Worst mum. Nothing I can do

[Gonewiththemoon]

I’ll start by saying IABU but posting here for traffic in the middle of the night.
I have 3 DC and I have emetaphobia. It’s crippling me again the past 6 months. The fight or flight kicked in tonight when DC age 3 woke up with tummy pain. I started cold sweating, heart rate shot up to 125 and I did what I thought was best… text my mum.
she was actually awake and called me. Said I could take DC3 to her house(she’s a 3 minute drive away). So I did.
I bundled my 3 year old into the car, covered in a towel, at 2am.
I can’t carry on like this. But what can I do?
I already take citalopram, I’ve just taken a diazepam. I’ve tried CBT but it was horrific. Exposure therapy that I simply couldn’t handle.
ive started to get full blown panic attacks lately too. Something I’ve not had in quite a while. I hate leaving the house. I don’t want to send the DC to school for fear of them getting sick.
im desperate. I’m not suicidal, but I hate this life. Hate it. I want to be the mum that holds her children when they’re sick(I have done in the recent past, but tonight hit me like a tonne of bricks). I want to take them on days out to fun places that they deserve, not just stay at home incase someone picks up bloody norovirus!

I have been catastrophising since I was a small child. I think it’s hardwired into me

No she hasn't. Earlier she said she was calmer.

Hi OP. I just wanted to say that you are not a bad mum. Not as extreme but I have a phobia of blood noses. Even typing that makes me feel sick. My DS needed to go to an ENT and after a long wait for an appointment my husband was busy on the day. I asked my sister to take him and at the last minute she had a personal emergency. When I walked in the room the thought of the doctor looking up there freaked me out. I left my son alone on the consulting room to have a freak out in the waiting room with the poor receptionist. When my son came out of the room I couldn’t even look at him over the terrible thoughts and panic I was having, and I had to go outside into the garden. DS came out and got my purse and went back in, paid for the appointment with my Visa. Then had to sit in the back seat on the way home because I felt sick that the doctor had looked up his nose. He laughed about it afterwards and kept rolling his eyes when I told him how super brave he was.

Hypnotherapy has definitely helped me.

However be kind to yourself. My phobia stems from a traumatic childhood experience and I didn’t ask to be this way. It isn’t like you abandoned your child, you sought help from a trusted and responsible adult.

So you wouldn't take a 3 year old to A&E when they aren't well.

Stop finding reasons to kick someone when they are down ffs

Hi OP I had hypnotherapy for my emetophobia which was very effective. I was in an extremely bad place, down to one safe meal of weetabix and milk and constant panic attacks every day. Within a week my panic stopped and life got better.

Oh my goodness.

A) there nothing with the child
B) the poster has said that she is the grasp of a total blind panic with a heart rate of 125. Then she said actually she was calmer and now she's said she was in a blind panic.

Those two factors make this incomparable to driving an ill child to A&E. What an utterly ridiculous comparison.

Out of curiosity, what went through your mind when you decided to reproduce, not once but 3 times? That they would never get ill?
Caring for your children when sick is a key part of motherhood If your phobia is as acute as it sounds (logical, it is for some people), did you not think having children was perhaps not a route you should not go down?
Doesn't help you now. You will have to find a way through and that will be hard, You can't call your mum every time.

The child wasn't ill, the OP was having a panic attack!

Don't be so bloody obtuse!

If the child was ill, of course you would take them out at 2am, but the child wasn't ill, they had tummy ache and hasn't actually been sick!

Where am l wrong ? I suggested the GP as the quickest route to help and referral to local mental health services. If there’s direct access to advice in her area through a contactable local charity then so much the better, and well done to OP for seeking it out. It’s the first step and she’s done it under her own steam. The GP will need to be involved in the process if formal treatment is needed, but it’s certainly a good way to go.

Instead of looking for gotcha moments with other posters, lecturing OP and pointing out issues she’s already well aware of, maybe try posting something helpful. After all that’s why she posted. It’s really sad that so many posters se it as an opportunity to put the boot in.

Sorry, you're reporting people because you don't like a message and telling me im lecturing Theresa I gotcha. You told me she'd contacted her gp then realised she hadn't.

Honestly grow up.

Sorry no idea where Theresa came from. There's no gotcha.

Hey op. I have had/have health anxiety. I recommend online group CBT specifically for health anxiety. You can start with camera off, just following along and writing messages and gradually build up to fully participating. I’ve done CBT twice. These things don’t always work the first time but keep trying if you can for your kids and your quality of life.

One of the interesting things discussed in my group was if parents or family members talked about health issues a lot during our childhoods or if there had been a serious illness in the family. Often these mindsets are learnt or caused by a traumatic event. I’ve found that the more I can understand where my anxiety has come from and what my triggers are the easier it is to manage day to day.

Also, if your current medication isn’t working, discuss with your doctor about trying a different one or upping your dose. I’ve also found that taking propranolol for a couple of days switches off my fight or flight response, calms my nervous system allowing meds to work more effectively.

Have a look at mindfulness and breathing techniques too. Remember that you have to do all the ‘work’ at the good times to prevent bigger relapses.

Where has anyone said the child wasn’t ill. If OP was concerned they would vomit then they were clearly ill weren’t they ? And if she has enough insight to know she couldn’t cope with the child vomiting then she did the right thing by taking pre-emptive action and taking him to someone who could. The fact that despite OP’s description of her condition and its’ effects, you are referring to it as a ‘panic attack’ demonstrates your understanding, or lack of it, regarding mental health issues.

That’s not an appropriate comparison. Obviously you take an unwell three year old to A and E at 2 am, if you think they have a condition that merits an A and E visit. A child who might throw up from a stomach bug is in no need of anything other than their own bed and a parent who can cope with the possibility of vomit. The parent in question recognises that she needs to become that parent, at whatever cost, as her condition is worsening.

THE OP HAS SAID HE'S FINE!!!

oh my days!!!

From the OP - The fight or flight kicked in tonight when DC age 3 woke up with tummy pain. I started cold sweating, heart rate shot up to 125

The child had tummy pain? The child hadn't been sick and hasn't been sick.

@IwishIcouldconfess honestly I think half of MN are bots.

I agree with this. It sounds like the previous therapy moved too quickly through the exposures and didn't allow time for your anxiety to settle so you were just getting spiked all the time. Proper exposure therapy done right should only cause minimal anxiety.

I would definitely seek another therapist if possible, one who is more specialised in emetophobia.

You should also be doing work on what is called the "cognitive" side where you work out what your core beliefs are that drives the emetophobia and challenge those beliefs, not just doing exposure therapy on its own.

I would also look at changing meds. Citalopram isn't used as a first line treatment anymore in emetophobia, OCD etc. Other SSRIs, especially sertraline, have been shown to be more effective.

Nope. You posted to the effect that she should take some of the advice offered. I simply pointed out that she had.

Oh my God you're hilarious.
'thats exactly what she's done'
After id written 'contact your gp'.

Genuinely amusing.

Exposure therapy works, if you go slowly and do a little bit every day. Don’t give up

He’s fine now, but he wasn’t at the time, and OP’s main concern was that she wouldn’t cope if he vomited, so she got help from someone who could.

My neighbour has EMDR after developing a phobia of driving. Its slow going but it's really helped her and it's so nice for her to be able to live free of the fear..definitely sounds like whatever help they gave the OP before was rubbish.

My 23 year old dd has had emetophobia her whole life.
it is crippling and at one point she developed an eating disorder because of it.
she is currently undergoing a program that finally ( after years of therapy,counselling etc) is finally starting to work.
no exposure therapy or similar it’s really helping her get to the bottom of her problems.
if you want the details dm me .
I really feel for you .
i hope your little one is doing well.

That or have had a lobotomy