going to have a 'good' week

[Sax]

Hope to be around a bit this week but on the onwards and upwards line not the low and sad one. Decided to take a positive attitude starting now and hope not to disappoint myself. i should be here if anyone needs an ear! Have a good week everyone......

I'm starting early with my wine now but refuse to plummet tonight so will hopefully be here on and off for a bit of light relief and chat! So all welcome to post, light or heavy stuff, go for it!

Only half a bottle QF?

Do you girls have any cuddly smoochy time with dp/dh anymore? I find that even though we can be at loggerheads during the day, we still manage a cuddle before sleep...this makes the next day a bit more bearable as I know, at least he still loves me! He may not say it much anymore, if at all and all the critisism makes me feel like the worst thing possible he could have scrapped off his shoe - but the end of the day, he's still here, we still share a bed and I can wake up in the middle of the night to find him cuddling me.

Tis very important to feel loved as well as to love yourself. VERY hard at times, especially after a humdinger of a row, but I still manage to give him a squeeze before i go to sleep and if he squeezes back I know it's gonna be OK.

Meeely2 - DH and I hardly ever cuddle now. For months we didn't even share a bed as I was heavily pregnant and had SPD so needed the big bed. Then when dd came along I co-slept with her and DH slept in Ds's room! Musical beds all night in our house!
Now we do share a bed and have regained a bit of a lovelife!!!!

We do often row about that - I don't feel loved and at the moment don't feel I know how to love - we live in the same house, tell each other we love each other, I try and 'touch' him but to be honest he's knackered and needs to sleep, or we have someone in bed with us - our rows are - why don't you show me you love me - his answer - oh not this again!!!!!!!!!! Mmmmmmmmmmmm, queenflounce may be having words again here!!!

TBH again - i will never be able to do my job without compassion and the only compassion I think I feel is that of those in a similar circumstance - this makes me sound soooo selfish I know.............. sorry

Amazing what wine will do to let down a few inhibitions, I am discussing again - this just isn't me.....LOL..........now to get these boys sorted for tea and bed and maybe pop on again later.

Goss - when on earth are you going to know - can't believe you are still waiting for news!!! how hard for you!

Hope to speak to you all later or tomorrow... don't worry if I'm not here, post away, I will be here on and off! - thank you for your honestly queenflounce.

Speak to you all soon everyone

Sax

MMMmmm just lost it.... not good!

Now I hate myself - amazing how many emotions can go on in one day - one minute high next well lets not feel cos its too scary!!! whoop, ruined the week yet again!!!!! struggling now, sorry....

How to ruin a thread -

Hi Sax I'm here.....I hope you're feeling better than earlier?

hi babynovice, how are you? hope you got out for your walk?? did you have a copable day? I'm fine BTW, should'nt have written what i DID

Hi All, has everyone gone to bed? That's where I should be going but thought I'd check in with what's been happening today.....welcome meeely2, hooray I'm not the 'new girl' anymore
Sax, you were doing really well today - please don't beat yourself up about 'losing it', it must be a step in the right direction to feel something (anything?) rather than just being numb, even if it's horrible not being in control. My day was fine after the bad start, I did manage my walk and it was good to get out. No plans for tomorrow and it's been p*ssing down here so not sure how I'm going to pass the hours - not going to worry about it now. Think I should call it a night and get some sleep. Talk to you soon.

Oh forgot to say to QueenFlounce, I had SPD too (beginning to think we were separated at birth ) and am still getting mild symptoms, has yours gone away? Sorry I don't know how old your dd is?

hey all - hope you all have a good day, i'll come back on later to see if you all have. I've got ds1 sportday this morning and my Mum coming round so its going to be a long, stressful day. I'll put on and try not to think too much and I'll pop back later this afternoon.
As you can see, not sleeping so well - mind is racing - but need to go back to sleep now to cope with the day.
I hope everyone checks in and says how they are today and Queenflounce - don't get caught!!!!!!

Now this is where I struggle - too much to do, cannot get going, I wasn't going to come on here but here I am! Must get my arse motivated!!!!!!

Morning all! One day closer to the weekend, we are getting there....I can relate to the too many things to do but can't be bothered with any of them - probably because it's all boring stuff. Sometimes I write a list then decide if any of them really need done that day (this approach to life really p*sses off my dp btw) so I can then relax in my own laziness
Sax, I was also awake around 4am this morning, must be the sunrise because it keeps happening and then I can't get back to sleep until half an hour before dd gets up....I can't function very well on hardly any sleep so not really looking forward to the day - I'm just soooooo tired! I was thinking about your situation i.e. dh not really supporting you and I wondered (apologies if this is totally inappropriate question, I don't know anything about your dh) could he be depressed too?
Meeely2 - how are you doing with your gorgeous twins must be so much hard work, makes me think I should be grateful I have only one dd and do not have the problems you have with your dh preferring diy to parenting!!
QF are you busy working today? Also waiting with anticipation how Gossifer is doing....wow, no wonder we get hooked on MN - so much to keep up with! It's good though, I'm glad I decided to post as it has made me feel less isolated
Hope you all have a good day.

Morning morning....DH was civil last night, however he got in from work after me so I ended up doing the bottles again, as well as looking after the boys....he seems to be slowly reliquishing all his chores to me, but very subtly so as I don't notice! Slept well, Edward woke at 3am but I left him this time as he wasn't screaming and he just chatted for a while, then yelled, so I posted his dummy in and he fell back to sleep til I woke him for 6am feed, so not bad all in all.

Got ratty at bedtime feed last night, Edward always seems to puke when I feed him, so when I feed together it stresses me out as I have to keep an eye on him and pay Arthur enough attention...he managed to keep it down, but he just wouldn't wind at the end so was writhing about in his cot for ages...I ended up hauling him out of his cot and jiggling quite harshly and telling him to b**y well wind, stupid baby....he's only 6 and half months old, not his fault, bless him - felt really guilty afterwards. His cry seems to go right through me and makes me soooo tense. It didn't help that DH was downstairs completely oblivious, wouldn't hurt him to come check every once in a while to see if I need help....(cos I'll never ask!).

Pah, men, can't live with em, can't live without their salaries....

take it easy all

hello all, i cannot believe the time! had an awful night with my ds, normally sleeps through, but i think he's beginning to teeth
& also maybe i have to start some solids & he has his 1st cold!
still no news from my doctor!!! will him later
baby novice & sax - i was up at 4am too! must be something in the air
baby novice - i'm so glad you are happy to have made some friends here - thats what MN is all about - and writing lists & then picking off the things that really need to be done is a great way to go! don't knock yourself down - youre doing great
meeely2 - oh honey sounds like last night wasn't so great - goon on you for letting edward get himself back to sleep - go girl! are you gonna have a chat with DH soon?
sax - hope your day was ok, see you later

BIG SHOUT GOING OUT FOR ALL THE LADIES IN THE HOUSE

ok, just spoke to the doctor and its negative! ah, i feel a very long sigh being let out, the thought of being 10 weeks pregnant when ds is only 17 weeks was more thana bit daunting......
thanks for all your support sax sweetie, much appreciated!
and everyone else

I will try to talk to DH - he is such hard work I have to find a time when he's being receptive else it just dissolves into an argument. I don't wanna sound like I'm whinging, I learned from previous relationships, men don't respond well to nagging - so I want it to sound like "listen babe, I think we have issues, can you let me talk while you listen then you can respond" but it never quite happens like that.

I'm not sure working and living together is the best arrangement for us either, we never have time apart really, and I honestly believe you need alone time for a relationship to be healthy.

I put him down a lot, but he does have a sweet side (normally towards the boys) and it melts my heart everytime I see him with them, just wish he could show me the same kind of affection!

Hope you are all well girls - hope you are feeling more positive, Sax after last night, hope sportsday went well....

babynovice, me sprogs is great, all smiles and raspberry blowing this morning, they just love going to nursery, which makes me feel good, at least they are doing something they enjoy during the day and i'm not forcing them to do something they hate just so I can get 8 hours peace a day!

Keep posting, all this chat keeps me going.

Hi everyone - I'm shattered but back home now with wine and in pjs so happy and feel safe! Unfortunately sports day cancelled - had to spend morning with Mum (put on a good front there) and then afternoon with sister in law who I really really like - found I wasn't putting on anything - was really pleased to be there and I COPED FINE with the boys! So all in all a good day and one which I guess dare I say the tablets obviously are helping becasue I didn't dread it or feel desperate (first sort of full normal day for ages without hiding from the world!!!!).

Goss - I'm relieved as I'm sure you are - a little too soon I feel!! Gosh what a week of waiting to hear though - very hard for you. I hope you could relax a little after the news.
Good to see babynovice and Meeley2 on here again - please keep posting its good to hear all your experiences.

Babynovice - not an inappropriate question about dh but I don't think he thinks deeply enough to be depressed. I realise what you are saying and in a lot of ways we are soooo alike however he is a man, on the surface, only deals with one thing at a time and becasue of all our stresses at the moment I think he lashes out and shows his stress - me however - keeps it in which is why i am now all screwed up.

Meeeley2 I am thinking you are doing so well to cope with two at the same age - what a huge responsiblitly.

Queeny - hows things? not heard today - hope you still have a job!!!!!!! BTW - received red roses from dh today to say he loved me.....ahhhhhh bless him, he is trying honest (its all my fault I won't communicate effectively but today was fine so we continue.....)

That's good news about your day Sax, keep it up and how fab you got roses too....your dh really does love you are you sharing a bottle of wine with him?
Meeely2, if your dh is anything like my dp then he probably doesn't realise you want him to help more - after all it sounds like you are doing brilliant on your own. I had similar situation a few months ago when I found I was doing more and more meanwhile dp was putting his feet up more and more, when I blew my top one night he said I had to tell him what to do - so that's what I do now, not in a nagging way just spell it out 'can you do such and such while I do such and such' etc.
Gossifer I hope you have a better night sleep tonight, I dragged myself through the day....the afternoon slump just about killed me as dd did not want to take a nap (they just sense it don't they!) but I'm getting my second wind now as I'm a night owl.
How's everyone else's day been?

Hi babynovice - I know he does really love me (shame I wish he'd show me more physically!!!!!) and as for sharing wine I have the cool situation where he barely drinks but never judges me downing a few!!!!! See queenflounce he is a gem! Don't know why I moan about him, couldn't get much better - it is my fault the communication aspect but as I said - I will not change my mind!
Meeely2, I agree you must talk to your dh as to what he can do to help! Some men need to have it spelt out rather than assume they instinctively know - they don't always and if you appear to be in control they will let you continue.

Good to see you all posting - hope Queenflounce hasn't abandoned us! Or is it toothy again!

Yes QF where are you today, I've missed your words of wisdom! Did you tan that bottle of gin last night...lucky girl
Right I'm off to bed - fingers crossed I get at least 5 hours zzzzzz

Funny how sometimes you feel totally here on this planet and other times you feel like you aren't here at all and this isn't your life - someone elses or someone who you don't know! Weird feeling but the wine helps to numb that feeling doesn't it - therefore a total copable feeling, just thought I'd say, its a feeling thank God, not total numbness then.