with either her father or me. She is upsetting my other step-daughter with whom we can and have discussed all of this in great depth.

Rant over for now.

RightTitNoMore- Oh yes, the cotton wool treatment, or the arms length treatment, I recognize both and am so new (relatively) to this. My darling mum wanted to do everything for me, called in every day just when I had relaxed and was trying to put it to the back of my mind until she understood the slow process of it all. Really no criticsim of my mum there, but it was trying at the time. I so apprecitate all she can do (at 86) but also want her to know that she can still call on us for help. A SIL has not contacted me, actually that really hurts, but I know the reason why, she has a fear of hospitals due to her past history. So sorry that you have this recurrance. I think that with the help of your understanding step daughter, the other will calm down. Avoid anyone that makes you feel anxious is my advice.

Hi righttit. Glad to hear that your op went well. Difficult dealing with other's reactions, but remember to put yourself first for a while and ration your time with others. Unplugging the phone was inspired.

Summat - glad the hail wasn't personal. Felt like winter today and spoilt my afternoon out!

Hi, Driftwood , jchocchip and cat64 .

Well, the magic of MN must be at work. SSD1 (the one who cancelled Christmas) rang us. She realised that she'd not spoken with me... She said that she understood from SSD2 that Christmas was possibly (?!?!) still on. We said yes of course it is. So, she's now given us her dates for being here. Cross that little problem off the list.

I suspect that my FB status update announcing that this evening I had showered, washed my hair, dried myself off, towel dried my hair and then combed it out (all done with DH watching but not assisting other than with scrubbing my back) may have given her a clue that I'm not on my deathbed yet.

cat, the only reasons MIL hasn't been in to do the ironing is that a) she lives 100 miles away and b) she's nearly 91, registered blind and c) becoming increasingly frail. I agree with you 100% about the (indirect) support in the form of cards, e-mails, prayers, etc. Those I have no problem with as I can respond as I am able to do so. It's the phone calls where the other person dissolves into tears that do my head in.

This too shall pass.

Hi RightTitNoMore, we are going to be a complementary pair on Thursday when I have my left one removed - thinking maybe if I should change my name? Delighted to hear you have come through the operation so well - a bit of a relief after reading alll the yukky side-effects you could end up with. Guess I have been quite lucky with people's responses - well could be that I have told people I had enough to deal with without sympathetic phone calls that did the trick. Hope everybody else is enjoying a good weekend.

there must be a balanced between concern and extreme concern involving tears and gnashing of teeth at your imminent demise !

Will be thinking of you next week 1in8

RightTit, love the name .
Er, yes, people who burst into tears are Not Being Helpful. They need to go find other people to burst into tears on, or ring a support service for relatives like Macmillan's one. My friends have greated me like me (heaven help them all!) and it's been just right.

1in8, what have you got planned for the weekend to take your mind off things?

Morning all

So glad that Christmas has been un-cancelled rtnm Could you maybe enlist the sd's help in phoning their grannie regularly? My Mum is very frail and housebound and I do feel guilty not visiting/phoning but I know my brothers are covering for me at the moment while I concentrate on me. I know not everyone likes facebook but a few well chosen status updates have saved me loads of grief explaning things face to face to work friends...

I'm in trouble with dh for going back to sleep and letting my coffee-in-bed go cold. Oops. Will get up now and have a trip to the microwave.

Morning ladies.

OneInEight, oh, we can be twins!

I may just have been very lucky. Or, they may just have prepared me for the worst case scenario just in case. I know that I am fortunate that my surgeon is an amazingly empathetic lady who isn't afraid to give her patients a hug. My anaesthetist was also lovely. I was quivering like a wobbly jelly in the anaesthesia room and she kept stroking my hair and telling me I'd be fine. The last words I remember were her saying that she'd take extra special care of me. I suppose prepare for the worst and hope for the best is the way forward. You'll certainly be in my thoughts and prayers on Thursday.

I'm glad Christmas is back on the agenda as well, jchocchip! I'm one of the world's planners and list makers so I will be planning menus and dividing up the skivvy work over the next couple of weeks. Then I can just sit back and supervise while DH and DSDs do the work.

I have decided that I will simply screen all incoming phone calls and only pick up if it's someone I can rely on not to drain me. DH can return the other calls in the evening.

Right, I must go get dressed. DH and I are heading out for a few hours wandering around shops and the local market. Normality rocks!

RTNM take it easy on your wander . Surgery was only on Monday , and no matter how good you feel it was a major surgery !
I did the same thing , 5 days post (left tit no more !) Mastectomy I did the Tesco run . Nearly keeled over halfway through

Morning to everyone else .
DH due home from work shortly so I had better make an effort to get showered and dressed I suppose ...

Morning Topsy. You know it is technically afternoon, but no worries. I'm just about to get dressed... I'm fed up of not swimming. Feeling stiff and fat. My skin is not broken as such so I'm going to plaster on the aqueous and go for a swim. now. while I feel brave.

Hi to RightTit (snigger at the name ). It's lovely that you've found us (if you know what I mean, under the circumstances). I bet you're glad Christmas is back on. You sound a very organised sort of lady, with your lists and delegating and it's great that you're up and about already, going shopping with DH but don't do too much - as Topsy says, it's major surgery.

Topsy, love the sound of the wine boxes. Must have a look on the Tesco website to see if it applies here too. Might as well use the vouchers sensibly.

I'm still hoarse and all snozzed up. I can't hear properly (pardon?) and I've got an 'eadache.... but apart from that, I'm fine . I'm having a quiet day bimbling around and have tackled the pile of filing. I might even make my Christmas cake a bit later.

Hope you're all feeling well. Love to you all.

at your name RTNM, good to see you here, though obviously I wouldn't wish it on anyone. We are mostly insane a helpful friendly lot, so don't disappear now you've found us. fwiw, I have no tits at all. Well actually 2 implants, so that's 2 new breasts. Sorry you have a few annoying relatives to deal with. I think it goes with diagnosis sadly. I'd bet by Christmas you'll have them back in line.

OneinEight you'll be fine on Thursday I'm sure. Mastectomies are grim in lots of ways, but I've found both mine pretty straightforward. Worst thing for me both times, was the after effects of the general anaesthetic rather than the surgery itself iyswim.

Figgy, sounds grim your cold. Have you had the flu jab?? Bimbling sounds like the way to go.

MAS, the picture you did for me has been kidnapped. DS loves it, so is horrified it's going to his grandparents. He insisted on having it by his bed last night, carried it downstairs with him this morning and has now hidden it from me in his room somewhere.

Cold here too. Feeling a bit addled as I may have had one or maybe even two too many drinks in the pub last night. Went out to lunch with some friends earlier today and their kids, but home now in the warm. Roast veggies and tomato cous cous for tea. mmmm... Hope everyone's alright out there. Topsy am of your .

smee maybe you could print him a copy of it ?
I have been diligently working - a new design for friend's Christmas card (she didn't like my first one) and a design for her Pilates studio (for the owner to use as an e-card- my friend reckons she has loads of contacts in well heeled stock broker land and I must do the design for her so I'll get snapped up by new customers
And a rough for another family tree pic for the head BCN at hospital - I've done a couple of things for her before - I am depicting her in her uniform.
My neck aches from bending over my desk !
Dh is baking a fruit cake which smells heavenly- slice when it's ready anyone ?

Ooh I'll have a slice. Think you're right, I'll have to get him a copy. I did tell him that might be the thing to do, but he reckoned we should give the copy to his grandparents, so he can keep the original. Think you've got a new number one fan, MAS.

Can I have a chunk slice of fruit cake please? I loved that card you did for your friend, MAS. She sounds a bit 'difficult' if you don't mind me saying so. You need a nice neck massage. Collar DH when he's finished baking.

Smee, I love the idea of DS 'bagsying' the drawing. Your tea sounds nice. We're having a chilli and I've already opened a bottle of wine - purely medicinal you understand.

Heavenly fruit cake? Yes please mas

smee :) at the kidnapped picture :( at feeling addled.

figgy hope u feel less snozzed up soon - not heard that word before.

feeling better after my swim. Just plastered it with aqueous as barrier cream and rinsed well after. Less itchy now. Have heard of a number of people who swam through rads - wish I had now, but took the advice of the docs and didn't.

Dd1 is doing pasta for tea. Ds is home this weekend and asleep on the rug. Dd2 is playing on the wii. Our broadband is down. These facts may be related.

Yayy for your first swim, Jane. I think, with plenty of aqueos cream, you'll be fine. Just watch for any adverse reaction in the next 12 hours and, if there aren't any, I give you permission to resume swimming activities. I can tell you've been missing it.

at broadband-less alternative activities.