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Feminism: chat

Feminism: sex and gender

Original poster

The (male) midwife who delivered my baby has been struck off

254 replies

LaurelFloral · 12/02/2022 23:51

So yes, that, basically. The midwife that delivered my first baby has been struck off. I've name changed for total anonymity, but I need to vent.

The midwife (male) made me feel very uncomfortable during labour/after giving birth. I'm not sure if this was because he was male, or because it was my first baby, or because I was a young mum. But I felt very creeped out by him at the time.

He's been struck off for various issues such as disappearing during a shift, taking photos of women during c-sections, not keeping up to date with training, bullying colleagues, I think there were 29 allegations in the end, dating back to 2011.

I remember people saying at the time my child was born that it took a special man to be a midwife, going against the grain, doing a woman's job. As much as I tried, I couldn't see that.

Can men be good midwives? Or should it be a profession soley for women?

OP posts:
Cottagepieandpeas · 13/02/2022 06:53

I don’t think men should be ruled out of midwifery but I definitely think the birthing woman should have a choice.

5zeds · 13/02/2022 06:56

@Notimeforaname Ah if you're wanting just all females in a certain profession then it'll have to be ok for males to say 'no females' in other professions. ok.

MotherCupboard · 13/02/2022 06:56

I wonder if everyone who would decline a male midwife would decline a male obstetrician too. What if there's nobody else?

My experience was that both the male and female consultants involved in my pregnancy were equally dismissive and unempathetic. It's not about the sex of the person treating you. It's about their manner.

ViceLikeBlip · 13/02/2022 06:58

@SD1978

I don't understand the huge discomfort with male midwives, but male gynaecologists are never an issue. It seems to go back to the whole it's ok for men to be doctors, but not nurses bias many women seem to have. Same that male teachers are great, but male early years educators are also something to be feared.
Agree. Loads of gynaecologists and anaesthetists who assist in births are male. I think it's because some people seem to view doctors as proper professionals, but nurses are seen more as just a friendly face in the room (do we actually still use the word "sister" for a senior nurse?)

I don't want to be accused of NAMALT, but one horrible man isn't representative of a whole profession. Similarly, I've had some horrible female midwives. A midwife isn't there to be your best friend- they're there to give you medical care, and men can do that just as well as women.

5zeds · 13/02/2022 07:16

A midwife IS there to be your support and the role is completely different to a gynaecologist or Dr. Of course women will accept care that is very far from ideal if they have to. I know someone who’s neighbour delivered her baby before the ambulance arrived as he was the only adult around. It has nothing to do with what we would choose (and women should be choosing not settling)..
Although NAMALT a large proportion of male midwives do seem to be as there are a very few of them and several cases plus quite a lot of anecdotal experience on thes threads.

MummyMe87 · 13/02/2022 07:16

Yes I have worked with some wonderful amazing male midwives. It’s not a woman’s job at all, just as much as obstetrics and gynaecology isn’t a woman’s job.

However I’ve also worked with a midwife who has also been struck off in the last year due to child pornography which is absolutely sickening and horrific. He is not a good midwife nor a good person

itsgettingweird · 13/02/2022 07:22

I had a male midwife. He was Mexican. (Ds was born in a Spanish country).

He was fantastic. Never made me feel uncomfortable and very professional.

So for me I don't think it should be woman only.

My gynae who also delivered ds (EMCS) was also male.

But I'm very sorry for what you went through and think it would be perfectly understandable for you to seek support and counselling through the nhs.

notanothertakeaway · 13/02/2022 07:23

Equality works both ways. It's hypocritical to say that elderly male dementia patients should tolerate intimate care from female carers, but no men should be midwives

In an ideal world, patients should be able to choose the sex of their carers

Sorry you had a bad experience

CheesecakeAddict · 13/02/2022 07:25

@SD1978

I don't understand the huge discomfort with male midwives, but male gynaecologists are never an issue. It seems to go back to the whole it's ok for men to be doctors, but not nurses bias many women seem to have. Same that male teachers are great, but male early years educators are also something to be feared.
I agree with this completely.

My pregnancy was consultant led and because of the position of the baby I needed the consultant there for the last leg. He was so caring and respectful. My female midwife was an utter bitch on the otherhand. I actually think she was a psychopath and enjoyed watching me suffer. I can actually see this profession people like that.

Fredstheteds · 13/02/2022 07:25

@SD1978

I don't understand the huge discomfort with male midwives, but male gynaecologists are never an issue. It seems to go back to the whole it's ok for men to be doctors, but not nurses bias many women seem to have. Same that male teachers are great, but male early years educators are also something to be feared.
Totally - my male gynie is fantastic and a male midwife no issue here
LizziesTwin · 13/02/2022 07:26

I had a male midwife for part of my first labour. I really didn’t like having him there. I had chosen to have a female ob/gyn (child born overseas).

GrendelsGrandma · 13/02/2022 07:26

It's ridiculous to say there shouldn't be male midwives because this one was bad.

What there should be, is an effective system for reporting misconduct and whistleblowing so patients and colleagues can flag up problems before they get worse. I've read about midwifery having a bullying culture and this guy seems to have had various red flags around exploiting a vulnerable colleague.

There are parts of the world where women can only be seen by women doctors, and I'm sure that enables underfunding and poorer treatment for women as a whole while the expert practitioners just help men.

The men who mistreat women do it because they think they won't be caught.

Darbs76 · 13/02/2022 07:27

I wouldn’t have an objection to a male midwife delivering my baby personally. When my eldest was born there were 3 doctors (and 5 midwife’s) in the room as they attempted ventouse (failed) and 3 attempts of forceps. Made zero difference to me, just wanted my baby out safely. 2nd and 3rd labour no assisted delivery and both times the midwife only came in the room for a few checks and when I called to say I needed to push. I can understand why some women wouldn’t be comfortable and I’d imagine it can be tricky if you’re short staffed and have a male midwife and ladies who don’t want a male, I’d imagine sometimes you have no choice

Anklebiter999 · 13/02/2022 07:27

Yet male obstetricians are doing exactly the same procedures/investigations/interventions and are well accepted...

Somuddled · 13/02/2022 07:27

Of course some men have the ability, intelligence and temperament to be great midwives. That's a separate issue as to whether they should be allowed to be, my answer to that would be no. Too many women have been hurt but other men in the past, its right that they shouldn't be in a position of wanting to say no to a male midwife but feeling that they can't.

KookaburraSits · 13/02/2022 07:27

@sadpapercourtesan

I would not want a male midwife. I don't give a fuck whether people think that's unfair or exclusionary - I wouldn't want it. The only male involved in my care during my first, horrific butchery of a labour was a consultant who barged in, thrust his hand inside me without even introducing himself, tore me internally and said "now she can push".

I will never be in that vulnerable position again, thank goodness. If I were to be - there is no way I would let any man anywhere near me.

That's awful. I'm sorry.
ShadowPuppets · 13/02/2022 07:28

I know this might sound daft but, if I could pick, I actually wouldn’t want a midwife who hadn’t given birth herself. My friend is a midwife - she didn’t deliver my daughter but we’ve since spoken about my birth and she’s very focused on ‘oh yes, X is normal, that was a good birth’. It didn’t feel that way to me and despite being a lovely and compassionate person, I don’t think she has any idea what it’s like to be on the other side of the relationship. I think she logically knows that it’s a vulnerable time without being able to really understand that - to be perfectly honest, until I was in the position of giving birth neither did I. It’s the same way I wouldn’t really want HV advice from a HV who hadn’t had a non sleeping, non feeding baby themselves tbh. I know that’s not something you can specify.

I do view it as very different to doctors, I don’t really give a damn if a doctor has a brusque bedside manner as long as he fixes whatever’s wrong with me or my child. A midwife is there to ‘coach’ you through birth and theres a relationship that has to be built to improve the chance of a successful outcome.

lollipoprainbow · 13/02/2022 07:29

*Any man who wants to intrude into a woman’s privacy like that is a creep imo.

The vast majority of women do not want strange men looking at their genitals. If, knowing this, a man goes into a job where that’s what he’ll be doing, then he is a bit of a cree*p.

So all male gynaecologists are creeps ??? Hmm

Tinyhorseshoes · 13/02/2022 07:34

I wouldn't be Keen.
My daughter was sexually assaulted by a male nurse who served a prison sentence.

camperqueen54 · 13/02/2022 07:39

But it's ok to have a male obstetrician which I had at the birth of my first daughter! Mm !

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 13/02/2022 08:05

I had two midwives in hospital (I was in there a long time) I had an older woman who frankly was rude with no empathy or compassion, she was very clearly anti pain relief and very dismissive of me. Her shift finished and then I had a male, he was great, read the room well was supportive encouraging, just the right amount of humour, made sure I was heard when the room filled with doctors/consultants. I think women should have the choice but personally I'd choose him over her in a heartbeat

Merryhobnobs · 13/02/2022 08:05

I have not had a male midwife but it would not have bothered me in the slightest. Medical professional like all others. I did have a male consultant who had to deliver very painful internal examinations following a late miscarriage with complications after. He was fantastic. Completely professional yet very compassionate. You've had a bad experience and I do not dismiss that but I won't say men can't be midwives. They can be and they can be good ones as well.

oviraptor21 · 13/02/2022 08:06

No it's not. At least not in my book, or that of several PP.

user1471538283 · 13/02/2022 08:06

I wanted and got midwives that had given birth and fortunately they were older than me so had life experience. I had three Male doctors. Two were competent and gentle, one was not.

oviraptor21 · 13/02/2022 08:06

^^ Reply to @camperqueen54