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Feminism: chat

Feminism: sex and gender

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Original poster

The (male) midwife who delivered my baby has been struck off

254 replies

LaurelFloral · 12/02/2022 23:51

So yes, that, basically. The midwife that delivered my first baby has been struck off. I've name changed for total anonymity, but I need to vent.

The midwife (male) made me feel very uncomfortable during labour/after giving birth. I'm not sure if this was because he was male, or because it was my first baby, or because I was a young mum. But I felt very creeped out by him at the time.

He's been struck off for various issues such as disappearing during a shift, taking photos of women during c-sections, not keeping up to date with training, bullying colleagues, I think there were 29 allegations in the end, dating back to 2011.

I remember people saying at the time my child was born that it took a special man to be a midwife, going against the grain, doing a woman's job. As much as I tried, I couldn't see that.

Can men be good midwives? Or should it be a profession soley for women?

OP posts:

SusannaQueen · 13/02/2022 08:47

I've been told on mumsnet that I would be wrong to want/request a female mw.

I'm always shocked at the women on Mumsnet who want to remove rights from women. Some people are in their own little bubble and have no understanding or empathy for women who have had different life experiences to them.

mangowithasqueezeoflime · 13/02/2022 08:49

@Hairyfriend

To those that would object to a male midwife, why don't you say the same about a male gynaecologist or obstetrician???

I had male doctors before in several countries and it was fine. And then I got fitted for a Mirena and he cut the strings short for my then husband (told me after). When I wanted it out, I had to see a specialist who pried me open and had to go digging.

I hated him for that but when he did it, he also found cycst and did my surgery and sewed me up with great skill. So at the time I was happy with him- only later when I realised the painful implications of cutting the string so short was I really angry.

I am now at a GP practice run by 3 women. I told my DP, baby and I are going here. Appreciate if you want another clinic but I want to be cared for by women for a while.

The child is in nursery now and his carer is a man as he runs the toddler room. I think it's great and see how much of a bond they have. So it's not all men in all caring positions for me.

Loopytiles · 13/02/2022 08:52

Yes, my thoughts and feelings would be the same about any health profession involving breast or gynae tests or treatment. I’d strongly prefer a woman. Don’t have that option in the NHS at present.

DePfeffoff · 13/02/2022 08:52

The problem is, once a male midwife is on the team there's a chance that some women won't get a choice due to staffing levels and emergencies.

If the issue is staffing problems, the alternative to a male midwife will be no midwife. I doubt anyone thinks that's better.

SusannaQueen · 13/02/2022 08:53

I mentioned this to the radiographer who said they were coming under a lot of pressure to let males into the service and she worried it would put women off attending.

Like giving birth, it wasn't until after I had a mammogram, that I realised I'd have been put off by a man in that situation. I find the thought of a man wanting to do that particular job very strange.

Heronwatcher · 13/02/2022 08:54

Of course men can and should be midwives! Let’s not forget that there are many female midwives who are incompetent and who get struck off (also some who are mean/ stupid anc who don’t). We wouldn’t blink at a man doing a c-section, or being an anaesthetist so what’s the difference? I do agree though that if a woman is genuinely uncomfortable they should be able to ask to change care but these days unfortunately (cheers Boris) you’re lucky if you’re not giving birth in a car park on your own.

Luckyelephant1 · 13/02/2022 08:55

It is a funny one. I agree I wouldn't want a male midwife but I don't have a problem with a man being one, same as I don't have an issue with a man being an obs and gynae doctor.

I can't understand why some are calling male midwives creeps because does that mean you think all obs and gynae Dr's are creeps?

SusannaQueen · 13/02/2022 08:56

If the issue is staffing problems, the alternative to a male midwife will be no midwife. I doubt anyone thinks that's better.

No, the man has taken the place of a female midwife. There wouldn't be a choice of having no midwife.

Classicblunder · 13/02/2022 08:57

I am completely supportive of women who don't feel comfortable with male medical professionals for themselves.

My personal experience is quite mixed in general and I have not found male medical professionals worse or better than female ones. My worst experiences have been with female medical staff

starfishmummy · 13/02/2022 08:58

@SD1978

I don't understand the huge discomfort with male midwives, but male gynaecologists are never an issue. It seems to go back to the whole it's ok for men to be doctors, but not nurses bias many women seem to have. Same that male teachers are great, but male early years educators are also something to be feared.

I was thinking the same. My pregnancy was overseen by a male consultant and it didn't even occur to me to even consider it.

Canaloha · 13/02/2022 08:58

Men shouldnt be midwives. There, I said it. No other HCP spends time alone with women in the same way.

AssignedBlobbyAtBirth · 13/02/2022 08:58

No matter what men do there are women who will support them. When I read MN I realise how it is so easy for men to put themselves in a position where they are able to abuse

mUserBot9to5 · 13/02/2022 08:59

So true.

sassbott · 13/02/2022 08:59

I think everyone should have a choice and feel comfortable enough to say ‘I would like a female mw/ gynae etc.’

I have had numerous check ups down below as part of routine screening/ health checks / follow up treatment. Some private, some NHS. At all times I have never been alone with a male during an intimate exam (they have always had a nurse etc present) and always asked for consent.

When arriving for appts, the nurse has been explicit that it is a male registrar/ consultant etc and checked that I am comfortable with that. Again I have never been alone with them. This is NHS. My last appt they had a junior dr training (male) and asked if I minded him being in the room. I didn’t care one jot. The female consultant who was training him was phenomenal and we need more drs etc.

Personally I want the best person possible examining me/ working on me. One who is experienced enough to know what doesn’t look quite right and act on that.

But I also think every person (male or female) should be able to say that I would prefer my checkup/ treatment to be done by a same sex professional.

SusannaQueen · 13/02/2022 09:01

No matter what men do there are women who will support them. When I read MN I realise how it is so easy for men to put themselves in a position where they are able to abuse

Yes, this. I can never get my head round it.

VashtaNerada · 13/02/2022 09:02

Of course men should be midwives! They need to be held to the same levels of accountability as women, but having a penis shouldn’t prevent them from doing their job. Plenty of female midwives have never given birth but are still able to behave with empathy and understanding.
I’ve never had a male midwife but a male doctor did an internal exam on me whilst I was having a MC and he was extremely professional and empathetic. I wouldn’t have minded him delivering one of my children at all.

Beseen22 · 13/02/2022 09:03

I had a female midwife the second time who was incredibly controlling the entire labour. She told me I had to take all my underwear off, I had to wear a gown, when I had to lie down, she cannulated me and put up IV fluids without clinical indication or consent, she gave me analgesia too early without discussion so I had no cover for the hardest part, she

Alittlepotofrosie · 13/02/2022 09:03

*Any man who wants to intrude into a woman’s privacy like that is a creep imo.

The vast majority of women do not want strange men looking at their genitals. If, knowing this, a man goes into a job where that’s what he’ll be doing, then he is a bit of a creep.*

Intruding on her privacy by... Providing medical care. Yep, good one.

Roseblack · 13/02/2022 09:04

I'm sorry you felt so uncomfortable in what is a very vulnerable moment OP. I think women should have the option to decline a male midwife, but I think you can ask to change your midwife for any reason.

I had a female midwife but the consultant in charge and the doctor(?) helping him were both male for my second birth. The baby was in distress and he came in and was so empathetic, reassuring and kind. I was so grateful to him I could have named my baby after him for how amazing he was in that moment. So I think it depends on the male, if they have all the right characteristics then it doesn't matter that they aren't female. But if they don't then it's natural to feel more vulnerable and want a female midwife/doctor I think.

Roseblack · 13/02/2022 09:07

For balance, I've just remembered when I needed an exam at the end of my first pregnancy. It was a male who did it, he was not reassuring or kind and left the curtain not completely shut so I had my legs open to the corridor of people walking past. I had to ask him to properly close the curtain. He was not made for that job and I've had lots of vaginal exams in two complex at the end pregnancies but have forgotten most the rest!

PostThenGhost · 13/02/2022 09:08

@Thewindwhispers

Any man who wants to intrude into a woman’s privacy like that is a creep imo.

The vast majority of women do not want strange men looking at their genitals. If, knowing this, a man goes into a job where that’s what he’ll be doing, then he is a bit of a creep.

There are a lot of male gynaecologist. Many it seems, judging by the numerous experiences I’ve had with them, have nothing but disdain for the women they examine but I’ve only ever been creeped out by one.

I had a friend who introduced me to their friend, a male medical student, he made some vile comments about going into gynaecology to see all the women with a kind of “phwoar” comment. That creeped me right out but he was very early 20’s, I hope he grew up and changed his views whilst studying.

Thankfully the gynae who did my hysterectomy was a wonderful caring young woman, as was the anaesthetist on the day of my op.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 13/02/2022 09:11

I think women should always have the right to choose a female midwife and - if there is one available - a female gynaecologist.

But I don't get the idea that "Men who want to be involved in midwifery are weird". Do you think that all urologists are in it to perve at men's bits? Or that colorectal surgeons are really into arseholes? Midwifery and obstetrics are an amazing speciality - helping women to birth their babies is an incredible privilege. There is nothing inherently weird about men wanting to provide care for women in labour.

DragonMovie · 13/02/2022 09:12

What about male obstetricians? They work in the exact same environment.

Wouldn’t have an issue with a man delivering my baby.

LaChatte · 13/02/2022 09:12

With DS I had a male midwife and a male Obstetrician (and a female med student). They followed me throughout my whole pregnancy and were all three present for the birth. I was only 21 and the whole feminism debate wasn't even on my radar back then. They were brilliant and really made me feel comfortable despite it being a complicated birth.
With DD I was much older, and happened to be surrounded by female medical staff. It was horrendous, I was passed from pillar to post throughout my pregnancy, and made to feel pretty crappy during labour due to the behaviour of the midwife. Maybe she was having a bad day, but in any case her sex didn't make her automatically a better carer in that situation.

nuttybranhare · 13/02/2022 09:15

@SusannaQueen

No matter what men do there are women who will support them. When I read MN I realise how it is so easy for men to put themselves in a position where they are able to abuse

Yes, this. I can never get my head round it.

Ridiculous comment. Nobody is supporting actual creeps. If I recall, the midwife in the OP is the one who snuck off for a tug in the toilet. That's horrid and creepy, nobody defends that.

But a lot of us have had pleasant experiences with male HCPs. I never encountered a male midwife but had a male doctor when in triage who was fab.

Choice should always be offered, men should be chaperoned.

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