going to have a 'good' week

[Sax]

Hope to be around a bit this week but on the onwards and upwards line not the low and sad one. Decided to take a positive attitude starting now and hope not to disappoint myself. i should be here if anyone needs an ear! Have a good week everyone......

I think my DH would argue that I most certainly DON'T have a calming influence on him!

You're a stubborn woman! You don't just sit down one day and decide "Right, I'm stressed out...... I think I'll be depressed now". honestly I can't see why you would think you have done this to yourself.... I don't understand why you think that?

There is something, completely outwith your control that has caused you to have an inability to cope with the huge stresses in your life. Without this 'trigger' you probably would have coped fine! The 'trigger' is what causes the illness. In my case teh trigger was a hormone imbalance..... could be the same with you.

I think it becasue I cannot bear that i'm not in control when i have to keep everything together for my family. It has been suggested recently that depression of course builds up and not just an overnight thing, so I know what you are saying makes sense but the added stresses all seem such a jumble at the moment, I have thrown out my list today becasue I can't deal with it but now think perhaps that was silly cos i'll end up missing lots of important things. I will go and get ds1 now and try to do something constructive with my day - I actually can't be bothered though so will be back later probably escaping, I have drawn the certains back at least!!!!!

Hey Sax...this IS doing something!!!

It does help actually becasue before all these things would have been whirling around and around in my head driving me nutty and making me panic. I don't feel panicy at all and I am calm - I just don't feel in control. I like the fact others have joined to share their experiences because sometimes you do feel very alone, locked in and like no one else in the world exsists - or - why is everyone else coping so damned well and you are not!!!!! Thank you MN for this outlet!

Sax - Can't you even see how far you've come over the past week??!??! You are CALM.... say it out loud "I ammmmm caaalllmmm"!

A big achievement, Mais Non?

I used to think that all these happy people walking down the streets MUCH just be putting on a front... or lying to themselves. Oh so sceptical.

Replace the word MUCH with MUST and perhaps that will make sense!

LOL QF - yes I know the feeling of calm is very reassuring, the feeling of panicing is frightening. You know you have helped me express myself a little, I hope you don't think me a lost cause - becasue yes I am stubborn, need to told same thing lots and no I still won't discuss with Dh!!.
But, a lot of this is admission to myself that actually I need help and even though before I was taking the tabs I still thought 'well, if i stop them who will know and how can they really help anyway?' so at least some the doubt is gone and I will at least continue taking them.
I sort of hope I am at least trying - I never thought I'd keep the drs appoint. I never thought I'd continue taking the tabs so I have done sort of OK for now - just mustn't try to rush everything, it won't be sorted out overnight!
I AM CAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLMMMMMMMMM (hows that LOL)

Sax - You must say it in a kind of Buddhist meditation chant styley..... and add a big satisfying "Ummmmmmmmmmmm" at the end.

You're not a lost cause! Just a bit lost at the mo.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ohhhhhh that feels good, I do miss the fact I use to do yoga! very theraputic. There, I've found something to aim for when the boys are a little older - go back to yoga (although its damned expensive). I need to say it again, it felt so good CCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL

Now how's Babynovice doing - about time you popped back to let us know how your day is going! It can be very exhausting going through the emotions you had earlier, please come and talk to us if you get a chance!

Steady.... you don't want to Over "Ummm" and end up being sectioned.

Yoga is a fantastic idea.... do you have a local gym that might do classes? If I remember correctly ours is about £3 a session.

I'd quite like to be sectioned lOL because I could have my meals cooked, pretend I was completely off the wall hearing voices etc and totally lose it and no one would care!!!!! I once did a week in a psychiatric ward and had this patient who was so dosed up he didn't give a shit - came out to us and said - the dorm is on fire, we all wandered in and sure enough the bin was alight!! next one of them came hairing at me with arms outstretched - I just stood and froze! it frightened me so much took the next week off sick so I didn't have to do that placement!!!!!!!!! UUUUUUUUUUuuuummmmmmmmmm different being one of them though!!!! something to consider.

Anyone around to say how there day has been???

.... I'm here.... as usual.

working hard?

dramatic sigh<
You've no idea...worked off my feet today! Might have to have a drink tonight to unwind.

Me too on both accounts only theres nothing to show for my work and why wait til tonight for the latter .

This is where I sometimes plummet! I just want to be able to get through the whole day - God they seem long sometimes!

my Mum said yesturday 'I don't know how you stay sane!'
my response without a smile was 'Mum I don't'

shame when people don't pick up on whats being said - perfect opportunity but guess what - I let it go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is the worst bit - dh home, all kids kicking off as tired, he is stressed and tired and totally loses it. I make excuses for kids as they are tired be we end up shouting full pelt at each other - another happy evening ahead - NOT!!!! sorry guys, yet another moan - at least I'm cccaaalllmmm ummmm (I think!)

All is well and all is calm - forget the last few posts - how has everyone else got on today, I have definately hogged the thread?
Babynovice, particularly need to hear how things are this evening! A stressful day full of emotion, talk to me!

Hey girls just been catching up with the day's chat. Wow QueenFlounce I can so relate to the blinds and the bin thing, sometimes they don't get opened until just before dp gets home (otherwise he would comment). You're right Sax I am quite exhausted by the emotions of earlier today, and just down right tired, definitely an early night for me because I cannot cope with another day with sleep deprivation. Anyway, you will both be very pleased with me - thanks to your encouragement I have made the appt. It is not until next Wednesday so that gives me plenty of time to psych myself up.
I'm in the middle of making dinner so I will hopefully pop back later, dp was not too happy with me being on here last night....I think he has a strange notion that I'm going to turn into a chat-room saddo, I had to put him in his place and he did seem to realise he was being selfish demanding my time (how dare he ) but he's kind of hovering about trying to see what I'm typing . Does anyone else have this problem with their dhs?

Horrrahhhh Babynovice - well bloody done! Gosh, how well have you done today - what a huge step forward, you should be really really proud of yourself for making the appointment.
As for dh and the computer thing - we have recently got broadband and wireless (we have two laptops) so are ususally both on the pc on different sites having our own downtime. It means he doesn't question me that much, he often says - who are you chatting to (he doesn't know I come on MN, only another forum!) so he is inquisitive! But, I sort of need this right now. I have to have something which I have which is mine (except the tablets LOL).
Anyway, well done you and you must feel better to have made the move, I know the appointment won't be easy.

Hiya, yes I'm glad I have made the appt it's a step in the right direction but I probably would not have done it without gentle persuasion . It would be nice to think I don't need to go down this road but after this morning I just thought I obviously can't keep going and hoping this will get better by itself....very conscious of QF's comments about wishing she had done something sooner.
The GP I'm seeing is a woman who is probably not much older than me, I saw her a few months ago for something fairly trivial but she seemed really nice and very interested in how I was doing post-baby. I couldn't remember her name and there was a chance she was just another locum but hooray for me she is still there so I'm feeling quite positive about it at the moment.
All still calm in your household?

Yes, no worries, all is OK. I just think you've done so well - are you going to scribble some thoughts so you remember how you were feeling earlier? Have you discussed the appoint with dp?