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can't even think of a title

256 replies

ToccataAndFudge · 23/03/2010 13:23

yes BitofFun - you were right, it wasn't even 3 days, BeastofBodmin - yes I'm moaning again.

I'm not coping, I'm a fucking mess.

Have been trying to write it all down for the last hour and have given up.

If you've already posted on my other recent threads I haven't ignored the time and effort put it to try and support me, i do appreciate it I just can't even take my own advice right now

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ToccataAndFudge · 30/03/2010 13:54

one day next week might be good >>

I've just had some toast.

Thumb - I don't know it's as bad as down the alcoholic route, but he's certainly more interested than fun than his children.

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ToccataAndFudge · 30/03/2010 21:18

oh gawd that was tough and I'm a wreck now.

Got to church to discover that someone had said something to my BF just before I arrived and she'd left in tears. Haven't been able to get hold of her since I got home either.

Then one (lovely) girl unwittingly asked me "was it life or death" (when I said that I nearly never made it). Of course she had no idea of everything that's gone on so it was just an innocent off the cuff statement but it completely shook me - and she saw it and asked if she'd said somethig wrong, of course I couldn't explain.

Then I saw her in floods of tears with her mum, turns out that not only had a thrown her with my reaction to something she'd said, but that the same person who'd upset my best friend had also upset her as well.

Thankfully she stayed and cheered up and sang.

Then we had a whole load of songs that nearly sent me into a jibbering wreck.

The last verse of "In Christ Alone", and "once again I think upon your sacrifice"(the chorus).

Then at the very end of the thing it was supposed to be the crucifixion scene from Zeffereli's Jesus of Nazareth, set to the music of "Everything I do" (sounds cheesy I know but it's REALLY powerful and was supposed to "round up" the whole thing).

It was something I found online about 2 1/2yrs ago, we used it last year, and I was looking forward to it rounding the evening off again. But the laptop crashed and it didn't work.

Then people afterwards asking how I and the boys are, and saying how much weight I'd lost.

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willsurvivethis · 30/03/2010 23:06

Toccata I'm a minister's wife whose been doing battle with PTSD and child abuse issues over the past year while trying to only let my personal friends in the congregation know how I'm really doing - I so recognised the whole 'feel' of your description of tonight. Church can be brilliant and terribly difficult and sometimes people seem to be forever upsetting each other.

ToccataAndFudge · 30/03/2010 23:11

it's tough isn't it, and EVERYONE knows you, because of who you are. And you have to keep this brave face on even when inside you just want to hide at the back and blub

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thumbwitch · 31/03/2010 12:17

Tocc, sorry to hear you had a difficult time, and your BF too - lots of high emotion going on round your way by the sounds of it (no wonder the laptop crashed!)

Hope you're feeling better this morning. I am flying through as really have to get on with my indexing.

sb6699 · 31/03/2010 21:14

Sorry curch didnt go as planned - I know it means alot to you.

Hope you're feeling better today

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