Support thread for those with PND

[not4anotherday]

Hi there,

I thought a support thread might help me and others to get through this.

I think I have got PND again, I was diagnosed when my baby was about 5 months and took ads for a few months (I was ill and could'nt stomach them and thought I was ok without them).

Anyway it has dawned on me that it may well be back. I think a friendship (that was very special to me) ending may well have triggered it before christmas.

So, here I am just about to meet a friend (who is lovley) but I don't really feel like it and think this friendship will probably end at some point like most of them. I am worried that I will say or do something wrong. I know I need to get a grip.

Then there is the crying, unable to get off to sleep, late evening is when I feel worst.... snappy with the kids.....feel like I need to go on holiday and get away from it all (no my family).....will be but not for 5/6 weeks.

I keep worrying that DH is going to leave me - he might if I keep being so pathetic.

So, on that cheery note anyone else?

topsi I have lost it once or twice with DS2, mainly when he's done something dangerous or repeatedly. Thankfully his room is childproofed, so if I get too stressed, I can pop him in his room for a few minutes with his Wiggles CD playing and he's happy to play with his toys. Then I put DS3 in his playpen with a few toys, and I sit down for a minute and have a cup of coffee or tea...just for a 5 minute break from stress. I agree - I think supermums have compliant children - either that or they just don't worry about as much as we do. LOL I sometimes think I overstress myself by worrying about too much.

Christiana love your positive action I am typing one handed! Off to children centre drop in today. Tired again today DS3 bad sleeper and I don't sleep deeply anymore feels like.

Triggles grrr at your DH! He should give you more consideration. People often assume we are happy coping with sleep deprivation just because we do cope!

BBL he's usually quite good about things like this, but part of my problem (I think) is that I don't want to appear needy or whingy and don't tell him how tired I really am. Stupid, I know. I hate not being able to cope with anything, if you see what I mean. Another rough night last night. But DH came home from work this morning, took one look at me, and said "you can't keep going like this, you have to get some sleep - when do you want to sleep? now or later today?" So I told him to sleep for now, as he worked all night. And then I'll be taking DS3 in to GP to check his back and get his immunisations, while DH is awake with DS2. And then DH is going to take over with the boys so I can get a couple hours of sleep. Then DH is going to sleep a couple hours. hahahaha Staggered sleeping, so we don't stagger.

Triggles that's really sweet of him. I know it is hard to ask for help or show that it is hard. At the 'transition into motherhood' group I attend all the mums there have one thing in common which really struck me: we all HATE to ask for help or show that we aren't coping. One mum in particular is such a super organiser that she was in tears when she admitted that she couldn't ask for help from her DH or family. I am the same. Before I had DS3 I was juggling freelance work (working silly hours in the evenings and at weekends as well as during the day), two children, pregnancy and all the yucky feelings that come with that, the house, the cats and I was coping so well, in fact I was thriving on it. So now to admit that I'm finding life with a small baby hard physically and emotionally is not easy. I hope you get some sleep and feel better for it

BBL I think it's just embarrassing, and we think people will think less of us. I'm back from GP, took DS3 in for his immunisations and to get his eczema checked. Now we have a huge bag full of stuff to use on his skin. Practically need to write out what to use when! Argh!

On the more positive note, since we had to go get DS3's prescriptions, we had to go right by the market. So I stopped at our butcher's stall and picked up 4 huuuuuuge roasts - lamb, pork, beef, and gammon - for £20 total. So all I have to do is pick up 2 chickens, and all the Sunday roasts for the next 6 weeks are taken care of and in the freezer. Yay! That's my positive for the day, I think. That, and even though I may regret it later, I'm glad I finally got DS3's immunisations and eczema taken care of. One less thing to worry about.

What creams do you have? My DS3 has ezcema and I'm taking him back to gp on monday as it keeps flaring up despite using hydrocortizone and double base.

Hi everyone, sorry for not replying individually, am feeling really drained, think I have stll got a bug (have a mouth full of ulcers) and the pnd draining me.

Just need a shove in the direction of the kitchen, dishes everywhere, need to unload dishwasher anf reload. Blahhhhhhhh

Right dishwasher on, that feels a bit better.

I have just been thinking that my PND seems worse and I'm wondering if having all of the DDCs at home is making it worse, this makes me sad.

My head is all over the place.

I don't know why I added a smile, jezzzzzzzzzz

Having everyone at home will definitely make it worse in my opinion. I've found half term a real challenge, and I was dreading it, glad it is nearly over now. Next week life return to 'normal' again. Don't feel sad; it is hard looking after children all day in the winter - weather has been pants this week. Be kind to yourself, you are only human.

BBL he's got (digging through bag to look again) Aveeno cream, hydrocortisone cream, and oilatum emollient for baths. We were using doublebase and it just wasn't doing anything. Hopefully these will help. GP said to use the oilatum instead of soap for baths, as soap was drying and would irritate the skin.

not4 sorry you're not feeling well today. Hope you're feeling better soon. That bug sounds dreadful! Get some rest if you can!

Triggles- hope you got some more sleep today

BBL- hope you have a better night too.

I too am seriously sleep deprived but that is because I have newborn so I am hoping in a few months things will improve. I did manage to get the house clean and tidy yesterday whilst DH had the kids which felt great although it looks bad again now!

Haven't managed to do much off my list today-maybe tomorrow.

Fingers crossed for everyone's sleep tonight-everything seems better after a good night's sleep.

I really think a lot of the PND is triggered or worsened by sleep deprivation. There are studies that show that people can actually get physically ill and have psychological problems, even psychotic breaks, when severely sleep deprived. I can believe it. The less sleep I get, the less I feel in control of myself and the more I feel like spinning off into a thousand pieces at the drop of a hat.

Hi all, I hope I'm not joining in too late, have had a quick read of your previous chats. My DS is 2.4 years old and I think I have suffered from PND on and off since he was born. Most days are a struggle but occasionally I get a good week or two where I suddenly think Wow I feel good at the moment! i am so angry all the time and keep shouting at my beautiful son when he won;t do things i ask him to. Its even worse now that we are trying toilet training and he has not managed to go in the toilet once, I feel this is all my fault and that it makes me a failure. I think I am a crap mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend and often think everyone would be better without me. I guess deep down I must want to stay or i would have ended it all by now. Its always good to hear from other sufferers

BBL Thank you

Christiana I fell asleep on the sofa and feel slightly better, thanks.

Welcome, Bensmum76 2nd what Christian said.
Have you had any treatment for pnd? I think 2/3 are really hard ages (well I found them to be)

Bensmum welcome! we are going through the potty training with DS2 right now, and although we are finally having a breakthrough as he is starting to figure it out (finally!!!), we started LAST SPRING!! It was derailed a bit when DS3 was born, and we just seemed to be paddling a sinking canoe for awhile. I found the more I stressed over it, the more angry I got over accidents and such. I decided to just encourage, but keep it low key for awhile, using pullups, and it's been ever so much less stressful for me (and I'm sure for DS!). But honestly - it's a tough time! Feel free to vent here.

oh.. and we're still battling the whole poo part of the potty training.. I just keep repeating to myself "he won't be in nappies or pullups forever - this will work eventually" over and over... hahahahahaa keeps me sane

I've never had treatment for PND, although I did see a councillor last year for a while and this seemed to help a bit. I've suffered from depression since I was a teenager and used to self harm so have been through this type of feeling for years. I also thought it was likely that I'd feel this way when I had a child but I suppose I hoped I wouldn't. I don't know if you guys feel the same, but I often tell my husband that I feel as though I'm playing a role and pretending to be happy then every now and then I get so exhausted from this and lose it completely. I don't know if I'll ever be happy.

Triggles that is so true. Don't be disheartened. He won't be in pullups for ever. I had a nightmare potty training DS1. It involved lots of tears - mine. We tried everything and I was alway taking him to the health visitor for advice. He was 3 and 2 months when he finally got it (same as you I started when DS2 was born!). I thought he'd never get it or I'd scare him for life with a potty phobia or something. He's fine now (he's six)! DS2 was much younger and a dream to potty train. He loved his potty! DS3 next... in about 2 1/2 years.

I slept fantastically last night so am in such good spirits today! DS1 and I have to go shopping for DS2's birthday present. It's his birthday 3 March.

Bensmum Yes, I do sometimes feel that way - that I'm pretending to be coping or happy. I think my main problem was not telling DH about this until fairly recently, so he simply didn't realise how badly I was doing. I'd go along, pretending I was okay (kind of robot on the outside, screaming a bit on the inside), until I just reached the end of my tether and had a complete and utter meltdown. DH stepped in at that point (completely blindsided, he was ) and took over so I could rest. I then compounded the problem by resting only until I could pull the pretense back on again, instead of resting fully, if you see what I mean. And again, didn't tell this to DH. So we went round and round in a vicious circle with this. Once I sat down with DH and actually told him what was going on, things did improve. But I still struggle with it. Today, after numerous days with little sleep, a cranky ill baby, and potty training and feeling upset because I'm too tired (and busy with kids) to get a decent amount of cleaning done, I got a call last night from MIL saying she wanted to pop over to visit this afternoon (with our DS1, DIL & DGS who are up visiting, but staying with MIL as she has more room at her house). I'm looking forward to seeing them, but OMG - ALL I can think about this morning is PANIC PANIC I HAVE TO CLEAN!!! When DH figured out (relatively quickly, I might add) that I was panicked about the state of the house, his reply "It's my MUM, not the queen! She won't care about the house - she KNOWS everyone here has been ill and that I've been working." Well, yessss, she does. And to be honest, she is a lovely woman and would NEVER criticise the state of the house. But I'm still embarrassed... and despite what DH says, as soon as I can get DS2 down for a nap, there will be some serious panic cleaning, regardless of how tired I am. I HATE having people come over when the house is a tip.

But I digress, sorry. The more tired I am, the more I tend to ramble. Back to your initial comment, Bensmum yes, I do feel that way. But (and again, maybe others here feel this way as well) I am worried that if I don't at least PRETEND sometimes, that I will sink lower. Does that make sense? It's like that pretense sometimes is the only thing keeping me afloat. Not sure why, as it sometimes takes tremendous effort.

BBL So glad you got a good sleep and feel better today! Have a lovely time shopping!

I think I wouldn't get so frustrated if our last potty training effort (that was DD) wasn't so ridiculously easy. It spoilt us, I think. She didn't train until she was 3, but when she did, it took literally 2 days! She HATED feeling wet, and one wet night (I remember her sitting in the middle of a wet bed, sobbing - she was horrified), and that was it. So with DS2, I happily started potty training, thinking "oh boys take longer, so it might take a couple weeks at the most." Boy, do I feel silly now!

Welcome Bensmum (my newborn is a Ben) Please don't worry about the potty training. My DS1 was 3 last May when we STARTED! He has been having regular accidents up until recently so 3 and a half. My DD was 2 in September and trained just after xmas! They are all different and boys are said to take longer than girls. Iam expecting 2 in nappies (DS2 and DS3) for a long time yet!

I often feel like I am pretending and doing all the "perfect" mother things and then it all gets too much and I completely loose it. My aims at the moment are to recognise he signs and stop this from happening.

Today I am making the most of DH being at home and going into town with DC4 to do a few jobs (and maybe a coffee!).

Hope you all have a good weekend.