My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Feminism: chat

The (male) midwife who delivered my baby has been struck off

254 replies

LaurelFloral · 12/02/2022 23:51

So yes, that, basically. The midwife that delivered my first baby has been struck off. I've name changed for total anonymity, but I need to vent.

The midwife (male) made me feel very uncomfortable during labour/after giving birth. I'm not sure if this was because he was male, or because it was my first baby, or because I was a young mum. But I felt very creeped out by him at the time.

He's been struck off for various issues such as disappearing during a shift, taking photos of women during c-sections, not keeping up to date with training, bullying colleagues, I think there were 29 allegations in the end, dating back to 2011.

I remember people saying at the time my child was born that it took a special man to be a midwife, going against the grain, doing a woman's job. As much as I tried, I couldn't see that.

Can men be good midwives? Or should it be a profession soley for women?

OP posts:
Report
saraclara · 13/02/2022 00:46

I had female midwives, but the obstetric consultants and registrars were men. It didn't occur to me for one second, during both my difficult birth (which required their presence) that they were creeps who wanted to see my fanny. I mean, our genitalia are hardly at their best during childbirth, or when they require sewing up afterwards.

I do think when should have the choice of the sex of their midwife where possible, but accusing the males of being creepy is simply wrong.

Report
OkPedro · 13/02/2022 00:50

@Thewindwhispers that's a ridiculous thing to say.. so there should be no male obstetricians, no male midwife's no male gynaecologists because one man in this case was struck off.
If a woman is in any of these professions and she's gay does that make her weird for looking at women's genitals? Christ 🙄

Report
Hairyfriend · 13/02/2022 00:55

To those that would object to a male midwife, why don't you say the same about a male gynaecologist or obstetrician???

Report
cherrysthename · 13/02/2022 00:55

Okpedro I'm not saying I completely agree with PP, but please don't bring the old 'gay midwife' chestnut into this. It's homophobic. Females don't present the threat towards other women that men do. We know this as fact. Statistics re violence and sexual offences.
It's perfectly ok for women to only feel comfortable in intimate settings amongst other women.

Report
ComDummings · 13/02/2022 01:01

I feel like a male midwife is different to an obstetrician. Usually a midwife will be alone with women for long periods on and off, while they’re in a very vulnerable state. With obstetricians theyre usually part of a wider team and will usually be around in the presence of midwives or other theatre staff or anaesthetists. So the ‘threat’ is different IYSWIM?

There are approx 106 male midwives which makes the strike off rate pretty high.

I feel for any woman who was attended to by this midwife, must bring up a lot of feelings.

Report
Hairyfriend · 13/02/2022 01:09

@ComDummings

I feel like a male midwife is different to an obstetrician. Usually a midwife will be alone with women for long periods on and off, while they’re in a very vulnerable state. With obstetricians theyre usually part of a wider team and will usually be around in the presence of midwives or other theatre staff or anaesthetists. So the ‘threat’ is different IYSWIM?

There are approx 106 male midwives which makes the strike off rate pretty high.

I feel for any woman who was attended to by this midwife, must bring up a lot of feelings.

Midwives are also part of a wider team though!! The team may not ALL be in the room with you, but they don't work alone, nor does any medical professional in this position. They also ALL need an advanced DBS- whether midwife or obstetrician.

There are approx 106 male midwives which makes the strike off rate pretty high
Doesn't this just mean that less men go into the profession? Where is the evidence that this means that the strike off rate if pretty high???

This particular midwife is a disgrace to the profession, but to tarnish all males in midwifey is also bad!
Report
OkPedro · 13/02/2022 01:09

@cherrysthename believe me when I say I'm far from homophobic.. sorry if my comment came across that way.. I am well aware that men offend at a much higher rate than women..

Report
Namenic · 13/02/2022 01:13

I had a male community midwife - he was v good. I was not examined intimately by him, but would not have objected. I’d be fine with male obstetrician too.

Report
cherrysthename · 13/02/2022 01:15

OkPedro ok. I'm just so tired of seeing that same argument crop up over and over on these types of thread like it's some sort of 'gotcha!'- using gay women to make a point that doesn't even make sense. Because it's not the same. It is, like you've just acknowledged, men who are a threat in this context, not women.

Report
oviraptor21 · 13/02/2022 01:15

@Thewindwhispers

Any man who wants to intrude into a woman’s privacy like that is a creep imo.

The vast majority of women do not want strange men looking at their genitals. If, knowing this, a man goes into a job where that’s what he’ll be doing, then he is a bit of a creep.

I agree with this.
Had a male registrar(?) for one of my dc's births. Hated every minute of it. Also a male I don't know what, wasn't the midwife but did insert venflon so some kind of nurse/health care assistant. I should have said no but when you have a potentially slightly complicated delivery it's difficult to be assertive.

Also had a male registrar(?) for a gynae procedure. I've just got to learn to say no as I really hate it.
Report
flyingdream · 13/02/2022 01:16

Your thread has made me think next time I'm pregnant I want to put down female midwife wanted in my notes.

Report
cherrysthename · 13/02/2022 01:20

@oviraptor21 I'm really sorry Thanks
Stopping being so polite to our own detriment is a learning process. That's what I'm teaching my DD. If she's not comfortable then it's not happening.

Report
AutomaticMoon · 13/02/2022 01:26

@Hairyfriend 106 midwives and 1 struck of is not great, statistically. There’s 53000 midwives in the uk, to put it in context.

Report
AutomaticMoon · 13/02/2022 01:27

[quote cherrysthename]@oviraptor21 I'm really sorry Thanks
Stopping being so polite to our own detriment is a learning process. That's what I'm teaching my DD. If she's not comfortable then it's not happening. [/quote]
Good for you, keep at it. I wasn’t taught this and it made me the perfect target for sexual abuse in foster care.

Report
OkPedro · 13/02/2022 01:32

@cherrysthename I wasn't using gay women as a "gotcha" the poster I was arguing against said why would any man want to look at women's gentials and they must a pervert.. that just isn't fair whether men commit sexual offences at a higher rate than women or not

Report
dipdye · 13/02/2022 01:32

On the fence with this. My male obgyn was amazing, very professional, courteous and professional at all times.

So I'd be reluctant to say no men should go into obstetrics.

Report
cherrysthename · 13/02/2022 01:35

I know exactly what you said, OkPedro.

Report
FatFilledTrottyPuss · 13/02/2022 01:44

I think there were 4 people stood at my nether regions when ds was born, the chief midwife - female and utterly mean, rude, impatient and horrible. A doctor - male, seemed to take pleasure in being as rough as possible while jabbing needles in me and sewing me up. Nurse/midwife - male, absolutely lovely, warm, kind, encouraging and just so so lovely he made coping with the trauma & the other two so much easier. And someone else who I can’t remember at all. I honestly don’t think I’d have coped without that lovely young man and I’m so sorry for anyone else who ended up with a creep. Sad

Report
QueenCamilla · 13/02/2022 01:45

I was too out of it to notice who was present during labour (pretty sure the surgeon was the only male). BUT when I'm not half-conscious I always request a female doctor/nurse for appointments that might require body-examinations (particularly intimate ones). Unfortunately I've experienced lewd innuendos from a couple of doctors as a teenager.

NO to male gynecologists
NO to male obstetricians
NO to male nurses (if it's a smear-test or other swabs )
NO to male doctors if it's a complaint concerning my nether regions or breasts.

It's not about whether they're all creeps or not - it's about Me! I should be able to feel comfortable during a doctor's visit.

Report
TheresSomebodyAtTheDoorNeil · 13/02/2022 01:58

The midwives in my hospital trust covered up the deaths of mums and babies and God alone knows how many were left with horrific disabilities (( I know of at least 3)) the majority of them if not all are female...... And of course lessons will be learned and some will still be in their jobs...... My midwife was female. And my ds is extremely lucky to be alive, he does have some difficulties as a result of his birth trauma, that wasnt because his midwife was female, it was because she was a bullying know it all who refused to call for help when it was obvious things were going wrong. The male consultant who came to investigate my screaming, pushed her out the way and took over saved my sons life.

If someone is a bullying twat that's bad at their job then that's what they are. The fact they have a penis is neither here nor there....... We can request a female staff member if we want to. I prefer to opt for the person who makes me feel at ease and safe. And for me that can be either gender.

Report
Policyschmolicy · 13/02/2022 02:08

There is/was a male midwife at my large hospital. I don’t know what he is like in Labour etc, or what his colleagues think of him but he absolutely saved me from a nasty infection post partum. It was his continued insistence with me and my GP (both over the phone) that got me the antibiotics I desperately needed. For some reason a miscommunication in the GP meant they thought they were treating BV (assume they saw the swab results and missed the detail of my being postpartum) and the receptionist at the GP refused for me to even speak to a doctor (let alone see one) because she was saving appointments for emergencies.

Report
blueshoes · 13/02/2022 02:17

@QueenCamilla

I was too out of it to notice who was present during labour (pretty sure the surgeon was the only male). BUT when I'm not half-conscious I always request a female doctor/nurse for appointments that might require body-examinations (particularly intimate ones). Unfortunately I've experienced lewd innuendos from a couple of doctors as a teenager.

NO to male gynecologists
NO to male obstetricians
NO to male nurses (if it's a smear-test or other swabs )
NO to male doctors if it's a complaint concerning my nether regions or breasts.

It's not about whether they're all creeps or not - it's about Me! I should be able to feel comfortable during a doctor's visit.

This. 100%

I was fondled by a doctor who was supposed to be doing an insurance medical. To this day, I am so angry I did not complain - I was too young to speak up for myself. I request female doctors whenever possible.
Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Goooglebox · 13/02/2022 02:23

I'm sorry that happened to you. He looked like a very creepy person who should have gone a long time ago.

Report
timeisnotaline · 13/02/2022 02:25

People should be able to request but I don’t think they should be banned. I have a male obstetrician currently in an obstetrician led care environment. I chose him because he specialises in vaginal births in a high csection environment (I’m very confident he doesn’t do this because he’s a creep by the way!)

Report
AutumnVibes · 13/02/2022 02:45

I’m sorry for the OP and previous posters who have had distressing experiences at the hands of male and female medical professionals.
For balance, I actually had two make midwives this time around, one caring for me on postnatal ward and the other in the community postnatal team. It was unusual but cannot fault the kindness or standards of care and professionalism from both. I think banning any gender from a particular job is a regressive step. But I think it is also reasonable that women are given some say in who they feel comfortable attending them in such an emotional and vulnerable time. It is tricky to know how best this can be exercised though, as, for example, I remember my grandad having local authority carers when he was dying and not wanting the male carers and not wanting the ethnic minority ones. It was quite stressful and obviously not something that we felt it was reasonable to request (no traumatic back story - just a bit old fashioned and wanted a young white woman to be the nurse).

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.