can't even think of a title

[ToccataAndFudge]

yes BitofFun - you were right, it wasn't even 3 days, BeastofBodmin - yes I'm moaning again.

I'm not coping, I'm a fucking mess.

Have been trying to write it all down for the last hour and have given up.

If you've already posted on my other recent threads I haven't ignored the time and effort put it to try and support me, i do appreciate it I just can't even take my own advice right now

I don't even want to go to her birthday lunch, (with or without boys). And they're up in the NE of England, not sure what there plans are, suppose it's for me to go up with the DS's and stay somewhere, and we all go out as a big "happy" ) family for her birthday (it's her 60th apparently), or maybe they'll have realised that me getting up there with the DS's will be nigh on impossible and are planning on holding it down here somewhere and they stay with friends (possibly that as they do have more family down here than up there, and more friends down this way as well).

Either way I don't want to go, especially not in the middle of the summer holidays which I'm hoping to use as time "away" from everthing for me and the DS's.......

I always leave my packing until the last minute

Sorry, didnt realise they werent close by or there were other issues.

It's a pita being expected to attend family gatherings at the drop of a hat.

We live more than 400 miles away but anytime there is anything going on we are expected to make an 8 hour car journey with the dc's, take them out of school, arrange a babysitter up there and to top it off with the cost of petrol and DH being self-employed so no pay unless he's working, it always leaves us in the shit for months.

I'm not going simple as that.

Besides I can't...........I've already sorted my accommodation in Liverpool (thanks purple )

Apparently my mum was upset that she didn't get anything for mothers day

bah hum bug - neither would I have done if it wasn't thanks to a friend (not even family).

A holiday always trumps a birthday lunch anyway

DD1 has just fallen back asleep on the sofa (guess the neurofen worked!), so I suppose I should get off to bed.

Hope you get lots more done tomorrow.

Tocc, sorry you're having a hard time. I haven't read pgs 2-7, I'm supposed to be Working while DS is out with MIL but I couldn't just pass this by, I didn't realise it was your thread before.

Glad you've got somewhere to go away for a while to - how lovely! Wish I had won the lottery and then I'd invite you all out here for a fortnight - you'd love it. Sadly no lottery wins here - does anyone actually know a real life lottery winner??

Have you moved yet or is it being in the same house that's getting to you as much as anything?

I moved 3 weeks ago

I'm going to stay with my brother in edinburgh for 2 weeks, and then purpleturtle has extremely kindly offered to let me stay in her house in Iiverpool with the DS's while she goes away with her DH and DC

(I'd advise reading pages 2-7 at your lesiure at some point as it'll kind of show you where I am/was - for instance I tried to resign as church organists again)

yes, I got that bit - I will read when I have more time. Glad you've moved, sorry things are so shitty, glad your bro is having you for a bit and great that purpleturtle is letting you stay in her house! What a great person.

Will trot off now and do the Work - hope you get some sleep tonight. If you haven't got any, get some rescue remedy too.

Also, what you were saying at the beginning about going over and over the Incident but with no emotion - there are some NLP tricks I can tell you another time that mught help that.

have been to the Drs (don't know if you saw that bit?) and I'm back on the AD's, he did suggest counselling "or other routes", but wants to wait until my mood has settled before exploring the stuff relating directly to the incident any further.

glad he's being understanding anyway - hope the ADs are doing their job.

Gotta go now - speak to you again soon though.

Have a (((hug))) anyway! - from one internet "harpy" to another

only started them yesterday thumb

am now sitting here thinking I perhaps ought to make a list of the key things I'd like bitter to help me with when she gets here.....

that's a great plan - did you do it? what time is she coming/did she come?

I did manage some Work today but nothing like as much as I should have - deadline looming but I am such a weak-willed person and the siren call of MN is so strong. Must go and Carry On with it or I'll be in right shit with the publisher.

no I didn't do the list.

She came at 10, we went round to XH's and got some more of my stuff, think I've now got everythng that was still in the house here now. Although still have a heap of boxes in the greenhouse (shed) - but they can wait as they're mostly stuff for ebay/carboot/charity shop which I'll only stick in the shed here for the time being.

Bitter is LOVELY (she's just popped home to pick up her DD who she left at home with her DH this morning). We've got the enormous pile of dirty dishes washed, dried and put away, and given the living room a quick tidy as well.

I'm just having some lunch (didn't dare not at least have a sandwich otherwise I fear I'll get told off when she gets back ) and trying to plan which bit to tackle next.

Think probably my bedroom, perhaps clearing the stuff off the (made, with fresh sheets) bed and putting all the stuff that's strewn/dumped in there at least in the place they'll live (I can always sort it another time) and cleaning the bathroom and finishing unpacking the box of stuff that's still in there is probably the best idea.

XH is a twat.........ermm not much more I can say really. He did (rather reluctantly) bring one suitcase of stuff round that wouldn't fit in the car, and when just before he left I asked him when he would be able to have the DS's

"oh we'll talk about that at some point".........we're nearly 3 weeks in now.......he didn't even pick DS3 up and give him a hug

God, what a knobend. I don't understand how people, mostly men, can be like that with their DC, it breaks my heart.

Sounds like bitter has been a real godsend - getting things in order in at least one room is such a help. I remember when I moved out of my last but one house into my lovely house in the UK (as a result of a nasty breakup) - one of my friends insisted on staying on after helping to move everything and unpacking and setting up the living room, so I had at least one livable in room. At the time I was all "no I'm too tired, it can wait" but God I was grateful for it later!

How close does bitter live to you? Am so glad you have someone else lovely who can help you out.

I know it was horrible, especialy as before September (when he was ill but didn't know it - and even before that when we separated the first time round) he still took a real interest in the boys and made sure he saw them regularly from the very start of the split .

Bitter is wonderful, she's about 20 minutes drive from me so not too far .

Actually (she may disagree after spending the day with me and once she sees this later) I hope that once I'm sorted out with the house she'll come over with her DD for coffee or something such like.

that would be great!

I know, I was thinking it's such a shame that your H's "habit" became pathological as he seemed to be much nicer when he was on the weed!

I will go and read the other pages at some point, not just now though - does it say which house you got? Did you get one you wanted?

I know that's part of what's really messing with my head, how he really was just so lovely on the weed, if September hadn't happened we'd probably still be together with him being lovely and me having no clue he was taking it. Just feels really fucked up.

Even before the weed he at least have the boys regularly though

Yes I got the house I wanted on the next street (which in some way makes the lack of contact with the boys grate more as I'm sure he's walked past many times to go to the shop on the corner )

how are your DSs about it though? Are they very bothered themselves, because they've had such upheaval over the last few months that I would think a period of calm settledness might suit them at the mo - dunno though.

After all, if your H is being a knob, you don't really want the boys to have to put up with that on their own anyway, do you. I know you need the respite yourself though and hope that you will be able to get a nice group of people together who might be able to help out more.

Glad you weren't allowed to give up your organ playing though - that would have been dreadful for you!

actually he did make me laugh this moring, and bitter can testify to this as she was there when I rang him to say we'd be there very shortly.

10.15am. I ring him, say can we come round now, "yes ok......have you got someone looking after the boys"

ermmm no you idiot, DS1 and 2 are at school (duh!) and DS3 is with me.

Mind I think the half drunk bottle of WKD blue sat near the woman on the sofa (trying to fathom whether it was him or his mate who got laid last night ), and half a glass of wine on the computer desk.........which mostly certained looked like they were currenlyt being drunk (ie not left from last night) were probably partly to blame..........

man, I think it's better that he doesn't have them to look after by himself at the mo, if he's that unclear on things! Is he allowed to look after them again now?

ohhh, I really should go and do more work - but it's so bloody sultry here, I'm boiling hot - laptop on the lap isn't helping any. Plus there's a rogue mozzie around that I can't catch - it's having a field day.

boys haven't really said much. DS1 asked on my birthday/mothers day (when he came round to use the internet for 1/2hr) when they would be going to his and his reply was "I'll let your mum know".......well I'm still waiting.

I suppose in some ways it better if this is the way he's going to be with contact that it starts of the way he intends to go on.......rather than him appearing ernest now and then stopping later.

now this is interesting - baring in mind what I just said about the alcohol in the house that was obviously being drunk by at least 2 of the 3 people in there.

He volunteers at the hospital on a Friday, last night he told me he'd be in until 11.30........and then had to go up there.

The landline has just rung - for him, I explained that he didn't live here and asked who was calling so I could pass on a message/his mobile.

It was the hospital, I said "isn't he supposed to be there today"

his reply "yes - that's why I'm ringing as he hasn't showed up"..............

I explained that the landline is my number that I've taken with me, and passed on XH's mobile number

oh dear. So he's defaulting on his responsibilities in other areas as well - and possibly drinking during the day - gah!

Poor DSs - sad for them if he continues down this route, maybe it is part of his "illness" or maybe it is just him being a selfish wanker - who knows. Hope he sorts his priorities out soon though, for their sake. Glad you sound quite detached about it - I guess you've really managed to let him go, yes?

yes - think I may my carer support worker (we haven't yet met up to "finish off" her role) a ring and let her know, then she can pass on to his CPN......

may be him being ill, or he could just be being a wanker, either way I think they should know.

Yes I do think I've managed to let him go, I think the move day (and night before) helped cement that.

Bitter when you see this, thankyou so much for you help this morning, and for coming back with your absolutely gorgeous DD to help me this afternoon.

Just getting the dishes done, and those boxes over from XH's has been a huge help and so please don't feel bad about having to rush of so quickly and suddenly there was no way you could have expected that

{{{{big hug for you and your DH from me and the DS's}}}}}}

Hi Toccata. DH is (understandably) quite upset, but seems to be doing ok. He's taken the dog for a long walk to clear his head.

I'm sorry we didn't get more done, but it looks like you and cordonbleugh made a very good start - you have a beautiful home (and DS!)

I know where you are now, so can be round anytime to lend a hand. If not, I'll definitely be round for that coffee.

oh don't apologise - there was absolutely no wa ou could have anticiapted that phone call!!

And I said - just getting those dishes done, and more of the stuff from XH's was a HUGE help. Although looking through the stuff I think that he didn't actually put everything that was upstairs in the hallway for me as I can't find DS1's Lewis Hamilton picture

That's why I asked him on Thursday night if I go and get the stuff that I wanted - not have him just dump it all in the hallway for me.

Anyhow, the stuff we did get done was great so thanks

Just making DS3 lunch after you'd got it was so lovely to be able to just open the cultery drawer and grab knife, and plate from the cupboard, and we seemed to get them done so fast as well!