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Feminism: chat

Feminism: sex and gender

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Original poster

The (male) midwife who delivered my baby has been struck off

254 replies

LaurelFloral · 12/02/2022 23:51

So yes, that, basically. The midwife that delivered my first baby has been struck off. I've name changed for total anonymity, but I need to vent.

The midwife (male) made me feel very uncomfortable during labour/after giving birth. I'm not sure if this was because he was male, or because it was my first baby, or because I was a young mum. But I felt very creeped out by him at the time.

He's been struck off for various issues such as disappearing during a shift, taking photos of women during c-sections, not keeping up to date with training, bullying colleagues, I think there were 29 allegations in the end, dating back to 2011.

I remember people saying at the time my child was born that it took a special man to be a midwife, going against the grain, doing a woman's job. As much as I tried, I couldn't see that.

Can men be good midwives? Or should it be a profession soley for women?

OP posts:

Iggly · 12/02/2022 23:53

Personally I think it should be solely for women. Or at the very least a woman should be able to chose whether or not she wants a male midwife.

It would be a flat no from me. I felt incredibly vulnerable in medical settings and just would not want a man there guiding me through. I know that not all midwives have experienced pregnancy but for me it’s more than that.

sadpapercourtesan · 12/02/2022 23:53

I would not want a male midwife. I don't give a fuck whether people think that's unfair or exclusionary - I wouldn't want it. The only male involved in my care during my first, horrific butchery of a labour was a consultant who barged in, thrust his hand inside me without even introducing himself, tore me internally and said "now she can push".

I will never be in that vulnerable position again, thank goodness. If I were to be - there is no way I would let any man anywhere near me.

ErrolTheDragon · 12/02/2022 23:58

Maybe some can be - but surely men who've got the right attitude to women would understand that many women wouldn't be comfortable, and would therefore choose some other branch of nursing or healthcare?

There's another thread here

Male midwife facing 29 charges of misconduct, www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/4463617-male-midwife-facing-29-charges-of-misconduct

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 12/02/2022 23:59

I had a male midwife for my third DC and ended up very uncomfortable about it. I haven’t dared check his name to see if it is this guy.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 13/02/2022 00:00

I had a male midwife ,not solely but he was on duty when I was in intensive care after having ds. He was lovely and sympathetic and kind. I think he was a rare soul.

Original poster

LaurelFloral · 13/02/2022 00:00

Ah I had looked but not spotted that one.

I've been deliberating starting a post since the proceedings began. I didn't think about my experience very often but this has stirred up all of those memories inside of me.

OP posts:

Thewindwhispers · 13/02/2022 00:03

Any man who wants to intrude into a woman’s privacy like that is a creep imo.

The vast majority of women do not want strange men looking at their genitals. If, knowing this, a man goes into a job where that’s what he’ll be doing, then he is a bit of a creep.

Original poster

LaurelFloral · 13/02/2022 00:04

@WorkingItOutAsIGo

I had a male midwife for my third DC and ended up very uncomfortable about it. I haven’t dared check his name to see if it is this guy.

I saw his face when scrolling through the local newspaper website and recognized his face all these years later before even reading the headlines.

He used to be in the paper a lot as a bit of a mini star, look how amazing this man is being a MIDWIFE. I felt uncomfortable every time I saw those praises.

OP posts:

paulhollywoodshairgel · 13/02/2022 00:05

I don't think it would bother me as long as they were caring. At one stage of labour I had about 5 people staring up my nether regions! The nicest and most kind and caring gynaecology consultant I've ever had was male. But when you're vulnerable and in labour you should have a choice in who does what.

AnyBenny · 13/02/2022 00:08

I had a male midwife at Queen Charlotte’s in London in 2008 - I’m not going to name names, though I do remember his name. He was amazing - lovely, calm, patient and very steady in a potentially very frightening situation. I’ve had three babies, and I would say his care was absolutely up there with the other two (female) midwife led labours. As regards this thread, I wasn’t expecting a male midwife but can’t fault his care, and compared particularly to my first labour, with spectacularly unsympathetic female midwives, he did an amazing job. Not saying this would be a universal experience, but just pointing out that (some) male midwives can be amazing!

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 13/02/2022 00:08

@LaurelFloral

Ah I had looked but not spotted that one.

I've been deliberating starting a post since the proceedings began. I didn't think about my experience very often but this has stirred up all of those memories inside of me.

I bet it has, must've been a terrible shock.

DoucheCanoe · 13/02/2022 00:11

I wouldn't have liked it in the early stages but when the shit hit the fan I had a male consultant and student in to help and didn't give a shit.

Given the choice I would request a female only team.

Melroses · 13/02/2022 00:12

It must be difficult for you reading about this in the paper. I tend to relive the bits that went badly in my last delivery when I am reminded but that was basic lack of communication and incompetence.

I had a GP, when I was a child, who was struck off for sexual misconduct - found out from my Grandmother's Daily Mirror 😬

DropYourSword · 13/02/2022 00:19

Can men be good midwives? Or should it be a profession soley for women?

Yes, men can be very good midwives. This man clearly wasn't one of them.

patchysmum · 13/02/2022 00:21

A male delivered my son, not sure if he was a midwife or doctor but I was just happy to have my baby delivered.
Thewindwhispers I think you are very harsh to call male midwifes a creep. Maybe he just wants to help a new life enter the world. There is nothing sexual about giving birth and gentiles are just that every women has them.

MinnieJackson · 13/02/2022 00:25

Two of my three c-sections were performed by men, and my consultants were always men. I've never felt uncomfortable, or any gut feelings about them. I had a male midwife once to take bloods, seemed fine. And a male trainee health visitor, and I was asked if it was ok he attended our home visit. I don't want to look now, I feel like I've always trusted 'authority figures'. Saying that I've never had a male midwife present in active labour aside from csections so I was pretty zonked out.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, how traumatic

USaYwHatNow · 13/02/2022 00:27

I have worked with a kind, caring, and amazing male midwife who was a massive loss to the unit I worked in when he left. He got more thank you cards and gifts than I did and we always used to joke about it, but he really was amazing.

I also worked briefly with a second male midwife who was just as great. He looked after a Muslim patient who sang his praises to me all day until her husband arrived for visiting and she completely shut him down and refused for him to even enter the 4 bed bay. He was so upset and you could see how conflicted he felt.

Pregnancy, birth and the postnatal period are amazing and powerful and male midwives are just the same as any other female professional who is in awe at women and thinks it's an amazing event to witness.

Ever seen a paramedic show on TV? Where a male paramedic assists at the delivery of a baby and theyre absolutely buzzing at how amazing it is? That's why male midwives do the job, not because they're creepy or weird.

Unfortunately male midwives who are struck off or being investigated will gather press attention because male midwives aren't the 'norm' however I would suggest looking at the NMC upcoming hearings online to see that actually a huge amount of female midwives can be cold, unempathetic and sometimes downright cruel.

Everyone has the right to refuse a male midwife or a male gynaecologist or obstetrician but one rotten apple doesn't mean that all male professionals in the world of Midwifery and maternity services are awful.

listsandbudgets · 13/02/2022 00:28

I jad a male midwife when DS was born.In fact He was a student and DS was his 40th so qualifying baby. He was absolutely superb and I felt totally confident with him. Hopefully he's gone on to a very successful career

ladydimitrescu · 13/02/2022 00:36

I had a male midwife at one stage and he was fantastic. If you need intervention from a consultant, should they all be women too?

My first born was revived by the baby doctor's present at my birth, she wouldn't be here without them. I couldn't care less what sex they were - they saved my child. Their ability to do their job professionally and well is all that matters.

ladydimitrescu · 13/02/2022 00:39

@Thewindwhispers

Any man who wants to intrude into a woman’s privacy like that is a creep imo.

The vast majority of women do not want strange men looking at their genitals. If, knowing this, a man goes into a job where that’s what he’ll be doing, then he is a bit of a creep.

So any person employed at a GUM clinic is a creep then? The women who work there will see male genitalia- are they creeps too? What a ridiculous and childish statement to make. They are there to help with the birth of the baby, not to stare at a load of fannies ffs.

Diversion · 13/02/2022 00:40

I had 4 c sections, all of my deliveries were carried out by males. I have seen male gynecologists and far prefer these to the female consultant who announced very abruptly "you do realise that you have lost your baby don't you?" In all sectors there will be good and bad people, and it is not just males that get struck off

DicklessWonder · 13/02/2022 00:40

I had lovely and horrible midwives during pregnancy and labour.

I didn’t really appreciate the male midwife pulling the curtains and waking me a few hours after a very traumatic assisted delivery (including a spinal) telling me to “open my legs” without so much as an introduction. Apparently the packing they had put inside me needed checking, but there were a million better ways to convey that message to me.

(It was the female consultant that delivered DD that butchered me in the process leading to more than 8 years of agony and private counselling though.)

Notimeforaname · 13/02/2022 00:41

Ah if you're wanting just all females in a certain profession then it'll have to be ok for males to say 'no females' in other professions.

SD1978 · 13/02/2022 00:41

I don't understand the huge discomfort with male midwives, but male gynaecologists are never an issue. It seems to go back to the whole it's ok for men to be doctors, but not nurses bias many women seem to have. Same that male teachers are great, but male early years educators are also something to be feared.

MinnieJackson · 13/02/2022 00:41

I've just read the other thread and I feel sick. Why the hell did some of these fucking scumbags not get jail time?

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