Unacceptable things that men do in relationships

[Superlambaanana]

...which women put up with but shouldn't.

I'd like to create a list of stuff women do for men and put up with from men because society has programmed us to - and which we often don't even recognise as unacceptable.

I'll start.

Expecting their wife/ girlfriend to be dressed up for them all the time while they make far less effort in return.

Huffing like a child if they don't get what they want/ have to do a domestic task they don't want to do (but expect their wife/ girlfriend to do anything and everything without complaint).

Women brushing stuff under the carpet to protect his ego. e.g. pretending something is fine because he bought it when in actual fact it's horrible/ doesn't work/ was a total waste of money.

Women doing days or weeks of exhausting prep for family events like Christmas and barbecues, only for men to do the last but of cooking and claim all the glory.

It's our low self esteem that makes men behave that way. After all, it's not like there is any social support for male entitlement. {sarcasm off}

Nope. 100% off the mark.

I married a grown up who had his own mind and didn’t see women as domestic drones. He’s as selfless as they come. A rugby playing alpha male too - no ‘Nigel’ here.

I recognise that this is the exception rather than the rule but it’s depressing that too many of the examples given here are completely about the mindset and expectations of women rather than ‘things shit men do’.

I will add - announcing to you that they've done a domestic chore as if it's some great favour for which they should be given due credit.

Of course this is a thing, OP. If people want to pretend that it's not a problem, or it's only a problem because women allow it, then let them crack on. But you're right - it is a problem and it's not women's problem to solve.

Ha, yes it all makes perfect sense now! My fault again 🤪

To the title I’d say:

• watch porn
• use sex workers / strippers
• ogle at women
• think they are owed sex
• that birth control is solely the woman’s responsability
• that woman / kids take his last name

Deny the existence of misogyny with comments like 'I've never met a man like that'

Believe they are stronger than women who have met men like this when actually it's often luck. If you have back up place to go supportive families and financial security you won't be targeted as much by abusive men because you are harder to trap and control. Then it's just luck with how lazy and selfish the men you meet are

It's hard to twist it to what women do. I want to say believing when a man says his ex was crazy/lazy/whatever. I see it a lot with in step parenting board and I've experienced it myself. Now I'm the crazy ex.

Getting competitive about how much they do/put up with. So responding to another woman moaning (for want of a better word) about their partner with comments like "oh well my husband never did a night feed/cleaned a toilet/did a school run"

And a controversial one: believing that men watch porn is just to be accepted.

@XChrome and others thanks for supportive comments!

Maybe, just maybe, if women all simultaneously called men out on shitty behaviour, it might actually result in men saying "yes fair enough that is shitty and we men shouldn't expect that/ should change our behaviour".

Re make up. I take the point about it serving as armour. I do wear more makeup for intimidating meetings (with women as well as men). So maybe I do need to rethink my position that make up is solely an evil instrument of the patriarchy!

Its ironic that going by statistics at least 3 or 4 of those commenting smugly about how they don't know any men like this will likely end up divorced due to marriage breakdown or affairs.
In the real world things are absolutely not equal in the majority of relationships. Even basics like men not taking on even close to 50% of the mental load, homework, school shopping, birthday party planning, play dates etc. I know one family set up where the dad does most of that out of about 40 where we know the dynamics.

Expect dinner to be ready every day they get back from work

Sort out the cats, kids, meals, washing, etc on a daily basis

Cook something correctly (every now and then I will burn something or undercook something due to juggling tasks)

Oh I did it wrong and wrote it as what women do. You can work it out I'm sure

@idontwannabeanythingotherthanwhativebeentrynabe

Yes, porn is a depressing one. Every man I know uses it to some degree. And 'cool girls' are all down with it. Depressing.

Brilliant!

Not taking on a fair share of domestic tasks is a huge one. Why on earth are women still willingly taking on a bigger load in this day and age? Are we afraid to complain about it or do we not notice until it becomes totally unbearable?

too many of the examples given here are completely about the mindset and expectations of women

So, it's actually women's fault that this is a patriarchal society?

I think (some of) both men and women don't notice the inequality with how much is done in the home.

I've worked in homes and see women saying in interview that their partner is an equal parent and yet he's not there interviewing me she is. And usually they have a cleaner. Often the cleaner stops to free up the money to pay me and suddenly it's very obvious the man isn't pulling his weight.

And things like he will do the washing from the wash basket but didn't think to strip and make beds as part of the washing or wash the towels etc. He believes he does half the washing and she doesn't notice that it's always her doing the houseold washing he just doing what's on the basket

Also out of all the contracts I've had with parents in 20 years working in private homes I've only ever once had the dad sign the contract not the mum when the mum is living in the house for long term contracts. Short term it often is the dad drafting in help because mum is struggling with newborn and needs support. But he notably drafts in a night nanny/emergency nanny. Babysitting also often dad organised and paid for it. But childcare for parents to work almost exclusively organised and contract signed by the mother

@PurpleBugz are you sure this is an example of inequitable share of domestic tasks - and not just women making sure their DH doesn't get to choose someone they might fancy?!

😂 are you calling me ugly?

Honestly they don't tell me their reasoning so I'm just making assumptions on what I have observed. Also depending on the responsibilities in my contract it's hard to say how the household labour is divided if much of it is my job 🤷‍♀️

Absolutely right. People do love to take credit for what is really just good luck.
I have seen women complaining that their porn loving men expect degrading porn type sex acts and are constantly objectifying them, while still claiming they are okay with porn. The denial is strong. It's hard to accept that your partner has actually been radicalized as a misogynist by porn, so they bury their heads in the sand. It's a huge problem.

If it's the exception rather than the rule, yet all these women are insisting they've never encountered it, do the math. It's not even 1% off the mark, let alone 100%.

Nice job blaming women for supposedly being unrealistic in expecting adult behaviour and reciprocity. Nigel would approve.

For anyone saying it's about women having unreastic expectations or some such nonsense, I invite you to visit the relationships threads, where about half (at least) are women describing horrific behaviour from men and asking if the problem is actually themselves.
Women blame themselves far too much.

So depressing how some women defend men and deny prevalent male behaviours.
On my local fb group today a woman posted about a man walking naked through the forest. She wanted to warn other women and people with children for their safety. He has been seen before last year and police are keen to trace him. The responses were by and large men and women who thought this is funny and lots of jokes about women wanting to get a peek before the police nabbed him and some saying he is probably just a naturist. I posted defending the OP and stated that indecent exposure is often a gateway offence to sexual assault and rape. I pointed out that there is a naturist beach not far away but this man is instead choosing to walk naked in an area he knows he will encounter other people in an isolated location. Whilst a good few women then “liked” my post several men posted laughing emojis and then a couple of women took me to task saying he was doing no harm and I was just scaremongering.
Words fail me.

Then later I read that convicted serial murderer and rapist Levi Bellfield has been turned down after he applied to have a civil partnership from prison where he is serving a full life sentence. The “couple” had wanted to get married but the law does not allow that. The law has now been changed to deny civil partnerships too for the very worst criminals.
So somewhere a woman wants to marry this utter piece of shit.
Why???
I would ask if the female equivalent of Bellfield gets men wanting to marry her but of course women don’t tend to be serial murderers and rapists much.

That is depressing. I find there's a herd mentality about these kinds of issues. If several other people are saying some bullshit like the stuff you saw on FB, it emboldens others to join in who might have normally kept their mouths shut.

Regarding criminals getting marriage proposals, I do know of a female serial killer (who acted in concert with a man) who got hundreds of marriage proposals and had many male fans.

On a related note, check out all the blame this woman is getting for being overwhelmed because the useless sperm donor "father" of her child won't do his part.
It's incredible how stupid and how acquiescent to male entitlement a lot of women are.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5133263-to-think-i-cant-be-expected-to-cope-with-this-anymore-and-that-this-isnt-just-life?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

I don't recognise any of this either.. it's all sounding a bit out of date