can't even think of a title

[ToccataAndFudge]

yes BitofFun - you were right, it wasn't even 3 days, BeastofBodmin - yes I'm moaning again.

I'm not coping, I'm a fucking mess.

Have been trying to write it all down for the last hour and have given up.

If you've already posted on my other recent threads I haven't ignored the time and effort put it to try and support me, i do appreciate it I just can't even take my own advice right now

I have just sent you a CAT but if you don't want talk about it you can tell me to bog off.

ok,

not sure who it was that did the suggestion of just doing culterly etc and leaving the rest?

Anyhow, have just got up off the sofa, rounded all the mugs, bottles (DS3's), and culterly up and thrown them in the sink with hot soapy water. Oh and switched the oven on to make dinner.....going to be late now though

Just having a coffee

don't feel tired anymore but still feel like I could curl back upagain

I have clean mugs, bottles and cutlery.

Have put more water in the sink to soak 3 days worth of crusty breakfast bowls

Please nag me tomorrow to call for a Drs appointment

Don't tell anyone but.........I never ever wash up every day! I pile things up in the washing up bowl and keep doing that until its full/I've run out of cutlery!

My mum moans at me, but I just hate washing up and can never be bothered lol So don't feel too guilty about not getting it done - I often leave it for about a week!

I will nag you on here and on facebook, and by text if you decide to get in touch lol

I'm waiting on my BF's DH to come and drill a hole through the back of the cupboard and fix the bits under the sink to allow 2 inlet/outlet points (LL is fine with me getting someone to do it) so I can have my dishwasher working again.

Problem is that he's working 12hr days at the moment (self employed builder/electrician/plumber who's work load has suddenly shot through the roof)

well DS's have had fried eggs, potato wedges (homemade and exceptionally greasy as I cba to drain them properly) and frozen veg (cooked obviously) for dinner

Have just texted cordon to accept her offer to help sort the house out.

Don't feel any better for accepting help though, feel worse.

Well, don't. And that's an order. (In a very gentle and supportive way )

Accepting help is a Good Thing. Human Beings are interdependent beings, designed for community, and you are helping Cordon to be a better person by allowing her to help you with your house. You're doing her a favour.

I wish I was closer - I'd be round too. You could make me a better person.

Toccata you in South London?

If so you are more than welcome to accept household help from myself and my loony I mean delightful and energetic sons! I am a bit of a clean freak and like nothing more than sorting other people's houses out. (And yes before you ask I do have mental health issues )

Seriously, anyone who can cook homemade potato wedges while seriously depressed has my respect. I'm a depressive too and on my worst days I just order pizza in for them, and even that is an effort, just picking up the phone and talking to someone. It's shite eh. Don't know your story but no doubt you've got reason to feel shite and need a break.

no I'm in Northants allegrageller

I've ordered so much bloody pizza in over the last 2 weeks there's going to be no money left for our trip to Edinburgh in the summer if I'm not careful (ok it's not that bad, but not a great way to spend any extra cash)

TAF So sorry that you're struggling.

You know that a huge part of fixing things is admitting that there is something wrong.

Ring the Drs in the morning, and remember that feeding the children from clean plates and them having clean clothes is a successful day.

yeah Toccata I feel your pain!

I'm heading onto a downer myself as the boys have gone off to their dad's and I have to go to a conference for 3/4 days so won't see them. I haven't left the house or eaten all day , just coffee, and I'm now seriously considering ordering a curry....:S

really must get out, staying in all day really doesn't help our moods does it. A trip to the corner shop calls (nb must not buy fags!!)

strangely cleaning is the ONLY thing I can do when I'm depressed. I do it in a really angry and obsessional way (bet you're glad I'm not near you now eh )

no angry and obsessional cleaning would be good round here just now.

Headingly rapidly to 3 weeks since I moved in and still haven't managed to clear any of the floors enough to clean them

I do that sort of cleaning when I'm really p*ssed off about something/have had an argument with someone

aww don't feel worse! We'll have a good time, get lots done, but have regular fag/mn breaks lol Put some music on in the background, get the kids dancing etc

DD is looking forward to playing with your DS3

oh you have jsut moved? nightmare.

so have I. Seriously sent me into a near-suicidal depression the first week. Just so horrible, that upheaval when you're already down.

I called my boyfriend in tears and asked him if he could help me unpack, I just couldn't manage it wth the kids around (am a lone parent- are you?)
I have anger issues hence the cleaning. Plus I am trying to write a book and am totally blocked, so I clean instead. Cooking, on the other hand, is beyond me. I also get this weird paralysis like today where I just can't leave the house which makes me feel really crap- not agoraphobia, just all feels like too much effort...

yes I told bribed DS3 to bed by telling him that your DD is coming to play tomorrow.......he got very excited despite not having a clue who she is

yes I moved on the 6th march, XH "helped" me move (As was moving out of our home), so yes am lone parent as well.

I rarely leave the house unless I need to go and buy something (and even then if it's bread/milk/non fag related and I have the coins in my purse DS1 often goes for me).

And no-one comes here either really

I rarely leave the house either TAF, pretty much only to take DD to nursery in fact. I'll get a lift to town to do my food shopping or go with my best friend if she's going to town anyway. I never take DD out on my own, no toddler groups or anything! Not even to the park ( mainly cos it's the most mind numbingly boring thing in the world imo lol)

I'm worse in winter - I was really proud of myself for getting the bus into town on my own with DD spontaneously - how sad is that?!

My best mate comes round most evenings to watch telly with me, but other than that and my mum/dad popping in every few days, I'm on my own in the house with DD all the time.

Hence trying to make an effort like going to london and planning a day out for her bday.

oh, and I work on saturday mornings but I hate the job so I'm looking for something else.

Have you spoken to tutor yet re substitution?

the only time I have someone round in the evenings is if I've got a meeting, so that's usually twice a month if that.

Have one friend that comes round for a coffee after school on a Monday while we wait for our DS1's to finish choir at school, other than that I get no-one here.

I do take DS3 to a toddler group across the road on a Thursday, and church on a Sunday morning with all of them, but that's about as far as we go really unless it's the shops.

yeah this housebound feeling sucks eh.

I have to travel for work and occasional conferences and i manage that ok, because it's compulsory. But going out to DO anything is so hard it's like wading through concrete (still haven't been out this evening yet lmao)

hate the evenings once the DS's are in bed.

I should be studying or doing housework, but just knowing that I've got 4+hrs ahead of me (I don't sleep until late, and even then don't really sleep) on my own is horrible.

I seem to hold it all in until after they've gone to bed and then turn into a sniffling wreck.

I have limited custody of my boys and I hate the second half of the week with a passion

it's vile isn't it. The kids keep us going but some days I have felt like an animated corpse.

Are you taking the ADs, seeing psych etc? No doubt you'll have had this advice already and don't need it, just checking as I hadn't read your earlier thread.

I should be studying - haven't started the latest topic yet, but I can't be bothered tbh! I'll take the folder to bed with me and get started though.

Do I need to bring anything with me tomorrow? Bin bags? cleaning stuff etc?

well I'm still waiting on XH to tell me when he's having the DS's - only going to be for an afternoon/day to start with (long story if you've not seen previous threads of mine)

When we separated previously (told you it was complicated) he used to have them once a fortnight for the full weekend, and we're supposed to be building up to that again.

Even when I had depression back then I was ok when he had them, if I wanted to get out of the house I just put my jacket on and walked out, if I wanted to go for a walk (just to the shop) at 10pm just to buy something that could really wait until the morning but I just needed to "see" people I could.