Convinced im going to die of rabies or prison

[Anxiouspotat0]

(Yes we have a type of rabies here only in bats)
5 weeks ago I woke up with this mark on my hand.
Google lense said it could be a bat bite.
I went to urgent care who said it doesnt look like a bat bite, who contacted ukhsa / rabies team, who said because I didnt see a bat in the room I didnt qualify for the jabs. Since then I have been convinced im going to die. I even wrote a goodbye letter to my children. I sleep with the window open and I am convinced a bat flew in and bit me and flew out.

I then went on holiday and had a run in with a bat there and came home completely panicked. Id been having rabies symptoms for most of the holiday so I was horrifically anxious the whole time and this was just the cherry on top.

Then I stupidly over exaggerated the exposure/ what happened on holiday at urgent care. This was fueled by ny anxiety from the "bite" here and that id been having what in my head were rabies synptoms, and having another run in with a bat over there also, I wasnt thinking straight and it just came out in the moment. I regret it badly.

Ukhsa then recommended the jabs based on that but I panicked as I read lying/ over exaggerating and getting treatment as is a criminal offense/ fraud against the nhs. But I was just terrified, anxious, not thinking straight and wanted to not be scared anymore. I declined the jabs as im terrified of getting into trouble.i dont want to be a bad person. I just dont want to die.

I just want to be okay again. My mental health is in tatters, im not eating, cant stop crying, cant parent my children, can barely work, my hairs falling out, panic attacks.

I did admit to multiple doctors that I wasnt completely honest about the exposure and thats why I declined the jabs as they probably woukdnt have recommended them otherwise,
and one doctor told UKHSA this also, so there is now evidence I wasnt honest that can be used against me and im so scared.

A a&e doctor recommended I just get the jabs even though UKhsa woulsnt have rexommended tbem if I had not exaggerated, because my mental health is suffering so bad -- I had a full breakdown on him- but im convinced I will be convicted of fraud if I do. Id lose my job and what if I went to prison. I have kids..

But im convinced ill die if I dont get them.
Even though logically I know theres a chance it isnt a bat bite. But no doctors can tell me what it could be. Im just so scared.

Im having really scary thoughts as I just want this all to go away. I feel hopeless and trapped and im terrified

What would you do? Risk legal trouble and get them? Or risk rabies.

OP what you posted just says they need to consult guidance not that they need anyone’s permission.

Just go and get the jabs then see a doctor as a mental health emergency.

That's the bestest fact, thank you!

And I shan't get cross about the bats flying around my head on my early morning walks now. I shall say thank you lovely bats for the lovely tequila.

We have bat boxes on the farm I live on, they are trying to move them out of the village. To my eyes, they have moved their cousins into the bat boxes and stayed in their lovely thatched and abandoned cottages. We are populous with bats 😂

I hope OP you have stopped panicking now and made it to the GP.

Gp cancelled my appointmebt without even telling me and I am spiraling badly.

I cant get to the private clinic in leicster rhat offers post exposure that a pp found without failing probation at work (id have to take alot of time off) I found one in lichfield but they dont even pick up their phones ever. I cant find anywhere else that says they offer post exposure :(

Could you call 111 and get their advice? If you do option 2 you could get mh support actually which I think you probably need more…

When I went to work with elephants in South Africa I had rabies jabs as out in the field. Paid privately and had them at Boots. I had to go twice. Think I paid about £90 but was several years ago. These were preventative jabs though not the same as having after a bite.

@Anxiouspotat0 how did the GP communicate that your appointment was cancelled? GP surgeries should give a reason and an opportunity to reschedule. If they haven’t, then you need to contact them tomorrow and ask for the reason and to reschedule. Make it clear that it’s about your mental health, and not about any pre existing issues.

" it was the manager and she just went home. There is 0 reason she could see"

@Anxiouspotat0 sorry, I'm not sure I understand what you're saying. Do you mean the practice manager phoned you, or you saw them in person? Do you mean that the practice manager told you that there was no reason given on their recording system as to why the appointment had been cancelled?

Regardless, when an appointment is cancelled by the GP surgery, they should give a reason and if appropriate an opportunity to reschedule. Neither have happened, so you need to contact the practice tomorrow and insist on both. Someone will know why it was cancelled. It may be as simple as the GP having a work or a personal emergency, and be nothing to do with your specific situation.

Ring the surgery tomorrow and ask why they cancelled your appointment. Say you need an appointment to talk about your anxiety and that you are desperate for help.

This thread is worrying me.
As you have been assured, it is extremely rare for bats carry rabies in the UK, 2 deaths in over 100 years from UK acquired bat bites.
You appear to be getting into more of a state by the day. This spiral is making me concerned for you and your children, and I honestly mean that with kindness. I know, however that these thoughts are disruptive, uncontrollable but all consuming.
If the mark appeared overnight, I would imagine you may have perhaps pressed your hand onto a zip or jewellery, something. It is infinitely more likely to be an insect bite than a bat. They flap, you would have heard it.
It honestly would not occur to me to even imagine that a bat could have swooped in and bitten me. This is so far out of the realms of possibility.
I think there's a strong likelihood that you have then been triggered by your experience of the bat in the US. You have made a link between the mark and the US bat and now your anxiety and rumination are in overdrive.
Phone 111 right now and speak to someone.
I am seriously concerned about your mental health though, this seems like you are extremely stuck in this anxiety.
It's a shame your GP appointment has been cancelled. You are making yourself ill with this. Please call tonight and get this sorted.

@Anxiouspotat0 , I don't mean this harshly, but the way that you are engaging in this thread strikes me as being in bad faith. You know that you have a mental health problem, because you have posted in the mental health topic. But as far as I can see, you choose not to respond to the posts that focus on the fact that your anxiety is causing you to imagine dangers that do not exist. You are treating the whole thread as if it just concerns the practical matters around rabies jabs.

Do you see how you are using people, using their contributions as a way of perpetuating your ruminations? I would have expected more ambivalence in your responses, at least some willingness to engage with the idea that anxiety rather than rabies is what you need to deal with.

Unless you are actually in psychosis (which absolutely seems to be a possibility), it feels wrong to be so selective in your attention. The comparison that comes to mind is a jealous partner, whose anxiety makes them ruminate obsessively about possible infidelities and interrogate their partner again and again, never attending to the partner's denials, and seeming almost to want their fears to be true.

Of course, this thread isn't abusive like the jealous partner is, because we can choose not to engage. But there is the same willingness to rope other people in to a never-ending dynamic, that uses these people, in preference to allowing yourself to acknowledge the real cause of your fears (i.e., your own anxiety).

Op, I am unsure how you can work at the moment, I genuinely think you need to see your doctor for your mental health and be signed off sick.

One thing to warn you is that if you ever do have rabies jabs, they make you feel quite unwell, so if that does happen, it’s from the jab, not rabies.

Tbh I have had similar thoughts re bad faith.

I have shared my personal experience on getting these jabs (I've actually had them on two separate occasions), not least because I understand the anxiety - I had similar although nothing this extreme. My advice and personal has been refuted multiple times on the basis of incorrect information that the OP keeps trotting out.

she then asked me to find a clinic in the Midlands. Which I did. It took me all of two minutes. But now that she's got that information it's apparently no good because she'd fail her probation at work if she went. Why ask then?

not sure what the OP is intending to get out of this to be honest.

not sure what the OP is intending to get out of this to be honest.

I think it's just the externalisation of compulsive rumination. When we are very anxious we go round and round in our head trying to 'game' our thinking processes into generating a certainty that will banish all possibility of fear.
Naturally perfect certainty can't be achieved (if your anxiety is sufficiently sensitive to be triggered by massively implausible scenarios), and the real solution - the solution that anxious ruminating people are desperate to avoid - is accepting that we have to learn to tolerate uncertainty.

It is easier to keep on seeking the fantasy of banished fear than it is to discipline ourselves to begin the hard process of learning to tolerate uncertainty. So , at a pinch, we push others into enabling our rumination, by engaging it. We push them into providing reassurances that we can simultaneously seek relieve from and undermine.

The reassurance functions a little bit like alcohol does for the addict. There's a craving for it but there is never enough, and receiving it perpetuates the craving. So the OP is essentially relying on us to enable an addiction. We bring our own 'booze' (facts, reassurance, evidence, etc) to the rumination party and we drink with her, which is maybe less painful for her than drinking alone.

I don't mean to be unkind to her, but I think it is harmful to offer the wrong kind of 'kindness'.

Yes @MyThreeWords i completely agree and I say that as someone who has experienced various forms of anxiety myself. Indulging the thought circles with comments such as "it's so unlikely to have been a bat" is not helpful. Hence I was trying to give constructive, practical advice but that's not been well received either.

op I hope you get the help you need.

OP.your work won’t fail your probation for having to go for medical appointments. You could also offer to do time in lieu on other days or just take them as annual leave…

Anyway it’s not rabies and if you did get the jabs nobody is ever going to convict you. For one… nobody would report it as a crime. How do you imagine they’d find out? That there is some police officer monitoring private, confidential health information whose going to come to a health worker, demand they say what you said - that would be illegal btw - and then take their word as evidence that you lied when they wouldn’t know you lied?

It’s all just nonsense and you need to get serious mental health intervention now before this goes on any longer. If your GP cancelled ask to see another and say it’s urgent.

You’re not going to die or get sent to prison. A conviction wouldn’t ruin your life (I promise, I have one and my life and work is just fine).

Also I’m not a doctor but they look more like pits caused by Dupuytren’s disease to me. Which doesn’t kill you, just causes discomfort.

https://yourhands.co.uk/pages/dupuytrens-disease

I admitted I exggerated/ lied on phone calls to gp/ receptionist also my search history (lors od obsessive specific googling) so they could easily find out. Also this thread.
Im sorry if I seem very dismissive. Im trying to find help for my mental health but struggling.

You don't seem dismissive. I think we all understand how painful and compulsive this is for you.
But, as you say, you are trying to find help for your mental health problem. And your manner of posting on the thread (i.e. fixating on the illusion that rabies/imprisonment are an actual possibility) isn't actually succeeding in seeking help with the problem - it is the problem. It is doing in public what you are endlessly doing in your head.

I know that kindly reassurance doesn't help. I'm hoping that this mildly abrasive frankness might actually be more helpful. Apologies if it is not. As I said in my first post on the thread, I have been through this mad anxiety myself, and my stern words here are similar to what I try to tell myself.

I have found that anti-depressants can help damp down this nearly mad level of anxiety, though they don't eliminate it.

Get the jabs. You'll still be anxious about the law, but you won't die. They would understand anyway because of your MH / anxiety & you wouldn't be convicted.

How old are you? Do you normally suffer from anxiety or could it be due to peri / menopause?

You need some better treatment than propranolol.

But you’re ignoring the fact that no police service is checking for this. They have no interest in it or funding to investigate it. They don’t have access to your search history and you telling your GP you exaggerated is still confidential. Also they don’t care.. my best friend is a PO, they are just dealing with violence, terrorism, organised crime and child abuse. Not people’s private health issues and their perceived exaggeration or not.

You’re not thinking clearly or proportionally. If you have money there are private therapists who will help too.

I read your original thread OP. You don't have rabies. Isn't it too late to get the jabs now anyway of you had been exposed? Would that help with your thinking?

I've just googled the symptoms of rabies and it seems like very general symptoms that you can easily convince yourself you have and physically manifest due to your anxiety.

OP please onsidit on increasing your meds, you really need to speak to a professional.

I have woken up with the exact same marks and not once has rabies ever crossed my mind.

Please call 111 this morning and select the option for Mental Health. You are really not well OP