The (male) midwife who delivered my baby has been struck off

[LaurelFloral]

So yes, that, basically. The midwife that delivered my first baby has been struck off. I've name changed for total anonymity, but I need to vent.

The midwife (male) made me feel very uncomfortable during labour/after giving birth. I'm not sure if this was because he was male, or because it was my first baby, or because I was a young mum. But I felt very creeped out by him at the time.

He's been struck off for various issues such as disappearing during a shift, taking photos of women during c-sections, not keeping up to date with training, bullying colleagues, I think there were 29 allegations in the end, dating back to 2011.

I remember people saying at the time my child was born that it took a special man to be a midwife, going against the grain, doing a woman's job. As much as I tried, I couldn't see that.

Can men be good midwives? Or should it be a profession soley for women?

I used to work in the labs of the hospital in which I gave birth the first time, so knew there was a male MW on the wards. He always seemed very nice and professional whenever I had any interaction with him, but I didn't actually see him during my stay there.

I did have a male MW do my GP booking appointment though - and I confess I asked him why he'd chosen to become a MW. His answer was that he'd spent many years as a psychiatric nurse and was worn down by it, to the point of traumatised. So he'd gone for this as being (generally) a more uplifting role. I had nothing but good vibes off him, but again, didn't see him in labour.

When I had my second child in Australia, I had my male obstetrician in with me because the whole labour was very "managed" - and I also had a student MW (female), at least 2 other MWs and possibly some student docs - I don't know, I stopped caring once my waters were broken. I just know there were quite a lot of people in the room!

I don't know how I feel about male MWs in general - I tend to agree that it should be female only, but some of them are bloody awful too (although very doubtful that any of them would be pervs). For anyone who expresses a preference for female only attending staff, then their wishes should definitely be adhered to inasmuch as is possible to maintain safety for the mother and baby. And they should be women, not TW.

As far as I know it's still very much a minority of men in the midwifery profession - but I can totally understand why women wouldn't want one to attend them, and guys like this perv just make it all so much worse. I hope he gets the book thrown at him.

I had a male midwife just after a c/section - awful, bossy, blunt and uncaring. Best care ever had was a female surgeon. Twice horrendous experiences with male surgeons and c/sections. The worst being given hideous metal staples right across my c/ section despite allergies to metals, even other midwives disapproved of his own methods used as caused many problems. Males should stay out of childbirth in my personal experience.

@Thewindwhispers

Any man who wants to intrude into a woman’s privacy like that is a creep imo.

The vast majority of women do not want strange men looking at their genitals. If, knowing this, a man goes into a job where that’s what he’ll be doing, then he is a bit of a creep.

This, with bells on. I refuse to see male gynaecologists for this exact reason.

If you've had a positive experience with a male midwife then of course you won't see a problem with them, but let's listen to the ones that haven't. I had a gyne procedure with a male consultant 25 years ago and I can still see his face as he laughed at me when I asked if it would hurt. It bloody did, but I can't remember the pain anymore I just remember his arrogance.

Nope.

Male midwives shouldn't be allowed.
It's just another example of men wanting to push their dicks, fingers, hands and faces in everywhere they fancy.

I had half the hospital up there in an emergency, I couldn't have cared less if they got David Bellamy in to do a running commentary as long as my baby survived. I also had one check cervix dilation in the early stages, I think my partner was more uncomfortable than me.

@TonyThreePies but many have had the most awful experiences with female midwives - me included. I can't exactly write all those off.

I have a (gay) male friend who is a midwife. I've never experienced him first hand but he's received some lovely cards from women whose babies he's delivered, and he's so nice I can't imagine him being anything other than that at work.

However that said, I am not sure that in general, I think men should be midwives or that I disagree with posters saying males who decide on the profession are largely creeps.

No I don’t think it should be a profession specifically for women. Thats not fair to say at all. I know of professions women could’t get into despite being qualified for them because of the attitude of the time. Specically my own profession. Thankfully today attitiudes are different. However I do find misogony is still alive and well.

None of my midwives were male. Actually, there are no male midwives in my local maternity hospital. I had some complications during the birth however and had to be seen by several doctors. It was a male doctor who delivered my baby in the end via forceps. I never thought twice about the doctors gender.

Something similar happened to me but it was the male consultant. I was so traumatised from the birth of my first it was ten years before I had another.
I feel for you @LaurelFloral. 💐

I might be old fashioned but I personally feel that the best midwives are other women and preferably other mothers. I'd struggle with a midwife who had never experienced pregnancy and birth. Therefore obviously all men are out. I do think that some men have the personalities to be wonderful, kind, caring, gentle, etc - it's not that. It's more that, pregnancy and birth are such emotional, sometimes scary, nervewracking, vulnerable times in women's lives. For the sake of the woman giving birth, it's good to have another woman beside you who has also experienced this and understands what you're going through. Before I had children I didn't understand it. Not truly.

Although men should of course be allowed to be midwives, it is essential that women are allowed to request only women attend them if they want to. In the same way on occasion I have requested a female GP, and DH has requested a male one. We need to feel safe when circumstances have otherwise made us vulnerable or uncomfortable. It also needs an extra degree of vigilance, as although the majority will be genuine, abusers will always try to gain access by whatever means they can. We see time and again how paedophiles have worked their way through the net, and it is no different for men that want to abuse women. Even using the lowest statistic quoted here of 1 in 106 (highest seems to be 3 in 50), I'd say that's pretty worrying. Can you imagine if 1 in 106 teachers were charged/convicted as paedophiles? That would be a huge failing in safeguarding.

I have to say, I am slightly baffled by men who choose to go into gynae/midwifery roles and my experience of them thus far has not been positive. I have had some pretty awful women in this field too, but there is not the same level of physical threat with a woman.

I had a male consultant at my birth, when I was 18. He laughed when I said it hurt, left it too long (45 hours!) before agreeing to a c section, he was rude and condescending. I don’t think men can ever understand or have that empathy in such a female situation

My first baby was delivered by a male registrar; he couldn't have been more pleasant and thoroughly professional. Sadly there are creeps in every profession, there needs to be a better way of sorting the wheat from the chaff.

OP that is truly horrible for you 💐 please report your experiences to NHS. My only odd thought is how could he possibly take pictures of c sections because there are literally loads of people in the room. So not just him to blame but a lot more others.

Apologies ive not read the whole post but would you maybe consider counselling to help you process your emotions on this horrific experience.

@Thewindwhispers
What a sweeping, judgemental and nasty statement to say that any man who wants to be a midwife is a creep!😡😡. Would you say that about a male Gynaecologist or about a female Urologist?

I wish it was female only. I don't worry so much about having a male doctor for anything else but I had a mmc a few years back. I had a student male sonographer examining me and taking the scan to confirm the mmc. He was terrible and I felt so tense and uncomfortable the whole time and I know I wouldn't have if he was female. I swear he was looking at my face then down there to the extent someone came in and told him he needs to be careful what he's doing and watch what he's doing. Was so embarrassing as I'm sat there while another person is then saying left left left and then he's shoving this thing to the left way to violently. I don't know if that's normal for a student sonographer to have this but it's stayed with me.

I also have always previously had scans with females and they have always been so sympathetic that it's not the best situation to be in sat there being scanned. I had to go back again and didn't have the strength to ask for another sonogropher and had to go through it again.

I'm really sorry you had that experience. It's shocking that it took so long for this creep to be struck off. However I disagree that this should mean that no male person whatsoever could do the job.

I've not got any experience of male midwives specifically but I do know a male nurse who has a different area of speciality. He is definitely not creepy in the leaat and if he had chosen midwifery I don't think he would generally make anyone uncomfortable unless it was someone who would be uncomfortable with any male whatsoever.

I do have experience of a male gynecologist who treated me when I had a miscarriage. He wasn't creepy in the least. He was so compassionate and caring I felt really well looked after throughout and that included examinations and other actions just as intimate as those that a midwife does during labour.

It should certainly be the case that any woman who isn't comfortable with the midwife who is looking after her should be allowed to express that and have a different person for any reason at all. Equality legislation is important generally but vulnerable women in need of extremely personal care should not have the onus put on them to have to deal with and overcome their feelings even if those feelings might be discriminatory - it's not an appropriate time to be trying to challenge or reeducate. Hospitals and birthing centres would need to have enough staff on rota at all times to be able to accommodate such requests though, rather than being chronically understaffed.

You can decline a male midwife though? If a man wants to work in an area of women's healthcare he should be prepared for patients to ask for someone else.

I had a male obstetrician and he was really kind, I felt listened to and he had time for me to ask questions. Two female midwives I had were awful, they dismissed me being on pain and one broke my waters without asking consent.

It isn't just 1 though is it. We had another thread on here are there were a fair few who had been struck off, I think it was around 8%
Remember too that the number of victims will be much higher. One man can create a lot of victims
Women are particularly vulnerable when giving birth and, imo, due to that it should be female only

I wouldn’t have a problem in principle. I’ve had male obstetricians twice, to help with difficult births, can’t really see the difference, except that traditionally midwifery is an unusual career for a man for a man to choose.

The only rough treatment I ever had during labour was from a woman doctor.

I had a male midwife for my pre and post natal checkups (not uk). He seemed more concerned with my husband than me and directed a lot of information at him, including telling him how to ‘walk’ and ‘feed’ me. At the time we thought he was just trying to include my husband more. However when I had a post partum checkup he called my husband behind the curtain where he was examining me and talked to him about how my stitches were healing. This was NOT something I wanted to share with husband, nor did he want to see so bless him he just kept his eyes on my face - which was probably aghast and raging. We were too young and tired to make a complaint, I just never went back to that midwife. And yes he had lots of thank you cards on his walls.

Male midwife also did not even look into the pram to see our tiny pride and joy during my checkup! No idea if all midwives are as uninterested in babies as nothing to compare it too. We felt a bit deflated! Shouldn’t baby be a ‘perk’ of midwifery?

In all honesty, although I did think about the concept of only women who have had the birth experience themselves being MWs, I decided that wasn't fair.

Women who haven't, but who are empathetic, kind and caring will be much better MWs then those who have had birth experience, but breezed through it and haven't an empathetic bone in their body.

As with all such professions, the professional competency should, in my opinion, include the ability to listen to the patient, and to be caring about their mental as well as physical wellbeing.