can't even think of a title

[ToccataAndFudge]

yes BitofFun - you were right, it wasn't even 3 days, BeastofBodmin - yes I'm moaning again.

I'm not coping, I'm a fucking mess.

Have been trying to write it all down for the last hour and have given up.

If you've already posted on my other recent threads I haven't ignored the time and effort put it to try and support me, i do appreciate it I just can't even take my own advice right now

I wasn't so quick to accept help 2yrs ago and that's part of the reason I got so bad. I've been terrified since then of getting back there, really terrified and one thing I've said since then was that I should talk and accept help when I'm struggling.

Have probably left it a bit late, should really have done it before I got to where I am now, but sitting there on Monday moring with my vicar in the lounge (how it was today when you first arrived) and her saying I should talk and ask for help if I needed it made me realise I really had to.

Part of my problem is that I do cope well "on the outside"..........it's what I hide inside that's the problem.

Thanks for the compliments about the boys, your DD is lovely too (even if she did have a few "moments")....I just need to try not to snap/shout at them so much for petty stuff

I suppose I ought to go and try to sleep, will be on the sofa again, but I'm in my PJ's tonight so that's a positive, and I can wake up in the morning and see a lovely clear room and now what was there this morning.

Need to tackle some of those dishes tomorrow......Ive just use the last plate for my toast , and go and get a memory card for my camera so I can take some "after" shots of how it looks now in there

Thanks for your help today

ha DD is 3 going on 13. And it's only recently, after lots of chats with my HV and people from the family centre, that I've stopped being such a snappy shouty mum. I've been very quick to lose my temper with her in the recent past. I've had to put a lot of effort into being a more chilled out mum, and it's not been easy but I'm getting there.

You, however, are under a lot of pressure at the moment, so nobody expects you to be chilled out supermum all the time. The DS1 and DS2 (and even DS3 to some extent) probably have a deeper understanding of what you're going through than you realise. They pick up on stuff. But they're resilient and can get over minor things like shouting/snapping pretty quickly. So don't be too hard on yourself about that.

As for whats inside being the problem, that's usually the case for a lot of people! But whats different this time, is that you can reflect on how things went last time, and go about things in a different way.

With me, I coast along fine for ages, months at a time, then bam I have a huge meltdown usually triggered by something completely trivial, and no one around me expects it, or sees it coming!

Yes, go and get some sleep, you deserve it! Stop thanking me, it's the least I could do, and I had fun doing it

RE washing up, if it's all still in the piles I left it in, just aim to do one pile at a time, ie: plates, then half an hour later go back and do the cutlery, then the bowls etc. Won't seem like such a mammoth task then hopefully.

DS3 woke up early this morning (again), was lovely to wake up with th eroom tidy. I dozed off on the sofa again as he was watching Cbeebies and have woken up again feeling urghh

yes the washing up is exactly at you left it, with the dinner plates on top of the cutlery in the sink, it looks bloody daunting now

Not sure I'm going to bother going to town today to get the memory card, will still go to toddlers though

Morning TAF, yes I did message you yesterday. I feel powerless to help living so far away but I did want you to know that you have some support however useless it may be. Thank goodness for the people who are able to help in a practical way.

If your children are as delightful as people say then you have done a fantastic job in very difficult circumstances.

All I can suggest is small steps. Achieve something each day, each hour, however small, and it will make you feel a little bit more in control.

oh was it you on the chat?? (still )

how terrible is it to do the "leave tap running and waste tons of water and washing up liquid" to wash all my dishes?? Can't face taking the piles out of the sink to add to the piles next to the sink so I can start them......

TAF I do the same. I think I'm being clever putting the dishes in to soak but then I have to face the cold greasy water next morning later on.

Use a hose and call it jet wash

Sorry if I confused you with my messaging. I just felt that something was wrong from your relative lack of activity on FV & FB

oh no - the're not soaking at the moment, the cutlery is just chucked in the sink where we put it yesterday, and there's a pile of bowls right up to the tap in there as well.....they were just put tere out of the way to wash later......

I'm with you now with the messaging thing, for some reason I didn't have you down as a MNer, I thought you were a friend of a MN friend (if that makes any sense?)

hose and jet wash...........hmm do you reckon the shower with the head twizzled round to the one where it blasts out would do...........

On second thoughts perhaps not - I no longer have a downstairs bathoom so would have to cart it all upstairs.

I must try and nag ask my BF'd DH to get my dishwasher plumbed it for me........

Morning Toccata! Don't forget to mail me today and I'll be round tomorrow for phase 2.

Do you need me to bring anything? I'll probably pop to tescos on the way for some lunchy bits, but let me know if there's anything else you need.

oh gosh glad you reminded me, I'd alread forgotten that I'd said I'd email you.

No need to get anything, I have the basics here (please don't tell me you're not a tea/coffee drinker as well though).

I suppose I really ought to try and get on with something. DS3 and I still in our PJ's..........

No, I drink copious amounts of tea! Just do a little bit at a time, maybe wash the dishes or even just sit down and make a list of what you want us to get done tomorrow.

Just think, once it's all sorted it will be so much easier to keep on top of, rather than starting from scratch.

oh good - I don't drink tea at all, but do have a good supply of (fresh - as they don't get used much I tend to chuck them out every couple of months and top up with fresh for the rare occasions someome who drinks tea comes round..........so that's one tea bag a week I use ) tea bags........fair trade I'll have you know as well.

I suppose I could make a little list of things to do now.........rather than just sitting here.

Email Bitter
Get me and DS3 dressed

hmm - think that'll do for now........

That sounds like a good start!

I do drink coffee as well, it's just that I like sugar in coffee but not in tea, and as the kettle is always on in my house I figure I'd be the size of a house drinking sugary coffee all day!

Now, Get offline, have a shower, get dressed.

Stick the kettle on and e-mail me when you are sat down with a coffee.

ahh have just emailed you (I think?)

I showered late last night, and I'm a dirty bugger who only showers every other day (when I'm "ok") and washes in between whiles.

So will now go and wash and get DS3 dressed.

Then I'll sit back down with a coffee and perhaps start making a list of what I want to tackle tomorrow (and thus totally ignore the dishes, apart from the fact I'm now using soup spoons to make my coffees with as the teaspoons are hiding under all the other stuff in the sink............)

Dishes - can be done tomorrow, won't take more than half an hour.

Just checked my e-mail, not got anything from you yet (unless you are actually from Nigeria and desperately need to deposit a million quid in my bank account ).
I will check again in a bit and post if I've not got your mail.

no I must do some today, the boys ate breakfast out of big soup bowls, with soup spoons, I have no clean tea spoons, do clean dinner plates (or ones for lunch for DS3 for that matter)

I am really from Nigeria and actually it's a mistake I wan to deposit 2 million in your account

Bugger! I have just checked the other thread and I've put the wrong e-mail . It's talk talk dot net, not dot com. Oops!

2 million would come in handy...

sorry I meant to say that's 2 million Zimbabwe $'s...........so about 20p (or something like that - don't know what the current exchange rate is)

Have tried again with net instead of com.

TAF, I am more of a lurker than a poster. I'm also more than a little intimidated by those of you who have been on MN since the cretaceous period. You have all been great friends on FV though

Go find yourself some clean plates and cutlery...

Have e-mailed you back.

I haven't been on here that long compared to some barley

Thanks Bitter - will go and get dressed (DS3 is dressed now) and get a coffee and then reply.

T&F, did you get that memory card?

If not, I have just found one you could have - it came with my camera but I didnt realise and bought another one separately.

Its only 1GB, but enough to get you started.

no I was going to go this morning and get it (have reserved it.........) only just managed to get dressed though.

I just went through to the living room and found DS3 had pulled the only card I got on mothers day/my birthday off the mantel piece and pulled all the bits off it.

DS2 made it at school