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Original poster

I'm so scared he is going to die.

138 replies

VictorianSqualor · 03/07/2008 08:36

I posted a thread in parenting yesterday about PND and have realised I've definitely got something wrong going on in my head.

I'm petrified that DS2 is going to die, or if not him then one of the other two and I'm not going to be able to prevent it because I've taken my eyes off the ball.

Right now I'm worrying that DD is going to get run over walking to school with her friend and her mum, once I know she is safe in school I'll be able to chill a bit, but then it will be one of the others.

I'm scared to go to the doctors and get it sorted though because if I do, I might stop feeling like this, and feeling like this might be because I need to keep an extra eye and stop which ever one of them is going to die.

I'm a mess and I don't know why it has come on so quickly, I was fine a few days ago, just a bit anxious about SIDS but not bad, now I can't stop crying and I spent last night awake watching DS to check he was breathing.

I really hate feeling like this but I don't see how I can get fixed without it stopping the healthy worry and just the over anxiety.

OP posts:
Yorky · 04/07/2008 12:48

He sounds like a sensible kind of GP to me, I'm glad he didn't tell you to get over it. Do you feel relieved having talked about it? Is coming of the pill going to cause you any problems?
I hope it helps, and you can get back to a more normal life now

sagitta · 04/07/2008 12:50

VS - that sounds like good advice. Are you pleased with that idea?

funnypeculiar · 04/07/2008 13:35

Sounds like a very sensible approach VS. Were you OK talking/was he good at listening?

Original poster
VictorianSqualor · 04/07/2008 16:33

He's a good doctor, I had an appointment with him before mine with DD about her dyspraxia and he did exactly what I hoped he would.
Same with this, I didn't want to be immediately shoved on pills and sent out the door, I didn't even mention the pill just how I felt and his first thought was the pill so hopefully that's what it was.

Just incase this gets found in archive searches by anyone else feeling this way, if you're taking Micronor, mention it to your GP!

OP posts:
Twiglett · 04/07/2008 17:13

oh good I'm glad you're starting your recovery

have to say when I was on Microgynon it totally screwed with my head

how do you feel about meditation .. this can be extremely helpful in getting you in touch with what is 'real and actual' rather than your anxieties .. that and the food supplements

and also getting your internal chemical balance under control of course

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 04/07/2008 17:30

VS - sorry that things are tough at the moment.

When I went back on the pill after ds1 it made me feel odd - not just physically but mentally strange and out of control. I think it was Logynon but could have been the one Twig mentioned. I hope coming off it helps you - but go back if it doesn't. Don't let this get worse.

Original poster
VictorianSqualor · 04/07/2008 17:34

Now my GP knows I know I won't be left to just get on with it, I'm thankful the HV/GP's at my surgery are a great bunch and will make sure I get sorted, it was just that initial step of going in to see him.

OP posts:
Yorky · 04/07/2008 17:38

Well done for taking that big initial step. And it never hurts to take time for you - my friend has been seeing a reflexologist for her PND and even if you don't believe in it, a foot massage feels a nice treat!

Monkeytrousers · 04/07/2008 17:44

I got paranoid like this when getting PND. Running constant risk assessments in my head.

I have to say, AD's were a miricle.

Original poster
VictorianSqualor · 04/07/2008 17:55

MT, If coming off the mini-pill doesn't make a difference I shall certainly ask for them, but I am glad he didn't just hand me some pills and shove me out of the door.
I feel a lot better today, but already know from past experiences that you can have high and ow days, after yesterday being so low an average day is going to feel great, I know this.
I'm just hoping it was the pill, because it's the easiest and quickest fix option.

OP posts:
PeachyHidingInTheShed · 04/07/2008 18:03

VS hugs, not been about much so have missed this.

Hope it is the pill, they can make you feel awfu if they're not right. I say this in memory of the 2 packs of painkillers i downed when i tried the pill at 19.

DD's dyspraxia could also be affecting it.... if you posted on the sn threads you would see thhat regardless of dx, potential dx'smost always cause depression.

combine the 2 with a baby.....

quite.

thinking of you

Original poster
VictorianSqualor · 04/07/2008 18:05

Peachy, I have posted on the SN about DD's dyspraxia, trying not to get too bothered by it right now though, I'm sure you know what I mean, what can I do when it's just a waiting game for meetings and appointments?!

OP posts:
lackaDAISYcal · 04/07/2008 18:32

VS glad things went well at the docs and fingers crossed that you start to feel better soon and that stopping the pill does the trick. And you are now on the radar so they will be keeping an eye on things.

Take Care xx

MsDemeanor · 04/07/2008 18:54

I went into a real decline for about a year after realising my ds had problems. Don't underestimate how traumatic it is.

idontbelieveit · 04/07/2008 20:37

VS, glad the doc was helpful, hope today was the beginning of the road to recovery. Been thinking of you.

Original poster
VictorianSqualor · 04/07/2008 21:00

MsDemeanor, GP did say that eh thought everything I was feeling was normal, including the thing with DD's dyspraxia, just intensified beyond what's normal and safe, so I imagine that does have something to do with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
VictorianSqualor · 04/07/2008 22:04

I've just put him to bed.
I'm feeling really anxious, but trying not to check him, is that the right thing to do? Should try and ignore the thoughts or do what they want me to?

OP posts:
PeachyHidingInTheShed · 04/07/2008 22:07

would it help if you sxet a checking schedule as a halfway? say every hour? that way you're not up and down, but you can alleviate your worries every hour

PeachyHidingInTheShed · 04/07/2008 22:09

(btw when i said if you posted on sn, what i meant- badly worded- was if you did a survey on sn- doh)

buktus · 04/07/2008 22:12

I can really feel where you are coming from, i have 3 children and my husband thinks i am way over the top with how much i protect them, but mine is not a pnd thing well i dont think it is i was one of three girls, and the middle one, my first sister died before i was born and my third sister died in front of me when i was 5 and i cant get over being so anxious of my kids safety, after i had the boys i had to have another one, i was panicing that if anything happened to one of them the other would be left on their own so i ahd to have a thir child i probably sound completely off my head but there i have said it. I cant take them to parks very easily im constantly watching them they have security bands on there wrists and zips, and even when we are out for a walk i find myself shouting watch the car, not near the road obsessively, i know this is not norma but dont ever see how im gonna change, i can remember having counselling when i was a little girl about it to get over my sister, but i never thought it would affect me worse being a mum

scorpio1 · 04/07/2008 22:13

Agree with peachy - set a time to check.

You ok tonight?

scorpio1 · 04/07/2008 22:13

did you get my email, or someone else has a v random email lol

lackaDAISYcal · 04/07/2008 22:38

VS, can you get DP to check on him? or try and leave it a little longer between checks? I think you need to break the cycle somehow. He'll be fine

and I hope you don't mind my post on the fucking mentalists weaning thread, I just though yvonnek's post was a bit insensitive....looks like I was completely ignored anyway!

MsDemeanor · 04/07/2008 22:59

VS, as I said, give yourself a break. Disovering your child has special needs is devastating . It is normal to be depressed and I wish I'd realised that. I lost a friend around the time of ds's diagnosis (she dumped me, not died!) and I cried and cried and cried and was a general hideous embarassment to all around me, and I never really realised how much of it was due to my ds's diagnosis. Your gp is right though, your feelings are exaggerated, and more importantly, not doing you any good. So glad to hear you are getting help. Be nice to yourself.

googgly · 04/07/2008 23:13

Buktus, I think your paranoia is entirely reasonable in the circumstances. My siblings are grown up and completely fine, and I'm still terrified of losing one of my kids somehow or other.