can't even think of a title

[ToccataAndFudge]

yes BitofFun - you were right, it wasn't even 3 days, BeastofBodmin - yes I'm moaning again.

I'm not coping, I'm a fucking mess.

Have been trying to write it all down for the last hour and have given up.

If you've already posted on my other recent threads I haven't ignored the time and effort put it to try and support me, i do appreciate it I just can't even take my own advice right now

I think many of us reading know, and I expect you know too, that when you are soooo low asking for and accepting help is really really hard to do. You have done brilliantly today. You are probably right that you may feel a bit worse before you feel better - just be really kind to yourself and really really proud of the things that do get done when you are feeling so shitty.

Hope you get some sleep tonight after all that cleaning!

hooray for you and Cordon!

fabulous work. Here's to a spurt of energy to face the bath....

I felt like shite this morning and nearly didnt' go to work, but I made it out, cried a bit on the bus/train, did the horrible 3 hour journey and now have to prepare tomorrow's 9am lecture. We're not bad for depressed bints eh?

Well I've done the bath (for DS2/3 - DS1 does himself) ........and shouted at DS1 in process

Well done alle

I think I may still need to accept more help to get upstairs and all my paperwork filed and sorted. There's still so much to do.

Going to take a very brave person to help me tackle that lot......

Although was lovely just now to walk all the way from the kitchen to my computer chair (which is in the dining room at the front of the house) without having to step over/walk round/on anything on the way (apart from the sofa)

oh I know what I never mentioned earlier, I nearly cringed in the Drs. Was rambling on about how I wasn't coping, barely getting the essentials for the DS's done blah blah blah.......and DS3 was sat in the pushchair munching a pack of crisps.

I lost my lighter somewhere in the mess that was in the hallway as I was leaving the house, so stopped off on the way to the Drs to buy another, and he insisted on having something, so I bought him crisps to keep him quiet, so 9.10 in the morning I am telling the dr that "yes I'm feeding them" .........ermm no he really did have (a little) cereal this morning before his crisps

if you make it to liverpool, let me know ! i'm not too far away myself

ah, now if you don't have anyone round to do the paperwork, I can certainly offer to come up for a day and do that (ex accountant/PA, I am a woman of many former careers) but you would have to put up me and my little nutters dears for a night- don't know if you would find that too much of a price to pay, lmao.

Strangely although I relish other people's paperwork I can't face my own atm, too many reminders of things I haven't been able to face doing or organising for myself...

What was Dr's august advice? pmsl re. the crisps btw, I have done worse at 9 am

I will do Lulu

alle - I think most of the paperwork is "in order" so to speak, it just needs moving out of the old battered (bit of a theme developing here isn't there ) filing box into my nice new folders and plastic sheets.........and some of it probably shredded along the way, plus making sure I have a proper note of all my bills make sure I don't miss anything.

What was the Drs august advice?????

phew! We got loads done! All that really needs doing downstairs now is the washing up, and sweeping/mopping the floors. Wish I lived closer so I could come back tomorrow and get started on upstairs! lol

TAF - you are a lovely woman, with a lovely house, and wonderful children

If a few hours of my time means that you go to sleep/wake up feeling more positive, then it's been worth it

Oh, and DD has re-washed the stone and taken it to bed with her

We did get lots done, I wasn't kidding was I when I said there was loads to do.........

You are lovely too and your DD is gorgeous (even if she did throw a little strop at DS3 wanting to be a Ballet Dancer with her ).

lol @ the stone

Lol and because her was sat on her booster seat! She can be a madam sometimes, but then she hasn't got 2 older siblings so she's not used to sharing her stuff (nursery is fine cos it's for everybody)

Doesn't explain the ballet dancer thing though!

Stone is on a throne ( folded up tissue) on her bedside table

right DS's are all in bed, living room is tidy (again).

Think I'm going to go for a shower and put my PJ's on (even if I'm sleeping on the sofa PJ's better than clothes I'm wearing).

Will then be back, going to write another email to our tutor, explain about just having gone on AD's, ask about substituion (admittedly I'd prefer to have got this one done and marked so I have something to base the next ones on - but not much I can do about that), and then aim to get on with where I should be on the study calendar at the weekend.

I have showered! (after telling DS1 off because he was up faffing with stuff in his room 20 minutes after he'd gone to bed).

Have clean clothes (the were ironed as well the other week!) ready for the morning, and am about to get PJ's on............just need to find a clean bra

ooh ooh there was a bra in one of the boxes we unpacked lol

Seriously - well done for getting showered, I can go for weeks days without washing when I'm feeling shit!

lol - thanks for telling everyone I had a bra in a box of random stuff

I have another one somewhere - that I won't have to try and fight the straps back onto

lol I bet everyone has a rogue bra hiding in a box somewhere!

have you eaten anything since we left? If you haven't - go and get something now! Even if its just a biscuit or a slice of nice buttered toast

I had some Jaffa Cakes

but that's all I've had today >>>>>sigh>>>

well, thats better than nothing! go on, have a bit of toast - requires bare minimum effort and you'll feel better for it I promise

Just seen your other thread and that bitter is gonna help out with phase 2 (as I like to call it lol) Sorry I didn't have more time to get the floors swept and cleaned etc

didn't think I was going to get away with it.......

I like "phase 2" as a description for it.

Don't be sorry, we got lots done, and tbh by the end I was really flagging, not sure I could have coped with much more.

Just sat there on the sofa watching DS3 "ballet dancing" all the way round the room, they've not had that sort of space inside the house to play in for nearly 3 weeks now.

I have a slice of toast with Flora Buttery on it (all out of butter......), and a coffee, and yes a fag inside

Yea, I think I half purposely half subconsciously wound it down around that time cos I could see how drained you were.

You should be proud of yourself though - you're feeling utter shite at the moment, and you let someone into your life and your house and all your stuff and got on with sorting it all out with a bit of help and support.

IMO thats bloody amazing, I know what I'm like when I'm in a bad place - I don't welcome interaction at all, even from the people I'm closest to, and I certainly wouldn't willingly invite someone in and let them interfere!

So I think you're doing absolutely brilliant (as DD would say! lol) and coping better than you think, especially on the outside.

Oh, and you are a bloody fantastic mum as well! Your boys were a pleasure to meet, polite, charming and funny, and kind to my DD despite the age gap between them all. They're a credit to you, and if you can only feel good about one thing today/tomorrow, it should be that you've raised such delightful children. (I'm sure they have their moments btw!)

A few fags inside won't hurt - I spent most evenings in february smoking in the kitchen cos it was just too bloody cold outside! (after DD had gone to bed)

And I never have real butter, always marg, flora or supermarket own equivalent lol I just call it butter cos it's easier to say than margarine!