The (male) midwife who delivered my baby has been struck off

[LaurelFloral]

So yes, that, basically. The midwife that delivered my first baby has been struck off. I've name changed for total anonymity, but I need to vent.

The midwife (male) made me feel very uncomfortable during labour/after giving birth. I'm not sure if this was because he was male, or because it was my first baby, or because I was a young mum. But I felt very creeped out by him at the time.

He's been struck off for various issues such as disappearing during a shift, taking photos of women during c-sections, not keeping up to date with training, bullying colleagues, I think there were 29 allegations in the end, dating back to 2011.

I remember people saying at the time my child was born that it took a special man to be a midwife, going against the grain, doing a woman's job. As much as I tried, I couldn't see that.

Can men be good midwives? Or should it be a profession soley for women?

I’ve had intimate exams by a man post birth and it was horrible actually. Very clinical and I felt vulnerable.

I've had this with women though, conversely had really kind male doctors. One had to use a speculum and I was a teen at that point. I felt more short for him in that situation!

Always ask for a woman if that's your preference, no reasonable person will be offended by that.

@pizz

I’ve had intimate exams by a man post birth and it was horrible actually. Very clinical and I felt vulnerable.

I've had this with women though, conversely had really kind male doctors. One had to use a speculum and I was a teen at that point. I felt more short for him in that situation!

Always ask for a woman if that's your preference, no reasonable person will be offended by that.

True. I think that’s the important bit, being able to have a preference.

Also maybe there’s more training needed for doctors and their bedside manner!

Incidently there is a difference between midwife and consultant care. My consultant wouldn't have been rubbing my legs and back when they cramped, holding my hand, talking to me in the bath afterwards, positioning my breasts for feeding and showing me how to express. And I would have felt very uncomfortable recieving that kind of care from a man.

My midwife didn’t do any of that. My abiding memory of the ‘care’ I had post-labour was the female nurse telling me - when I was in tears with exhaustion having been awake for two days straight and DS was crying - that I’d just have to suck it up and get on with it because that was what life was going to be like from now on.

@Rosieposie101

I might be old fashioned but I personally feel that the best midwives are other women and preferably other mothers. I'd struggle with a midwife who had never experienced pregnancy and birth. Therefore obviously all men are out. I do think that some men have the personalities to be wonderful, kind, caring, gentle, etc - it's not that. It's more that, pregnancy and birth are such emotional, sometimes scary, nervewracking, vulnerable times in women's lives. For the sake of the woman giving birth, it's good to have another woman beside you who has also experienced this and understands what you're going through. Before I had children I didn't understand it. Not truly.

And how exactly do you think that would work with recruitment?

I had a wonderful problem free pregnancy and an elective cesarean for a fairly minor reason. How would that fit in with your theory of "understanding what you're going through"

My pregancy was not remotely an emotional, sometimes scary, nervewracking, vulnerable time

There are many male gynaecologists, I don't really see gender as being restrictive in becoming a midwife just as in any other profession.

My consultant wouldn't have been rubbing my legs and back when they cramped, holding my hand, talking to me in the bath afterwards

I wouldn't even feel comfortable for a woman to be doing this to me, TBH

@mustlovegin

My consultant wouldn't have been rubbing my legs and back when they cramped, holding my hand, talking to me in the bath afterwards

I wouldn't even feel comfortable for a woman to be doing this to me, TBH

I have no experience of midwives beyond the routine appointments during my pregnancy; of which there weren't many and I don't think I even saw the same person each time. I agree however I wouldn't want anyone doing this.

Men can be good midwives and obgyns too. This person wasn't. Female midwives are also sometimes struck off, we don't conclude women don't make good midwives!

I think it's important if possible to allow women to refuse if they feel uncomfortable but if a woman (midwife or dr) isn't available then you need to accept what is available.

I had a make for part of my care (not delivery) and he was lovely.

Incidently there is a difference between midwife and consultant care. My consultant wouldn't have been rubbing my legs and back when they cramped, holding my hand, talking to me in the bath afterwards, positioning my breasts for feeding and showing me how to express. And I would have felt very uncomfortable recieving that kind of care from a man

I hate other people touching me when I have cramps, and never had any need for someone to talk to me in the bath after I gave birth. Nor would I want any midwife, male or female, positioning my breasts. It's perfectly possible to help with breastfeeding without touching the person doing it. I would feel uncomfortable with any midwife behaving like that.

I only know 1 male midwife, he's a personal friend and he's gay. I know some people who had him as their midwife for delivery and spoke very positively of him (before they knew I knew him personally). So I think some men can make good midwives. I personally had an awful midwife, totally dismissive, rude, no consent requested.

@DePfeffoff

Incidently there is a difference between midwife and consultant care. My consultant wouldn't have been rubbing my legs and back when they cramped, holding my hand, talking to me in the bath afterwards, positioning my breasts for feeding and showing me how to express. And I would have felt very uncomfortable recieving that kind of care from a man

I hate other people touching me when I have cramps, and never had any need for someone to talk to me in the bath after I gave birth. Nor would I want any midwife, male or female, positioning my breasts. It's perfectly possible to help with breastfeeding without touching the person doing it. I would feel uncomfortable with any midwife behaving like that.

Same. I absolutely hated being touched in labour, the person touching me being male or female made no difference.

@DrSbaitso

As in, if a man having an intimate medical treatment that affected men only, eg prostate examination, wanted only male doctors to see him, I don't see the problem.

Except most men, in my entirely statistically insignificant conversations over the years would prefer a woman to do this - smaller fingers, seen as more caring, and they don't mind the thought of a woman finding it arousing, but are extremely unhappy at the thought of a man finding it a turn on, and I assume their assumption that any professional would find it a turn on tells us a lot about men. (I work most with middle aged men; my father died young of prostate cancer so I tell them they should get checked.)

Having had my breasts checked and biopsies for a lump at the breast clinic, I am pretty certain I would rather have a man with a caring manner than a dismissive woman who commented negatively on the small size of my breasts. But I also know I don't have a history of sexual abuse and assault like many, many women, and it's not like it's news that most women will have experienced that at some point, maybe even as the cause of them being on the ward, and so of course there are going to be women for whom not having male health professionals treating them should be more of a consideration than those of us who don't really care, as long as they're good at what they do?

(I have a gynae appointment at the hospital in a couple of weeks; I may review my opinions after that.)

My consultant wouldn't have been rubbing my legs and back when they cramped, holding my hand, talking to me in the bath afterwards

I wouldn't even feel comfortable for a woman to be doing this to me, TBH

Tbf, I'm a "don't touch me type of person" who would be happy for social distancing to remain in place forever. But the midwife's care at that time felt right and was very reassuring. She stayed to chat afterwards because I'd been so upset and thrown by the first midwife's comments. She did ask before touching and was really lovely.
I'm completely grossed out by the OP saying the male midwife kissed her forehead (and I think, hugged her).

, I didn't know if I was over sensitive! My daughter was born a few hours before the end of his shift, when the midwife finished his shift, he came in to say goodbye, gave me a hug and kissed my forehead.

OP you certainly are not being oversensitive. While it is true sometimes its not possible to be gender sensitive when treating patients it certainly should have been explained to you that was the case. His behaviour was inappropriate for a health care professional. He crossed a professional boundary with you. I urge you without delay to submit a complaint to the hospital and to nursing and midwifery council. He will do the same to someone else and who knows maybe more.

Just found this:

www.iicsa.org.uk/key-documents/24199/download/truth-project-thematic-report-child-sexual-abuse-healthcare-contexts-.pdf

@Crystalvas Kissed your forehead! What 😦 how odd!

@KimikosNightmare

“My pregancy was not remotely an emotional, sometimes scary, nervewracking, vulnerable time”

[quote AutomaticMoon]@Crystalvas Kissed your forehead! What 😦 how odd![/quote]
No not me was trying to reply to a quote from the OP.

@Crystalvas the midwife OP is talking about has been struck off.

[quote cherrysthename]@Crystalvas the midwife OP is talking about has been struck off. [/quote]
Oh crap I mixed this one up with another post. Ah well serves him right.

I always think with this why is it ok for men to be obstetricians or gynaecologists but not midwives? (Aside from the clue being in the name but...)

Also another one tonight news.sky.com/story/helplines-for-patients-after-doctor-arrested-on-suspicion-of-sexual-assault-12541015

[quote AutomaticMoon]@KimikosNightmare

“My pregancy was not remotely an emotional, sometimes scary, nervewracking, vulnerable time”

[/quote]
What's the face for?

I was responding to the , frankly bizarre, suggestion that only women who had been through a pregnancy should be midwives because they would have the same experience of pregnancy being an emotional, sometimes scary, nervewracking, vulnerable time

How could such a policy could even be applied when recruiting? And even if it were- does it only include women who had traumatic experiences?.

@LaurelFloral

The community midwife who I had when pregnant with my first baby has been struck off.She was so bad that I actually changed GP surgeries so I wouldn't have her as my CM during my subsequent pregnancies.

Her incompetence led to the death of a baby in her care after they discharged post birth;she failed to take appropriate action when an issue was identified.

It doesn't surprise me;I thought it was normal for a community midwife to be in and out of your house like a bat out of hell without answering any of your questions but no it was just her.

I had a male midwife with my first. He was very good, and actually identified that my baby was breech, which neither my home visit midwife, nor the female midwife who I had but went off shift, did spot.

[quote JazzyBBG]I always think with this why is it ok for men to be obstetricians or gynaecologists but not midwives? (Aside from the clue being in the name but...)

Also another one tonight news.sky.com/story/helplines-for-patients-after-doctor-arrested-on-suspicion-of-sexual-assault-12541015[/quote]
Yes, people have said that a lot.

Personally, I think the roles of obstetricians and gynaecologists are very different to the role of a midwife and they aren’t comparable. Midwife means ‘with woman’. A midwife might support a labouring woman, unaccompanied, for 12-13 hours. It’s a very intimate role.

And to be honest, I’d rather have a female ob/gyn - especially since that study that showed women are more likely to die if male surgeons operate on them.