can't even think of a title

[ToccataAndFudge]

yes BitofFun - you were right, it wasn't even 3 days, BeastofBodmin - yes I'm moaning again.

I'm not coping, I'm a fucking mess.

Have been trying to write it all down for the last hour and have given up.

If you've already posted on my other recent threads I haven't ignored the time and effort put it to try and support me, i do appreciate it I just can't even take my own advice right now

ok I've rung, they've told me to come down at 8.30 (well it'll be nearer to 9 by the time I've dropped the kids at school and walked up there)

am back.

Am back on the fluoxetine again

He wants to see me again 4 weeks when hopefully my "mood will have stabilised" and then discuss further options such as counselling.

Went to town to buy a new camera as well, should be delighted, was £80 off (not £40 as the Argos website said) and with the DS's Argos vouchers that I swiped at £180 camera only cost me £45.

Popped into Morrisons on the way back to get bread, milk and stuff and then had complete communication overload and nearly lost the plot.

First DS1's friends mum rang me to ask if she could take her DS and DS1 out to the cinema/pizza hut (or McDonald's or somewhere) for his birthday, then 2 mum's from the school gate who I speak to occasionaly (one of them is also a FB/FV friend) collared me, and then cordon texted me - sorry I haven't replied was already phsycially and mentally drained by the time I got your text

Am now home again

No worries! We'll be leaving soon, just got to attempt to get a comb through DD's afro lol

Oh, I don't drink tea or coffee btw, so you don't have to worry about making me drinks etc

See you soon!

I don't comb DS3's hair - ever........well I did once and it looked awful, he doesn't have proper afro hair, but has tight curls, and I discovered that if I comb it just turns into a ball of fuzz and looks dreadful, so the poor child never has his hair combed.

you don't drink tea or coffee???

I'm glad phoned the docs T&F - try looking at being back on the meds as the first step to getting things back on track.

Have just found this thread and realised who you are - I am so bloody slow.

Sorry things seem to have gotten worse for you but just think how much better things will be once you have the house sorted - its always a great motivator having someone else around to help.

I havent done much else with the packing since we spoke on your other thread but DH has replaced a bit of lining paper in DS' room that was ripped so we can paint over it.

If you saw my lettings thread, you'll see why I'm going to such extremes - I can see us being shafted with the deposit so making sure it is pristine when we leave and giving them no excuse.

Have done the housework (sort of) but stopped for a cuppa and toasted cheese before I have to collect DD2 from nursery. When I get back going to start sorting junk from DS room.

I think I did see your lettings thread sb hope you don't get shafted with the deposit.

Well done on getting to the Drs. Hope the flouxetine kicks in quickly. It will help you feel like your head's above water again.

What dates are week 3 of the holidays?

Hope you have a good afternoon.

week 3 - actually it must be week 4 as we're spending 2 weeks in Edinburgh, but are at home for the 1st week so DS1 can go to the church holiday club - is 14-21st August......

I want to be somewhere a long way from the NE of England

I'm dreading starting the AD's - I know twice before when I've been on them I've felt a lot worse before I started feeling better.

Hope you both have a productive day - have got DD from nursery and having a final coffee before going upstairs.

If you see me on here anytime in the next hour remind me I should be doing something else

well I'm expectin cordon to arrive any time in the next 1/2hr.........and I have a strong suspicion one of the first things she'll make me do is go up and have a shower.........I'm one of those "disgusting" every other day showering people, with a wash on a daily basis...........well usually.........havent' showered or anything for days.

Go and do it now!

Honestly, you will feel better for it and it will leave you free to get on with the task in hand.

I would - except DS3 is being PITA wanting lunch, suppose I ought to sort that out for him, and there's no way he'll let me go and shower (and actually get showered when he's like this - have already rescued him from the window twice........he hangs on with his finger tips and tips of his toes - no window ledge to speak of - and then screams "STUCK" at me)

and if cordon was about to leave at 11.20 means she could be here any time.

Give DS a slice of toast and some fruit, then pin a note on the door telling Cordon you are in the shower and to make herself at home till you're finished.

Go on - it'll take 10 mins and you'll feel like a new woman

DH is off from 16 August, and we will be going somewhere else. If a house in Liverpool would constitute your idea of fun, and far enough from the NE, you would be welcome to stay in it.

what make herself at home on the doorstep???

Purple - are you serious?

I am. I've asked DH and everything (not that he calls the shots, or anything ).

I really wish I could come and help clean your house, but as I am too far away, I could clean my own house and lend it you for a week.

I know what it's like to want to avoid a family gathering, although tbh the last one wasn't as bad as I feared.

I meant to let herself in

can really do that, if DS3 legs it downstairs when I'm in the shower if I left the door off the latch he could easily leg it out of the house, there's no gate, and it's very near a road.........

Now I'm getting frustrated, my camera battery is charged, I've switched it on, put the date and time in...........do digital camera no longer even have an internal memory that holds at least a few shots???

I know the old battered one did - even if you took the memory card out you could still take photos (just no where near as many) - every time I try and take a photo it's telling me there's no memory card..........

can't even.

Purpleturtle that is such a lovely offer, I would love to take the DS's to Liverpool (although DS1's friend would be extremely jealous that we would be anywhere near the place even if we didn't go near the football ground as he's Liverpool United mad)

We're only a mile or so from Anfield.

It's a very urban spot, but you can get a bus into the city centre from the end of the road every 6 minutes, so you'd be able to have a good explore.

I'm so glad Cordon's coming to help you though I would be a bit suspicious of a non-coffee drinker...probably just b/c I need to mainline the stuff just to get through the day. I know my house can slip into an utter disaster zone from time to time and I always feel better mentally once it's sorted out.

Again, please let me know if there's anything you need besides good vibes from 'cross the pond!

So sorry you are having a rough time. I sensed as much from your absence on FV and messaged you this morning but I have only just seen this thread.

I know things seem bleak but you have been through so much. Be kind to yourself. I know we need to find help in RL but that isn't always possible at odd hours of the day and night.

It really means so much to admit that you are struggling. Most of us feel that we want to look as if we are coping but none of us really are all the time.

cordon had just left, my kitchen worktops are clear and clean (apart from the dishes.........she hates doing them as much as I do so we left them and I'm going to do the suggestion further up of tackling one lot of bits at a time), and my living room looks like a different room and the hallway is clear.

Am currently sleepin g on the sofa (sleep in itself rather a miracle so am not too fussy where) and tomorrow when I wake up I won't be faced with boxes piled on each other, rubbish, toys and clothes strewn all over the floor.

Still need to hoover/sweep/clean the hallway and living room but it's a huge start.......just need to try and get myself motivate to do the rest of it.

Still got quite a bit to sort, we didn't even look at upstairs (just dumped stuff up there that belonged) but it's a great start so thank you cordon

Bit gutted I can't show you a picture today as I have no memory card for my lovely new camera.

Purple - I got it totally wrong - apparently DS1's friend is a Newcastle supporter . Anyhow, I really don't mind being very urban, not at all adverse to jumping on a bus to go exploring.

That is such a lovely gesture from you I've never visited Liverpool but have it on my (very very long) list of places I would like to go.

barley - you messaged me

Going to try and bath the boys in a bit, I'm shattered, physically and mentally right now but they really need one, and I must have a shower tonight as well.