Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Original poster

I'm so scared he is going to die.

138 replies

VictorianSqualor · 03/07/2008 08:36

I posted a thread in parenting yesterday about PND and have realised I've definitely got something wrong going on in my head.

I'm petrified that DS2 is going to die, or if not him then one of the other two and I'm not going to be able to prevent it because I've taken my eyes off the ball.

Right now I'm worrying that DD is going to get run over walking to school with her friend and her mum, once I know she is safe in school I'll be able to chill a bit, but then it will be one of the others.

I'm scared to go to the doctors and get it sorted though because if I do, I might stop feeling like this, and feeling like this might be because I need to keep an extra eye and stop which ever one of them is going to die.

I'm a mess and I don't know why it has come on so quickly, I was fine a few days ago, just a bit anxious about SIDS but not bad, now I can't stop crying and I spent last night awake watching DS to check he was breathing.

I really hate feeling like this but I don't see how I can get fixed without it stopping the healthy worry and just the over anxiety.

OP posts:
cazcaz · 03/07/2008 18:59

VS, glad you are feeling a little better.

Just wanted to add my story . I was in a car accident a few years ago and was lucky to live. Once I had physically recovered it quickly became apparent that I had a problem with irrational fear. I would 'see' things happening to the children. I would envisage them getting run over on the school run, drowning at swimming lessons, even choking on their food. When I say I saw it happening, I mean it was real to me. (Sorry I sound deranged!) I would be struck by that horrid panicky feeling when something awful has actually happened even when it hadn't.

Around this time DS2 had also actually been quite seriously ill for some time and I think it all just took it's toll.

Eventually I went to the GP who referred me for counselling. I was quite sceptical at first but it really worked. I still get those flashes of fear but I now have the coping mechanisms to be able to manage them.

IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN'T COPE, I like to think I am still a very capable mum (most of the time!), but I just have to manage these feelings to prevent panic!

I hope you soon feel back to your old self totally!

lackaDAISYcal · 03/07/2008 18:59

You sound much chirpier this evening VS. Tomorrow will be fine, you'll see

Original poster
VictorianSqualor · 03/07/2008 20:04

I'm trying daisy. It's easier when I'm busy with all three of them and DP is home, I'm sure when DS2 goes to bed I'll be back in a panic but at least now DP knows he can help me stay calm.

OP posts:
constancereader · 03/07/2008 20:18

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this.

I just wanted to echo what Twiglett is saying about a chemical imbalance - that is why things got worse so quickly. When it happened to me I found that info a little reassuring, just knowing that there was a physical reason for my fears, NOT that my fears were in any way justified.

CBT helped me enormously, as well as medication.

Hope you feel better soon.

idontbelieveit · 03/07/2008 20:23

VS, your "fucking mentalists" post on the weaning thread made me lol. You are naughty but i like you!
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. You might find just talking to the GP about the way you're feeling helps to put things into perspective. Thinking of you, good luck tomorrow.

FioFio · 03/07/2008 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
VictorianSqualor · 03/07/2008 20:25

They picked the wrong day

This chemical imbalance thing, it's not possibly affected by the pill is it?

OP posts:
shrinkingsagpuss · 03/07/2008 20:29

Oh VS. You poor thing. PND in an shape or form is horrible, and you sound like you've got it bad. Does your DH read this at all? I think you should show him, becasue to me, it doesn't sound like you are in a space where you can get help. I think you are so over whelmingly scared that you would put it off, for fear of stopping being hyper alert.
Your state of being hyper alert will not end once the risk of SIDS has lessened, unless you get help. It will manifest itself in some other form of risk to your DC's. This state is not helathy, or useful. Being wll will not lessen your ability to care for your children, it will enable you to distinguish between a real risk and a perceived risk related to being unwell. Of course there is a risk of SIDS - but if you follow the guidlines - which I presume you are, then that risk is greatly diminshed.
I'm not really saying this to you, I hope you'll get your DH to read it. I don't think this will help you, I think you need him to take you to get help. I hope that isn't too severe.
I have a little knwoledge, professional and personal, or depression, and of manic states, and you really do need to get help. Good luck.

Bumperlicious · 03/07/2008 21:09

VS sweetheart, so sorry that you are feeling like this.

You know that you are being irrational though, otherwise you wouldn't be posting this.

I just remember my mum saying to me that the chances of you being there at the right time if something were to go wrong are so slim that you just learn to let go and relinquish control. Easier said than done I know.

Did you get like this with the others?

Like some of the others have said, this is not constructive for you. You will be able to do a much better job if you are firing on all cylinders, which means you need to SLEEP.

Does DH know how you feel? I hope he can go with you tomorrow. Make sure you tell the doctors exactly how you feel. We are all here for you xxx

Original poster
VictorianSqualor · 03/07/2008 21:16

No, I had PND with DD but that was a traumatic birth and ended in a suicide attempt, not these kind of feelings.
With DS1 I was fine.

OP posts:
idontbelieveit · 03/07/2008 21:17

VS, i haven't taken the pill for years but when I last tried it I was plunged into a black depression and had panic attacks which all completely disappeared within a week of me stopping taking it. If you're on the pill and you can take a break, it might be worth doing? I was on Microgynon IIRC.

scorpio1 · 03/07/2008 21:19

VS: since i started my pill my moods have changed. Think we are on same pill?

Shitemum · 03/07/2008 21:32

VS - just wanted to add my tuppence worth:

According to the theory of emotional intelligence worrying about something does not better prepare you for it possibly happening but actually makes you less able to respond to danger or emergency. Basically put, worrying makes you stupid.

I have phases of imagining all sorts of horrors involving my DDs, with technicolour funerals and all. I know how hard it is to put these unwelcome scenes out of your head and how guilty and superstitious they can make you feel.
I have a silly little trick to get rid of them. I imagine a little devil figure on my shoulder is whispering the nonsense into my ear and I turn my head and blow him HARD off my shoulder. There, he's gone and so are the thoughts.

Shitemum · 03/07/2008 21:33

I also want to add that I had undiagnosed PND with DD2 and I wish now that I'd gone to the doctor. I can't even remember most of DD2s infancy

Sobernow · 03/07/2008 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yorky · 03/07/2008 22:14

Hope you're having a better day today VS, if you want to meet up for a real life chat I'm flexible and portable.
Hope tomorrow is useful.
I do think changing your pill coul dhelp - people get all kinds of odd side effects and with hormones flying around anyway, adding a few more could be messy.
Good luck

lackaDAISYcal · 04/07/2008 09:15

Good Luck with the doctor today VS...will be thinking about you

Original poster
VictorianSqualor · 04/07/2008 09:29

Got the doctors in an hour, but I'm just feeling like a twat at the moment. DP obviously thinks I'm over reacting and that I should just pull myself together, huffing and moaning that I'm miserable.
I feel like he's probably right, I should just pull myself together and get on with it, but it's really not that easy.

OP posts:
Bumperlicious · 04/07/2008 09:32

VS, good luck at the docs, and make sure you are completely honest about how you feel. No-one is going to judge you.

Just remember you can't go on like this forever.

Good luck

Bumperlicious · 04/07/2008 09:35

VS, you need to make DP understand there is more to this than that. God, having a baby screws up your hormones in a way that he will never understand.

His reaction can't be helping things. You are right, it is not just a case of pulling yourself together, you need support to do it, his support, your Dr's support and maybe the support of medication. This isn't you doing anything wrong, it is chemicals in your brain, ok?

lackaDAISYcal · 04/07/2008 09:37

VS, I think men are genuinely stumped about things like this. Although my DH is fantastic, as Bumper pointed out on our PN thread, he can bow under the pressure of it all. It's almost like his understanding only goes so far and that the fact I've talked to him about it means I should pull my socks up and cheer up. He can't see why one day I'm fine about something but next day it causes me anxiety and panic. But the whole hormonal thing passes them by completely (the lucky gits)...apart from the obvious ones that is

Be honest about what you've been going through with the doc and remember....this too shall pass

justageek · 04/07/2008 09:40

good luck at the doctors, if only 'pulling yourself together' was that easy..i swear men think we WANT to feel depressed/anxious etc!

lucyellensmum · 04/07/2008 09:41

VS best of luck with the doctors today, i know how crippling anxiety can be. Alot of your fears are perfectly rational, we all want to protect our lo's and we all worry about all of the things you have listed. Its the EXTENT of the worry that goes OTT. Its like it has no brakes and it rampages throughout our day and becomes part of us.

I have/had similar fears. I remember sitting with DD and DP on a beautiful sunny day when DD was born, in a lovely outdoor cafe, looking at the sea thinking - "make the most of it girl, cos this isn't yours, see those children there, playing in the sea, toddling along next to their parents - you wont get that" Well today i am going to take DD to the beach I bloody did get it!!!

I'm on medication, it helps, i need counselling but can't afford it. But im getting better. You are such a strong and sensible woman, its obvious from your posts, here and elsewhere - you'll get through this.

fallingdown · 04/07/2008 10:00

VS, I can sympathise with you entirely as I have this kind of problem but it manifests in a diferent way. I am terrified that I will suffer a terrible accident or be diagnosed with a disease and I will have to leave my babies without a mummy. I worry about what kind of life they would have etc.

I too am scared to go to the GP because I may stop focusing on my health and may miss an important symptom that could be something that may be prevented if caught early. My fear changes about different things but I can't watch/ read anything about hospitals etc...........even HolbyCity without feeling such despair in the pit of my stomach.

I'm just wanted to say that I hope you are braver than me in confronting your fears. In my more reasonable times I am pretty sure I have an anxiety problem but when a worry or fear grips me I am convinced that this time the symptom means something dreadful.

I don't have the same worries about my kids or DH........a rash is a rash, a sore throat is a sore throat etc. For me, rashes and sore throats are the worst case scenarios.

I do understand how much the fear can grip you and how terrible it is feeling like this.

Original poster
VictorianSqualor · 04/07/2008 12:15

GP has recommended I come off the pill, he says the way it has suddenly hit me so severe and so quick makes him think it's related to the pll.
I will be watched closely by my HV and am to go back to him immediately the minute I think things aren't changing.
Then, and only then will we discuss anti-d's as he doesn't want to cover up one tablets effects with another.

OP posts: