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Original poster

can't even think of a title

256 replies

ToccataAndFudge · 23/03/2010 13:23

yes BitofFun - you were right, it wasn't even 3 days, BeastofBodmin - yes I'm moaning again.

I'm not coping, I'm a fucking mess.

Have been trying to write it all down for the last hour and have given up.

If you've already posted on my other recent threads I haven't ignored the time and effort put it to try and support me, i do appreciate it I just can't even take my own advice right now

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thumbwitch · 27/03/2010 14:25

you need new friends, mate! perhaps you should start a "meet a friend" website or something - like a dating agency but without any risk of or need for romance.

I could do with one of those over here, tbh...

Original poster
ToccataAndFudge · 27/03/2010 14:36

not new ones, just a few more really. The few I have are lovely - just have families/partners to see at the weekends

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thumbwitch · 27/03/2010 14:38

sorry, worded that badly - of course that's what I meant, not that you should discard the ones you already have

Extra friends who are in similar situation to you - that would be good.

Must go to bed soon - hope your day improves and your DSs stay friends with each other.

Original poster
ToccataAndFudge · 27/03/2010 14:41

I think I must just mix in the wrong circles, all the people I know work during the week and/or are happily married/in a relationship with family

So far no fighting in there......don't know what they're doing haven't been an looked......

Thinking maybe I should try and eat something

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thumbwitch · 27/03/2010 14:45

definitely eat something. always helps!

am going to go now, honestly. It's 01:45 here and I didn't go to bed until 3am last night . Hope someone else comes to chat to you soon!

Original poster
ToccataAndFudge · 28/03/2010 17:50

Not a good day today either, spent the entire afternoon on the sofa, did make it to church this morning though

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purpleturtle · 28/03/2010 18:32

Did you play this morning? Anything interesting?

We had one of those technology-failure services where the powerpoint projector kept switching itself off! I think we coped, on the whole.

Original poster
ToccataAndFudge · 28/03/2010 18:35

yes I played - nothing too interesting - Palm Sunday so had Ride on Ride.

Make Way was nice this morning as there was a man and woman in the congregation (both come regularly but rarely there on the same weeks) with very loud voices who did the echo bit in the chorus so sounded really really nice once the rest of the congregation followed on.

Technology failures not good - we only use technology at 1 or 2 services a month. (we're still trying to drag some of the old traditionalists - and some not so old - into the here and now so it's only select services atm)

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Original poster
ToccataAndFudge · 28/03/2010 18:37

btw - hadn't realised you were a church goer .

Is it close by? Is there a creche/Sunday school?

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purpleturtle · 28/03/2010 19:29

Don't be ! It's not a secret, but it's not something I necessarily shout about on here either.

There are indeed groups for children, which seem somewhat over-fond of chocolate IMO! The very first time we went was just before Christmas and the DC got given a selection pack each. I'm sure that's why they wanted to go back!

Original poster
ToccataAndFudge · 28/03/2010 19:44

have just replied to your FB message

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Original poster
ToccataAndFudge · 29/03/2010 09:55

urgh had a major knock last night.

Rang XH to tell him that I didn't need him to look after the DS's on Tuesday and Thursday evenings this week as I'd found someone else to do it.

and he thanked me for it

Still DS3 made me smile this morning/last night, for the first time in 6 months he woke up during the night and took himself back to be so I didn't actually have to go up and put him in. And he slept until 9.10!

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sb6699 · 29/03/2010 23:56

Wow, wish mine would sleep that late!!

Have had a horrible weekend - heating & hot water packed up. Typical for it to happen when the temperature is due to drop again. Seriously need to wash my hair but luckily friend has stepped in and offered me her shower tomorrow. Never again will I take hot running water for granted.

How's things with the house? Have packed up the bedrooms pretty much but it seems that we use so much stuff day to day that I'm having to keep alot of it out iykwim.

Is XH worried about having the dc's by himself? Just thinking that if he is, maybe he's thought you've picked up on it and that's why you've organised someone else.

Original poster
ToccataAndFudge · 30/03/2010 00:03

he doesn't usually, usually up between 6 and 6.30

House hasn't really got much further, managed to do slight more than the bare minimum of day to day housework today though.

No he's not worried about it - he's just a lazy arse that would rather have a social life than look after his children.

I walked up to pick DS1 up from school today (well to meet him half way down) as I needed to go to the shop and didn't want him standing on the doorstep waiting for me.

On the way back down the street I looked down and saw XH come out of his gate, he spotted us, and went back in, and waited until he (thought) we were all out of sight of him (thankfully DS's hadn't spotted him).

Couldn't even be arsed to say "hello boys" as we each went our respective ways.

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sb6699 · 30/03/2010 00:18

That's such a shame - I'm so glad you're boys didnt notice

Was trying to look at this things from both sides, but tbh I think I'm running short of excuses.

Original poster
ToccataAndFudge · 30/03/2010 00:22

yes I've been trying to look at things from both sides too...........

He was "supposedly" very concerned about the safety agreement still being in place a month ago (since removed) because it was going to impact on him having the DS's..............it's been removed since the week before I moved, so he's had no excuse not to make an effort to see them.

We live in the next street, he's not working, he goes to the shop on the corner...........

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sb6699 · 30/03/2010 00:39

I really hope things improve on that front for your DS's sake - would also help you alot to have a break when you need it.

Am off to bed, hoping that a miracle will happen and there will be hot water in the morning

Really want a good sleep tonight, I seem to still have loads to do and want to wake up with a more positive attitude.

Original poster
ToccataAndFudge · 30/03/2010 00:41

sleep well - hope you've got hot water in the morning

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sb6699 · 30/03/2010 00:43

You too - I mean the sleep not the water

MedusaHead · 30/03/2010 01:43

T&F I don't often post on MN but I am one of your FV friends on facebook. I just wanted to say that I had no idea that you were feeling so down. I just thought you weren't farming so much as you've been studying.

I am so sorry that everything is shit at the moment, and I had no knowledge of all the crap you've been through until I read this thread. I have had PND so have some experience of just how shit things can get and how overwhelming life is sometimes.

Anyway, am going now as am rambling as too tired. Just wanted to send my best wishes really and wished I lived nearby so I could offer some practical help, although tbh I don't even do my own housework so wouldn't be any good doing someone elses

Original poster
ToccataAndFudge · 30/03/2010 11:10

Thanks Medusa

Have a shit day today, no motivation to do anything, DS3 still running round in his PJ's, nothing done, only had one cup of coffee (usually had 2 or 3 at least by now) just because I don't even have the motivation to get off the chair and go to the kitchen.

Need to try and find some from somewhere, have our church Easter presentation tonight, right now I can't face the thought of it.

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BitterAndTwistedChoreDodger · 30/03/2010 13:25

Hey Toccata, sorry to hear you are having a shitty day. The bloody dog has put my back out lunging for her nemesis so I have not got much done today either.

Are you about tomorrow/friday? I am more than willing to come over and give you a kick up the arse some motivation and help.

Original poster
ToccataAndFudge · 30/03/2010 13:27

No I'm not around either day much.

Got DS1's Easter Service in the morning, and DS2's in the afternoon.

Friday afternoon I have the Good Friday meditationi at church to play for.

Haven't done much yet, given DS3 a jam sandwich, and changed his nappy.....

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BitterAndTwistedChoreDodger · 30/03/2010 13:40

bugger, sorry with all this stuff with MIL I totally forgot about easter!

One day next week maybe? If you are busy , no worries AND REMEMBER TO EAT!

(Just wanted to make sure you heard that last bit )

thumbwitch · 30/03/2010 13:50

Tocc, so sorry to read about your H - what a complete wankstain he is being, to be sure!! I'd like to think he's maybe embarrassed but tbh I agree with you - he's more interested in having "fun". I guess the alcohol has replaced the weed in his life now, do you think (in an objective sort of way) that he is going to go the alcoholic route?

I can't imagine what it feels like to be in your situation - I know I get pissed off enough with my DH if he doesn't take enough notice of DS while he's in the same house, I'd be heartbroken and livid on their behalfs in your situation, I think.

Motivation - not my strong point, still should be working, still on a very tight deadline (and tightening all the time - erk) - but if you haven't eaten anything yet, go and eat something! You won't make anything better by starving yourself of nutrients.

And have a (((hug))) - not much use from 10500 miles away but still.